


VAPOR

by leatherlashton



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Ashton Irwin - Freeform, Ashton Irwin Loves Luke Hemmings, Bottom Luke, Lashton - Freeform, Luke Hemmings - Freeform, Luke Hemmings Loves Ashton Irwin, Luke Hemmings/Ashton Irwin Fluff, Luke Hemmings/Ashton Irwin Smut, M/M, Top Ashton, i am not really good with tags but i hope these works
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-28
Updated: 2019-02-23
Packaged: 2019-04-14 02:28:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 184,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14126127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leatherlashton/pseuds/leatherlashton
Summary: "Cause I just need another hitYou're the thing that I can't quit"-VaporLuke and his best friend, Calum moved in to their new apartment in hopes of starting a new life and adventure in uni. They were neighbors with Michael, a happy-go-lucky, colored haired, green-eyed guy and his best friend, Ashton, the quiet and mysterious guy who seemed to be angry at the world.Little did Luke know that his greatest adventure would involve the hazel-eyed Ashton and that he'd be drawn into him way harder than he should.





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> DETAILS & WARNINGS:
> 
> This is my very first fanfiction writing experience so please bear with me and also this would be the first time after six years that I would write again. 
> 
> Updates: I will update as much as I could.
> 
> Character Description:  
> Luke is 18 in this story and Ashton is 20. Their appearance looks like what is on the cover. Calum is also 18 and Michael is also 20. So this is a Lashton story (obviously haha), there will be no Malum, I'm sorry, but there will be a little bit of Larry.
> 
> Warning: There will be, maybe a lot, of sexual contents. There will also be a lot of profanities. There could possibly be some stuff that could be triggering so if that bothers you, I'm really sorry but it's part of the story, you can just skip it, but it could just be a possibility. It will depend on the flow of the story. Please NO HATE. If I would add some new characters that you don't like, don't throw some hateful comments to them.
> 
> Also this is mostly on Luke's POV. If ever there will be a change of POV, I will indicate whose POV it will be.

** 1 **

**\---**

I dropped the last box of my stuff on the floor and let out a sigh of relief. I looked around the apartment and took a deep breath before releasing it as I took in the sight of boxes scattered everywhere. Just the thought of unpacking is already exhausting but you got no choice, right? You gotta have to unpack all your stuff when moving in to your new apartment. Goodthing I wasn't alone though. I got my best friend and now roommate, Calum, with me to help me unpack everything.

Speaking of him, he stepped into the living room from the bathroom after relieving himself. I looked up at him as he asked, "Is this all of it?"

"Yeah, got the last one. All we gotta do now is unpack." I told him.

"Ugh! Damn. Can we just do that later? I'm pretty tired from the travel and carrying these boxes up here," he complained.

"Yeah, I guess we can just unpack later." I agreed to him.

"Great!" He cheered. "Then maybe we can go out and grab some lunch. I am starving."

"You're always starving." I commented.  
He chuckled, "So? Let's go?"

"Do you even know a good place around here?"

"I saw a place just a few blocks from here. We can try that out."

"Okay then," I then grabbed my wallet and my phone from where I tossed it on the coffee table as Calum grabbed his car keys from the counter and he gestured for me to follow him out of our new apartment.

I don't have a car yet so I mostly rely on Calum for a ride. He doesn't really mind it though 'cause we mostly go to the same places together. We even have the same time and kinds of classes in uni. But on different occasions where I have to go somewhere without him, I take the bus.

I am planning on buying my own car. I have saved up some money from the jobs I took in high school. I just need a few more so I would have enough to buy myself a car which is why I was planning on looking for a job around here.

We exited the building and walked over to Calum's car. But before we were able to get inside the vehicle, another car pulled up next go ours. A dirty blond haired boy soon then stepped out from the driver's side and he seemed very angry just by the look on his face.

The passenger car door soon then opened just a second later and a...green haired guy stepped out, saying, "Come on, Ash."

"Just shut it, Mike!" The honey blond haired guy snapped.

The green-haired guy raised his hands up in defense and just didn't say anything as he followed the other one into the apartment building.  
I looked at Calum and said, "Okay...that was tense."

"You say..." He commented then slipped in the driver's seat.

I followed him inside the car and we took off.

**\---**

The diner was actually nice and cozy and the food was delicious and not too expensive. The waitress is even rather nice. I even think that I'd probably be coming back constantly.

Calum and I stayed at a booth in the corner and enjoyed our food while talking about random stuff here and there. I took a bite of my burger and looked at Calum as he asked, "Do you think we are going to have a great life at uni?"

I chewed my food and swallowed then answered him, "I know we will, Cal. We are going to have an adventure. We are going to have the best years of lives here in uni."

He smiled, "Well, I'll trust you with that."

"I hope you won't be blaming me though if shit goes wrong."

Calum laughed, "No, I won't, I promise."

"Good."

He smiled then we continued to eat in comfortable silence.

"So...are you finally gonna go look for a boyfriend now?" Calum suddenly asked. I looked at him in questioningly and he chuckled, "you heard me."

Yes, I am gay and Calum knows and he is more than okay with it. He is actually the first person I told about my sexuality to.

I have known I was gay since I was 10 years old and I was so afraid that I might not be accepted. We all know how people can be judgmental when it comes to this thing. I was so afraid that if I come out, my family and my best friend would hate me. I was so afraid at that time that I didn't notice that I became detached. I was so consumed of my own thoughts and fears that I didn't realize that I have been pulling myself away from my best friend.

He had noticed these "changes" in me and so one time after class, he invited me to hang out at the lake where we usually hang out. I never really want to go but he pleaded and gave me those puppy eyes which no one could ever resist. So I complied and once we got there he didn't waste time and made me tell him what was bothering me. He has his ways of making me spill my thoughts and so I did. I came out to him and I was so afraid that he'd hate but he did the opposite because he pulled me into a hug and told me that he'll always be there for me and support me.

He was the only one who knew about it by the way. I didn't tell my family because I'm still afraid. But at least I got Calum and that's enough for me.

"So...?" He asked again pulling me out of my thoughts.

I smiled small and said, "I don't know, Cal..."

"Why's that?"

I shrugged and turned my focus back into my food. I heard Calum sigh from across me and said, "Luke...you know that you have to stop being afraid of what people might think of you at some point, right?"

I nodded but still not looking at him.

"And you know as well that you got to stop hiding too. Luke, don't let people's judgments stop you from being who you are. I know there will be those who are not accepting but don't let them hold you back from being happy. We're in uni now, and it's a new chapter of our lives. You just told me that we are going to have an adventure and have the greatest times of our lives but you would not be able to have that if you are holding back. You gotta have to let go and be who you are and fuck all those bitches who says otherwise."

I looked up at Calum and then said, "When did you become so wise?"

He threw a fry at me, chuckling. "Seriously, though, please just...let go, okay?"

"Okay, Cal. I promise." I told Calum with a smile.

This is really why I am so lucky to have Calum in my life. He is always there for me and always makes me feel that I am not alone. He is even more concerned about my own happiness than his. Since I told him that I was gay, never did he once judged me nor made me feel that I am different. He never treated me differently. I love him so much for that and for everything.

But no, it's not what you're thinking. I don't like him like that nor does he like me like that. Calum is straight for one and me...I am just not attracted to him like that. We are best friends and that is the most and the best that our relationship could go and I actually love that because we all know that sometimes getting attracted to your best friend can ruin your friendship.

We went back to our new apartment after we had lunch. We were talking about our schedule and such while we were in the elevator and are on our way up to the 4th floor where our unit is.

I was about to unlock our door when suddenly, someone spoke, "Hey."

Both Calum and I turned around to see who it was.   
It was the green-haired guy from before and he was smiling brightly at us. He is actually good-looking but has this soft edge in him like you just wanna cuddle him and he looks really sweet. He got these bright but soft green eyes that is like gives off this comfortable vibe. And he seems very friendly.

We returned the gesture and the guy continued, "You must be our new neighbors. I'm Michael, by the way."

He extended a hand so I took it and shook hands with him, "I'm Luke."

"Calum." Calum said as he also shook hands with him.

"Sorry about earlier. That little scene my friend and I had at the parking lot." He said with that sweet smile not leaving his face.

"It's fine, don't worry about it."

"Well, I hope we could all hang out sometime. You're both freshmen right?"

Calum and I nodded.

"And not from here, either?"

"You got that right." Calum said.

"Oh, then you should have someone to show you around and show you how to have a good time around here."

Calum and I laughed and Calum said, "Well, that is a pretty good offer and we are taking it."

Michael beamed, "Great, so-" before he could finish the door from the apartment down the hallway opened catching all of our attention and the other guy, Michael's friend, stepped out. I assumed that he and Michael are also roommates and that was their apartment.

Michael smiled and called to his friend, "Hey, Ash, come and meet our new neighbors, Luke and Calum."

The other guy closed the door and turned to our direction. His face shows no emotion or whatsoever and he looks pretty intimidating. He walked over to us and as he got closer and I can clearly see his face, I can really tell that he is quite attractive and I am not just saying that because I am gay. He really is beautiful with this big Hazel eyes though they are cold but still, they are beautiful; his pink plump lips though not as red as Michael's but they are pretty; his cute nose; his scruff that gives off this very masculine and strong vibe; and his hair, I love how curly they are and they look so soft that I want to run my fingers through them. Oh my god, what was I thinking. But yeah, he is really beautiful.

"Let's go, Michael," he said to Michael in a monotone voice without even giving Calum and I a glance.

"Don't you wanna say 'hi' to them first? They are our new neighbors." Michael told him.

The guy, Ash, I assume as what Michael had called him, looked at me and Calum then said, "Hi," it was the most emotionless way possible. He turned back to Michael and said, "Now let's go." Okay he's a bit rude.

Michael huffed as he shook his head, "Fine. Go ahead, I'll catch up."

"Hurry up."

"Okay. Now, go."

The guy gave me another cold glance and I swear to God I felt shivers run down my spine and it is definitely not a good one. I never really thought someone could be as intimidating as him. How can even Michael just stay chill around him. He seems like he's ready to kill someone.

He then headed over to the elevator and left Michael with us who gave us an apologetic smile as he said, "I'm really sorry about that. That's my friend, Ashton. He can really be a huge asshole sometimes."

"You say," Calum commented.

"It's fine, people always have a shitty day and he might just be having one," I told Michael.

Michael smiled, "Well then, see you guys later. Bye."

Calum and I nodded as we bid him goodbye.

"Well that was a bit intense," Calum said as I opened the door to our apartment.

"That Ashton guy is pretty intimidating." I said.

"And an asshole as Michael would say. How can they be friends though? I mean, they are an exact opposite. Michael is nice and Ashton is rude."

"I don't know, Cal. I don't even understand how we're friends. I mean I'm nice and you're not." I told Calum which made him throw his jacket to me.

I laughed as Calum gave me the middle finged but then smiled eventually.

I plopped down on the couch in our living room and looked around and eventually felt exhausted again seeing all these boxes we need to unpack. Calum must have read my mind because he said as he sat down next to me, "I hate unpacking."

"I couldn't agree more. But we gotta."

"True. But let's just sit and rest for a while before we start."

"Yeah, that's pretty much a good idea."

Calum smiled then pulled out his phone from his pocket and started playing some games. I, on the other hand, laid my head back on the couch and closed my eyes to actually rest. But as soon as I had my eyelids closed, all I can see is a pair of cold and emotionless but beautiful pair of hazel-green orbs that seems like they slice through you as they stare at you. Now it makes me wonder how would they look like if they were happy? Maybe they would be more beautiful. But what intrigues me more is that why are they so cold and emotionless? And most importantly, why is Ashton, the bearer of those beautiful hazel-green eyes, so cold and angry? As if he's so angry at the world?

**\---**

 


	2. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so it took so so so long for me to post the next chapter of this fic on here...I'm sorry about that... I was really busy with work and stuff and was only able to update on Wattpad. I have 22 chapters already up on Wattpad if anyone has a Wattpad account and wants to continue reading this on there... I will try my best to update this one here as well, but I am not sure when I can do that...for now, here's Chapter 2. enjoy!

2

\---

I decided to look for a job today. I really need to earn some money so I can save up and would be able to buy myself a car. I can't just rely on Calum anymore especially now that we are in uni.

I did a little research last night and actually found some job hiring that I am actually interested and I am going to check them all out today and apply.  
So as soon as I was ready to go, I headed to the door, bidding Calum goodbye, who was sprawled on the couch watching some cartoons.

Our apartment was already set up. We have finished unpacking the other day and also had our cable and wifi up and running, so everything is good and perfect.

"Are you sure you don't want me to drive you?" Calum asked as I was about to open the door.

I turned to him and smiled, "Yeah, I am. Don't worry too much, Cal, I won't get lost."

"I know you won't, I just don't want you going around alone and walking or taking a bus," he told me.

I chuckled, "I'll be fine, Cal."

"Why don't you just take my car?"

"You might go somewhere you know. Maybe run an errand or something."

"I won't, I promise. Just take it."

I huffed, knowing he would really insist, then grabbed his car keys from the bowl on the table by the door. I swung it in front of me, showing him that I took it, then opened the door and stepped out, closing it behind me but not forgetting to say goodbye to Calum.

I headed over to the elevator and stepped inside pushing the ground floor button. The doors were closing but then it was stopped by an arm sticking in, opening it again.  
My eyes widened in surprise when seeing it was Ashton. He didn't even spare me a glance and just stepped inside, and stayed at the corner with his attention focused on his phone as the doors closed and the elevator started moving down.

I moved back to the opposite corner already feeling a huge tension all over the small space. I know I am just the only one feeling it, but can you even blame me? He is pretty much intimidating.

I cleared my throat and decided to speak up, trying to ease the tension I am feeling. He doesn't seem pissed anyway, unlike our first encounter.

"H-hi," I started but he didn't respond so I continued. "I'm Luke, you probably don't remember me, bu-," I was eventually cut off with him speaking.

"I remember, who you are, Luke. I just don't give a fuck," he rudely said but in a monotone voice. I was greatly taken aback and embarrassed by his rudeness. Good thing it was just us two in this elevator.

"O-okay," I stuttered.

He then turned to look at me with those beautiful yet intimidating hazel-green eyes, and though I am taller than him, I really felt so small under his gaze. His face was blank and he somewhat scanned me with his gaze before he said, "Let me get one thing straight. Just because you are friends with Michael it doesn't mean that you are automatically friends with me. So if you don't want to get into any trouble, don't make the same mistake of talking to me again. You understand that?"

I visibly gulped and nodded my head. I am not gonna lie, he really does scare the shit out of me.

The elevator then came to a stop and the doors opened which made him turn away from me and headed out. I tried my best to regain my composure and followed him out of the elevator to the building's exit, with enough distance between us of course.

He turned right and I followed him and we went over to our cars which are parked next to each other. He opened his car door as I walked past him going to Calum's car, looking down. I can feel him looking at me and it made me more uncomfortable than I already was. I heard his car door closing and I also rushed inside Calum's car and subtly watch him as he pulled out of the parking lot.

As soon as he left, I let out a deep breath of relief and then turned the key in the ignition and pulled out of the parking lot as well.

\---

The day went by and I have checked all the jobs I was interested in. They were all actually really great but the one that I was most interested in was that barista job in a cafe near the campus.

The owner was actually nice and it pays better than the other jobs I checked out. I was hired right away and my training will start next week which actually excites me.

I drove back into the apartment and was so keen on telling Calum the good news. I did not text or call him about it because I wanted to tell him in person.

I parked my car in the usual spot, next to the oh so familiar one owned by Ashton and the incident from before came back to me. I cringed at the thought and hurriedly got out of the car and went into the building, heading straight to the elevator and praying to God I won't cross path with him.

I was lucky enough though that I really didn't and was gladly walking into my shared apartment with Calum and was excited to tell my best friend about my amazing news about getting a job.

I headed straight to his bedroom and didn't bother knocking and just went in. I found him lying on his bed with his attention focused on his phone, probably playing one of his games.

I jumped on his bed which made him drop his phone and he groaned loudly in exasperation and I just laughed at him. He punched my arm rather hard that made me stop laughing and grip my injured limb.

"You made me lose, thank you very much," Calum grumbled as he picked his phone up from the floor.

"You're gonna abuse me because of that?"

"You deserve it."

"I hate you."

"No, you don't."

"Whatever," I said, rolling my eyes.

Calum chuckled, "So, how was your job searching?"

The question immediately put a huge grin on my face and then I said, "I got a job!"

Calum's face lightened up and he turned to me and pulled me into a hug, saying, "I am so happy for you, buddy!"

"Thanks, man! Now, I can start saving more so I can buy a car," I told him.

He pulled away and then pouted as he said, "I'd be sad and alone in my car by then."

I laughed at his childish action which also made him smile then his face lightened up again as if an idea had just occurred in his mind.

"Perfect!" He exclaimed.

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion as I look at him.

He chuckled then said, "Michael came by when you were out job hunting and he invited us to go out tonight. He said there is this party tonight that we should go check out. So watcha think? It's the perfect time to celebrate too. You know we should go and have fun. Get drunk and maybe get laid!"

Calum looked at me with excitement and hope as he waited for my answer. I wanted to celebrate with him, of course, I do. But it's just that, I'm not sure about going to that party. I mean, Michael is the one who invited us and he's friends with Ashton so most probably, Ashton is gonna be there too and after our encounter in the elevator this morning, I never would want to be around him anymore. He's really fucking intimidating.

"Uh...I don't know," I manage to say and I regretted it immediately as I saw Calum's expression fell. So I said, "I'd really like to celebrate with you, Cal, but it's just that..."

"What is it?"

"Michael invited us and for sure Ashton's gonna be there."

"So?"

"The guy seems pretty scary, you know, I just, like, don't wanna cross path with him."

Calum chuckled, "Is that the reason why you are hesitant about it?"

"Well...kinda. I mean I just really you know...don't like the guy."

"Luke, Michael is the one who invited us and if he's gonna be there, it doesn't mean that we'll be hanging out with him. It's a party, Luke, there will be a lot of people there that we can actually have fun with. We really don't have to stick with Michael and Ashton."

Well, Calum's right. After all, the only thing that Ashton told me is to never talk to him.

I huffed in defeat and nodded at Calum, "I guess it could be fun."

"You kidding me? It is gonna be really fun!"

I rolled my eyes at Calum playfully as I stood up from his bed and headed to the door. "I'm gonna take a shower first then we can leave."

"Great!"

\---

Calum and I followed Michael and Ashton inside this frat house where the party is held. There were already wasted people at the front yard of the house and the sound of loud music is blaring.

We stepped inside the front door and we were met by the very loud sound of music and the mixture of the smell of alcohol, smoke, and sweat. It was really unpleasant for me, but what can you really expect from a frat party.

Without saying a word, Ashton separated with us and headed straight to the stairs leading upstairs. I actually felt relieved that he is now out of my sight.

We followed Michael to the kitchen of the house where different kinds of drinks and red cups were placed on the counter all for everyone at the party to enjoy.

One guy who was already wasted came in the kitchen and took a refill for his beer then left. I scrunch my face up in confusion as to where will he put all those alcohol in his body?

Michael might have noticed my expression as I heard him laugh and say, "He's gonna pass out anytime soon."

"Yeah, definitely." Calum agreed.

Michael chuckled, "So, what do you wanna drink?"

"Just beer for me," Calum said.

Michael nodded as he took a new red cup and filled it with beer then handed it to Calum, who gratefully took it.

"Do you drink, Luke?" Michael asked me.

"I do," I responded.

"Want some beer as well?"

"Yeah, sure."

Michael smiled then gave me the drink.

"Thanks."

"So, you've been to parties before, right?" Michael asked us as he made himself some drink.

"High school parties, yes. Frat parties? This is the first." Calum answered.

"Oh. Well, this is more fun, actually, if you know exactly how to have fun," Michael smirked.

Calum chuckled, "That's exactly what we came here for."

"Good. So you uh...you wanna come with me and join or play some game or you wanna stay here for a while?"

"What kind of games though?" I asked.

"Depends on what they're playing."

"I'll go with you," Calum said to Michael then turned to me, "How about you, buddy?"

"Yeah, sure," I replied.

Michael beamed and led us out of the kitchen to what seemed like the living room which is way more crowded. I drank my beer to release some of the tension I feel in my body and followed Michael and Calum to a group of people playing beer pong.

I watched as a dark-haired guy went over to us and greeted Michael with a hug.

"Luke," Calum softly said next to me.

I turned to look at him and he had this soft look in his eyes as he smiled and said, "Can you do me a favor tonight?"

"What is it?"

"Let go and have fun, okay? Just...just be yourself."

I chuckled, "I am being myself."

"You know exactly what I mean."

I smiled, "Okay, buddy."

Calum smiled.

"These are my friends," we heard Michael say and we both turned to him and his friend.

The guy next to Michael beamed and extended a hand as he said, "Hey, I'm Jack."

Calum and I shook hands with him and introduced ourselves.

"Where's Ashton?" Jack asked Michael.

"Doing the usual upstairs," Michael said and I suddenly got curious what this "usual" thing he does at these parties. I mean, it's hard to predict because he is one of those people that is not very easy to read and I only had been around him for 3 rather very short times.

"You wanna join our game?" I heard Jack ask, pulling me out of my thoughts.

Calum and I nodded and he smiled ushering us to the table. He introduced us to their other friends who were also playing the game. They were: Josh, the one with the bright yellow-hair, I guess he and Michael bond over hair dyeing; Tyler, a nice, cute guy who you could be mistaken as a shy-type but rather very sassy yet hilarious; Alex, who is really good in playing beer pong; Jade, a small but really beautiful girl with tan skin and long brown hair, and big brown eyes that are soft and warm; and Perrie a stunning blonde with bright blue eyes, who seemed intimidating at first, but she's fun and sweet once you get to meet her.

We played the next round with me and Calum in a team while Michael and Jack in the other against us. I have played this game a few times before so I know how this works and also I am confident since I got Calum on my team and he's pretty good at it.

The game started good and I'm not gonna lie, Jack and Michael are pretty good too. It went on and turned a bit intense but not that serious and of course, at the end our team won, thanks to Calum's expertise. But unfortunately I did have plenty of beer to drink and I am starting to feel the alcohol kicking in.

I excused myself from them and had Michael replace me on our team for the next round of beer pong. I went to search for a bathroom and found none on the first floor so I decided to climb up the stairs and look for one.

There were a lot of rooms upstairs and I have no idea which one is the bathroom. I guess I just have to go check every single one. I went first to the first door on the right. It was unlocked so I opened the door and regretted it immediately when I saw two naked people on the bed and in the middle of their sexual activity.

I felt my face heat up and immediately close the door back. Damn! These people need to learn how to lock a fucking door. I closed my eyes as I let out a deep breath, still holding on to the doorknob and prayed to God I won't ever witness something like that again when I go check the other rooms.

I let go of the knob and turned to continue my search for a bathroom when I bumped into a body. I looked up and my gaze locked with that familiar set of beautiful hazel eyes but then panic quickly rose up in my body when I realized the owner of those hazel-green orbs and immediately step back with wide eyes as I stuttered, "I-I-I'm s-sorry!"  
"What are you doing?" Ashton asked in his usual monotone voice.

"I, uh...I was just looking for a bathroom but I don't know where it is and I accidentally opened the wrong door and saw two people fucking, and I'm sorry if I bumped into you. I wasn't paying attention to where I'm going I'm so sorry," I blabbered out in panic.

He looked at me for a moment and I really couldn't tell what he is thinking. Not that I could read minds, that would be foolish, but it's just that, his face doesn't express anything. It's just...blank.

"Third door on the left." He just said then left and it took me a few seconds to absorb and realize what he just said that I didn't have the chance to thank him.

I sighed in relief both from already knowing where the bathroom is and for not being snapped by Ashton. That dude really fucking scares me. 

I walked towards the third door on the left just like what Ashton said and opened the door and was way more relieved seeing it really is the bathroom. I stepped inside and closed the door behind me, making sure it was locked. I went over to the sink and looked at myself in the mirror. I chuckled at my reflection. I look drunk. Well, I am a little tipsy so I guess that's reasonable.

I turned the tap on washed my face with the cold water and then grabbed some paper towel and wiped my face dry. I then went over to the toilet and relieved myself then washed my hands and headed to the door. I unlocked it and stepped out.

I was gonna go back downstairs to where my friends are but then a guy with a dyed blonde hair, bright blue eyes, and wide smile just suddenly appeared in front of me out of nowhere. I really am confused about where he came from.

"Hi! I'm Niall. You're a friend of Michael and Ashton, right?" He said in a strong Irish accent.

I looked at him for a moment. He was a lot shorter than me so I was looking down at him. He is actually good-looking and seems always happy with his smile not leaving his face.  
I slowly nodded at his question, "Yeah, we're friends. I'm Luke, by the way."

"Great to meet you. I am a friend of theirs too and this is my party. Well, it's our house's party but yeah..."

"Oh...well, this is a really cool party."

He laughed loudly, "I know." This dude is way too drunk. "I hope you are having fun!" He told me.

"I am," I responded.

"Good!"

"Yeah...so uh... I should head back to where my friends are."

"You should but first, let me make you a drink."

"Oh, thanks, but I don't think I should drink more."

"Just one more drink. Come on, Luke, it's a party. Please?"

He gave me puppy eyes with a pout and I really don't wanna be rude. After all, this is his party.

"Fine, one more drink, ain't gonna hurt."

Niall beamed and led me down the stairs back to the kitchen. He took a new red cup and start mixing some drinks and I don't even have any idea what were those drinks that he was mixing.

When he was done, he turned to me, still with that wide smile etched on his face and handed me the drink. I took the cup from him and sipped. I gotta admit, it was really good.

"What do you think, huh?" Niall asked.

"Wow! What is this?"

"It's really good, huh?" He asked ignoring my question.

"Yeah," I agreed.

He then grabbed my arm and pulled me with him and letting go of me when we reached the living room where our friends are. I guess I should consider all of them my friends, except Ashton of course. Speaking of Ashton, good thing, he wasn't with the group. I don't have any idea where he is, but it doesn't matter. It's better that he's not here anyway, I could definitely let go and have fun just like what I promised to Calum.

"Luke!" I heard Michael call so I turned around and smiled as I saw him.

"Hey! Where's Calum?" I asked him as he went over to me.

"Oh...I guess he went with some redhead chick."

"Oh."

"How about you? Where you been?"

"I was with uh..." I turned around to look for Niall but he disappeared. Does he really do that? Appear out of nowhere then just suddenly disappear? Since he was nowhere to be found, I just said, "nevermind."

"Well, come on, let's play another game," Michael said and I followed him to where the others were.

We played another round of beer pong and then another. And then I went to take a rest on the couch since I was really feeling the alcohol taking over my body.  
Niall appeared again next to me and I swear to god, this kid is a mutant. He beamed and handed me a red cup filled with drink.

"Is this the same one you made me?" I asked him.

He beamed as he nodded. I took the cup and drank. Damn. This is a really good drink. I finished the whole cup and my vision was starting to blur and twirl but I am feeling good. I actually am feeling really good. I feel some kind of energy running through my veins and I can even feel a wide smile spreading across my face.  
"You wanna dance?" Niall asked.

Dance? Hell yeah, I do. I feel so hyped and I need to release this energy building up inside me. I have to have fun. I want to have fun. I nodded at Niall and he got to his feet and pulled me with him. He led me to the middle of the living room where some people are dancing along to the beat of the loud music.

I started to move with the beat as well and I felt myself letting go and I just stop thinking about everything and danced. I am feeling so good and I am having fun. I am so happy!  
I don't even know how long I have been dancing and I don't even give a fuck about anything around me anymore and just moved my body with the music and everything just feels so good and nothing matters anymore.

I suddenly felt a pair of hands grab me by the hip from behind me so I quickly turn around to see who it was. I was met by an unfamiliar face of a guy who is smiling seductively at me.

"Do I know you?" I asked the guy who still has his hold on my hip.

"No...but we can get to know each other. I'm Andrew." He said.

"Luke."

"Beautiful."

I smiled, "Thanks. You wanna dance? My friend kind of disappeared again."

I felt him pull me towards him, making our chests collide, and one of his arms snaked around my waist. I know I should push him away because I don't know him but I didn't.  
He leaned closer to me and our lips were brushing against each other. If I wasn't drunk and feeling good, I would have pushed him away already but I am drunk and feeling really good and I haven't had a chance before to have this kind of encounter with a guy. I am basically closeted but now, I don't really give a fuck about it. Calum told me to let go and have and I know he meant my sexuality. So that is what I am gonna do.

I was the one who closed the slight gap between us and our lips immediately moved against each other. He tasted like beer but I don't mind. I am pretty sure I taste the same.  
My mind was actually racing with thoughts but I pushed them all away because I don't want to ruin this night. Not now that I am actually being myself and having fun.  
"Come with me?" Andrew asked as our lips parted.

I didn't think about it and just nodded and followed him as he held my hand and led me up the stairs.

We opened the second door on the left and we both stepped inside. He closed the door and before I could say anything, he pushed me down on the bed and he hovered over me with his hands on both sides of my head. I can feel my heart racing in my chest and a lot of thoughts are flooding my mind. I don't know what to do and I have no idea what is going to happen.

"You are very pretty, Luke," Andrew whispered as he brushed his lips along my jawline.

I let out a whimper and he crashed his lips against mine, kissing me harder than before. Everything seemed to get blurry again so I closed my eyes and just forced myself to focus on the kiss. I then felt his hand slipping inside my shirt, caressing the skin on my side. I circled my arms around his neck and pulled him closer and I felt him smile in the kiss.  
He started to thrust forward as his hand moves down and tugged on my jeans. On instinct, I let go of him and pushed him away. Though I may like kissing him and enjoying everything and I am drunk as hell, I don't think I want to lose my virginity to some guy in a frat party even if it is part of having 'fun' tonight, no. I do have some decency and respect for myself.

He looked down at me with furrowed eyebrows, "What's wrong?"

"I don't..." I tried to say.

"Ssshhhh...you want to, okay? You like it and you want it."

I shook my head, "No..."

"It's okay, Luke," he said and soon started to kiss me on my jaw down to my neck lightly sucking along the way, as his hand tried to unbutton my jeans.

I pushed him away but he caught both of my hands and held them against the bed on both sides of my head. I tried to pull them out of his grip but he's strong. Panic started to rise up in me. No, I can't be forced into having sex. I can't let him rape me.

"Let me go!" I demanded.

"Be quiet! It's okay and it won't take long."

"No. I don't wanna do it. Let me go!"

I tried to escape from him but he's just too strong. I couldn't fight. I just don't have the strength for it and I am eternally regretting that I let myself get too drunk.  
I wasn't even aware of what's happening anymore, all I know is I'm shouting for him to stop and trying to escape from him but none of it seem to work. I shut my eyes tightly as tears escaped as I kept on repeating the word 'no' and 'stop' and I prayed to God that this is not really happening and is just a bad dream.

Then suddenly everything just stopped as the door flew open. I opened my eyes but my vision is too blurry to be able to see clearly who was that guy standing in the doorway.  
The next scenes just happened so fast that I didn't know exactly what was happening as I closed my eyes again. I just felt Andrew being ripped off of me and pushed to the ground and the sound of a fist smashing on some skin and bones filled the room and I heard Andrew growl, "Fuck, Ashton!"

Ashton? Oh God no.

"Get out!" I heard Ashton ordered.

There was silence aside from the faint sound of music from downstairs. Then I heard some footsteps leaving the room and the sound of the door being slammed shut.  
I breathed out a shaky breath as I slowly opened my eyes and wrapped my own arms around me. I looked around and locked eyes with a pair of familiar, expressionless, hazel-green ones.

I stared at Ashton with wide eyes, afraid that he'd hit me.

He slowly went over to me and sat down on the side of the bed with a careful look on his face. He slowly reached over to me and I just watched his every careful move.  
I shook my head, no, at him, afraid that he might hurt me too. He quickly retracted his hand before it could even reach me and he huffed and then said, "I am not going to hurt you, okay? I am helping you, yeah?"

I just stared at him and didn't respond. He let out a sigh then reached for me again, and this time I let him. He held onto my shoulders and slowly pulled me up from the bed to a sitting position. He looked at me straight in the eyes and then muttered, "Fuck."

He got to his feet and then pulled me up with him to stand as well. But as soon as I got on to my feet, everything just started spinning and eventually turned black and the last thing I heard was Ashton's voice calling out my name.

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you liked this chapter...will really really try to update this soon...thank you :)


	3. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There might stuff here that may not be accurate as there are a lot of things that I haven't experienced yet nor know about, and I'm sorry for that. I tried my best to write this chapter as good as I can. I hope you'd still enjoy it. :)

\---

My head is throbbing and feels really heavy. I can't even push my eyes to open because I feel like my head would literally explode if I do. I shut my eyes more tightly and raised my hand up to my head and pressed my fingers to my temple for the hopes of easing just a little bit of pain.

"Luke..." I heard a very familiar voice say that in an instant I shot my eyes open to see if my suspicion is right.

I looked around the room and realized that I am in someone else's room for I don't recognize anything in it. My eyes roamed around until it landed on the figure sitting on the chair by the desk across the bed I am laying on, hazel-green eyes intently staring at me and I swear to God, I almost had a heart attack seeing who it was, confirming my suspicion, that I jolted up on the bed with wide eyes and mouth hung open.

Ashton.

This is literally my death. I know that for sure. I know this is the end of me.

"How are you feeling?" He asked in a very calm tone and I am so confused and surprised at the same time since I am already expecting him to throw a punch my way and beat me up to death since I am so stupid for not doing what was told. I don't remember anything that happened but I am pretty sure I was so stupid that I ended up in this room with him.

"Luke...?" He said again, making me look at him with wide eyes. "Are you okay?"

"What?" That was the only thing I can manage to say.

"Are you okay?" Ashton repeated. "How are you feeling?"

"It hurts," I said with a gulp.

Ashton's expression quickly turned dark as he said in a low tone which made shivers run down my spine and I am not sure if it is bad or good, "What hurts?"

"My head. It hurts. So bad." I softly told him as I looked down.

I heard him huff. I looked up and watched him as he stood up from the chair he is sitting on and walked over to the nightstand. He opened the first drawer and pulled out a bottle of pills. He opened the lid and dropped two on his palm, closed the lid again, and dropped the bottle back into the drawer and closed it. He then grabbed the glass of water on the nightstand then turned to me, handing me those.

I stared at the pills then looked up at him with a surprised and confused expression.

"It's Tylenol. For the pain in your head." He said in his usual tone.

"Oh.," I said as I slowly took them from his hands. "Thanks."

He nodded then sat down on the edge of the bed. I felt uncomfortable with him near me but confused as hell as to why he is being like this...less scary.  
I tried to hide how I am feeling about the current situation and swallowed down the pills with water. I was gonna put the glass of water back on the nightstand but Ashton caught my hand and took the glass from me and placed it back on the nightstand.

I was really caught off guard by his action but hid it by immediately looking down at my lap. I really don't understand what is going on, I don't remember anything, and I don't know where I am. Most especially, why am I with him and why is he acting differently?

"Luke..." he said which made me look up at him again meeting his hazel-green orbs.

"Where am I?" I quietly asked.

Ashton looked at me for a moment then exhaled through his nostrils and said, "Do you remember anything that happened last night?"

I shook my head no because I really don't remember shit other than going to that frat party. Anything that happened or I did at that party, I have no idea about anymore and if I try to think and remember, my head hurts more.

"I don't remember anything. Where am I, Ashton?"

"You're in my room."

My eyes widened in shock and I nervously looked around then looked down on myself and on the bed then back to Ashton who is just calmly watching me which made me more nervous because how can he just calmly sit there? I am in his room. I slept on his bed when he specifically told me to never talk to him again which includes being near him, right?  
Shit. Is this how he is before he kills people who don't do what he tells them? Am I really in serious trouble now? Is this the time where your life flashes in front of your eyes and everything ends? Holy fuck! This is not how I wan-

"Luke, are you okay?" Ashton asked pulling me out of my panicked thoughts.

"I'm sorry!" I blurted out.

Ashton's eyebrows furrowed in clear confusion. "For what?"

"For not doing what is told. I'm sorry."

He looked at me for a moment then sighed and said, clearly getting what I meant, "Luke, that is not the case here."

"What? It's worse than I thought it is?" I looked down on myself again and this time I noticed that I am now just wearing a t-shirt and a pair of boxers. My eyes went even wider if that is possible, as I looked up back at him and my heartbeat is too fast and too loud that I bet he could hear it.

"Did we...?" I asked him in pure panic and fear.

Ashton cocked his head to the side, eyebrows furrowed in confusion, as he looked at me. Then his face lightened up in realization of what I meant and he laughed, shaking his head, and said, "No, Luke, we didn't."

I sighed in utter relief and said, "Thank God. I thought I lost my virginity over a drunk sex at a frat party."

"Wait, what? You're a virgin? You haven't had sex before or done anything sexual?"

"Well, that is the definition of virgin, right?"

"Fuck. I'm gonna kill him." Ashton muttered under his breath but I heard him.

"Wait, kill who?"

Ashton looked at me with dark expression and I felt myself shiver because of the amount of intensity I felt from it.

"Do you really not remember anything from last night? Even just a little bit?"

"I uh..." I said and looked down trying to remember anything. It makes my head hurt more but I have to make myself remember. I need to make myself remember what happened or what I did. I need to know why Ashton is asking me and why I ended up with him in his room and him acting like how he is right now. I need to remember to understand.  
"Luke..?"

"I remember going to that frat party Michael invited us to with you. He introduced us to some people and they were really nice and we played beer pong with them." I started to say as I try to remember.

"What people?" He asked.

"Friends. Michael's friends and probably your friends too."

"Names, Luke. I want names."

"Um...Josh, Tyler, Alex, Jack, Perrie, Jade...I guess those were their names. You know them?"

"Yes, I know them. What happened next?"

"Well, we played beer pong against them, Calum and I-" I stopped when I realized something and I looked at Ashton in panic as I said, "Calum? Where's Calum?"

"He's fine. Michael's with him. Don't worry about him. Just please try to remember some more that happened last night."

I breathed out a sigh of relief as I relaxed again, well not completely because I don't I could ever be really relaxed around Ashton. I moved on the bed, making myself sit comfortably and went back into remembering things.

"After a few rounds of beer pong, I was feeling a bit tipsy so I excused myself from them and went to go look for a bathroom and that was when...you know...we had an encounter," I said keeping my gaze down on my crossed legs on the bed. He didn't respond so I continued, "After I did my business in the bathroom and was on my way back downstairs, this guy blocked my way an-"

"What guy?"

"A little Irish fella? Neil was it?"

"Niall."

"Yes, Niall."

"What did he do?"

"He was actually really nice and friendly. He even made me that really nice drink."

"What drink?"

"I don't know what it's called but it's red and nice. He made me that drink twice actually. He was really nice."

"Twice?"

"Yeah...twice. After he gave me the first one, I played with beer pong again with Michael because Calum was with some redhead girl. Then I took a break again and then Niall appeared again and gave me another one of that drink he made me."

"Only twice? Did he give you anything else? Like a pill or maybe mint?"

"No...why would he...wait," I stopped and realization hit me and I stared up at Ashton with panicked wide eyes, "did he? Did he drug me or something?"

"I don't know yet, Luke, but I will soon find out. Right now, you need to remember what happened last night. Ok? That is important."

"Ok..." I said trying to calm down and relax. "Well uh...we danced after and then there's this guy-" I stopped again when suddenly everything just came flooding in. I remembered everything now. Everything that happened. How that Andrew guy tried to rape me and how Ashton saved me.

I started to breathe heavily and my hands started shaking and I could feel the panic rising rapidly in me and I know anytime soon I am going to have a panic attack.  
I was almost raped last night because I was so stupid and so naive. I was so caught up on the thought of letting go and having fun that I let all my guards down and trusted all the people around me.

I felt Ashton's hands on my shoulders and I looked at him, my mind troubled and my body shaking.

"Luke...breathe. In and out. Ok?" Ashton told me but I can do nothing but just stare at him with wide eyes.

I felt his hands leave my shoulder but then were placed on my cheeks cupping my face.

"Luke, look into my eyes and do as I say, ok?" Ashton told me in a soft voice. I didn't say anything and just looked at him in the eyes like he told me to.

"You're gonna do as I say, ok?" I still didn't say anything so he said, "Do you understand me, Luke?"

I slowly nodded my head.

"Ok. We are gonna count to ten and then you are gonna breathe in between each count ok? I am here with you. I am not going to leave you."  
I nodded at him again.

Ashton then soon started counting and I did the same as I breathed in between just like what he told me to do. Soon I felt myself relax and was slowly going back to breathing normally.

"Are you feeling better now?" He softly asked, eyes scanning my mine, hands still cupping my face.

I nodded at him as I let out a small 'yes'.

He let go of my face and I felt suddenly alone and scared which made me grab his arm immediately.

"Don't leave. Please." I pleaded.

"I am not leaving, Luke."

"O-ok. I don't wanna be alone."

He nodded.

It was silent for a few moments and I still didn't let go of Ashton's arm. He didn't make me let go as well.

"I assume you remembered everything that happened last night?" He carefully asked me.

I sniffled as tears escaped my eyes, remembering what happened. I kept my head down, trying to hide my crying from him. I don't want him thinking that I am such a weak loser. Which I really am for crying over almost getting raped at a frat party because I was so stupid.

"It's my fault anyway. I was so stupid."

"That is not your fault, Luke. Don't put the blame on yourself. Ok, let's say that you really are stupid. Luke, a person's stupidity should never be made as an excuse for some other guy's perverted actions. He took advantage of you when you were not thinking straight. He seduced you and forced himself on you and he almost fucking succeeded. You are not at fault."

"But...I let him do it. I kind of initiated everything. I was so weak and so stupid."

"You did try to stop him when he was going too far but he didn't stop. Stop blaming yourself, please."

I whimpered, still not looking up at Ashton.

"I'm scared." I said in a small voice.

"I know." He said.

This time I looked up at him with teary wide eyes and said, "I'm scared, Ashton. What if he's gonna do it again? What if he's gonna succeed the next time?"

"I won't let that happen. I promise."

I stared up at his hazel-green orbs and I slowly nodded.

"I trust you."

\---

"I just kind of outed myself to you, didn't I?" I said to Ashton as I was putting on my jacket.

I stayed in his room for another hour to pull myself together. I just laid down on the bed with him sitting on the chair and we were just casually talking about some random stuff. I know he just did that to distract me from thinking about what happened last night. It was really nice of him though.

"How so?" He asked as he waited for me to finish gathering my stuff.

"Well, I just kind of subtly told you I'm gay. A gay virgin to be exact. I hope me being gay doesn't make you hate me any more than you do."

Ashton sighed then said, "I don't hate you, Luke. I don't necessarily like you just like how I don't like people, but I don't hate you. Also, I don't have anything against people who are not straight because there is nothing to hate about them or to be against them. There is nothing wrong with them or with you. Everyone is normal and equal thus everyone should be treated normally and equally as every human being should be treated because that is every single one of us is: a human being."

I was taken aback by what Ashton said because I really didn't expect him to say something that deep. I was actually preparing myself for some snappy/sassy response but what I got was something so much better than I couldn't help myself from smiling.

I really didn't see him as someone who would say something like that. I made myself believe that he is an asshole who is really scary and intimidating who doesn't see the world how it should be seen. I didn't even think of him as someone who would be accepting and open-minded. I know I was being judgmental about him without even knowing him. It was wrong but I couldn't help myself thinking of him that way after our encounter in the elevator yesterday. But now, everything has changed. The fact that he did save me last night is even a huge shock to me especially when he stayed with me the entire time and took care of me. Ashton is something more and that makes me feel intrigued and I want to know the things that make him who he is. The real him, not this persona he was showing to people for the reason I still have no idea about. I want to know what it is and I will know what it is.

"Are you ready to go?" Ashton asked pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Huh?"

"Are you ready to go or are you just gonna stand there until your legs give out?" He sassily said with an annoyed raised eyebrow.

"Oh. Yeah. I'm good to go."

"Then move, princess."

"Yeah. Sorry." I said as I hurried out of his room. I may want to know everything about him but it still doesn't mean I am less intimidated by him.  
He followed me out of his room and to the door of the apartment. I opened the door and was about to go stepped when he grabbed my arm and made me turn back to him.  
I looked at him with confused and questioning expression.

He let out a breath and looked at me with those blank hazel eyes and said, "None of these changes anything, ok? We are still not friends and we won't ever be. Got it?"

I slowly nodded at him as I mumbled, "Yeah, I got it."

"Good."

"Well...thank you for everything, non-friend," I said then stepped out of the apartment, closed the door behind me, and headed to mine and Calum's apartment.

I stopped right in front of the door and took a deep breath before I raised my fist to knock. But I stopped my actions when I felt someone's presence next to me. I turned to see who it was and saw it was Ashton. I wasn't really surprised though.

I raised a questioning eyebrow at him.

"Michael's here." He said in his usual monotone voice.

"And you're here to pick him up?"

"Yes, so please, open the door, get inside, and tell him I'm here."

"Ok. Chill." I told him then decided not to knock anymore and opened the door.

As soon as I stepped inside the apartment, I was tackled into a hug by Calum and I almost stumbled back. Luckily, Ashton was quick to hold me in place.

"Goddamit, Luke! I was so fucking worried about you." Calum said against my shoulder as he tightly embraced me.

I felt Ashton's hand, that was supporting me, leave my back.

"I'm ok, Cal. I'm fine." I told Calum.

"Where were you? You just disappeared last night." Calum asked as he detached himself from me and held my shoulders as he looked at me.

I smiled down at him and said, "I got really drunk and crashed at Ashton and Michael's last night."

Calum slowly nodded and slowly peeped on my shoulder to look at Ashton behind me then looked back at me and moved closer and whispered, "Is that why he's here with you?"

"Actually, he's here for Michael."

Calum's mouth formed an 'o'.

"Where is he?" Ashton asked from behind me, still not stepping inside the apartment.

"Uh..." Calum said then turned away to face the living room and pointed at the heavily sleeping Michael on the couch, cuddling a pillow.

I chuckled at the sight then turned to look at Ashton and said, "Well, would you want to be the one to wake him up?"

Ashton just looked at me and without saying anything, he stepped inside the apartment and walked straight to the sleeping Michael.  
Calum moved closer to me again and whispered, "He's weird."

I looked at him with a raised eyebrow and then turned my attention back to Ashton and Michael and just chuckled.

Calum and I watched as Ashton woke Michael up by smacking the side of his head and I couldn't help laughing at it.

Michael groaned and slowly opened his eyes and as soon as he saw Ashton he closed his eyes again and nuzzled his face more into the pillow as he mumbled, "What do you want, Ashton?"

"You, getting your ass up."

"Some people need sleep you know."

"Some people need to sleep on their own couch you know."

Michael shot his eyes open and quickly sat up and then looked around. When his eyes landed to where Calum and I are standing, he covered his face with his hands and groaned.  
"Wow. This is embarrassing." He said still covering his face with his hands.

"You think? Now get your ass up and let's go back to our apartment." Ashton ordered.

Michael removed his hands from his face and turned to me and Calum and said, "I'm really sorry. I totally forgot I crashed here last night, I was drunk and couldn't find Ashton so I just took a ride from Calum and slept here."

"It's okay, Michael. I did the same with Ashton and your apartment so it's even."

Michael smiled then slowly got up from the couch and stretched.

"Well for all it's worth, you really do have a very comfortable couch. Don't be surprised if I crash here more often than necessary." Michael said as he tried to fix his messy hair.

Calum and I laughed. Ashton rolled his eyes then headed out the door back to their apartment. Michael was gonna say something else but I didn't listen and followed Ashton.  
He was about to reach their door when I called him and made him stop to turn around. He raised an eyebrow at me and walked over to him.

"I was just uh...I just wanna thank you for everything you did last night and this morning and also...I know this is kinda too much but I would really appreciate it if you don't tell anyone about what happened, especially to Calum." I said.

"I have no one to tell." Ashton just simply replied and turned away.

I looked at him for a moment and turned away myself to head back to my apartment. But as I was about to walk away, I was stopped with Ashton saying, making me turn back to him, "I will take care of Andrew, Luke. I'll make sure he won't do it again as I promised you."

"Thank you...and like I told you...I trust you."

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will try to find time to post the next chapters soon. Thank you for reading! :)


	4. 4

4

**\---**

"So you crashed at Ashton's and Michael's place huh?" Calum said as we both relaxed on the living room and watched a movie.

"Yeah, that I did." I simply responded.

"So you and Ashton are friends now?"

"No, we're not and will never be."

"But you've hung out already."

"No, we haven't. I got so drunk and I couldn't find you nor call you 'cause my phone died and I saw him and asked for a ride home. But when we got here I couldn't find my keys so he let me crash at their place. He just helped me out, that's all. It's even quite embarrassing on my part." I gracefully lied.

"Oh...I'm sorry. I got distracted last night."

"With some redhead, yeah I know." I chuckled.

Calum sighed, "I'm really sorry, Luke."

"For what, Calum? For having fun? I think that's not something to apologize for."

"Because I left you alone..." Calum said in small voice.

"Dude, cheer up. I'm okay. You are not obliged to take care of me, okay?"

"But still..."

I laughed as I ruffled Calum's hair and said, "You, idiot. You don't apologize for shit like that, okay?"

Calum stared up at me for a moment then sighed and said, "Okay."

"Good. Now watch the movie and stop being so dramatic. It doesn't suit you. You are Crowley, not Castiel."

Calum laughed, "And you are Lucifer."

"Whatever, douchebag."

"Okay. First, you called me an idiot, then practically a demon, and then now a douchebag. I am actually considering switching roommates. Michael's a lot better."

"Wow! One night with Michael and you are all ready to throw away years with me for him."

"You were being mean."

"You are being a childish idiot."

"See? Always insulting me." Calum pouts.

I playfully rolled my eyes at him and turned away, shaking my head.

"So...how did he end up here? Michael, I mean." I asked Calum.

"Well, he can't find and reach Ashton and believed he left him already so he looked for us and when he saw me he asked for a ride home. We were also looking for you and tried calling you but can't reach you as well. You're phone died, right?"

I nodded.

Calum continued, "I got so worried about you though so he tried calling Ashton again and good thing he picked up. He was angry and even had a bit of an argument with Michael but he said that you're safe so we headed home and since Michael left his keys he just crashed here 'cause he didn't wanna interact with Ashton when Ashton is mad and he is drunk himself. It doesn't always turn out good, he said."

"Oh...why was Ashton angry anyway?" I asked, trying to be subtle about looking for a hint if Ashton had told Michael about what happened to me.

"I don't know. You tell me. You were with him." Calum replied.

"I was too drunk I passed out immediately."

"Maybe he was mad at your drunk ass for being such a burden for him."

I chuckled, "Yeah...maybe that."

Calum didn't say anything and we both continued watching the movie. It was silent for a few moments until he asked, "Luke...did you uh...did you have fun last night?"

I turned my head to look at him and saw that he was already looking at me intently. I smiled at him and said, "I did."

I know it wasn't really the truth but it was partly true since I did have fun before shit happened. But I couldn't tell Calum about it because I know he'd lose his shit and hunt down that Andrew guy. He might be just a chill guy but he is a bit scary when angry. Besides, I don't want him involved in it anyway. I already have Ashton taking care of it and I trust him that he would. In a very non-friendly way, of course.

"Is that the truth or you're just saying that to make me not feel bad or guilty?"

"Cal...I had fun. Stop worrying. I don't want you worrying." I told him in a very casual yet believable way possible to make him believe.

"I can't stop myself worrying, you know. You're my best friend. My brother even."

"Worry less. I am a big boy now."

"You may be very tall but you are still a baby. A clumsy one."

"I hate you."

**\---**

Classes have started and everything is going pretty well. My entire week was good and I am enjoying every single one of them even though Calum had to change a few. It must be better to not have all of my classes the same as him anyway.

It's Friday and I just got out from my last one. It's still 2 PM and my shift at the cafe starts at 4 PM so I decided to just stick around at the cafe and do some of my assignments ahead while waiting for my shift.

I settled at a table outside and pulled out one of my books, a notebook, and a pen. I started doing my assignments right away with some music playing through my headphones. I love listening to music all the time and I usually listen to All Time Low, Blink-182, Fall Out Boy, and some other amazing bands. I just really love the music that these bands offer. I love how real they are and how they speak to you.

I was casually scribbling some notes when I felt someone tapping my shoulder so I put the pen down and turned around. I can't hide the surprised expression from my face when I saw who it was.

"Hello." Niall said with that wide smile etched on his face.

"Hi." I quietly replied as I pulled out my headphones from my ears.

"You probably don't remember me."

"I do, actually. I do remember you. Niall, right?"

Niall beamed, "Yes, I am Niall."

I gave him a small smile. It went silent after and it felt so awkward because I don't know what to say anymore and he seemed like he wants to say something but doesn't know how to say it.

"So..." he said after a few minutes and I looked up at him and he continued, "Luke, I'm sorry about what happened at the party. For what I did. You know, I kinda spiked your drink. But trust me, it wasn't my intention to put you in any danger. I usually do that to people at parties to hype them up and make them have a great time. You were new and innocent which made you an easy target. I'm really sorry."

"I really didn't appreciate what you did, Niall. But it happened already and we can't change it. It's past let's just put it at that." I told him.

"Can we still be friends though?"

"What?"

"I would like us to be friends. You are nice and I like nice people. I promise I won't do the same shit to you again."

"I don't like you doing that shit to anyone, Niall, not just to me. People could be in danger because of that."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. I'm really sorry. Look, I didn't know Andrew was there and that he'd do that. I am not friends with that asshole. I hated that guy."

"How did you...?"

"I saw it...when you know...when Ashton barged into the room and saved you. I was really glad that he was there: Ashton. I really couldn't have forgiven myself if something happened to you. Trust me, Luke, I really don't want to put people in danger."

"And yet you do what you do."

"I know. I know. I'm a-"

Before he could finish, a familiar voice behind me said, "A dickhead and a menace." I turned my head and saw Ashton standing there with a coffee in his hand and looking at Niall with that dark scary expression.

He glanced at me then back to Niall and continued, "Now that we got that out, leave."

Niall rolled his eyes. I am both surprised and not surprised by Niall's actions. Surprised because how can he has the guts to do that at Ashton. I mean, the guy is really serious and scary you know and obviously pretty much strong with all that muscles. One wrong action and he can literally beat you up. I am not surprised because maybe they have known each other long and Niall have known his way around Ashton.

"Come on, Ash. I am apologizing to Luke." Niall told him.

"For what? For something you shouldn't have done in the first place?" Ashton asked.

Niall sighed then looked at me again and said, "Luke, I really mean what I said. I'm really sorry."

"Just leave, Niall," Ashton told Niall before I could respond to him.

Niall looked at Ashton then turned away and left.

I looked up at Ashton who was still standing and looking to where Niall had gone. After a few moments, he walked over to my table and sat down opposite to me and casually sipping on his coffee.

"What are you doing?" I cautiously asked him.

He looked at me with a blank expression as he put his coffee down on the table and said, "Sitting here and drinking my coffee."

"I can see that I'm not blind," I responded.

"Then why still ask stupid questions?"

"You know that's not what I meant," I said in a small voice.

He leaned over, elbows resting on the table and asked, "What did you mean exactly?"

I looked at him and let out a breath as I gathered my courage and hide my intimidation at him and said, "Why are you sitting here at this table with me when it was you, yourself, said that we are not friends and should not be talking to each other?"

"If I remember it correctly, I told you to never do the same mistake of talking to me again and technically, right now, you are the one talking to me."

I opened my mouth to argue but then I realized that he is right so I closed my mouth and retreated to my seat, admitting defeat.

He smirked and leaned back into his seat, sipping his coffee with a smug look on his face.

I shook my head and decided to just pretend he is not there and put back my headphones on and decided to continue what I'm doing.

I began scribbling some notes again but I couldn't concentrate, feeling Ashton's eyes on me. I glanced up and saw him intently staring at me. I raised a questioning eyebrow at him.

He huffed then said, "Why are you doing that here?"

"Why are you asking?" I asked him back as I pulled out my headphones again.

"Because you could have just done that at home."

"I'm waiting for my shift," I told him.

"Shift?"

"I work here for part-time."

"Here? In this cafe? Since when?" He asked, leaning over with surprise laced in his voice.

"Since Monday. Why do you ask? Why do you care?" I said, surprising myself for sounding casual yet sassy.

Ashton leaned back in his chair, "Am I forbidden to ask?"

"No."

"What time is your shift?"

"At four."

"It's almost four."

"I know."

"What time will you get off?"

"Around 8 or 9. I only work part-time so I only get to work for four or five hours a day."

"I see."

I nodded then silence took over between us. I looked down on my notebook and decided to just start packing my things up. It's about time for my shift anyway. I closed my notebook and started putting my stuff inside my bag.

"Are you going now?" Ashton asked.

I looked up at him and nodded.

He nodded back.

I stood up from my seat as I finished packing my things up. I gave him a quick small smile and turned away to go inside the cafe but before I got to the door I heard him say, "See you later, Luke. Have fun at your work."

I nodded, "Thanks, I will."

**\---**

I took off the apron as I headed inside the backroom to the lockers to change back into my previous clothes. Mitchy, my co-worker, who is also changing, looked up and gave me a nod. I returned the gesture and went over to my locker. I pulled out my clothes and began changing.

"You gonna head home right away?" Mitchy asked.

"Yeah. I got some school stuff to do," I replied with a smile.

"That sucks."

"Yeah..."

"Well, Roy and I are gonna hit a party, you can come if you want."

"Uh...I'm kinda staying away from parties for now."

"Why is that? You got into trouble or something at a party?"

"Something like that."

"Well...there's always a 'next time.'"

"Yeah...thanks for the invite though."

Mitchy smiled, "I'll go ahead then."

"Ok. See ya."

He walked out of the backroom and I quickly changed back into my regular clothes. I put my uniform inside my locker, then grabbed my bag, and headed out. I waved goodbye to Dexter, who is assigned to clean up and close the cafe for today.

As I stepped outside the cafe, I jumped in surprise when Ashton suddenly appeared in front of me as I turned around, all dressed in black. I clutched my chest as I tried to breathe back to normal.

"Are you okay?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, you just almost gave me a heart attack," I told him, still clutching my chest.

"Oh."

"Don't ever do that again."

"I'm sorry."

I huffed then looked at Ashton as I asked, "Why are you here anyway? The cafe is closed."

"I'm here to take you home."

What? Did I hear him right?

"T-take me home?" I asked.

"Your shift's over right?"

"Yes."

"And you are to head home?"

"Yeah."

"I am too. So come on and I'll give you a ride."

I looked at him, studying his face. He looks pretty serious though. Well, that is his usual look so I am not pretty sure if he's playing me or what. But I don't think he is the kind to play around or lay some pranks on anyone.

"It's ok. You really don't have to. I can take the bus," I told him.

"No. I'll take you home," he said.

"It's really ok, Ashton. I don't really wanna bother you. I have bothered you enough already."

"If you are bothering me this is not how things would go. I offered the ride. Now follow me and get your ass in the car." He ordered and then turned away and walked towards where he parked his car.

I hesitated for a moment because first, I don't understand why he is here and offering me a ride home. I don't even understand his sudden change of...I don't know...mood? He's supposed to be this very intimidating and rude guy who doesn't do anything for anyone. But now...lately...he's being nice. He is still intimidating though but he is less scary.

"Luke, are you coming or you want me to drag your ass in here?" He called out to me. He is still rude too.

"I'm coming," I called back and walked over to his car and got in the passenger seat.

I settled in my seat and strapped on my seatbelt as Ashton pulled out of the parking area. It was silent in the car. Neither of us attempted to start a conversation. I understand that though. I know he is not the chatty kind. I made myself comfortable in my seat and just stared outside the window.

"Do you always take the bus?" Ashton suddenly asked after minutes of silence.

"Yeah, I do. I don't want to bother Calum anymore. Besides the apartment is not that far." I answered turning to look at him.

He had his eyes focused on the road and I took that chance to study his side features. He really is very attractive yet really mysterious.

"Why don't you have your own car?" he then asked.

"I'm still saving up for that. That's why I am working part-time at the cafe. I don't really want to ask anything from my parents. They are already paying for my school," I explained.

He nodded in understanding.

It was silent again after that so I turned away again from him. A few minutes more and we were already pulling up at the parking lot in front of our apartment building. We both got out of the car and headed inside the building straight into the elevator.

"Thanks for the ride, by the way," I said to Ashton during our elevator ride.

"No problem." He responded without looking at me.

I didn't say anything after that, still keeping in mind that he warned me about not talking to him. The elevator dinged as we reached our floor and I stepped out first with him following.

"Are you working tomorrow?" Ashton asked before I could reach my door.

I stopped walking and turned to him and said, "No. I don't work on weekends."

"Ok. Do you have anything to do tomorrow or someplace to go?"

"Uh...not really. Maybe I'll just hit the bookstore tomorrow. But I'm not entirely sure if I would."

He nodded then said, "Give me your phone."

"What?" I asked in both surprise and confusion.

"Give me your phone." He repeated.

I looked at him for a moment then pulled my phone out of my pocket and slowly handed it to him.

"Unlock it." He ordered.

I did as told then handed him the device. He took it and went through with it and I just watched him in great confusion.

He handed back my phone as he said, "Text me tomorrow if you are going anywhere."

"Why?" I asked as I slipped my phone back into my pocket.

"You always ask questions, do you?"

"And you always give orders, do you?"

Ashton looked at me for a moment then chuckled a little as he walked past me saying, "Just do it, Luke."

I followed him with my gaze as he walked to his door and get in. I was left in the hallway, confused about everything and have more questions than before. I swear Ashton is the most confusing yet very mysterious and very intimidating guy I have ever met. But that just makes me even more curious about him.

**\---**


	5. 5

5

**\---**

"Are you going somewhere today?" Calum asked as I entered the kitchen groggily.

I opened the cupboard and took my own bowl and then grabbed a spoon from the utensil drawer and sat down next to Calum at the breakfast counter.

"I think I'll head down to the bookstore later," I said as I poured some cereals into my bowl and then added some milk with it.

"What time?"

"Maybe around afternoon."

"Oh, shit."

"Why?" I asked him, my eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

"Well, I wanna go with you but I can't because I have to meet up with Alex later for a pair assignment," Calum explained with a frown.

"Alex from the party?"

"Yeah."

"Why would you wanna go with me anyway? Are you gonna buy something from the bookstore?"

"No, not really. I just wanna see the bookstore. And also to give you a ride because I know you don't really like to take the bus and you are just forced to take them when I'm not around to drive you or let you borrow the car."

I laughed. "True. But it's okay. I am saving up anyway. Sooner or later I will my own car and by that time, I can avoid the bus."

Calum smiled, "Until then you are always free to borrow mine. But just not today."

"Not today."

"Anyway, how was your work?" Calum asked then took a sip of his orange juice.

I shrugged, "I kinda enjoy it really. Sometimes a bit exhausting but it's fine all in all."

"That's nice. I should drop by sometimes during your shift."

"Yeah, you should. I have been working for a week already and I still haven't seen you drop by during my shift. Too busy, aren't ya?" I teased.

Calum chuckled, "Yeah, I'm sorry. I fucking hate it, because it's just the first week of class and these professors are already giving tons of shit to do."

"It's ok, Cal. I do have a ton of shit to do too so you are not alone." I comforted him.

"But you still manage to finish them all and have a job at the same time. I mean, we basically almost have the same schedule."

"It's because you are a lazy-ass."

"Don't be mean," Calum pouted, making me laugh.

**\---**

I was going through my closet to pick an outfit for today. I am not really that picky in choosing an outfit though, just as long as I feel comfortable.

I settled for my Nirvana t-shirt and a pair of ripped black skinny jeans. I then put on my black Chucks and fixed my hair. I sprayed a bit of cologne and then grabbed my wallet and then my phone.

I was heading towards my bedroom door when I suddenly remembered what Ashton told me last night: to text him if I decided to go somewhere today. I don't know why he wanted me to do it. I don't even see a reason why he wants me to do it and why I should do it. But still, I ended up texting him, just to avoid being confronted by him.

After I hit send, I stepped out of my bedroom and said goodbye to Calum who was in his room also getting ready to meet up with his project partner.

"I think I can still drop you off at the bookstore before I go meet Alex," Calum said as he was putting on his shoes.

"It's ok, Cal. You don't have to. And besides, I really have to get going. I think I have to stop by at the supermarket afterward so I should really go."

Calum huffed, "Ok then. See you later. Take care."

"You too," I replied with a smile then head to the door.

I checked my phone as I got in the elevator to check if there is a text from Ashton but there was none so I inserted my phone back into my pocket.

As soon as I reached the ground floor, I casually walked out of the building and was abruptly stopped outside by Ashton's voice saying, "What took you so long?"

I turned around and saw him leaning against the wall of the apartment building just by the building's entrance/exit.

He pushed himself to stand up properly and walked over to me as I stood there with a surprised and confused expression on my face.

"So are we going or what?" He asked me as he stood in front of me.

"You are coming with me?" I asked him in pure confusion.

He rolled his eyes then said in an annoyed voice, "Of course, Luke. Why else would I want you to text me? Who would drive you there when you don't have a car?"

"Why?" I softly asked in utter surprise.

His eyebrows furrowed, "Why what?"

"Why would you do this? I mean...why would you drive me to places? You're not obligated to do that. It's not your responsibility. I can always take the bus while I don't have a car. Plus...we are not friends, remember?"

Ashton looked at me in the eyes for a moment then huffed and said, "I don't like you walking or taking the bus when you go somewhere. It's not safe. And yes, we're not friends but people can do shit for others even if they're not friends.

"Why do you care?"

"Why do you keep asking questions, Luke?" Ashton asked voice annoyed and a bit frustrated.

"I'm sorry. I just wanna know." I softly said.

"You don't have to know everything, ok? Now, get your ass in the car so we can leave." He ordered.

I nodded and headed towards the parking area to where Ashton parked his car. We both got in and took off to the bookstore.

The ride was again silent and not really comfortable. I spent the whole drive thinking about what could possibly be the reason behind Ashton's recent actions.

He's being a bit nice for one: doing things he shouldn't have for me, like right now, driving me to the bookstore or like last night when he gave me a ride home and let's not forget about the fact that he saved me from being sexually abused at that frat party last weekend. He even took care of me after that and stayed with me the whole time until I felt better. He even actually talks to me, though, he can be rude and bossy, but he is not that cold anymore even despite the fact that he was the one who said that we're not friends. Which makes me wonder what to call us now that I think about it. Maybe I'll just stick to not being friends.

I really appreciate everything he is doing, I do. It's just that, it's confusing. His actions, that is. He was the one who had established that there will never be a future for a friendship between us and yet here he is doing all these things: all these nice things. It's leaving me confused.

I know he won't even admit it to himself that he ia being nice to me and would even try to cover it up by being rude and bossy but I can see all that and I appreciate all that. Only, I don't understand why. Maybe...I don't know...maybe he pities me for what happened to me at that frat party? Yeah...maybe that's it.

I huffed out a breath and looked down on my hands resting on my lap.

"You ok?" Ashton asked.

I turned to look at him and nodded, "Yeah, I'm fine."

"Are you sure? You seem like you're not."

"I'm fine, Ash..." I right then realize what I said so cleared my throat, "I mean Ashton."

Ashton didn't say anything and I watched him drive as he turned the car around the corner and stopped the car in front of the bookstore.

"Well uh...thanks for the ride, Ashton," I said to him and hurriedly got off the car. Without looking back I walked inside the bookstore went straight into looking for the books I need and forced myself to stop thinking about Ashton.

I was going through a shelf looking for the last book I need when I felt a presence behind me. I straightened up and turned around to see who it is and if I am blocking his/her view from the bookshelf.

But to my utter surprise, I found Ashton standing there, with his eyes glued to his phone: texting, probably.

"Ashton, what are you doing here?" I asked him, surprise and confusion evident in my voice.

Without looking up, he said, "Waiting for you, what else?"

"What? Why?"

"What do you mean 'why'?" This time he put away his phone and looked up at me.

"Why are you waiting for me?"

"What kind of question is that, Luke?"

"Well the kind that I am so confused as to why you are here and waiting for me?"

Ashton rolled his eyes then went through with some of the books as he said, "I'm waiting for you because, how else are you gonna go home? I am your ride."

What?

"Ashton, like I said before I can take the bus home. You are not obliged to drive me everywhere. And besides, I have to stop by the supermarket after this."

"No," was all that he said, without even looking at me. What is wrong with this guy? Can he be more confusing?

"No? What do you mean by that?"

He let out a breath then turned to me and said, "No, you are not taking the bus and I know I am not obliged to drive you anywhere or do shit for you but I am doing it so shut up, accept it, and get on with your book shopping so we can proceed to the Supermarket."

"But-"

"No buts, Luke." He said then turned away from me and continued scanning the bookshelf.

I stared at him and opened my mouth to say something but then closed it back and just decided not to say anything and went back into looking for my book.

I swear to God this guy is making me more and more confused each fucking time. I just don't understand why is he doing what he's doing.

I tried to shake the thoughts away and focused on the books. I even tried to ignore his presence but we all know that would be quite impossible since it's Ashton: the guy whose mere presence is like a Greek God has just arrived from Olympus. You just can't ignore him.

I huffed and went through another shelf with Ashton following me and when I found the book I grabbed it and turned to him.

"I got everything I need. I'm gonna go pay. You can just wait outside if you like." I told him.

He nodded and without saying anything, he headed for the door and stepped outside.

I sighed and headed towards the counter and waited in the short line. I only got two people before me so it was not a long wait.

As soon as it was my turn, I placed the books on the counter and the cashier had them checked and punched in. I paid for the books then grabbed the bag they were placed in and thanked the cashier before I left.

As soon as I stepped outside the bookstore, I looked around to find Ashton and saw him standing by his car, phone in his ear, and a cigarette between his fingers in his free hand.  
I am not really surprised that he smokes. Not being judgmental, but I just got the idea already that he does. It doesn't really bother me anyway. Calum smokes once in a while, so...

I watched Ashton for a few moments and I noticed the look in his face while he was talking to whoever it is on the phone. He looks angry. Not the usual look on his face. It's like he is definitely angry. Whatever the person on the other side of the call is telling him must probably be something that pisses him off. Ashton looked up and locked eyes with me so I started walking towards him. He said something to the phone then hung up and inserted his phone back into his pocket. He then took a drag of his cigarette and threw it down on the ground before stepping on it.

"You ready to go?" He asked calmly. Not the tone of his voice that I was expecting.

"Yeah," I replied.

"Come on then. We gotta head to the supermarket, right?"

I nodded.

"Okay." He then went closer to me and reached for the bag in my hand. I gave him a confused look which he returned with a raised eyebrow.

"What? I'm just gonna place this in the backseat." He told me as he took the bag from me.

I just gave him a nod and watched him as he opened the door in the back seat and placed my bag of books on the seat.

"Get in." He said and gestured to the front seat as he closed the door on the back seat.

I did as told and just a moment later he was climbing into the driver's seat.

We immediately left for the Supermarket and this time, he put some music on. Actually, some good music. I didn't know we listen to the same bands and liked the same kind of music. Maybe it's the only thing we have in common.

Weightless by All Time Low was playing in the car. I tapped my fingers on my lap with the beat of the music as I softly sang along with the song while looking out the window.

"Didn't know you could sing," Ashton commented, making me immediately stop singing and turn to him.

"I uh...I don't really." I said.

Ashton chuckled, "I think you sound good."

"Uh...thanks, I guess," I said trying to hide the blush that had just crept up to my cheeks.

Ashton then slowed the car down and I looked ahead to see that we have reached the Supermarket.

Ashton stopped at the entrance of the Supermarket and before I could say anything, he said, "Wait for me here, I'll just go park the car, ok?"

"Oh. Ok." I nodded then stepped out of the car and stood by the side of the entrance as I watched him drive the car to the parking area and parked it at a vacant spot.

I wasn't surprised that he's staying and coming with me inside the store. I kind of figured that out. It actually kind of felt nice that he's being nice to me, though, it is confusing, but it is like I am seeing a different side of him. Unlike the one he is showing people.

He walked up to me then gestured for us to get inside. I followed him then grabbed a cart by the entrance and pushed it as we walked around the store looking for the things that I need.

Ashton followed me around and was even grabbing stuff that he needs...or just wants.

We were in the cereals section and I was looking at all the options in front of me trying to figure out which ones to pick. Ashton was watching me with an amused look on his face. I turned to him and raised an eyebrow as I said, "What?"

"You look like you're making the most difficult decision of your life," Ashton said mockingly.

"Well, it is actually hard to choose from all these choices you know," I told him.

"Do you really have the habit of making everything complicated?"

"I am not making everything complicated, Ashton."

"Ok. You can just pick one or two from them you know. Simple."

"No, it's not that simple."

"See?"

I was gonna respond but we were interrupted by someone behind Ashton saying with a British accent and a bit high-pitched voice, "Well well well...who do we have here?"

I looked at Ashton who closed his eyes then huffed before opening them again. He gave me a small smile before he turned around to the guy and said, "Louis."

I looked at the guy who is now in front of Ashton. He is small though quite good-looking: big blue eyes, feathery chestnut hair in a messy fringe swept to the side, cute button nose, and that goofy grin which makes crinkles in his eyes. He is really beautiful to be quite honest.

"Hey, Ashton! Been a while, innit?" Louis, I assume his name is, said.

"A while, yeah," Ashton responded.

Louis grinned big as he shook his head, then he suddenly called out to I don't know who, saying, "Haz, come here! You won't believe who I just ran into."

"Ok, great!" Ashton muttered under his breath but loud enough for me and Louis to hear.

"Come on, Ash..." Louis said to Ashton.

Ashton just gave him a shrug.

A curly headed guy then appeared behind Louis from the other side of the aisle and he has this eerie resemblance with Ashton, only his hair is darker, his skin is paler, he is a little bit shorter than Ashton, and his eyes are really green while Ashton's are hazel-green.

"Ashton?!" The guy with Louis said in a really deep voice with wide eyes then pulled Ashton into a tight hug before Ashton could say anything to him.

Ashton hugged him back as he said, "Hello, Harry."

I glanced at Louis who was watching the two boys hugging with a fond smile.

I know it is none of my business but it makes me wonder and confused who these people are. But I tried to hide it and just awkwardly stood there watching them.

The green-eyed guy then looked up and his gaze landed on me. He smiled at me making his dimples pop up like Ashton's.

I smiled back at him. He then pulled away from the hug and looked at Ashton as he said, "How are you?"

"I'm fine, Harry," Ashton responded.

"Why haven't you visited? Or called? I've been worried."

"I'm sorry, ok?"

Harry, I again assumed, huffed. Then he glanced at me then back to Ashton, raising an eyebrow.

Ashton sighed then turned to look at me, gesturing for me to come closer. I did as told and stood next to Ashton.

"This is Luke," Ashton introduced me to the two guys.

Harry then extended a hand and said with a dimply smile, "Hi! I'm Harry, Ashton's brother." Well, that really does explain it.

I shook hands with him and before I could respond, he added, "And I'm gay."

"Oh. Well, I'm Luke and I'm also gay." I replied with a smile.

"Well, I'm Louis. Bisexual and Harry's fiancé," Louis said also shaking hands with me.

I chuckled, "Good to meet you."

"Great." Ashton groaned.

"What's the problem, Ashton?" Harry asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Nothing," Ashton responded.

"You know it is much better to be out and open to avoid confusions and wrong assumptions and to know who to be friends with."

"Ok, Harry."

"Well, I'm not exactly out but it kinda feels nice to be somehow...open," I said.

Harry grinned, "You should not be afraid to express who you are, Luke. Live freely."

I smiled as Louis patted my shoulder.

"Anyway, Ashton, where's Michael?" Louis asked.

"I don't know. I don't follow the guy around." Ashton just casually responded.

"You are still friends with him, aren't you?" Harry sternly asked.

"Of course, I am, and still living with him too. Michael's my best friend." Ashton responded a bit harshly as if he was offended by Harry.

"Good."

"So? What are you guys up to? Aside from arguing about cereals?" Louis asked gesturing to the boxes of cereals.

"Well I'm just grabbing up some stuff that I would need at home and Ashton here as well so since we live in the same building and going to the same place, he offered me a ride. I don't have a car yet, so..."

"Yeah...riding the bus kinda sucks, I know." Harry agreed then turned to Ashton with a smile and said, "Well it's nice of you to give Luke a ride."

"Don't make it such a big deal," Ashton said.

"How can I not? It rarely happens. You don't do stuff for people and this is basically the first time that we met a friend of yours who is not Michael."

"What are you talking about? I have friends other than Michael. A lot, actually." Ashton contradicted.

"You know a lot of people, Ash. But everybody knows you don't consider them friends because you don't make friends."

"Fine, Harry. You know everything." Ashton said with an eye roll.

"About you, as a matter of fact, yes, I do," Harry stated.

"Well, congratulations, Harry!"

"Ashton..." I said, not wanting Ashton to go on and possibly start a fight with his brother.

Ashton looked at me then sighed, "Fine. I'm sorry."

I was actually surprised, to be honest. I didn't expect him to comply. I thought he'd snap at me. Well, I guess things do happen when you least expect it.

I noticed Harry and Louis glanced at each other then Harry said, "It's ok, Luke. That's how Ashton and I talk."

I gave him a small smile which he returned with a dimply grin. Then he cheerfully said, "You know what, I have an idea!"

"Oh, god," Ashton muttered, closing his eyes then opening them again.

Harry rolled his eyes at him the turned to me with a smile and said, "Let's have dinner tonight!"

"What?!" Ashton said looking at Harry as if he just said the most ridiculous thing.

"A dinner is perfect, actually. We haven't done that in a while." Louis said.

"Yeah, because someone has basically forgotten that we still exist," Harrys stated.

Ashton rolled his eyes.

Louis looked at me and said, "That would be fine with you, right?"

"I'm sure Luke has some other better things to do," Ashton said before I could respond to Louis.

I looked at Ashton, who was already looking at me with a knowing look, then I turned to Harry who has a hopeful expression on his face.

"Please, Luke?" Harry said with a pout, and who can resist that?

I smiled then said, "A dinner would be perfect."

Harry grinned big, clapping his hand as Louis smiled as well. I looked at Ashton who is obviously not happy about it.

I just don't want to be rude to Harry and Louis. They invited me for dinner and it would just be right to say yes. Plus, I don't want to be a barrier between the brothers. Harry obviously wants to spend some time with Ashton even though Ashton isn't really fond of the idea. Well, I can deal with him later. Hopefully. But now, I shall go have dinner with all of them.

**\---**

We were all seated at a table outside the restaurant. Harry wanted to stay at the tables outside because he likes watching the people pass by. Ashton thought it was ridiculous but I think it is kind of nice and somehow relaxing.

A waiter took our orders and while we waited for them to be served, Ashton excused himself to go to the bathroom.

I was sitting next to Harry and opposite Louis. Being alone with them two, I don't actually feel awkward. It was nice and comfortable. Harry is really nice and dorky, and Louis is funny, though, really sassy, but when it comes to Harry, he turns all soft with that fond all over his face as he looks at him.

I like watching them interact with each other. The way the talk to each other and move around each other, they seemed so relaxed. It was like they are...at home. The two of them are really a lovely sight.

"So...Luke, how long have you been friends with Ash?" Harry asked.

"Uhm..." I said, contemplating whether to be honest and tell them that Ashton and I aren't really friends, or I would just answer the question with a little bit of lying. I then chose the latter. Besides, Ashton didn't even tell them the truth. "I have known him for just a bit. I met him when my best friend, Calum, and I moved into the apartment building, Ashton and Michael are staying."

"You just moved?"

"Yeah, it's our first year in uni and I kinda don't like loving in the dorms so Calum and I decided to stay in an apartment. The place we're staying now is kind of close to the campus, so..."

"I hated living in the dorms," Louis commented.

"Yeah, that's why you immediately moved in with me a month after we started dating," Harry stated.

"But we both know, it made your boring life more exciting."

"True."

They both threw each other a sweet smile then Louis turned to me and said, "Good thing Ashton talked to you, huh?"

"Actually, it was Michael who first talked to us," I said.

"Not surprising. Well, Mikey's a really nice kid."

"He is." I agreed.

"How did you and Ashton became friends?" Harry asked confusedly. "My brother's not really a friendly guy."

"Well...he kind of helped me out with something one time."

"Really? Helped you out? That's something new. He really must like you because what you said is way beyond Ashton." Harry expressed.

"Why? What is he like?" I asked, curiosity filling in me.

"Well, he's not really an asshole, if that's what you're asking but...it's just...he's quite reserved. He doesn't trust people easily, and it would really take a lot of time for him to warm up into someone. That was why I was surprised when you said you've known each other for not quite long." Harry explained.

"Well...he's actually nice. He doesn't show it much but he is. Maybe he just didn't like for people to think that he is." I said.

"Maybe..." Harry said with a smile. "But I am really glad that you are friends and I am so happy to have met you."

"We both are," Louis added. "It doesn't happen every day, you know. Ashton and I may not really be that close but I see him as my brother and not just because I am with Harry."  
Harry smiled at Louis as he leaned over to him and pecked his lips. I smiled at the sight.

Ashton then came back and settled back down into his seat as he said, "Bet you three talked about me, didn't you?"

"The world doesn't revolve around you, Ashton," Louis stated. Harry laughed while I just gave a chuckle.

Ashton rolled his eyes then looked at me and said, "They didn't interrogate you, did they?"

I chuckled, "They didn't and they won't get anything from me anyway."

Ashton smiled small then leaned back in his chair.

A minute later our food was served. We thanked the waiter and started eating throwing in some small conversations from here and there.

The dinner went actually really well with some banters between Ashton and Harry and some sass exchanges from Louis and Ashton. It was a really nice time and I actually enjoyed it. Plus, Louis paid.

"Well, we really had a great time, even though my brother was being a bitch," Harry said. Ashton flipped him off which made Louis and I chuckle.

Harry then pulled me into a hug which did surprise me but I hugged him back nonetheless.

"You should come to our wedding and I would be really mad at you if I don't see you there," Harry said as we pulled away from our hug.

"I'm invited?!" I asked with wide surprised eyes.

"Of course you are, silly! It's not really a huge party though because we only invited close friends and families."

"Oh my god, I am so honored to have made the cut in the guest list," I told Harry.

Harry laughed. Louis wrapped his arm around Harry's waist and they threw each other a soft smile then Louis looked at me and said, "You promise to be there?"

I grinned, "I promise."

"Good. So we gotta go now. It was really nice meeting you, Luke."

"We should meet again soon," Harry added.

"That would be nice."

"Leave now, losers," Ashton told Louis and Harry.

Both of them rolled their eyes then giggled at each other after which I find really cute. I waved them goodbye as they got into their car and drove away.

I turned to Ashton who gestured for me to get in the car. I did so and we backed out of the parking lot and drove home.

It was quiet in the car, except for the soft music from the car radio. The silence between Ashton and I is surprisingly quite comfortable.

I was just enjoying my view from outside the car window, when Ashton suddenly said, "I'm sorry."

I quickly turned to him with a confused expression and said, "For what?"

"For what happened today. You meeting my brother and his boyfriend and be dragged and forced to have dinner with us."

I looked at him in disbelief. "Ok now. First of all, fiancé," I said making Ashton roll his eyes. I ignored it then continued, "Second, why are you apologizing? Harry and Louis are lovely people and I am so glad to have met them. And third, I am not 'dragged and forced' to have dinner with you. I was glad about it."

"Is that the truth or you are just saying that to be nice?"

I chuckled, "Seriously?"

Ashton shrugged.

I sighed, "Ashton, I like Harry and Louis. They both are very nice and really fun to be around. I am genuinely happy to have met them. And the dinner? It was really nice and I enjoyed every second of it."

"Ok," Ashton said with a small smile.

I turned away from him and threw my attention back outside my window. I took a deep breath then said, "You know...I kinda envy them."

"Who?" Ashton asked.

I turned back to Ashton and said with a small smile, "Louis and Harry."

Ashton glanced at me with furrowed eyebrows then back to the road. "Why would you envy them? I thought..."

"No...well...not them really, but their relationship. It's something that I have always dreamed to have, you know. They both really are so lucky to have found each other. What they have is a really beautiful thing. I wish I can have something like that," I expressed.

"You say it like that as if it's nearly impossible to happen to you," Ashton commented.

I gave him a sad smile though I know he can't see it since his attention is focused on the road. I let out a breath and said, "I just don't want to keep my hopes up, Ashton. Things like that don't always happen to guys like me."

"Because of what you are?"

"Yes."

"What's the difference, Luke? Being gay doesn't mean that you only have limited access to some shit. Everyone has every right and deserves to have what they want whether it be a relationship like Louis and Harry's or something else regardless of what kind of sexuality they have. So don't ever think that you are not allowed to do something, or be something, or have something that you want because you are gay. You know, you just used Harry and Louis as an example, and they are both boys and they are in love and they are gonna be married soon. So it's not impossible to happen to you too. Just have a little faith and a little patience."

I was left speechless after listening to Ashton's rant. This guy really keeps surprising me, and making me feel a lot of things in which some I don't even understand and it was just all because of some little things that he does.

I really don't know what to say about what he just said. It was beautiful; he is beautiful. Oh, goddamn it, what am I saying...

I just smiled then looked on to the road ahead and tried to keep the conversation going and said, "Well...there's one thing that I want and never got a chance to have."

"What is that?" Ashton asked, curiously, glancing at me then back to the road.

"First kiss. A nice one."

"Why? What happened to your first kiss?"

I turned back to Ashton and chuckled dryly, "Unfortunately, Ashton, my first kiss was Andrew and we both know how that ended. I wish I had a nice first kiss, you know, where I am sober and aware of everything and won't be almost sexually abused after."

I noticed Ashton grip the steering wheel tighter and then he suddenly pulled over on the side of the road.

I looked at him with both surprise and confusion expressed on my face.

He turned to look at me as he unfastened his seatbelt and before I could say anything, he leaned over to me and held my face with his hand as he caught my lips with his.  
I was so stunned about what just happened that I froze in my seat and didn't know how to react as I tried to process everything. But as he slowly moved his lips against mine, I couldn't resist but close my eyes and kiss him back.

It felt really nice. His lips were so soft and he was so gentle and careful. I like how it feels and I just want to keep doing it. But all good things come to an end and he soon pulled away with his hand dropping from my face and I almost whined for the loss of contact. I slowly opened my eyes and met his beautiful hazel-green ones. His face is still so close to mine that I can practically feel his breath.

"Was that nice enough?" he asked in a whisper.

I nodded.

"Now, will you promise me one thing?" he said, still not looking or moving away.

"What is it?" I whispered.

"I want you to promise me that you will forget about that kiss with Andrew. It never happened because your first kiss is our kiss. Promise me that, Luke."

I stared into his eyes which are usually cold and blank but right now, all I can see is sincerity.

I slowly nodded my head 'yes' as I said, "I promise."

"Good," he said with a small smile then completely pulled away and sat back down properly on his seat.

I still haven't moved in my seat and just stared at him and watched him with big eyes as he fastened up his seat belt.

He was about to restart the car when he glanced at me and seemed to notice my state. He raised an eyebrow at me as he said, "Are you ok?"

"Why?" I quietly asked.

"Why what?" he asked.

"Why did you do that? Why did you kiss me?"

Ashton huffed then looked at me in the eyes and said, "Because you deserve to have what you want, Luke."

**\---**


	6. 6

6

**\---**

It's been a few weeks already since that night that Ashton kissed me and made me promise to forget about Andrew. It was a really nice gesture from him, and I really appreciate it. Who would've thought he'd do that?

Ashton is a really hard to read kind of person. You'd never know what he'd do or what he'd say. He keeps surprising me with these little-unexpected things that he does which also leaves me confused. I still couldn't quite understand why is he doing all of these nice things to me when he was the who was so against us being friends or being close before.  
The worst thing is that, with every little thing he does for me, I feel a lot of things for him.

I can't control it. Ashton is just...I don't know...there's just something in him that pulls me in. The way he talks; the way he does things; the way he judges everything: he's like a mystery that I want to unravel, only I just can't. I can't let myself fall into this trap.

I am aware that I am growing feelings for Ashton. I am trying my best to at least hide them and push them away. But only, it's just so difficult with him always being around. He's always driving me everywhere. Always doing things for me even if I don't ask him to or didn't want him to. Everywhere I look he's there that sometimes I think I might be hallucinating.

I understand that me having feelings for him is not healthy for me so I decided to subtly avoid him at any chance I get. But there are always these instances that I don't have the chance to avoid. Just like today.

I'm at the café that I'm working at. As usual, I am doing some of my assignments in advance to kill time as I waited for my shift to start. I was tapping my foot along to the beat of a Fall Out Boy song and singing along softly once in a while, as I scribbled some answers in my notebook. I then noticed someone sit on the chair opposite mine at my table. I looked up and saw Ashton sipping his coffee, casually. I just watched all his actions and him in general as I try my best to hide my adoration for him.

His hair is up in a bun again and he's wearing a black muscle tee and black skinny jeans, paired with his black boots. He wears his usual blank expression and cold gaze. I eventually looked away from him to prevent myself to get consumed by him. He didn't say anything and just sat there, drinking his coffee while doing whatever it is on his phone.  
I tried to get my focus back on my assignment and pretend he isn't there. Suddenly, another person approached our table. I looked up and a grinning Michael – who now has bright red hair – is looking down at me, holding his smoothie.

I smiled at him as I pulled one earphone out, "You wanna take a seat?"

"Sure," he said as he pulled a chair from the other table to ours. As he was settled, he took a sip of his smoothie then placed it on the table and said, "So, I didn't know you two hang out."

"We don't." I said, at the same time Ashton said, "So?"

Michael just gave him a quick glance then turned to me with a smile, "What's that you're doing?"

"Oh, I'm just finishing up some assignments in advance."

"Oh...sucks. I hate doing shit. Well anyway, why do it here?"

"I'm kinda waiting for my shift. I work here."

"Oh...is that so?"

"Yeah," I gave him a small smile then went back into writing.

Michael took another sip of his smoothie then leaned back on his chair and turned to Ashton and said, "How about you? Why are you here?"

"Why are _you_ here?" Ashton asked back in a more harsh tone.

Michael rolled his eyes, "Dick."

Ashton just gave him a cold stare. Michael didn't seem to mind though as he just casually said, "Andrew's back."

I stopped my writing and glanced at Michael, then to Ashton who was already looking at me.

Ashton then looked at Michael and said, "Where has that asshole gone? Haven't seen him for weeks; since that frat party at Niall's I last attended to."

"Well, Niall said he had to go to Melbourne for some family stuff. His dad had him excused from all of his classes."

Ashton scoffed, "His dad always does everything for him."

"That's because he doesn't know his son is Lucifer himself," Michael stated.

I glanced at Ashton who is staring at his coffee with a dark expression.

"You ok?" Michael asked Ashton, also noticing the look on his face.

"Yeah, I just remembered that bastard owes me shit."

"What kind of shit?" Michael asked.

"None of your business."

Michael rolled his eyes then took another sip of his smoothie, as he checked the time on his phone.

"Shit," he muttered, making me and Ashton look at him. "I gotta go. I still have a fucking class to attend." He then turned to me and smiled, "See you later, Luke."

I smiled back at him as I nodded.

As he was gone, I looked at Ashton and contemplated for a moment about asking him something that I want to ask. I took up some courage and decided to ask him.

"Uh...Ashton?" I carefully said. He turned to look at me and raised an eyebrow. I cleared my throat and continued, "What did uh...what did Andrew owe you? If you don't mind me asking?"

"Nothing really that concerns you, Luke," he said but in a less harsh tone than the way he answered Michael and it was a huge relief to me. I was kind o expecting him to snap at me.

"Ok," I softly said, looking down at my notes, though a part of me is not quite convinced about it but I know better than to push it.

"Don't you worry your pretty little head," Ashton said, making me look back up at him. He then gave me a small smile.

I returned the gesture but tried avoiding looking at his hazel-green orbs. They are always so hypnotizing to me. They may always hold this cold, emotionless, blank gaze but they are beautiful and mysterious. They seem to hold a million stories and secrets behind them, making them one of my favourite things about him.

"Aren't you gonna go inside?" he then asked me.

"Uh, is it time already?" I asked back in response.

"Almost," he shrugged.

"Oh," I said, checking the time on my phone. I got around 10 minutes left. "I should go then," I continued as I started to pack my stuff.

"Ok. I'll be back later to pick you up when your shift ends," he told me, making me stop to look at him.

I sighed then said, "Ashton, you really didn't have to."

"So?"

"You've been doing it for weeks now: driving me everywhere that I need to go; picking me up from work."

"What's your point, Luke?" Ashton asked, staring at me with those hazel-green orbs that seem to be greener today under the sunlight.

I avoided his eyes, not wanting to get lost into them and said, "I don't want to be somewhat like a burden, Ashton. You could be doing something better and worth your time than driving me and picking me up. I don't even understand why you're doing this when we're not even friends."

"Is that all you're worried about?" he asked as if what I said was just pointless.

"Yes," I muttered.

"Well, if that's the case, then you should know I got nothing else better to do. Is that valid enough for you?"

"I don't believe you got nothing else better to do." I returned, this time looking up at him.

"I don't," he simply said with a shrug as he leaned back on his chair.

"How about school? Doing your assignments and stuff? Wait, do you even go to school?"

"I do."

"I never once did see you go to school."

"Just because you didn't see me, doesn't mean that I don't."

I resisted an eye roll then said, "Well, that is not really my concern right now. What I'm concerned about is you wasting your time on me."

"I'm not wasting my time. If I am, I wouldn't have done what I am doing. I'm not really a fan of wasting time, Luke," Ashton said, voice a bit stern.

I decided not to say anything and just looked down on my hands on the table.

"You should go in," he then said, now in a soft tone, making me look up at him.

I quietly nodded and stood up.

"I'm gonna pick you up," he said as I was on the door of the café.

**\---**

Time went by and I only got an hour left of work. Throughout my shift, my mind was somewhere else. Or rather I'd say on someone else: someone named Ashton.

I need to avoid him to somehow save myself and stop my ever growing feelings for him. The more I will be around him, the more these feelings would grow. I need to think of some ways to do so I'd be able to stay a bit away from him, not completely, though, since I would still want to maybe one day officially become his friend. Especially when I am friends with his brother and his future brother-in-law, and also being kind of friends with his best friend.

"Are you ok, buddy?" Mitchy asked, pulling me out of my thoughts.

I turned to look at him and smiled as I watch him wipe the counter. "Yeah, I'm just a little tired, is all."

"Are you sure? I kinda noticed you are a bit down today. You sick or something?"

I sighed and looked around the café. There weren't a lot of people already. It was getting late and the café is soon to close for the day.

"I'm fine, just really tired though. Haven't had much sleep lately with all the uni stuff." I told Mitchy, half lying. I am really tired and haven't had much sleep lately but it wasn't because of uni but because of Ashton. I just can't get him off of my mind.

Mitchy walked over to me and said, "You know, why don't you just go home and take a rest?"

"What?" I looked at him with a confused expression.

Mitchy sighed, "Go home and rest, Luke."

"But my shift's not over yet."

"So? The café closes in an hour anyway."

"I can't leave you alone to serve the customers. It's fine, Mitchy, I can rest later."

Mitchy playfully rolled his eyes then said, "I'm not alone: Brian's here. And as I've said, the café closes in an hour and there's barely any customer to be coming in at this hour."

"But-," I tried to reason but Mitchy cut me off and gave me a pointed look and said, "Luke, go home. Please."

I stared at him for a moment and then sighed and gave in. Mitchy smiled then gestured me to go to the back room and change. I nodded and smiled at him. He is like a big brother to me. He's always nice and caring and really fun to be around. I really am lucky to have met and worked with him. He never gave me a hard time and was always ready to help.

I headed over to my locker and changed back to my clothes and putting my uniform back in. Before I went back out, I checked my phone for any text or call. I got a few texts. One from Calum, telling me that he's back in the apartment, then one from my brother, Jack, just checking up on me, then one from Ashton. I sent some quick replies to Calum and Jack before I went to open Ashton's message. It said:

**Ashton: I'll pick you up after work, ok? No buts.**

I huffed looking and rereading the text. I can't be trapped in this agony. I should save myself before it's all too late. So, without replying to him, I locked my phone and inserted it back into my pocket. I headed out, waving goodbye to Mitchy as I walked out of the café.

I headed straight to the bus station and only waited a couple minutes before the bus arrived. I got on the bus and stayed at the back, then put my headphones on and enjoyed some music during the ride home. It was a 20-minute ride with the bus which would be shorter with Ashton's car but I didn't mind. At least I'm not around Ashton. As soon as I got into the apartment building, I headed straight into the elevator and during the ride up to my floor, I was praying hard that I won't run into Ashton. I was lucky enough though to have my prayers answered and I let out a sigh of relief as I stepped inside my apartment and closed the door.

"Are you ok?" I heard Calum say and I turned to him, seeing him giving me a confused and questioning look.

I chuckled, "Yeah, I'm fine. Just glad that I'm finally home and would be able to sleep. I'm so fucking tired."

Calum chuckled, "Well go and get some rest and if you're hungry, there's pizza in the fridge."

"Ok, thanks, Cal." I smiled at him then headed down the hall towards my room.

As soon as I'm inside my room, I dropped my bag on the floor and slumped down on my bed. I didn't have much time to relax when I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. I pulled it out and saw a text message from Ashton.

**Ashton: I'm on my way to the café. Wait for me.**

**Me: It's ok, Ashton. Don't bother. I'm already in the apartment, anyway.**

**Ashton: What? Why?**

**Me: I wasn't feeling very well so I went home early and didn't finish my shift.**

After I hit 'send', I placed my phone my phone on the nightstand, wasn't expecting any reply anymore. I closed my eyes to try to relax but I didn't even have a moment before my phone started buzzing again but this time it wasn't a text but a call. I opened my eyes immediately and reached for it and looked at the caller ID, flashing Ashton's name on the screen.

I stared at it, contemplating whether to answer it or not. I did choose to answer it anyway.

"Hello?" I softly said as I answered the call.

"Are you ok?" Ashton quickly asked.

"You're the third person who asked me that today, you know, but yeah, I'm fine," I told him.

"How did you get home?" he asked.

"I took the bus," I responded.

"Why didn't you call me or text me so I could've picked you up and took you home?"

"Ashton, we've talked about this. You didn't have to do that."

"You weren't feeling well, Luke. What if something had happened to you?"

I was a bit surprised by what he said. My body felt a bit of tingling inside as I listened to the tone of his voice which was filled with worry and care. But I hated it. I hated how my body and mind react when he says things like which probably just didn't mean anything to him. But to me, it means a whole lot more.

I tried to push it away and cleared my throat and said, "But nothing happened, Ashton. I'm fine. I got home safely."

I can hear him let out a breath then he said, "Are you in your room now?"

"Yes."

"What are you doing?"

"Lying on my bed."

"Have you eaten already?"

"Yes, Ashton."

"Do you need anything?"

"Ashton, I'm fine, ok? I'm just really tired and I just need to rest. That's all." I said, maybe a bit too harsh than I intended to, out of frustration. Not to Ashton, no, but to myself by being so affected by anything that Ashton does or say.

I heard him sigh from his end of the line then he said, "Ok. Just...call me if you need anything, ok?"

"Ok..." I responded quietly.

"Goodnight, Luke."

"Goodnight."

I was the one who hung up. I then tossed my phone carelessly at the bottom part of my bed. I ran a hand on my face in frustration and let out a sigh.

"Stop doing this to me, Ashton." I murmured to myself. I then closed my eyes letting out a breath as I repeated, "Stop doing this to me."

**\---**

I woke up earlier than I wanted to the next morning. I didn't even think that I actually was able to sleep at all. My mind is messed up and I just can't seem to stop thinking about a particular hazel-green eyed boy with long, curly, honey-blonde hair, and adorable dimples that looks so cute when he smiles. I am so fucked up. So fucked up by Ashton Irwin.

I was making some breakfast in the kitchen, trying to figure out what to do to be able to stop these ever growing feelings that I got for Ashton. Also, to figure out what I should do to avoid him without him noticing and getting onto his bad side and ruining everything.

My thoughts were interrupted by Calum when he entered the kitchen with some envelopes in his hands. He just got back from his morning run. He dropped the envelopes on the counter and went to get himself a bottle of water from the fridge.

"You got mail," he told me, pointing to the small pile of envelopes on the counter after he took a gulp of his water.

I looked at him with a raised eyebrow as I said, "Me? A letter?"

"I don't really think it's a letter. It's more like a card or something."

I gave Calum a confused expression, "Really? From who?"

"From a Harry Styles. Do you know him?"

After hearing the name, I quickly looked at the envelopes on the counter and went to it, looking for the said mail.

I quickly found it being only the large and pink one among all the envelopes. I looked at it and Harry's name was plastered on the upper left corner of the envelope with his address and my name at the center.

Calum stood next to me with a confused and questioning expression. "Do you know him?" He asked.

"Yeah," I said as I opened the envelope and pulled out what seems like an invitation card.

"Is that an invitation?" Calum asked as he looked at the card in my hand.

"Yeah, I think so..." I softly said as I ran my hand on the etched names of Harry and Louis. The invitation looked so beautiful. The card is pink and scented with some flower designs on it and every name of the members of the entourage written in cursive form. I couldn't help the smile to make its way onto my face. I really didn't think Harry and Louis would send me this and officially invite me to their wedding. They just met me. Once. I just feel so honored.

"Who are they?" I suddenly heard Calum say.

"Huh?"

"Who is this Harry and this...Lewis?"

"It's Louiee," I corrected him. He nodded and I continued, "I met them a few weeks ago and they are both really nice and we immediately became friends. I learned that they are getting married and they just invited me. I really didn't think they were serious because we just met but now...guess they really are."

"That's nice."

I smiled at Calum.

Then I quickly offered him breakfast and changed topic not wanting him to ask another question probably like where I met Harry and Louis because I don't want to lie for I know if I tell him the truth about Harry being Ashton's brother, I know a lot of questions would follow. I don't even know the answers to some. So might as well avoid that.

After we had breakfast, Calum then went to take a shower and I waited for him in our living room since we're both going to school today having the same morning classes.  
While I was waiting, I watched some cartoons on the telly and was actually enjoying it but then I got distracted when my phone started ringing in my pocket.

I pulled it out and answered the call without looking at the caller ID. "Hello?" I said to the receiver.

"Luke..." the ever so familiar sound of Ashton's voice sounded from the other line. Though I may or may not like it, it makes some fluttering in my stomach. I tried to push away the feeling though.

"Ashton. Why'd you uh...why'd you call?" I asked him, voice a bit low not wanting Calum to overhear.

"I'm just checking if how you are. Are you feeling better?" He asked, keeping his usual monotone voice.

"Yeah, I am. Thanks for checking, I guess."

"Where are you?"

"Apartment."

"Aren't you going to class?"

"I am. I'm just waiting for Calum to finish getting ready so we can head out."

"He giving you a ride to uni?"

"Yeah. It's Friday, remember?" I told him, making him remember that Calum and I go to uni together every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday mornings.

"Right. Well, see you later then."

"Ok, bye."

The line went dead after and I dropped my phone on the couch letting out a sigh.

"Are you ok?" Calum then sounded from behind me.

I turned to look at him and saw him already dressed. I gave him a small smile as I nodded.

"Ok," he grinned. "Well, let's go?"

I stood up from the couch and then picked up my phone and inserted it back into my pocket. I then grabbed my bag from the armchair next to the couch and followed Calum out of our apartment. On our way to the elevator, we were stopped by Michael telling us to wait up for him. Both Calum and I stopped and turn to him as he sprinted down the hall to us with a smile on his face.

"Hello, guys!" Michael said as he approached us.

"Hey, Mike!" Calum greeted with a grin as I only gave Michael a smile and a nod.

"Going to uni?" Michael asked.

Calum and I nodded.

"Me too," he said as we continued our way to the elevator.

We all got in and it was Michael who pressed the ground floor button as he said, "I hate Fridays."

"Why's that?" Calum asked.

"Early classes and I got to deal with Ashton's grumpiness. You know how I hate early mornings - well mornings in general - and he'll be bitching about how I am such a lazy ass," he chuckled at the end.

"Why's he always like that anyway?" Calum asked.

Michael turned to him, "What? A grumpy asshole?"

"You could say that."

Michael laughed, making Calum chuckle. But for me, I was so keen on listening as to what Michael would say.

"Well," he started, "it's not really my place to tell you about it. He'd kill me for sure," he chuckled again as if it's just nothing but I can see in his eyes that it was not. I can see the worry mixed with sadness and longing behind those green pools of him. "But..." he continued, his voice getting quiet, "I can say that shit happened and sometimes, it changes people."

Calum and I were not able to say anything because the elevator dinged signaling us that we have reached the ground floor.

Michael gave us another smile and walked out with us following him. Calum walked beside Michael and they were talking about some things that I have no idea about.

I wasn't really paying attention to them. My mind was on what Michael said and the look on his eyes when he said it. He might have hidden it well by talking casually but I saw it in his eyes.

It made me curious as to what happened to Ashton. It made me think back to what Harry had told me before about Ashton being a reserved person and taking some time to warm up to someone.

I want to know what happened to him but I know I have no right to unless it would be Ashton who would tell me himself. But everything about him intrigues me and what Michael has said made me even more curious. I just wanna know who Ashton really is. But I can't ignore the fact as well that if I would want to know him I would have to get close to him. If I do that I wouldn't be able to put a stop to these feelings I have for him. My plan of avoiding him won't ever happen. Now I am so confused about everything. It seems that it keeps getting more and more complicated. I don't know what to do anymore.

I was pulled out from my thoughts with Michael waving his hand in front of me, saying, "Earth to Luke!"

"Huh?" I said, looking up and glancing around, realizing that we're already outside the building and in the parking lot.

Calum and Michael were looking at me with furrowed eyebrows in a confused manner. Calum's mixed with worry though and I know why. But it was Ashton's frown and intense gaze that caught my attention.

"Dude, are you ok?" Michael asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just had a lot shit in my mind." I smiled at Michael then looked at Ashton again who was still staring at me as he was leaning against the hood of his car, arms crossed on his chest.

"Are you sure?" Calum asked trying to hide the worry in his voice but I still heard it.

"Yes," I told him not looking away from Ashton, "and we should go. We don't wanna be late, do we?"

"Yeah..." Calum hesitantly said as he gestured for me to go get into his car.

"Come on, Ash," Michael said to Ashton as he walked to the passenger side of Ashton's car. It took a moment for Ashton to move and look away from me.

"See you later, guys," Michael called as he slipped inside the passenger seat, Ashton following him in the driver's seat.

I waved goodbye to Michael and then followed Calum to his car, slipping inside the passenger seat. I didn't dare look back to Ashton and just quickly put my seatbelt on and tried to relax in my seat as I heard his car pull out of the parking space.

"Are you sure you're ok?" Calum asked voice laced with worry.

I looked at him and gave him a small smile, "I'm fine, Cal."

"If you have a problem, you know you can talk to me, right?"

"I know."

"Ok. I just..." he breathed out, then continued, "It has been a while since I saw you like that...and you only get like that when you have a huge problem hanging on your shoulder. I just can't help but worry."

"Don't worry, Calum. I'm fine. It's nothing like before."

"Ok..." he quietly said then turned away from me and started the car and pulled out of the parking space.

"Hey, can I ask you a favor?" I then ask him as we were on the road.

"Sure, anything," Calum replied.

"Can you come pick me up after work? I kinda don't like taking the bus later."

"Sure, buddy. That's no problem." Calum told me, glancing at me with a small.

"Thanks."

**\---**

My classes are over for the day and I was on my way to the cafe. I got my headphones on as I walked and nodding my head along to the music. The cafe is not that far just a five-minute walk.

As soon as I got there, I immediately took a seat to my usual table outside the cafe. I pulled out my notebook and books from my bag and before I was able to put it on the table, I almost fell off my seat in surprise seeing Ashton already sitting in front of me.

"Jesus, Ashton!" I said, glaring at him. He didn't say anything back and just sat there staring intently at me, making a shiver run down my spine.

I carefully placed my things on the table and pulled out my earphones.

"Why are you staring at me like that?" I asked him quietly.

"What happened to you this morning?" He asked, still staring at me with a strong gaze.

"Nothing. I was just thinking about some things. Don't make such a big deal about it. I always tend to do that," I told to try to get him off my back about it. Then I continued in a soft voice, "Getting lost in my thoughts, that is."

He didn't say anything for a moment and just continued to stare at me intently, making me so conscious about everything. He then leaned back in his chair letting out a sigh then said, "How are you feeling?"

"Good," I responded.

He nodded.

"I received an invitation from Harry this morning...for his and Louis' wedding."

"Did you?" He asked with a raised eyebrow, leaning forward and resting his elbows on the table.

"Yeah...will it be ok with you if I go?" I carefully asked him.

"Why are you asking me that?"

"I don't want to somehow be intruding. I won't go if you don't want me to."

"You make your own decisions, Luke, not me. It doesn't matter what I want. My brother invited you. They wanted you there. If you want to be there then you should be there."

"Are you gonna be there?" I quietly asked him.

"Depends," he responded with a shrug.

"Depends on what?"

He just gave me another shrug.

"It's your brother's wedding."

"So?"

"You should be there. You have to be there."

"You don't tell me what to do." He simply said as he leaned back on his chair.

I resisted an eye roll and just look down on my stuff on the table and decided to start doing my assignments.

"Don't you get bored doing that?" Ashton then asked.

"Don't you get bored sitting there and doing nothing?" I shot back.

Ashton chuckled, "Sassy."

I decided to ignore him and continue what I'm doing.

Suddenly, I heard a phone ringing and I look up and saw it was Ashton's. But he didn't make a move about answering it.

I raised an eyebrow at him, "Aren't you gonna answer that?"

"No." He simply said.

"What if it's important?"

"It's just Harry basically trying to piss me off."

"You don't know that. And it's your brother calling the more reason for you to answer it." I told him.

He looked at me for a second then huffed and answered the call but not breaking his gaze from me.

"What do you want, Harry?" He said to the receiver as he answered the call.

He listened to what Harry had to say then rolled his eyes and said, "Then why did you call if you didn't think I would answer?"

Silence again then he said, "Campus and no, I'm with Luke."

I raised an eyebrow but Ashton just looked at me. Then a second later he handed the phone to me, saying, "He wants to talk to you."

I looked at him for a moment then to the phone in his hand and slowly took it from him and put it against my ear, "Hello?" I said to the receiver.

"Luke, hi! It's Harry," Harry said on the other line making me chuckle.

"Hey, Harry! How are you?"

"Good, thank you. How about you?"

"Good as well. I got your invitation." I told him.

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah. Thanks for sending me one."

"Of course! Like what Louis and I said, you are invited to our wedding and you fucking be there."

I laughed at his words and said, "Of course, I'll be there. Wouldn't miss it for the world."

"Good. Anyway...can I ask you a little favor?" He asked.

"Of course, what is it?"

"Uh...don't tell my brother about this but erm, can you maybe, erm, make sure to make he comes to the wedding? It would really mean a lot to us if he'll be there. I know it's too much to ask but it seems like that he kind of listens to you? Please, Luke?"

Hearing what Harry has said made me look at Ashton, who was already staring at me. I gave him a small smile which he returned with a nod. I had no idea why I was the one that Harry asked this favor to and why he says that Ashton listens to me.

A lot of other questions have been raised in my mind as well and I need answers for them. But at the same time, it makes everything even more complicated regarding the fact that I am trying to avoid Ashton. I really don't know what to do anymore! Goddammit, my life has never been more like a hell.

I didn't want to disappoint Harry. He was really nice to me and doing this for him is the least I could do. So I turned my gaze away from Ashton and looked down on the table and said to Harry, "I'll see what I can do, Harry."

"Thank you so much, Luke."

"I'll do my best. Thanks again, Harry."

"No worries. Bye, Luke."

"Bye."

I didn't hang up the call and just returned the phone back to Ashton. He took it and looked at the screen seeing that Harry hasn't hung up yet either. He rolled his eyes and put the phone against his ear and said, "Hang up now. Goodbye, Styles."

He then pressed the end button after that and placed his phone on the table and looked at me with a questioning look.

I raised an eyebrow at him, "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"What did Harry tell you?" He asked.

"He told me to make sure that I am present at his wedding."

"Is that all of it?"

I let out a breath. "Ash..." I said then immediately realized it and said, "I'm sorry, I meant 'Ashton'."

I didn't know if I am allowed to call him with a nickname and I don't wanna be crossing any lines.

"It's ok, Luke. You can call me that." He paused for a second then he leaned over, elbows resting on the table, then said, "You know, you don't have to worry about what you can and can't do around me. You are your own person, Luke, and you don't need my permission or any other's to do or say what you want."

I stared at him for a moment not being able to know how to respond to what he said. Every time he says things like this, it always keeps me in awe. Maybe it's because of how he says things or how his words make me feel and I am not talking about my feelings for him. It seems like every time he tells me things like this or when he comments about anything involving me or anything about me or what I do, it's like I gain courage and confidence out of it. He seems to always encourage me and support me.

I then pushed myself to look away from him and look down on my things on the table and said, "I just don't want to cross any lines."

"Calling me 'Ash' is not crossing a line, Luke."

"Ok. I'm sorry."

"And you don't have to apologize." He said with a small smile.

I returned the gesture and nodded, "Well, Ash, it was all that Harry said."

He nodded, "You want some smoothie or something?"

I raised a questioning eyebrow at him, not really sure if I heard him right.

Ashton shrugged and said, "Or maybe a coffee? Looks like you need one."

"Are you buying?"

"Won't be asking you if I won't."

"Ok then."

"What do you want?"

"Why don't you surprise me then?"

This time, Ashton was the one who raised an eyebrow then chuckled and said, "It's kinda unfair on my part if I have to surprise you since you work in this café. You already know every drink."

"I do know every drink but I haven't tasted them all. So you still have a huge chance to surprise me." I told him.

He then shrugged then stood up as he said, "Well, I'll take the challenge."

I chuckled as I watch him get inside the café. Then I said to myself, "It's really not a new thing, Ashton. You keep surprising me every single time with every single thing that you do. I bet you'd be able to really surprise me with a smoothie or a coffee."

I then turned my attention to my stuff on the table and decided to just do my assignments as I waited for Ashton and worry about everything later and maybe just this once enjoy this time here outside the café with Ashton Irwin.

**\---**


	7. 7

**\---**

"Mali is coming home this weekend!" Calum announced with a huge, excited grin as I walked out of the café after my shift.

As what I have asked him, he did come pick me up in which by the way didn't go well when I told Ashton that Calum would be coming to pick me up tonight. Our little coffee bonding which was actually nice since he did manage to surprise me with a really delicious coffee (though it was not really a surprise that he was able to surprise me with a coffee 'cause I knew it already that he would), but it kind of ended sadly. Ashton was not at all glad that I asked Calum to pick me up and not him since it was always him picking me up from work for a few weeks now. His mood changed drastically and left me in the café half an hour before my shift without saying anything. It was the first time he did that since he always waits for my shift to start before he leaves. I don't really understand why he acted like that and made a big deal about it. But I have to somehow stick to my plan until I will be able to figure out what to do about everything.

"Hey? Did you hear me?" Calum asked worriedly, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Yeah, yeah, I did. Mali is coming home. That is some really great news." I said with as much enthusiasm as I can which clearly isn't enough with the frown on Calum's face.

Calum looked me for a moment, eyebrows furrowed together as if he was thinking something so deep.

"You ok?" I asked him.

"Shouldn't I be the one asking you that?"

I sighed, "Cal, I'm fine."

"Are you sure, Luke? You've been a bit off lately. Always spacing out or being so deep into your thoughts." He told me, worry evident in his voice.

"I'm just tired with school and work. It's nothing serious." I said as I started walking to where he parked his car with him walking beside me.

"It doesn't look like that to me." He softly said. "The way you are acting now is exactly the way you were acting before. You're starting to close off into yourself again. I'm scared to think that you are having troubles - huge troubles - again. That you are dealing with stuff and you're not telling me and I'm just...I'm just worried that you'd shut people out again. That you'd shut me out again."

I stopped walking, making Calum to also stop from walking and look at me. I turned to him and gave a small smile and I said, "It would never happen again, ok? I would never do that to you or to anyone again. Well, especially you. You're my best friend. My brother even."

Calum smiled back then pulled me into a hug. "Just promise me that you'd tell me if anything keeps on bothering your mind, ok?"

I nodded against his shoulder and I couldn't stop myself from thinking back to what happened before. I was an awful friend to Calum. I was consumed with the idea that I am alone and no one cares about me that I started shutting people out including Calum who was always there for me. That even if I pushed him away and shut him out, he stayed there for me. I knew I hurt him and I couldn't do that to him again.

But the thing is, I can't tell him what is bothering me right now. I know he knows some shit is going on with me. This kid knows me inside out. He even knows me better than my own family. But I just can't tell him. I can't tell him anything involving Ashton. I can't tell him that I am growing feelings for Ashton. I can't tell him things that would lead to questions that I don't even have answers to.

I pulled away from the hug. I gave Calum a smile as I said, "Thanks, Cal. For always being there for me."

"Of course I'll always be there for you."

I smiled then we continued walking to his car. "So Mali's coming home?" I asked as we got inside the vehicle.

"Yeah. It's been a while since the last time she was home." Calum said as he drove off. The excitement in his voice immediately came back.

"I wish I could see her." I frowned.

"Then come home with me," Calum suggested.

"I can't. I got tons of shit to do." I told Calum with a sad expression. I do have a lot of things to do: from all the school work to the whole Ashton thing. I have to figure out what am I going to do with him. As soon as possible.

"Sucks."

"Can't argue with that. So when will you be leaving?"

"Uh...tomorrow after lunch maybe."

"How long will Mali be home?"

"Just five days."

"Oh...so you'll be gone for five days too?"

"Yeah, much likely."

"Oh..."

"Are you gonna miss me?" Calum asked, glancing at me with wiggling eyebrows.

I laughed and shoved him playfully by the shoulder. "Well yeah...I think I'm gonna miss you."

"You think?" Calum said as if he was offended.

I laughed again, "I'm gonna miss you, Cal."

"You should."

"Damn. The apartment would be so quiet."

"Are you saying that I'm very loud?"

I chuckled, "You kinda are."

"I hate you."

"I'll just invite Michael over then."

"Why don't you invite Ashton?" He said with a smirk. I tensed.

"What?" I turned to him with a hint of surprise in my voice and my mind flooding with a lot of possibilities as to what Calum meant about what he said.

Calum chuckled, "I challenge you to invite grumpy old Ashton to the apartment and hang out with him."

I instantly relaxed and let out an awkward chuckle as I turned my attention back to the road ahead. "No. Not gonna happen."

Calum laughed, "He is really some guy, isn't he?"

"Why would you say that?" I asked Calum, wanting to know what he thinks about Ashton. We never really talked about Ashton before aside from some little comments here and there.

I know it's not really nice to talk about people behind their backs but I just need to know what Calum thinks about him.

"I mean, he's angry...he's kind of so mad about the world that he lost all kinds of emotions. You know what I mean? It's kind of scary, to be honest. I can't even believe Michael's friends with him and living with him. They're completely different. I mean, if someone would tell me that Ashton has killed someone before, I'd probably believe it."

"That is some judging there don't you think? I mean, I understand where you're coming from, but we don't know the real story about him, you know. You remember what Michael said this morning? Shit happened to him and that changed him."

"I know...I'm sorry. It's not my intention to judge."

"I understand."

Calum smiled, "Do you think we'll ever be friends with him? You know, hang out with him and stuff?"

"Maybe, yeah. We can't really tell. But it's possible since we are kind of friends with Michael." I told Calum.

"We are friends with Michael." Calum corrected me.

I smiled at him and nodded. "Well, that makes it more possible for Ashton and us to hang out one day. I really think we'll do eventually."

Calum nodded. I focused my attention out on the window. I feel guilty about not telling Calum the truth that Ashton and I are actually hanging out without all of them knowing. I didn't tell him because Ashton didn't tell anyone. Michael was even surprised to see us together at the café yesterday. So I figured I just better keep myself mum about it as well.

It wasn't long then and we arrived at the apartment. Both Calum and I stepped out of the car and headed inside the building. While in the elevator, my phone buzzed and I pulled it out of my pocket and saw that Ashton sent me a text.

**Ashton: Where are you?**

**Me: Just arrived at the apartment. Why?**

**Ashton: Just checking. Did Calum pick you up?**

**Me: Yes, he did.**

Just as I hit send, the elevator door opened, making me lock my phone and inserted it back into my pocket.

"Who were you texting?" Calum asked as we stepped out of the elevator and walked down the hallway to our apartment door.

"Just someone from one of my classes, asking about an assignment," I lied.

Calum nodded and inserted his key into the keyhole then opened the door. As we were about to enter the apartment, we were stopped by Michael calling, "Hey! Guys!"

Both Calum and I turned to Michael's direction and saw him walking towards us with that usual warm, bright smile on his face.

I smiled back at him but that quickly faded when I saw Ashton walking behind him.

"Ashton and I are going out tonight, you wanna come?" Michael invited us as he stood before us with Ashton standing next to him, looking at Calum then at me with his usual blank expression.

"Where you headed?" I asked.

"At a party that Jack and Alex are hosting," Michael replied.

I looked at Ashton for a moment and saw him staring intently at me. I turned my attention to Calum and gave him a questioning look.

"Are you gonna go?" Calum asked me.

Well, I really don't want to be rude to Michael but I really don't want to go. It's a party they were going to and I still have a bit of trauma about parties since the last time I attended one, I almost got raped. I am still very much not over that one. Though it was only Ashton and Niall and of course that asshole, Andrew, who actually know about it, but still...it was a horrible experience and really terrifying. And of course, I don't want any more people to know about that, especially Calum.

Also, I am supposed to be avoiding Ashton, right? Well, I really haven't decided about that 'avoiding Ashton stuff' but I shouldn't be really spending too much time with him.

So I turned back to Michael who has this hopeful look in his eyes and gave him a small smile and said, "I'm really sorry, Michael, but I'm gonna pass for tonight. Kind of feeling tired and a little sick."

"How about you, Cal?" He asked Calum.

"I really wanted to but I can't. I gotta go home tomorrow so I must try to avoid going home with a hangover. I'm pretty sure I'd end up drinking if I'd go. I'm really sorry, Mike. Maybe next time." Calum told Michael.

Michael smiled brightly though there was a hint of disappointment in his eyes. "Nah...that's ok. I understand."

"Well, you go have fun," I told them.

"Oh, we will!" Michael said with a smirk and knowing look which made Calum and I laugh.

Ashton rolled his eyes at Michael's statement then said to Michael, "Come on."

This time Michael rolled his eyes then turned to Calum and I and said, "Well, bye guys!"

I waved them goodbye as Calum gave them, well just Michael, a nod.

As they both headed for the elevator, Calum also headed inside our shared apartment. I gave a last look on Ashton and Michael and was met with a pair of beautiful hazel-green orbs.

I gave Ashton a small smile and he gave me a nod as he followed Michael inside the elevator. I sighed and stepped inside the apartment, closed the door and headed straight into my room. I tossed my bag into the floor and let myself fall back into my bed. My phone buzzed again and I pulled it out from my pocket. It was another text from Ashton.

**Ashton: I'm sorry about that.**

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion then typed in my reply.

**Me: For what?**

I waited for a reply but it didn't come. I figured maybe Ashton had just wrongly sent the text.

I sighed then placed my phone on the nightstand. I stood up from the bed and decided to take a shower.

When I came back to my room, fresh from the shower and a towel wrapped around my waist, the first thing I noticed was my phone ringing on the nightstand.

"It's been ringing non-stop that I was almost tempted to answer it," Calum said from inside his room which was right opposite to mine.

"I'm sorry. I forgot to switch it to silent." I told Calum.

"That's fine. But you should answer it now. It probably is really important whoever that is since they won't stop calling." Calum said with a smile.

I gave him a nod then fully entered my room and closed my door as Calum also closed his door.

My phone has stopped ringing when I went over to it. I looked at the screen and saw the 5 missed calls from Ashton.

Why is he calling me? What does he want?

I was about to open up my phone and type in a message when another call from him came. His name is flashed on the screen.

"Hello?" I said into the receiver as I answered the call and sat on the edge of my bed.

_"Where were you? I've been calling you."_  Ashton sounded, more like shouted, from the other end. I could hear the loud music from the background so that was probably why he was shouting.

"I took a shower, why?" I responded.

_"What?"_  He asked, clearly not hearing what I just said.

"I was taking a shower. What do you want?" I said, this time a bit louder for him to hear me over the loud music.

I heard him let out a breath then he said,  _"Hang on for a moment, ok?"_

I wasn't able to respond since I already heard some shuffling and some cursing from Ashton telling people to get out of his way. I figured he was making his way out of the party.

I waited for a moment and the loud music suddenly ceased and I heard Ashton's voice once again.  _"Luke, are you still there?"_

"Yeah, I am here."

_"I'm sorry about the noise."_

"It's fine, so why'd you call?"

_"I just want to apologize about earlier."_

I furrowed my eyebrows together in confusion, "What about earlier?"

_"About Michael inviting you to the party. I know you are still not comfortable about parties after what Andrew did that was why you refused to come. Michael didn't know anything and you don't want any more people to know than those who already do so that's why I'm apologizing because I am aware of everything and yet I didn't do anything about it. I'm sorry, Luke."_  Ashton explained from the other end of the line and I was left speechless after hearing what he said. I mean, I don't know how to react about it because I wasn't truly expecting this.

He's right about everything well maybe except for the 'he didn't do anything' part because he has done more than enough for me when it comes to this: more than I could ever ask for.

"Ash..." I silently said, somehow able to say something. "You didn't have to apologize."

_"But-"_

"Ashton." I said, cutting him off and then continued, "You didn't have to apologize and you didn't have to think that it's your job to do this and do that because it's not. You have done so much for me already and I am more than grateful about it. And Michael didn't know anything so it's ok."

_"Luke..."_

I chuckled then told him, "You know, I should be the one apologizing to you."

_"Apologize to me about what?"_  He asked, confusion clear in his voice.

"For being such a burden. I know I am and I'm sorry."

I heard him sigh and then he said,  _"Luke...we've been over this and I'm gonna tell you what I told you before: You are not a burden."_

"I really do feel like I am..." I quietly said. It's the truth though. Ever since what happened with Andrew, I feel like I have been a burden to Ashton. He was the one who saved me. He took care of me and until now he still does. I feel like I am making him obligated to do all of these for me.

_"Luke, you are not a burden. Stop thinking and making yourself believe that you are. Please. I don't want you doing that. You are way more than that. You are so much more who deserves even more. Promise me you will never ever say that nor think that, and especially ever believe that. Please, Luke."_

As I listened to Ashton say all that, my heart seemed like it skipped a beat and that there are a lot of flutterings in my stomach. God, all the things this guy makes me feel. I am such a sucker for him.

I know I am the one who is responsible and is to be blamed for making myself feel all these things for Ashton. I let myself fall into this trap. It's not Ashton's fault that I grew feelings for him. He is not aware that I always get affected by all the things he says and does for me. I know none of it meant more than a friendly act.

There is even a very huge possibility that Ashton is 100% straight. He may have a gay brother and he may not care about a person's sexuality but it doesn't mean that he is not straight, right?

_"Luke...?"_  Ashton sounded from the other end of the call pulling me out of my thoughts and obviously checking if I am still here by the tone of his voice.

I let out a breath then said, "Ok, Ash...I promise."

_"Do you mean it?"_  He asked in a small voice that for a second I wondered if it really was him.

"Yes, I mean it."

_"Ok...thank you."_

"Ok..."

It then went silent between us. Neither of us dared to speak and neither dared to end the call.

_"So..."_  Ashton was the one who broke the silence,  _"I think I should go. Michael might be wondering now where I have gone."_

"Yeah...I think I should also go and change." I responded.

_"Change? Are you going somewhere?"_

"No, I'm not. I just...I haven't changed yet to you know...to any kind of clothing."

_"You're naked right now?"_

"Well if you won't count the towel then yes."

_"Oh."_

"Yeah."

Ok, how did everything become so awkward all of a sudden?

"Uh, so yeah, bye." I quickly said to Ashton then ended the call without letting him say anything.

I placed my phone down on the nightstand then stood up from the bed and went over to the dresser. I pulled out a drawer and grabbed a pair of boxers then grabbed a random gray shirt from my closet. I quickly put it on then decided to get to bed.

As I was laying comfortably on my bed, my phone buzzed again. I reached out for it and saw a text from Ashton.

**Ashton: Goodnight, Luke...**

As simple as the text says, it makes me feel a whole lot more. I cursed myself for always reacting like this for everything Ashton.

I huffed then typed in a reply.

**Me: Goodnight, Ash.**

I hit send then placed my phone back on my nightstand and laid back on my bed comfortably. I felt my eyes closing and I let myself drift into sleep and I may have or may have not dreamt about a certain curly, honey-blonde and hazel-green eyed boy.

**\---**

A continuous knock on my door woke me up. I grabbed my phone and checked the time. It was 10:47 AM.

"Luke!" I heard Calum call from the other side of my door.

"Yeah," I answered in a groggy morning voice so I cleared my throat before speaking up again. "Yeah? What is it?"

"Well, can I come in?" Calum asked.

I got up from my bed and opened the door and was met by a beaming Calum.

I chuckled at him then let him in my room. He headed straight to my bed and dove on it face first then quickly rolled to lay on his back. I followed him and sat down on the edge.

"Let's go have some lunch," Calum said.

"Lunch?" I asked.

"Yeah. Well, we haven't had lunch together, you know, since school started. Like we didn't go out to have lunch, you know what I mean? So I figured since I'm going home today and will be gone for a few days so maybe we should go out and have lunch before I leave?"

I looked at Calum with an amused look on my face because of how awkward he sounded. I noticed him slightly blush. I laughed then said, "A lunch would be nice. But you're paying."

Calum chuckled, "Fine. Now get dressed."

"Let me take a quick shower first."

Calum rolled his eyes, "Can't really get out of the apartment without a shower."

"Fuck you."

Calum laughed, "Be sure to make it quick."

This time I was the one who rolled my eyes, "Get out now."

Calum chuckled then got up from the bed and left.

I quickly grabbed a towel and headed to the bathroom to take a quick shower. It was surprisingly a quick one though. I always take long showers. I just enjoy it so I take my time.

Anyway, as soon as I was done, I returned to my room and changed. I put on a pair of ripped black skinny jeans, a black t-shirt, then topped it off with a dark blue denim jacket. I then put on a pair of my black old converse.

I looked at myself in the mirror and sighed out when seeing my messy hair. I am not in a mood for styling it up especially because it would take time so I decided to just hide this mess of a hair with a snapback.

I then grabbed my phone from my nightstand and looked around the room for my wallet which was on top of my dresser. I was about to go with having everything that I need but then something caught my eye.

I went back to my dresser and picked up the small and familiar black box that was placed on top of it. I opened it and found my lip ring which I haven't worn for quite a while. I smiled to myself and decided to put it back on. I rushed back to the bathroom to clean then put it back on my lip. I looked at myself through the bathroom mirror then smiled as I played with the ring with my teeth.

"Luke!" I heard Calum call.

"Coming!" I called back and rushed out of the bathroom to the living room.

Calum was already at the door waiting for me. He turned to me when feeling my presence and I beamed at him.

His eyes widened for a moment then grinned as he said, "I haven't seen you with that in a while."

I right then knew he was talking about my lip ring. "Yeah," I responded. "Figured I kinda want to wear it again. Does it look ok though?"

"You always look good with that," Calum said with a smile.

I playfully rolled my eyes then chuckled.

"Come on now," Calum said then opened the door of the apartment and walked out. I followed after him then closed and locked the door.

We were on our way to the elevator when it opened and Ashton stepped out, all his attention to his phone. My eyes widened and I almost gasped in surprise and I didn't even know why I reacted like that. Good thing I was walking behind Calum though and he didn't see my reaction.

As soon as Ashton looked up, our eyes immediately met and he stopped on his tracks and subtly eyed me up and down then he glanced at Calum then back to me as he said, "Calum. Luke."

Both Calum and I also stopped walking right in front of Ashton. Tension was all over the place and I know everyone could feel it.

Calum looked at me, surprise clear on his face. I just gave him a knowing look and turn back to Ashton and said, "Hey, Ashton."

"You going somewhere?" Ashton asked us but his eyes are locked on mine.

"Uh...yeah. Just gonna go grab some lunch." I told him.

Ashton nodded, "Ok. Well, see ya."

"Ok, see ya."

He glanced at Calum again and gave him a nod which Calum returned. His gaze fell back to me and I saw the sides of his mouth tug up just a little as he looked at me in the eyes then glanced down to... maybe my mouth? then back to my eyes.

He then walked past us to his and Michael's apartment and Calum and I headed to the elevator. As soon as we stepped inside, Calum said, "Now, that was new."

"What was?" I asked Calum, acting innocent even though I already knew what he was talking about.

"Ashton? He just talked to us." Calum pointed out.

"Uh...yeah...maybe he's not in a bad mood today or maybe he's loosening up because you know, we're friends with Michael," I told Calum though I kind of know why Ashton did that.

"Yeah...maybe. It just kind of feels weird though."

I chuckled but wasn't able to respond when I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. I pulled it out and saw a text from Ashton. I furrowed my eyebrows and opened the text.

**Ashton: Your lip ring looks hot. I didn't know you had one.**

Hot? Ok, since when did he use that word? To me, specifically.

**Me: Thanks, I guess. I had these back in high school but stopped wearing it after graduation. I even have forgotten about it but then saw it again when I was changing so I decided to put it back on since I kinda miss wearing it.**

**Ashton: You shouldn't take it off again. It looks good on you. And you should wear snapback more often as well. You look good in it.**

What? Is he really complimenting me right now? Is he ok? Is he still drunk? I mean, yeah, Ashton can be supportive of me at times but complimenting me like this? Saying 'hot' or noticing what I'm wearing? I Is he trying to kill me? 'Cause I think I might have a heart attack. It's not every day that your crush notices you and compliments you, you know.

**Me: Oh. Ok. I'll keep that in mind.**

I sent my reply as the elevator dinged and the doors opened. Calum stepped out first and I followed after him. My phone buzzed again and I read Ashton's reply.

**Ashton: Good. Well, have fun on your lunch with Calum.**

**Me: Ok. I will. Thanks.**

I didn't get a reply after that and Calum and I drove to a restaurant.

We chose a table outside the restaurant we are eating at. As soon as we are settled in our seats, a waiter gave us the menu and then left to give us time to order.

"Luke..." I heard Calum say which made me look up at him with a raised eyebrow in a questioning manner.

He huffed and said, "You know, there really is a reason why I brought you out for lunch today before I head back home."

I slowly put my menu down and looked at Calum with furrowed eyebrows in a worried manner. Calum gave me a small smile and said, "Are you ok?"

Now I gave him a confused look and said, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Luke, I know we've kind of talked about this already but...I don't know...you just seemed a bit distant lately and sometimes you space out and stuff and..." he sighed, "it just worries me a lot, you know."

"Cal..." I said, looking at Calum with a small smile on my lips. "I'm fine. You really don't have to worry. And...I'm really sorry if I make you feel like that, but really, I promise, everything's ok. I'm just really...you know, caught up with everything in uni and work. Just...stop worrying ok? I know I may not sound convincing because of my actions but I promise you it's no big deal."

Calum stared at me for a moment before he nodded then said, "Ok, Luke. I just don't want to leave without making sure that you're fine. I mean...I'd be gone for five days and you'd be alone the whole time."

"I won't really be alone, you know. I mean in the apartment, yes, but outside, not really. I got uni and the café. And if I get bored at home maybe I'll just have Michael over or Mitchy."

"I like Mitchy. He's cool, I can say, though I only met him once." Calum commented.

I smiled, "Yeah, I like him too."

"Like?" Calum then said in a teasing tone with a smirk.

I burst out laughing, making him frown, then I said, "Oh god, no. I mean, Mitchy's nice and attractive, but no. I don't like him like that."

Before Calum could respond, the waiter came back and took our orders. We gave him our orders and then as he got everything, he retreated back to the restaurant.

"Speaking of..." Calum started, gaining my attention, then he continued, "have you had an eye for someone already?"

"What?" I asked him with furrowed eyebrows.

"You know a crush on someone or something like that." He said with a shrug.

My gaze fell down on the table as I mumbled, "No."

"Holy fuck, you do!" Calum exclaimed, making me look up at him with wide eyes.

"I don't!" I protested.

"You just made your lying face." Calum pointed out.

What the fuck? Stupid face. I could get away with lying about everything else and not with a simple "no, I don't have a crush". Ugh! I fucking hate my face right now for giving out.

Well...in my face defense, it didn't see the question coming, so...

"So there is someone you have been crushing on?" Calum asked again, leaning over the table with a smirk on his face.

I just stared at him.

"Who is it?" He asked.

"I don't know," I said.

"What do you mean 'I don't know'?"

"I don't know who he is. I don't know his name." I told him. Well, I lied to him. But better make up another lie than to tell him the truth. I mean, it's NEVER right to lie but I really can't tell Calum the truth. It would lead to me telling everything and then get asked with questions and probably having Calum mad at me, oh goddammit! How did everything get so complicated???

"Fine, you won't tell me who he is." Calum pouted.

"Quit it. I really don't know who he is. He's just this hot guy in one of my classes who also occasionally drops by at the café."

The waiter then came back with our food and I was so glad for his perfect timing.

Luckily, I managed to change the topic by asking something random when the waiter left. Calum got distracted and out lunch went great without him bugging me about my crush.

After our lunch, Calum took me back to the apartment and then he soon left to go back home but unfortunately without failing to remind me that we are gonna talk more about my crush when he comes back.

Great. Sarcasm fully intended.

**\---**

I checked the clock hanging on my wall. It says 01:23 AM. I couldn't sleep. Being alone in the apartment kind of sucks. It's so quiet and the place seems to get bigger.

I never actually am bothered of being alone...it's just that, when I am alone, I always end up thinking about stuff – and it's not always a good thing. Especially when you try to avoid thinking about something or rather someone for that matter: someone in particular.

I know I have thought about avoiding Ashton just so I can get rid of my feelings for him but the circumstances happening around me doesn't seem to let me avoid him. It seems like the universe is conspiring against me – pushing me right into him.

What the fuck am I going to do? Why am I even in this situation in the first place? What have I done to deserve this?

I let out a deep breath and decided to go to sleep. I should be sleeping anyway, it's pretty late.

I was about to turn my lights off when my phone suddenly rang. I right then picked it up from my nightstand, wondering who it could be.

I looked at the caller ID and was surprised and at the same time confused and frustrated when I saw Ashton's name.

I contemplated whether to answer the call or not. I was gonna reject the call but what if it's an emergency? I mean, it's 1 AM and he's calling me. That doesn't seem normal. He may have been calling me lately but it was not during inappropriate hours. I mean, he doesn't really like to uh...disturb me or something like that.

I looked at my ringing phone then let out a deep breath and muttered as I went to answer the call, "Fuck it."

_"Hello? Is this Luke?"_  an unfamiliar voice of a man sounded from the other end of the call as soon as I answered the call. I was confused as to why is it another man calling me using Ashton's phone. I am pretty sure it is Ashton's number. I gave it a second look just to be sure. Ashton's name is plastered on the screen of my phone.

"Yeah, it's Luke...but, who is this? I believe this is my friend's phone number."

_"Yes, yes, this is Ashton's phone. I'm John. I'm a friend of Ashton's too. I'm a bartender at Black Horse Bar. Well uh...there is a bit of situation here regarding Ashton."_

Upon hearing John's words, panic quickly rose up in my system. I shot up from my bed and rapidly asked, "Oh my God, is he ok? Is everything ok?"

_"Uh, yeah...he's fine, but he's had way too much to drink that I can't let him drive home. I was just wondering or hoping that maybe you could get him here and drive him home? I know it's pretty la–"_

"It's ok. I'll be there," I said cutting John off. "We live in the same building and I think I know where the bar is."

_"Ok, that's great."_

"I'll be there in ten."

_"Ok."_

As soon as we hung up, I quickly jump out of bed, threw on a pair of jeans, put on my shoes, and then grabbed my jacket, keys, wallet, and phone. Without looking back, I rushed out of the apartment.

I was lucky enough to find a cab and be on my way immediately to the Black Horse Bar.

As soon as I got there, I rushed inside the bar and frantically looked around for Ashton. I know he might just probably be fine and just drunk, but I really couldn't help myself to worry. Being drunk can be very dangerous too, you know.

After of what seemed like forever but it just probably have been a couple of minutes of looking around, I spotted him by the bar counter, his head on his arms which are on the counter. His hair was again in a bun and he's wearing a leather jacket.

I didn't waste time and rushed over to him.

"Ash...?" I said as my hand landed on his back and I leaned over to see his face. He was sleeping and didn't respond so I lightly shook him, "Ash? Wake up"

He groaned and slowly moved. His eyes opened slowly and as soon as he locked eyes with me, he raised his head up, looked up at me and smiled.

"Hi...you're here," he said, smile still etched on his face, dimples on full display.

But before I could say something to Ashton, I heard someone call, "Hey!"

I looked up and saw a man with a white small towel on his shoulder walking over from behind the counter. He was smiling wide. He was a bit old, but not really. Maybe around late 40's. He's quite fit for his age though, and he got this happy vibe around him.

"You must be Luke?" he asked, still smiling.

"Yeah, that's me," I said as I straightened up and smiled at him.

He extended a hand, "I'm John. We spoke on the phone."

I shook hands with him, "Yeah, I figured."

"Well, I was actually gonna call Mike," he said as our hands dropped. Then he continued, "But Ashton here specifically requested to call you."

I was surprised to hear what John just told me. I looked down at Ashton who had gone back to sleep. He requested to call me and not Michael who is his best friend and roommate. Why would he do that?

"Here," John said, gaining back my attention. I looked up at him and he placed a phone and keys on the counter.

"Ashton's?" I asked him.

"Yeah...I had to confiscate those, especially the keys. You know how stubborn Ashton can get."

I chuckled, "Yeah, a quite stubborn one, he is."

John smiled, "Go on, Luke, take him home."

I nodded, "Thanks, John."

"No problem, Luke. Ashton's like a son to me. Him and Michael."

I smiled at John.

"Well, I got some people to attend to. Will you be fine with him?" John asked.

"Yeah, I got this. I think I can handle him. Thanks again, John."

John smiled then left to attend to some customers.

I looked down on Ashton and I just couldn't help my fond. I can only see his side profile but he's still beautiful. He's drunk and he's sleeping on a bar counter and yet he still looks so beautiful. How the fuck does he manage that?

I smiled fondly though he couldn't see that. Well, that is kind of an advantage at this moment in which also, I shouldn't be doing so I shook my head and decided to wake him up again by slowly shaking him, "Ashton?"

He just mumbled something incoherent but didn't wake up so I leaned over to him again and gently shook him as I said, "Ash? Come on now, you have to wake up. We need to go home."

I saw him smile, dimples popping out, but he didn't open his eyes.

"Come on, Ash."

"I like that." He mumbled but this time I heard him.

"You like what?" I asked, wondering.

"I like it when you call me 'Ash'." He said as he slowly opened his eyes.

"Oh..." was all I could say.

"Can you just call me 'Ash' from now on?"

"Ok,  _Ash_ , I will."

He hummed then gave me that goofy grin that he seemed to do a lot now on his drunken state.

I smiled back at him. "Can you stand up? We have to go home now and you know I couldn't carry you. I might be taller but I'm never stronger than you."

Ashton chuckled then sat up and tried to stand. Unfortunately, he was too drunk to stand and he almost fell but I was quick enough to catch him. I supported him to be on his feet and wrapped an arm around his waist as my other hand held onto the arm he had around my shoulder.

"Can you walk?" I asked.

Ashton nodded.

"Ok. We're gonna go now."

He nodded again.

I quickly grabbed Ashton's phone and keys from the bar counter, pushed them into my pocket, and then helped Ashton out of the bar. He still can't walk straight so I have to support him all the way to where he parked his car on the parking lot.

Once we got there, I pulled out his keys from my pocket and unlocked his car. I opened the door on the passenger's side and had Ashton be seated inside. Once I got him properly seated, I took the seatbelt and strapped him in. I was about to move out when he stopped me and took hold of my arm. I turned to look at him, our faces only inches apart.

"Thank you," he whispered.

"For what?" I whispered back.

"For coming," he said with a dimply smile. 

I returned the gesture but before I could say anything, he leaned forward and closed the gap between us, connecting our lips in a soft, gentle kiss.

I was caught off guard and froze. Before I could comprehend everything, he pulled away and gave me a smile. He then pecked my lips and said, staring into my eyes, "You are beautiful, Luke Hemmings."

I couldn't say anything because I didn't know what to say.

He leaned back on his seat and closed his eyes. I quickly moved out of the car and closed the door. I let out a breath and closed my eyes. 

Why is he doing this? It's so unfair. He can't keep doing this to me. I shouldn't let him do this. But...how am I supposed to do that when every time I am around him, I grow weak. When it comes to him,  I just can't say 'no'.

I opened my eyes and let out another breath before walking around to the driver's side. I slipped into the driver's seat and looked at Ashton. He's already sleeping. He probably had a lot to drink.

I reached my hand over to him and gently traced his face with fingertips. He's just so beautiful.

"You're the one who's beautiful, Ashton Irwin. Not me." I whispered.

I stared at him for a moment then I leaned over and planted a quick kiss on his lips. I hovered over him for a moment to study his sleeping features closely. I took in how beautiful he is. I might not be able to do it again.

I settled back into my seat and sighed as I turned to look at him again. I smiled sadly, he probably won't remember anything tomorrow. 

I turned away from him and started the car. I quickly pulled out of the parking lot and drove back to the apartment. 

It was a quick drive since it is already almost 3 AM. As soon as we arrived, I helped Ashton out of the car. I managed to wake him up and had him walk to the elevator with me supporting him.

As we got to our floor, I gently nudged him and asked, "Where are your apartment keys?"

"I don't know," he mumbled.

"What do you mean you don't know?" I said in surprise, making us both stop in the middle of the hallway

"I don't know where they are," he mumbled.

"Is Michael home?"

"Partying."

"Fuck," I muttered.

Ashton chuckled, "You swore."

I couldn't help but smile at that then I looked at him and said, "Guess you'll be crashing in my apartment tonight."

Ashton just gave me a goofy grin.

"You're heavy, you know that?" I told him as we continued walking towards my apartment.

"I can walk properly." He said.

I rolled my eyes, " I bet I'd be picking you up from the floor the second after I let you go."

"Then don't let me go," he smiled.

I looked at him then quickly looked away without responding and led him towards the door of my apartment.

I pulled out my keys from my pocket and opened the door. We both stepped inside and I kicked the door close.

I was gonna let Ashton stay on the couch but I remembered that he let me stay in his room before when he rescued me from Andrew and we weren't even like how we are now at that time. So I decided to just let him sleep in my room and I could just stay at Calum's.

I gently let go of him and let him lay down on the bed. He's still awake but too drunk to move.

"Is this your room?" He asked as he let his gaze wander around my room.

I started to take off his shoes and said, "Yeah. I'm sorry it's a bit messy." I placed his shoes by the foot of the bed and stood back up and looked down on him.

"I like your room," he commented.

I smiled down at him, "Well, I'm gonna get you some water."

He nodded and I walked out of the room and headed to the kitchen. I removed my jacket and placed it on the counter. I let out a sigh and glanced back into the hallway. Ashton is in my room and drunk, and I don't know what to do. I pushed away my worries from my mind and just thought of what I should do now which is to take care of him. So, I took a glass from the cupboard and filled it water and headed back to my room. I stopped in my tracks with my eyes wide when I saw Ashton lying on my bed, now with only his boxers on. His jeans and t-shirt were folded and placed on the top of his shoes. He was laying on his stomach with his head turned away from me but I think he's already back to sleep. He had taken off his hair tie and his honey-blonde locks are all spread on the pillow.

I walked over to the bed and placed the water on the nightstand. I couldn't help but stare at his bare back. He's so muscular and just so hot. It was really hard to keep control and keep my hands to myself. I had to push myself to turn away from him. I opened the first drawer of my nightstand and pulled out the bottle of aspirin and put it next to the glass of water.

Without giving another look at Ashton, I turned on my heel and was gonna leave the room to head to Calum's and sleep there, but I was stopped by a hand grabbing mine.

I quickly turned back to him. He's already laying on his side. I looked at him, raising a questioning eyebrow, and said, "Do you need anything else?"

"Yes," he answered, voice almost muffled by the pillow.

"What is it?" I asked.

"I want you to stay here with me."

What?

"What?" I said, voicing out my thoughts. 

"Please?" He pleaded.

"But, Ashton..."

He gave my hand a gentle squeeze and then pouted. Like, seriously he fucking pouted. How am I supposed to 'no' to that? Goddammit!

"You really had to do that?" 

"Is it working?" He asked with a smile.

I rolled my eyes, "Move over."

Ashton grinned and moved over to give me space on the bed. I stepped out of my jeans and tossed it on the chair by my desk. I really don't like sleeping with skinny jeans on. I got on the bed and laid down next to Ashton. I turned my head to look at him and he still has that goofy grin on his face.

"What are you grinning about?" I asked him.

He didn't say anything and just looked at me still grinning. Then he moved closer to me and pressed his lips on my shoulder before he nuzzled his face on it and murmured, "Goodnight, Luke."

I huffed then whispered, "Goodnight, Ash."

I then turned my gaze away from him and looked up at the ceiling as I listened to his breathing gets slow and calm. He must have drifted to sleep. Well, he's drunk so...

Now, I am back to being alone with my thoughts. Here I am, trying to avoid Ashton from past few days but somehow ended up picking him up from a bar, then being kissed by him, and now being here on the same bed with him. It's really difficult to be this close to him when I'm trying to keep myself from falling deeper and deeper for him.

Everything he does makes me feel a lot more for him. Especially when he treats me differently. I mean, I'm not trying to sound like some kind of a self-centered asshole or whatever, but I'm not blind. I can see that he treats me nicely compared to others, even if he's sometimes a bossy asshole to me. But I know his actions doesn't mean anything to him, I just let them affect me differently.

His drunk state tonight makes it worse though. He's less grumpy, less intimidating, a little goofy and maybe a bit...I don't know...affectionate, maybe? And yeah, he even told John to call me instead of Michael. Why?

Ugh! I know all of these are just a result of the alcohol in his system. Tomorrow, when he's sober, everything that happened now will be forgotten. Only, unfortunately, by just him...

**\---**

I tried to move around on my bed only to feel another body next to me. I quickly opened my eyes and saw Ashton still sound asleep. Everything that happened last night came back to me and let out a sad sigh. 

I looked down and saw his arm wrapped around my waist. I glanced at his peacefully sleeping face then down to his arm and decided that it'd be better if I would just get up now and be not there when he wakes up. He probably won't remember anything that happened last night so it'd be safe if he won't wake up with me next to him and on my bed.

I slowly moved a bit to try to get out from his hold without waking him up but when I try to do so, his arm tightened around me. I looked at him to see if he's already awake but no, he's still sound asleep. I decided to try again but more carefully this time. But before I was able to make a move, I heard Ashton softy say, "Don't."

I quickly looked at his face again to see if I actually heard him say it and if he's awake, but his eyes are still closed. I guess I was just hallucinating or something. But then I was quickly proven wrong when he said with eyes still closed, "Don't get up yet."

"W-why?" I quietly asked.

"Because if you get up then I would have to wake up and I'm not ready to wake up yet," he explained in a groggy, raspy morning voice, which sounded so hot, and no, I shouldn't be thinking about that.

"You don't have to wake up when I get up," I told him.

"I know but you won't be here anymore and I want you here."

What the fuck? Is he still drunk? Why is he saying these things? And why do I let these affect me so much? Ugh! 

"Ashton?" I softly said.

"Hmm?" He hummed in response.

I took a deep breath. I have to put a stop to this.I should not let this go any further to the point that I would end up hurting so much.

"You can't do this," I whispered, my gaze fixed to the ceiling, eyes brimmed with tears.

I felt Ashton move beside me but I kept my teary gaze up on the ceiling. I felt him remove his hand from my waist.

"Luke..." he quietly said and his voice is filled with worry. I soon then felt his hand on my cheek and gently made me turn to look at him. A tear then slipped down from my eyes. Ashton's gaze quickly softened as he wiped my tear.

"What's wrong?" He asked worriedly.

"You can't keep doing this Ashton," I told him.

"Do what, Luke?"

"This. Being like this to me. Being nice and all. It makes me feel a lot of things for you. Feelings that I know I shouldn't have. It's not your fault. It's all mine that's why I can't let you do this anymore. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I sobbed as I stared up at him.

Ashton didn't say anything and just stared down at me. His face held this expression that I couldn't quite read. But his eyes, they were not as cold as they usually are. They were still holding this soft gaze and I really don't know how to interpret those gazes.

I decided to look away because the longer I look at those hazel-green orbs, the harder I fall. 

But then I felt Ashton's hand hold my chin and steered my face up to look back at him. As I did so, he leaned forward and caught my lips in a soft, gentle kiss which I didn't have the time to avoid.

He started to slowly move his lips against mine and just the mere touch of his lips on mine already feels so good and I couldn't help myself but respond to the kiss.

As soon as he pulled away, he stared straight into my eyes. I stared back at him for a moment then slowly shook my head and said, "I am always so weak when it comes to you. I really shouldn't let you do this."

"Why?" he softly asked.

"Because, Ashton, if  I would, I'd lose all self-control and I won't be able to stop myself from falling for you," I told him, not even caring anymore if I am embarrassing myself for being so open to him about my feelings for him. 

"Then don't." He said, eyes all soft and showing affection in which I don't know if it's real or just an act.

"What do you want from me?"

"I want you," he whispered with his hand on my cheek, thumb gently caressing the skin on my cheekbone.

"You can't play with my feelings, Ashton."

"I'm not playing, Luke." He said. He then closed his eyes for a moment and let out a sigh. As he opened his eyes and looked straight into mine, they seem to be more colorful and they weren't how they usually are. It was the first time I have ever seen then like that. He then said, "You have no fucking idea what you do to me, Luke. You have consumed everything in me. You're always in my mind and I just feel so protective of you and I just want to be always around you all the damn time. I don't care if I would sound selfish, or possessive, or obsessed, but I just...I want you all mine."

I stared up at him with my mouth agape because I couldn't believe what I just heard him say.

"I want you mine, Luke," he softly said as he still stared into my eyes.

"Kiss me," I whispered, not being able to know what else to say. And yeah, I really do want him to kiss me right now. I want to feel his lips on mine.

Ashton didn't waste any time and he immediately closed the gap between us and granted my request. He pulled me closer to him. But this time, it wasn't a soft kiss. He kissed me harder and full of want yet still gentle. I kissed him back as hard as he did. Our lips moved against each other as if we both are hungry for each other.

Ashton sucked on my bottom lip as I tangled my hands through his curls, tugging a bit. I soon then felt him lick my bottom lip and by instinct, I opened my mouth. Ashton didn't waste any time and slipped his tongue inside my mouth, quickly finding mine.

Tongues wrestled, earning moans from each other. We pulled each other impossibly closer as we roamed each other's mouths not wanting to miss any part of it. But we soon have to pull away to catch our breaths. A string of saliva was stretched out as our lips parted from each other.

We both laughed then smiled and stared at each other as I combed my hand through Ashton's curls.

"So what now?" I softly asked Ashton.

"You don't avoid me," he softly said, making me still my movements and look at him wide-eyed.

Ashton smiled, "I know you were avoiding me and it kinda drove me insane, you know. But now I understood why and I'm sorry if I kinda gave you a difficult time because I was an asshole for not being clear about my intentions to you."

I smile up at him, "You didn't have to apologize. You also didn't know I was having a crisis."

Ashton chuckled then pecked my lips.

"I like it when you kiss me," I told him.

"I like it when I kiss you, especially with that lip ring of yours."

I felt my cheeks burn and I quickly hid my face in the pillows in embarrassment.

Ashton chuckled, "Don't hide. You're cute."

"Shut up, you're making it worse."

"Well, I like seeing you blush."

"Shush, Ashton!"

Ashton just laughed. I looked up and glared at him.

He stopped laughing but still held an amused look on his face. He then caressed my cheek with his hand and sweetly smiled as he said, "So...are you all mine now?"

I looked back into his beautiful eyes. I never had any idea that everything would end up how it did today. I didn't expect him to say everything that he said to me. I never ever thought that he would ever want me. So I smiled up at him and nodded my head as I said, "I'm all yours."

**\---**


	8. 8

**\---**

I moved around my bed and slowly opened my eyes. I adjusted my sight into the light and the looked around my surrounding. I am in my room and on my bed. But the space next to me is already empty. I sat up and looked around my room and found Ashton's shoes and t-shirt still by the foot of the bed. His jacket is also still here draped over a random chair in my room.

Ashton is still here.

We kind of went back to sleep after we woke up and talked earlier of the day. Well of course after a few more kisses and cuddling.

Yeah. That. Wow. I just can't fucking believe it. I mean, Ashton and I? That's just wow! I still really can't wrap my head around everything yet. I mean, never have I thought this would happen. That Ashton Irwin would want me the same way that I want him. It feels like I hit the jackpot, you know? He's my ultimate crush.

I just couldn't help the wide smile from erupting into my face. I'm just so happy. Just thinking back into hours ago when we had our talk and those kisses and yes, I am just so so happy. If this is just a dream, I really wouldn't want to wake up.

But my moment was then cut off when I heard some noises coming from outside of my room. I furrowed my eyebrows and sat up from the bed. I heard another noise and some muttering so I got out of bed, tugged on a pair of jeans, and headed out of my room.

I figured the noise was coming from the kitchen and I headed straight there and found a shirtless Ashton by the stove and...cooking?

"What are you doing?" I asked as I approached the kitchen counter.

He turned then smiled as he saw me, making his adorable dimples come out.

"Hey...I hope you don't mind that I kind of allowed myself to use your kitchen." He said to me.

"No, I don't mind. But what is that?"

"Oh, thought I'd make you something to eat. It's kind of late for some pancakes and bacons so I just thought I'd make some spaghetti."

"Ooohhh...I love spaghetti." I grinned.

Ashton chuckled then turned back to the stove making his bare back face me. Damn. He's just so muscular. He is just so hot. The way his muscles flexes with every little move he does. I wanna run my hands on his shoulder blades and leave kisses by his shoulder and - oh my god! What am I thinking?

I felt myself blush and I was glad Ashton wasn't looking at me. I had myself seated on the barstool by the counter and just watched Ashton make his way around my kitchen.

I didn't notice myself smiling fondly at him until he turned back around to me and raised an eyebrow with a smile playing on his lips and said, "Why are you smiling like that?"

"Oh...well, I'm just enjoying my view," I replied with an innocent smile and a shrug.

Ashton chuckled then leaned over the counter and gave me a peck on the lips.

I was caught off guard. I froze on my seat and stared at Ashton. He smiled sweetly at me and said, "Are you ok?"

I pull myself out of my stunned state and gave him a small smile.

"I'm sorry. It's just that...I was not expecting that." I told him and then felt my blood rush up to my cheeks and I looked down to hide my face.

I heard him chuckle then said, "You are so cute when you blush."

I looked up then gave him a playful glare. He smiled at me and then said, "You really shouldn't hide from me when you blush."

"Shut up, Ashton."

He just chuckled then gave me another peck on the lips before he turned back into his cooking.

Oh god, I really should start getting used to me and Ashton sharing kisses. I mean it is gonna happen more often now that we are...wait...what even are we? Well I know we have established between each us that we want each other but are we now boyfriends? Guess I should ask him about that later. I don't want to assume things.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door, pulling me out of my thoughts and making Ashton quickly turn back to me and raising a questioning eyebrow. I gave him a confused look in return.

Another knock then came.

"I thought Calum went home?" Ashton asked, now also confused.

"Yeah, he did and he won't be coming back now. And he wouldn't knock in his own apartment." I told Ashton.

"Well, are you expecting anyone?"

"I won't be reacting like this and be as confused as you are if I am expecting someone."

Before Ashton could answer me, another knock was heard.

"You stay here and finish cooking, I'll go check who it is," I told Ashton then stood up and headed to the door.

When I opened the door, Michael then came into view, fist raised up in an attempt to make another knock on my door. Upon seeing me, he quickly put his fist down and smiled sheepishly.

"Michael? Can I help you?" I asked him.

"Uh...well, I'm sorry to disturb you, Luke, and I'm not even sure this is the right place but is Ashton here? Or maybe have seen him today? Or last night? He hasn't come home and didn-," but before Michael could finish, the door opened wider and Ashton revealed himself to Michael, making the red-haired guy widen his eyes in surprise.

"Ash? You're here?" Michael said but more of a question in surprise.

"You come here looking for me and when you find me here you'd be fucking surprised," Ashton stated.

Michael recovered from his surprised state and rolled his eyes and said, "I wasn't really expecting to find you here."

"Then why come here?" Ashton shot back.

"Just taking my chances. Well, I've seen you two hang out before so it could be possible that you'd be here."

This time Ashton was the one to roll his eyes and then said, "What do you want?"

"Well hell, Ashton, you didn't come home last night and didn't even text or call where you've gone. I was worried that you-," Michael said cutting himself then glanced at me then back to Ashton who was giving him a cold, hard look. Michael then let out a sigh then said, "I was just worried."

I looked at Michael who avoided eye contact with me and I am pretty sure that there is something going on here that I know nothing about and they don't want me to know since Michael immediately cut himself off. I mean, I'm not stupid. I can see that. With those exchanges of knowing looks between them, they are definitely hiding something.

Well I know it's none of my business but sometimes my curiosity gets the best out of me and I can't help myself to be so curious about it especially that it is about Ashton. I am determined to find out what it is as I am determined to know everything about Ashton. He's just a big world of mystery to me and I really want to actually know him, especially with our current situation.

I heard Ashton scoff and so I looked at him and he said to Michael, "Now, you found me and I'm fine. You can leave."

" _ Ashton _ ," I said sternly. I just didn't like the way he talked to Michael. I mean, the guy was worried about him so it's not really nice of him to talk to him like that.

Ashton looked at me and I raised an eyebrow at him. He huffed then turned back to Michael and said, "Ok, I'm sorry."

Michael was surprised with the sudden change in Ashton's mood and tone of speaking. He glanced at me with a raised eyebrow then back to Ashton. Well, to be honest, I was also surprised myself that Ashton complied with me.

"Uh...Michael, Ash made some spaghetti, and we're actually about to eat, would you like to join us?" I asked Michael, trying to change the topic and get rid of the unexplainable tension around us.

Michael's face quickly lit up and he looked at Ashton with a hopeful look. Ashton rolled his eyes then said, "Come on in, Mike. I know you never say 'no' to any food invitation."

Michael grinned and happily entered the apartment like a child as both Ashton and I stepped back to give him a way. I swear to god, Michael is a small kid trapped in a big man's body.

I led him into the kitchen as Ashton closed the door behind us. Michael settled himself on one of the bar stools by the kitchen counter.

I went to get some plates for us as Ashton served the spaghetti and placed it on the counter. Clearly, we'll not be using the table now. Michael is already so excited to eat. I chuckled at the sight as I made my way and sat down to the bar stool next to Michael's, making both boys look at me.

"Michael is like an excited child," I commented with an amused expression.

"He is a child," Ashton spoke.

Michael rolled his eyes at Ashton then turned to me and smiled, "It's Ashton's spaghetti so I am super duper excited."

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion and said, "What's with Ashton's spaghetti?"

"Not his spaghetti, specifically, but, man, his cooking is the best and I have been begging him for weeks to cook but unfortunately, he's a moody motherfucker," Michael told me.

"Wow. Like I am not standing here," Ashton grumbled.

"Don't care," Michael told him and then turned back to me and said, "Well actually he's just second best. Harry will always be the very best when it comes to cooking."

"You always kiss Harry's ass," Ashton said as he also settled himself on a barstool next to me.

Michael laughed then said, "You know if I'd do that literally, Louis would probably kill me."

I chuckled then said without thinking, "He probably would." But right after I said that I realized what I did and slowly looked at Michael who was staring at me with a raised and questioning eyebrow.

I gave him an innocent smile and he asked, "You know Harry and Louis?"

I can feel Ashton's eyes on me but I did not dare look at him and instead reached for the bowl of spaghetti and placed some on my plate as I said, "Yeah. Met them once."

There's no point of denying it now, right? Since I messed up. So I just gotta have to tell the truth and maybe just leave out and improvise some parts of it.

"Really? When?" Michael said as he took the bowl of spaghetti from me as I handed it to him and began placing some on his plate. Well not some but a lot, actually.

"Uh...couple weeks ago?"

"How did you meet?" Michael asked as he handed back the bowl of spaghetti to me and I took it then I turned to Ashton and placed some on his plate. He raised an eyebrow at me but held a really amused look on his face. I don't know if because I was serving him food or because he is just enjoying watching me mess up and trying to fix it. I could really use a little help from him you know since we are talking about his brother.

"Well, we kind of all ended up at the same place."

"Elaborate."

"I was at the supermarket and I  _ bumped _  into Ashton and it so happened that Harry and Louis were also there and we all ended up having dinner and yeah, that was how I met them," I told Michael with a little, just very little, bit of lying. I hope he won't push into the topic anymore.

"Really? So why did-"

Before Michael could finish his question, Ashton interrupted him and said, "Aren't you hungry, Michael? Why don't you start eating and stop interrogating Luke?"

I mentally sighed in relief and thanked Ashton for that save, though he's kinda rude, but still.

Michael looked at Ashton then rolled his eyes and said, "I was just surprised that Luke knew Harry and Louis. I mean they don't even live around here. They're like 2 hours away. I didn't even know they were in town."

"They just met up with their wedding florist and stopped by at the supermarket at that time that Luke and I were there. Now that you know, shut up and eat."

"Whatever. I'm really gonna eat anyway." Michael grumbled and started stuffing his face with the spaghetti. "Damn. This is so good."

I chuckled at the sight then turned to Ashton who was already looking at me with soft eyes. I gave him a small yet sweet smile and turned to my food and started eating. And damn...this spaghetti is really fucking amazing.

**\---**

"So how did you end up here?" Michael asked Ashton as he was helping me clean up. I didn't want him to, really, because he's a guest but he insisted and also pouted to let him help me. And who could say 'no' to that whole soft, pouty, kitten look?

Ashton on the other hand also wanted to be the one to clean up but I told him no because he was already the one who cooked. I made him stay seated by the counter which he reluctantly complied.

"Why do you ask?" Ashton responded a bit rudely.

Michael rolled his eyes then said, "You know what, I'll just talk to Luke instead because he's not an asshole like you."

Ashton gave him a careless shrug making Michael flip him off. This time I was the one to roll my eyes at them.

"So how did he end up here, Luke?" Michael then asked me instead as he was wiping the dishes dry.

I looked at Ashton who was just giving me this amused expression. I subtly glared at him because of how he leaves me alone in this and how he enjoys the whole thing.

"Well...I was about to go to bed but then I heard some swearing from outside so I went to check it out and saw Ashton in the hallway, pulling out his pockets and cursing his keys out. So I approached him and he was drunk off his ass and couldn't find his keys so I just offered him to crash in here since Calum's not around." I told Michael,  _ lying _ . Put emphasis on that. Crap. I am definitely going to hell for lying too much today.

"He left his keys in his room," Michael informed me.

I raised an eyebrow at Ashton and he just shrugged.

Michael now looked at Ashton, raised an eyebrow, then said, "Why didn't you just knock? You  _ knew _  I was  _ home _  last night."

This time it was me who looked at Ashton with a raised eyebrow. He obviously avoided my gaze. I guess there will a lot of things we need to talk about later.

"I was drunk and I forgot," Ashton told Michael still not looking at me.

Michael nodded then turned to me and said, "I'm sorry for any disturbance my asshole friend did to you last night and probably this morning too."

I chuckled and this time Ashton looked at me and we both gave each other a subtle smirk then I said, "Oh no, don't worry about it. He didn't disturb me at all and him crashing here all turned out good."

"Good?" Michael asked, confused.

Ashton raised an eyebrow at me.

I smiled then said, "Yeah, he made spaghetti."

Michael laughed, "True."

Ashton and I threw each other a smile. Then I noticed Michael looking at Ashton. He's a bit surprised but tried to hide it. I didn't know why he got a reaction like. I decided to just ignore it and put the dried plates back to their proper places.

"So, I should go," Michael said, "I still have to be somewhere later today. Ashton, you should leave too and go back to your own apartment."

"Yeah, yeah. Let me just grab my stuff," Ashton said as he stood up.

"Let me help you. You probably don't remember where you put all of your stuff." I told Ashton as I went with towards my room.

But before we could even hit the hallway, Michael said, "You slept in Luke's room?"

"Yeah, and he slept in Calum's. So?" Ashton retorted.

"You are such a pain in the ass. I am so embarrassed for you." Michael told him.

Ashton flipped him off and I laughed at the two as I gently pushed Ashton to continue walking down the hallway to my room.

As soon as we were inside my room, I was immediately yet gently pulled by Ashton and had my lips captured in soft gentle kiss. I smiled into the kiss as I wrapped my arms around Ashton's neck while his arms snaked around my waist. Ashton sucked on my bottom lip but I then pulled away and looked at Ashton in the eyes, a smile still etched on my face.

Ashton pecked my lips a few times then looked at me with a small smile playing on his lips and then said, "I'll come over later, ok?"

"Oh, you should because we are gonna talk," I told him.

He furrowed his eyebrows and asked, "Talk about what?"

"You'll know."

"Am I in trouble already?"

"Depends on how the talk would go actually," I said giving him an innocent smile.

He stared at me for a moment then smiled and said, "Fine. But right now I should go."

"Yeah, you should because Michael is waiting," I said as we let go of each other. I went to get his jacket as he dressed himself with his t-shirt from last night.

"Here," I said as I handed him his jacket. He gave me a smile as he took it then went to pick up his shoes but didn't bother putting them on.

"Have you seen my phone?" Ashton asked as he looked around.

"Uh..." I said as I tried to remember where I put it and my eyes widened as I remembered it being still in my jacket pocket. Where is my jacket again?

Oh yeah, it's in the kitchen. I remembered I put it on the counter and I think I still saw it there.

"It's in my jacket pocket in the kitchen with your car keys," I told Ashton and he nodded.

He gave me another peck on the lips and then smiled before he walked out of my room with his shoes and jacket in his hands. I followed him back to the kitchen where Michael was waiting. I saw my jacket still on the counter but it was Ashton who went to it and pulled his phone and car keys out from its pocket. I noticed Michael watching Ashton with this look on his face that I can't quite interpret. He didn't say anything though and just followed Ashton as he walked towards the door.

"We're gonna go now. Thanks for last night." Ashton said as he opened the door. His expression and the tone of his voice is back to usual: emotionless. But his eyes are not that emotionless anymore.

I nodded and smiled.

"See you later, Luke. Thanks for letting Ash crash here and for sharing his spaghetti with me." Michael beamed and I laughed.

Ashton stepped out first and Michael followed, waving me goodbye. I closed the door behind them and then turned back to head to my room.

As I stepped inside, I noticed my phone buzzed on the nightstand. I went to grab it as I sat down on my bed. I opened it up and saw a text from Ashton. I furrowed my eyebrows together. Why would he text me? He just left. Wondering, I opened the text and read it.

**Ashton: Thanks really for last night, Luke. And especially for this morning. It was great.**

I smiled at the text then typed in my reply.

**Me: No worries, Ash. :)**

**Ashton: Well, see you later.**

**Me: Ok. Can't actually wait to have our talk.**

**Ashton: Why do I get the feeling that I am in deep shit?**

**Me: I don't really know. Why don't you ask yourself?**

**Ashton: Rude.**

**Me: Says the "asshole".**

**Ashton: Hahaha. Very funny, Hemmings.**

**Me: Thank you very much, Irwin. I try.**

**Ashton: Ok, I should go before you kill me with all that sass.**

**Me: You have left, haven't you?**

**Ashton: See you later, Hemmings!**

I laughed at the last text Ashton sent me but didn't bother to reply.

Hmm...I think I can get used to this: being like this with Ashton. It's actually kinda nice, you know. Since this morning he was consciously showing this one another side of him. The soft, playful one. I like it, really. And the thought that he is showing it to me, makes some tingling in my stomach.

Guess this situation with him could actually be my chance to get to know him. I really, really like him so I really wanna know him. I really want to know the real Ashton Irwin.

**\---**

I just stepped inside my room fresh from the shower when I heard my phone ringing from the nightstand. I went over to it and saw Ashton's name flashed on the screen. I got confused why he was calling when he will be coming over in maybe half an hour just like what we agreed. Is he changing his mind?

I answered the call and put the phone against my ear as I said, "Ash? Why are you calling?"

_ "Luke, hey...what are you doing?" _  He said basically ignoring what I just asked.

"Just got out of the shower and was gonna go change but then you were calling and I wonder why..."

Ashton chuckled from the other end and said,  _ "Well I was just thinking if maybe instead of me coming over, you come here to my apartment." _

"Why?" I asked.

_ "I kind of started making dinner. For us." _

"Oh."

_ "Yeah, so, you up for it?" _

"Having dinner with you?" I asked with a smirk on my face though I know he can't see it.

_ "Uh...yeah, if you put it that way." _

I chuckled, "Is this a date of some sort?"

_ "You know I can actually hear your cheeky smile." _

I laughed this time and then said, "But you didn't answer my question. So is this a date or what?"

_ "It can be a date if you want," _  Ashton responded.

I laughed again, "I'll be there, Ash. Date or not."

I heard him chuckle,  _ "You can come here now if you like. Well if you don't mind waiting while I finish cooking." _

"Ok, ok. Let me just change first and I'll be there."

_ "Ok, Luke." _

"But I won't dress up for this. I bet we're just gonna end up cuddling on the couch anyway." I said without thinking.

_ "Good you know what I was planning and you can add making out in that too," _  Ashton replied and I actually got caught off guard with it that I felt my cheeks heat up with the thought of us making out on the couch. Good thing he wasn't here 'cause he'd be teasing me about it again.

"Shut up and let me change. I'll be there in five."

Ashton chuckled,  _ "Ok." _

We both hung up after and I let out a breath as I tossed my phone on the bed. God...not even a day with being whatever this is with Ashton and I am already feeling a lot of things and Ashton himself seemed to be more surprising than he already was with all this...not changes, but new things I see about him: the way he talks and the way he acts around me.

Enough of that, I should change and head to his apartment. I stood up from my bed and headed over to my dresser and pulled out a random black t-shirt, a pair of gray sweatpants and a pair of black socks as I am not planning to wear shoes or even slippers. I was serious about not dressing up. I mean I'm just going to the apartment across mine.

As I finished changing and not even fixing my hair just let it lay flat, I grabbed my phone and my keys and headed out of the apartment and went straight to Ashton's.

I knocked on the door and it was quickly opened by Ashton. He threw me a dimply smile and let me inside. I looked around the place. It was the first time that I was actually able to look around since the first time I was here, I just stayed in Ashton's room. The place basically looks the same as hours but except the furniture and decors around. I noticed they have a few framed pictures placed around too. I should go and look at them later.

"I just realized, it's still my second time being here in your apartment and actually my first time to look at the place," I told Ashton as he led me to the kitchen.

"So how do you find it?" He asked as he began to continue chopping some vegetables.

I let myself sit down on one of the barstools by the kitchen counter and smiled as I said, "It's pretty much the same as ours but also different. You know what I mean?"

Ashton nodded and I smiled again then said, "I like it here."

Ashton smiled, "That's good to know."

I again gave him a smile, popping my own little dimple out.

"You're so cute, you know that?" Ashton told me.

I immediately felt my cheeks heat up so I looked down to hide it. But I soon then felt Ashton's fingers gently grab my chin, making me look up at him.

"Don't hide. I really like seeing you blush, it's really cute." He told me which just made my blushing worse, I bet I look like a tomato.

"You are not really helping, you know that?" I told him with a playful glare.

He chuckled then leaned forward and gave me a sweet peck on the lips. I smiled at that, which also made him smile.

I really like seeing Ashton smile. It makes me have some tingling feelings all over my body in a really good way which also makes me happy. His smile is so beautiful. Only he doesn't do it more often and doesn't show it to everyone. I really do feel so lucky that I get to see them.

"I really  _ love _  your smile," I voiced out my thoughts accidentally which immediately made me panic inside.

Ashton looked at me and frowned which made me panic more. But then he looked down and said, voice small, "There's  _ nothing _  to love about my smile."

What?

"Why would you say that?" I asked him.

"Because it's the truth," he said with a shrug as he turned away from me and put the chopped vegetables on the heated pan on the stove.

"That is definitely not true, you know. I think your smile is beautiful. It's one of my favorite things about you." I told him which he only returned with a dry chuckle.

I stood up from where I was sitting and went over to where Ashton was. He didn't actually notice me since his back was turned on me and he was focusing on his cooking so he was surprised when I made him turn to me.

"Luke, what are you doing? I might burn them," he said gesturing to the vegetables on the pan.

But I ignored what he said and cupped his face with both of my hands and I leaned down and caught his lips in a soft kiss which he immediately returned. I felt his hands land on my hips and I kissed him deeper as he did the same. It was just an innocent kiss no tongue involved but it still felt so good and right.

We soon pulled away and he gave me that smile that I love and said, "What was that for?"

I smiled softly at him and pecked his lips before I said, "That's for you just so you'd believe me that I love your smile and that it's beautiful."

"You are so cheesy, you know that?" Ashton said, still smiling.

I just gave him a smile as I traced his dimples with my fingers and pecked his lips once again.

"You know," he said as he let go of me and turned back to his cooking, "as much as I love kissing you, I have to continue cooking."

I chuckled as I made my way back to the barstool.

"But," he continued as he turned to look at me, "we can definitely get back to that later on the couch." He then gave me a wink.

My cheeks immediately heat up again. I swear to god this guy's goal in life is to always make me get flustered. Now I can't take the thought of us making out on the couch out of my head.

Ashton chuckled and I playfully glared at him. He gave me a shrug before he went back into cooking.

"Where's Michael, anyway?" I asked him, fully noticing how I don't see any traces of him around.

"He went with Alex and Jack. You remember them?" Ashton responded.

"Yeah. Where were they going?"

"Uh...I don't know really. I wasn't paying attention when Michael told me. All I know is they won't be back until tomorrow around lunch time." Ashton said as he finished up cooking the meal.

I stood up from my seat and went around the counter as I said, "I'll set the table, where is everything?"

Ashton told where to get everything needed and I set the table. He soon then came with his cooked meal and we both sat down. He placed some on my plate and I thanked him as he sat down and served himself.

I looked at the food on my plate and I really don't know what it is but it really smelled great and I am more than sure that it would taste a lot better.

"Dig in," he said with a smile.

I was more than happy to eat though which made him chuckle.

I unconsciously moaned when I took a bite of the food. It was just so fucking good. "Wow."

"You really shouldn't be making that sound while we're here eating, you know," Ashton commented.

I looked at him with a confused expression and said, "Why? This food is really delicious."

Ashton just gave me a smirk as he continued eating and then it hit me and I felt my blood rush to my cheeks and I looked down in embarrassment and tried to continue eating, hoping Ashton didn't notice.

But I was so wrong when I heard him laugh and say, "You really are so adorable when you blush."

"Fuck you, Ashton," I grumbled trying to hide my even redder cheeks.

"Oh, careful what you say there." He said, smirking.

I looked at him with wide eyes then picked up a piece of green peas and threw it to him, making him laugh.

Seriously. Am I still talking to Ashton Irwin or someone has possessed his body?

He stopped teasing me then and we continued eating.

"This is really good, you know. Where'd you learn to cook anyway?" I asked him.

"Harry and uh...my mum," he answered but then looked down at the mention of his mum.

"Oh they must really good then because you are really good," I said with a smile.

Ashton smiled back then said, "You know I don't really know much about you. I mean you already had a glimpse of my life when meeting my brother and he had told you stuff about my family and you are even invited to their wedding...but me...I don't know anything about your family. But, you don't have to tell me if don't want to."

I chuckled then said, "No, it's fine. There's not much about my family anyway. Just that I have two big brothers: one is already married and has a kid and the other is not married but in a long-time relationship. My mum is a teacher and my dad is a doctor."

Ashton nodded but before he was able to say something, I beat him to it and continued, "But you see, you got it all wrong actually because you know me better than my own family does. Yeah, I've lived with them my whole life but they don't really know who I really am..."

"They're not aware of your sexuality," Ashton stated.

"Yeah, I just don't wanna tell them because I don't know how they'd react; if they're gonna accept me."

"You were just hiding all your life?" Ashton asked.

"Kind of," I shrugged, "but it's fine because I don't need everyone to know. Besides Calum knows and that was enough for me."

"Haven't you tried telling your family?"

I chuckled humorlessly, "No, because I didn't know how. I'm afraid that they'd hate me. It's not as easy as 'hey mom and dad, ben and jack, how was your day? Hope it went great. And by the way, I'm gay. Meaning I don't like vagina and prefer dicks. So rainbows and unicorns! Yay!'"

Ashton nodded in understanding and reached out for my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze as he said, "I'm sorry..."

I smiled at him as I flipped my hand and held his and squeezed back as I said, "No, it's fine. And hey, I'm not really hiding anymore, am I? I mean I am not exactly out but it's not just Calum who knows I'm gay. Louis and Harry know and even Niall I think has an idea about it since he saw what happened with Andrew. And then there's you."

"What about me?" Ashton asked as he rubbed his thumb over my knuckles. The small gesture made my skin tingle.

I glanced down at our hands then back to his eyes and said with a smile, "I really don't know how to put it to words but uh..." I let out a breath and continued, "I was just glad that you found out about it though it was really not my intention to make you find out, but I'm glad you did because it made me think and feel that it's ok." I chuckled then and asked, "Did I even make sense with what I was saying?"

"You certainly did. I am really glad that you feel that way now because you really do not need to hide your sexuality, Luke. It's who you are. Just take my brother for example. Out and proud."

I smiled as we pulled our hands from each other's hold and continued eating.

Then curiosity just got to me as I looked up at Ashton and watch him as he focused on his food.

"Ash?" I said, making him look at me with a raised eyebrow in a questioning manner.

I cleared my throat and asked, "If you don't mind me asking, uh...what is your sexuality?"

Ashton just gave me a shrug. I gave him a confused look, "What does that mean?"

"I don't really give a fuck about my sexuality, Luke. I don't label myself because I hate labels in general. I like who I like. I fuck who I fuck.  _ I am what I am _ ."

I stared at him for a moment before I nodded in understanding. But what he said about hating labels caught me. If he hates labels then he must not like labels in relationships too. So what are we really? Should I still ask him about that? It's just that if I would really be with him, I want us to be official. I don't want to be just whatever it is we are. For me, being official kind of like having security. I don't want to be dropped when he doesn't want me anymore just because we were never official, though I don't really think he'd do something like that.

"You ok?" I heard him ask, pulling me out of my thoughts.

I gave him a smile as I nodded then we continued eating. But I just can't keep everything from my mind. I had to talk to him about it. But how? I can't ruin and end anything already that haven't even really started yet. What the fuck am I gonna do now?

**\---**

"You staying over?" Ashton asked as we finished cleaning up around the dining table and the kitchen. Well, after a bit of insisting of course since he won't let me help clean up but eventually gave when I told him I won't make out with him if he won't let me help. I didn't think it would work but it did, so...and this kind of helped me push aside some thoughts anyway.

"You want me to stay over?" I asked him back, raising an eyebrow.

"If you want. I mean, I'm alone anyway. Michael won't be back until tomorrow lunchtime. But if you don't want to, it's fine." He told me with a small smile.

"Well, why don't you give me one good reason to stay the night," I told him with a playful smirk.

He chuckled then moved closer to me, a mischievous smirk plastered on his face as we both looked at each other in the eyes. I stepped back as he moved closer and closer until I hit my back on the counter, having me trapped between the kitchen counter and Ashton.

He then placed both of his hands on my hips and leaned closer his breath fanning on the sensitive skin on my neck. It made shivers run down my spine and goosebumps appear on my skin.

I felt his lips pressed gently on my neck and I swear to God he could hear the loud thumping of my heart against my chest. He quickly pulled away and looked at me in the eyes, still with that mischievous smirk on his face. Then he leaned in and caught my lips in a gentle kiss and just then my mind just went blank and all I can think about is his lips against mine. I quickly responded to the kiss and brought my hands up to his neck and let my fingers tangle into the curls at the back. His arm then snaked around my waist and he pulled me closer to him as our lips still worked against each other. 

"Is this your way of making me stay?" I asked him with a chuckle as we pulled away.

"Is it working?" he asked then pecked my lips.

I smiled down at him and said, "Unfortunately, yes."

"Well, you really didn't have to stay if you don't want to."

I placed my hands on the sides of his face and pulled him into another kiss. 

"I would really love to stay the night," I told him as we pulled away again.

"I like it when you do that," He told me with a smile.

"Do what?" I asked him with a confused expression.

He just gave me smile and a peck on the lips then pulled away from me completely making me pout with the loss of contact. He gave me a chuckle and said, offering a hand, "Come on."

I looked at his hand skeptically and said, "Where?"

"In my room, unless you wanna sleep on the couch," Ashton said.

"We're gonna sleep now? But it's still too early. Can we maybe watch a movie or something?" I said with a pleading pout.

Ashton chuckled, "I didn't say we are gonna sleep but yeah, I got everything in my room if you wanna watch a movie."

I grinned and took his hand. He led me down the familiar hallway and into a familiar room. I looked around as we stepped inside his room. Nothing has changed much as far as I can remember. Well, I've been here once and I really didn't take the time to look around that time I was first here.

"My movie collection is in that cabinet," Ashton said, pointing at the cabinet taking half of the wall across his bed where his television and DVD set are placed on top. 

I smiled at him and let go of his hand and walked over to the cabinet and opened it and my eyes widened in awe seeing all of his movie collection. I mean, boy, this is massive. Like this is really a lot and everything is lined up and sorted out by genre from the classics to the latest DVD releases.

Ashton came next to me and said, "I also have Netflix in case you don't like any of these."

"Wow. This is really amazing!" I told him, eyes still wide in amazement. 

"I like watching movies. It's a thing Michael and I used to do since we were kids. We always loved movies and ended up collecting some." Ashton told me as his hand landed on the small of my back.

I chuckled, "Now I don't really know what to pick."

"Netflix?" He asked with a chuckle.

"Yeah, maybe that's a better idea."

Ashton chuckled then we both plopped down on his bed and he handed me the remote. After a few bickering on what to watch, we ended up watching Mean Girls and mostly because I wanna annoy him. 

Halfway through the movie, we were already cuddling on the bed. My head is resting on Ashton's chest as his arm is wrapped around me and his fingers tracing down random patterns on my arm. 

I giggled silently at a scene and I felt Ashton kiss my head. I looked up at him and he gave me a small smile.

"I thought you were already sleeping," I said.

"Why would you think that?" He asked.

"Because I didn't think you'd actually watch this movie with me."

Ashton just smiled and kissed my forehead. But then I moved up and caught his lips in a soft kiss. 

"Are we going to make out now, 'cause honestly, that's what I'm waiting?" Ashton said with a playful smirk when I pulled away. 

I blushed and lightly hit his chest, making him laugh. But then out of nowhere, something just occurred to me and I sat up and straddled Ashton's waist. He was obviously surprised by my action. Well, so do I, actually. 

Ashton raised an eyebrow at me and I just chuckled and leaned down capturing his lips with yet another kiss. He responded immediately making his arms wrap around my body. My own hands found their way into his hair, tangling my fingers in them. The movie completely is forgotten.

What started with just an innocent kiss soon became heated as I felt Ashton lick my bottom lip, asking for entrance which I immediately granted. Our tongues immediately met and wrestled against each other. I felt him lick the roof of my mouth, making me moan into the kiss which also made Ashton release a moan, vibrating throughout our kiss. 

Ashton's hold on me tightened and he suddenly flipped us over, making me shriek. He chuckled against my mouth and I playfully hit his arm. He pulled away for a moment then leaned in again for another heated kiss. Our tongues quickly found its way in each other's mouth and both fighting for dominance. I then took a hold of his bottom lip between my teeth and pulled a bit before releasing it. But our lips only separated for a second for he caught mine again and then sucked on my bottom lip and let his tongue play with my lip ring. 

"I fucking love your lip ring and you are so fucking hot," he whispered against my lips.

His words made me blush and also made me be turned on more, if possible, at the same time. I pulled him in again for another kiss which made him chuckle into it as our tongues found each other again.

Ashton then started kissing from the side of my mouth down to my jaw and down to my neck just below my ear, earning a moan from me as he found my sweet spot. I felt him smile against my skin and then gently sucked on it. 

My hands on his hair gently tugged a bit on it as he sucked on the sensitive skin on my neck which would obviously bruise later and become a hickey, which I don't really mind though. 

His lips then soon traveled back to my own and kissed me deeply, making me pull him closer to me. I then soon felt his hands that were previously resting on my hips move and slip inside my shirt meeting my skin. His hands felt so amazingly warm against my skin, making my body shiver, goosebumps evident on it. 

He then soon started kissing again down my jaw to my neck his hand caressing my skin on my side then slowly moved up on my stomach to my chest. But as I felt his hands against my skin and his lips on my neck, flashbacks from the awful night of that frat party just suddenly came back to me and all I can think about is Andrew touching me and forcing himself on me.

Panic quickly rose up in me and my eyes watered as my lips trembled, afraid that I am back on that night again and it is Andrew who is with me now and touching me. My mind just completely got taken over with fear and panic that I no longer am aware of anything happening and who I am with.

"No! Stop! No! Don't touch me. Please, no!" I let out, eyes shut closed and tear slipping out, as I pushed the person on top of me, thinking it was Andrew.

"Luke?"I heard the familiar voice say. The voice who always makes me feel safe.

"Help me, don't let him touch me," I said to the voice, still not opening my eyes.

I felt a hand touch my face and I flinched and I let out a sob, "No, please, don't touch me."

The hand was immediately retracted from my face and then I heard the voice again saying, "Luke? What's wrong?"

"Don't let Andrew touch me, please." I sobbed.

"Fuck. Luke, open your eyes. Andrew's not here. It's me. It's just me: Ashton."

As soon as I heard his name, I shot my eyes open and looked up, meeting his hazel-green pools. I immediately reached out for him and he pulled me to him, locking me in his embrace, making me feel so safe. I sobbed in his chest as I clung on his shirt.

"Please, don't let him touch me again," I sobbed on his chest.

I felt him tighten his embrace around me as he said, "Don't worry,  _ baby _ , I won't ever let him do that to you again. I promise."

I nodded against his chest. "Thank you."

We stayed like that for a while. Just laying on the bed in silence, him holding me close. The TV was turned off already and the lights are out but both of us are still awake.

"I'm sorry,"I whispered to him in the dark after a while.

"For what?" He whispered back.

"For ruining our date night."

"So it was really a date night, huh?" He asked with a small chuckle.

I smiled against his chest and nodded. "Thanks by the way."

"For what now?"

"For everything."

He didn't say anything and just pressed a kiss on the top of my head.

"Can I ask you a favor?" I asked him.

"Anything." He responded.

"Can we maybe just keep us between each other for now? I just..." I sighed, not knowing how to explain why I don't want people to know about us yet. 

"It's ok,  _ baby _ , nobody would know about us until you're ready." He said, making me feel relieved that he didn't push on knowing why.

"You called me 'baby'," I pointed out.

"Well, you're  _ my _  baby. Why? You don't like it?" He asked.

"No, not that, I like it, actually. It just surprised me. Anyway, thanks for understanding."

"Well, I love sneaking around, it's exciting so no worries."

I chuckled at what he said, making me look up at him and look at his features in the dark. He's really beautiful. I slowly reached up and pecked his lips.

His hand landed on my cheek and he said, "You should get some sleep. You still have an early class tomorrow."

"Ok," I nodded. "Goodnight, Ash."

He smiled as he pressed a gentle kiss on my lips and then whispered, "Goodnight, baby." 

**\---**


	9. 9

**\---**

Things went better between me and Ashton after what happened that night in his apartment. We still kiss and cuddle and stuff but we didn't do more than making out without too much touching.

It still fears me that if we do more, something like that would happen again. I didn't even know it was possible for me to remember that night and to feel that kind of fear just thinking that it would happen to me again. I didn't think I'd actually be seriously traumatized by that awful event since it has escaped my mind for the past weeks. Then it just suddenly came back and ruined a beautiful and intimate moment between me and Ashton.

Ashton was also being wary of his actions, afraid that something like that might happen again or he might make me feel pressured and would make me force myself to do something I am not ready for. It's really nice and thoughtful for him to do so and I really appreciate it. But we just can't stay like this. I just can't stay like this. I have to learn to get over it; to get over my fear.

It's Wednesday today and Calum will be back tomorrow night. During the past days, Ashton has been staying over with me every night and he was actually really nice to me and doing nice things for me. He is less of an asshole unlike how he speaks to me before.

The weather is nice today. Not too hot. Ashton and I are having lunch at a diner just outside the campus while also waiting for my next and last class for the day which will be in another two hours. Ashton only had classes in the morning today, according to him.

We are staying in a booth at a far corner inside the diner. There were not many people inside but we both don't want to bump into anyone as well so we stayed way far from the door.

I was taking a huge bite of my burger when I noticed Ashton staring at me. I raised an eyebrow at him but he just smiled holding a fond expression on his face.

I put down my food back on my plate as I swallowed what I had in my mouth before speaking, "Why are you looking at me like that?"

He gave me a shrug and said, "You're just adorably hungry."

I playfully glared at him with a pout and he chuckled then took a sip of his coke.

"You know what, I remember," I said, making him raise a questioning eyebrow and I continued, "we didn't actually have the chance to talk."

He playfully rolled his eyes and leaned back on his seat, crossing his arms on his chest and damn look at those muscles - wait what?

"I was actually hoping you would totally forget about that," he told me, making me look away from his arms and look at him in the eyes and yeah they are so beautiful as always.

I chuckled and said, "I almost did."

Ashton smiled then leaned over the table and said, "So what is this talk about?"

"Well, first, why did you lie to me about Michael being actually home that night?"

Ashton bowed his head down as he laughed a little and said looking back up, "I was also hoping you wouldn't ask about that because the reason behind it is kinda embarrassing."

"That makes me want to know more."

Ashton chuckled, "I figured. Well, I lied because I really wanted to stay with you that night. Like I told you before, you avoiding me kinda drove me insane. But hey, that lie resulted into something good, right?"

I laughed, "Yeah, it did. Well anyway, it got me into thinking...were you really drunk that night? Or that was all just an act so you can stay with me?"

Ashton just gave me shrug.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked him.

"I may or may not be drunk that time." He said.

I leaned back on my seat, crossed my arms across my chest and raised an eyebrow at him. He chuckled and then said, "Fine. I was a bit drunk but I am aware of everything that was happening. I just really wanted to stay with you that night. Like I told you, it drove me insane that you were avoiding me and you know why it did."

I frowned at him and said, "No, I don't really. Why is that exactly?"

Ashton chuckled, "You really want me to say it?"

"Well...yeah," I said, giving him a shrug.

Ashton smirked, "You sure? You might  _ blush _ ." He said in a teasing tone. He really is aware of what he does to me. Asshole.

I held my chin and said in a challenging tone, "Try me."

He smirked again and leaned forward on the table and said in a low husky voice, "Because you are so fucking hot and fucking perfect and I am so fucking attracted to you and so fucking obsessed with you that I just couldn't take that you were avoiding me." He then leaned back on his seat with a smug look on his face.

After hearing what he said and with that sexy voice I just couldn't help the blood creeping up to my cheeks. I visibly gulped and tried to respond to that with a cheeky statement but with my current state I know I won't be able to so I just said, "Well there is a lot of swearing in that."

"And you are so red," he pointed out with a smirk.

I glared at him, "Asshole."

"Well, you asked for it. But for the record, that was all true."

I didn't say anything and just looked away from him and threw my focus back on my food. I took another big bite and Ashton chuckled, "Was that all you need to know?"

I swallowed the food in my mouth and then looked back up at him and said, "No, actually."

"Ok. So what else?" He asked.

I took a sip of my coke and looked at Ashton for a moment, thinking on how to word out my thoughts. He raised an eyebrow at me and I huffed and said as I pulled my gaze away from him and stared down at nothing on the table, "I know this is definitely none of my business and I should not be talking to you about this because I don't know anything and it's not my place but...maybe uh...don't be so rude towards Michael? It's just that he's your best friend and sometimes you just treat him like he's not."

I then looked up and Ashton was staring at me intently. He had this unreadable look on his face and it fears me that I may really have crossed the line so badly and he's gonna lash out on me now.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything about tha-"

"Am I really that rude to him?" Ashton asked, cutting me off.

"Sometimes, yeah..." I responded in a small voice, looking down.

"Do you hate me when I do that?" He asked in a soft voice.

I looked up at him with wide eyes and quickly shook my head 'no'. His facial expression had somewhat changed. I can see some hints of sadness on him.

"I could never hate you, Ash."

"You can never be sure of that, Luke." He said as he looked down.

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing," he said, looking back up at me and smiled small.

I know it doesn't mean "nothing", I'm not stupid. I know there are a lot of things that I don't know about Ashton and I sure want to know about them. I wanna know him. I care about him so much and I would never judge him with whatever he has done in his life. But I know there is a line that I should never cross so I didn't push and just accepted what he said.

I didn't say anything and just looked down but then he said, "I'm sorry."

I quickly looked back up at him, "For what?"

"For being an asshole. Not just to Mikey but also to you. Before. Also even to some other friends of mine. I can't promise that I'll change because this is who I am but I'll try to be less rude if you know what I mean."

I smiled at him, "That is actually more than I could ask for. Thank you."

Ashton smiled back and reached out for my hand on the table and gave it a gentle squeeze before letting it go again and that gave me some tingling feeling in my stomach.

His phone then buzzed on the table and he frowned then picked it up. It was apparently a text since he unlocked his phone and read whatever it was. His expression became dark and cold. He then angrily locked his phone again and inserted it in his pocket.

He looked back up at me and quickly pushed away his building anger and gave me a small smile and said, "Do you wanna go back to the campus now? I mean, your next class will soon start."

I refrained from asking him what happened since it's clearly none of my business and I know he doesn't like people being nosy so I nodded and started to collect my stuff. I was about to pull out my wallet and pay for our food but Ashton beat me to it and had already dropped some cash on the table.

I looked at him in surprise and he just smiled and said, "What? Do you really think I'd let you pay? Not gonna happen, baby."

"But you can't always do that, you know."

He just gave me a shrug as he slipped out of the booth. I gaped at him, "What's that supposed to mean?"

He just smiled down at me then said, completely ignoring my question, "Come on, baby, let's get you to class."

I glared at him as I stood up and grabbed my bag. He just chuckled as he followed me out of the diner.

We both settled inside his car and immediately pulled out of the parking space and drove back to the campus. It really wasn't a long drive to the building of my next class since the diner was just right outside the campus.

Ashton pulled up in front of the building and I turned to him with a smile and said, "Thanks for the ride and for the lunch."

"No problem," he smiled.

"See you later, Ash," I said then was about to open the door but he took hold of my arm, stopping me. I turned back to him with a confused look on my face.

He just smiled as he gently took hold of my face and pulled me to him as he also leaned closer and caught my lips in a soft, gentle kiss.

I immediately kissed him back, moving my lips against his accordingly. As soon as he pulled away I gave him a wide smile and said, "I like that."

"I like that too." He said then pecked my lips before he let go of my face. "I'll pick you up after work, ok?"

I nodded at him then turned around and opened the car door.

"See you later, baby," Ashton said as I stepped out of the car. I turned to close the door but not before waving at him goodbye with a smile.

As soon as he drove away, I stepped inside the building and headed for my next class. It was only an hour and after that, I am done with uni for the day.

I headed to my classroom and attended my last class for today. It actually went well and I handed in my finished assignments before I headed out.

As soon as I stepped outside the building, I was met with a familiar set of blue eyes and a wide grin.

"Luke, hi! How are ya?" the strong Irish accent of Niall sounded.

I gave him a small smile and said, "I'm fine."

"That's great, well are you off somewhere?" He said as he started to walk beside me.

"Yeah, to the café I am working at. You?"

"I am actually on my way there too. I need some coffee. I hope you don't mind if I tag along with you."

"No, not at all."

Niall flashed me a wide grin which I returned with a small smile.

I don't really mind Niall's company or his presence. He's fun, chill, and friendly. I am just not really used to him around yet since I really haven't hung out with him aside from that frat party and I don't really remember a lot from that night except...well, don't really wanna talk about that.

"I really hope we can be friends, Luke. I really wanna be your friend and I am really sorry for what I did." Niall said, voice sounding sincere.

I turned my head and looked down at him and he looked back up at me with hopeful blue eyes. I gave him a smile and a genuine one and I said, "We can be friends, Niall."

"Really?" He asked with a really happy look on his face.

"Yeah," I said.

To my surprise, he suddenly hugged me from the side and said, "Thank you! I really thought you hated me."

"What? Why would I hate you?" I asked him as he let go of me and we continue to walk to the café.

"Because as Ashton had said, I am a 'dickhead and a menace' and he's not wrong," Niall told me but a bit jokingly in that manner.

I chuckled, "You know how Ashton can be sometimes."

"Yeah...and hella protective too," Niall said with a playful eye roll as we both entered the café and headed straight to the counter to order.

"What do you mean?" I asked him, though I know exactly what he means, I just want to hear him say it.

"You know exactly what I meant, Luke." He simply responded then turned away from me to order.

Roy is behind the counter and is the one to be taking our orders. I gave him a smile then asked, "Where's Mitchy?"

"Outback getting some more cups," Roy responded with a smile.

Niall and I both gave our orders then waited a bit as Roy made them. As soon as it was served, I paid for both and Niall gave me a rather surprised look.

"I should be the one doing that you know since I owe you," Niall said as we headed back out and had ourselves seated at my usual table outside the café.

"Don't worry about it. And what do you mean by you owe me?" I asked him after taking a sip from my hot drink.

"I owe you a lot for my stupidity, Luke. I am really sorry about that." Niall said, more serious this time.

"It already happened, Niall. I know it wasn't your intention. It's all good, ok? Just promise me you won't do stupid things like that again. To me or to anyone."

"I promise and we both know Ashton would kill me if I put you in harm's way again," Niall said with a chuckle.

"Why do you keep saying that?" I asked him with a raised eyebrow.

Niall laughed, "That guy is overly  _ protective _  of you, Luke. You'd be lying if you say, you can't see that. I know he doesn't show it to anyone and if he could erase shit from my memory, I know he would because he doesn't like people to know that he is capable of caring for anyone. But I saw everything that happened that night and I almost even got a punch on the face about it. But don't worry, I didn't tell anyone. Michael doesn't even know anything though he's Ashton's best friend. And uh...I bet no one also knows that you and Ash are not just mere acquaintances, right?"

I nodded at Niall. He smiled and continued, "It's ok, Luke. Your secret's safe with me. It's the least I could do for you."

"Thanks."

"No,  _ thank you _ . You know...for giving me a chance."

I smiled at him. "How long have you known him?"

"Who? Ashton?" Niall asked, taking a sip of his drink.

"Yeah," I responded with a shrug.

"Well since my family moved here in Australia. Around 4 years ago, I think. I went to their school in high school and both he and Michael just immediately took me in. It was a really nice thing though since I am the new kid and a total stranger in this country and they are both nice enough to be friends with me. Especially when they kind of is really popular in school."

"Really? How so?" I asked with a smile. I'd really like to know anything about Ashton.

"He and Mike kind of had a  _ band _  back then. They even let me in the band. There were two more members but they were a year behind us."

"They had a band? I mean, Ashton was in a band in high school?" I asked in a surprised tone, because who would think that? He even barely listens to music. He just does when I am with him, and that maybe is because he didn't wanna bore me since he knows I love listening to music.

"Yes, Luke," Niall replied with an amused look on his face, "he played the drums and he  _ sings _  too. He was really good in my opinion. So is Mike."

"Wow. I just really can't believe it." I said with a chuckle. I looked at a smiling Niall and said, "What was he like?"

Upon hearing my question, Niall's smile faltered and looked down at his coffee on the table with a frown. He then looked back up to me and managed a smile though it didn't reach his eyes. Then with a longing look in his eyes as it was also laced in his voice, he said, "He was really nice. Always  _ happy  _ and always ready to help anyone." He then gave a sad chuckle and continued, "There is literally not a day that you would see him not smiling and laughing."

"What happened, Niall?" I asked voice so small that I didn't think Niall would hear.

But he did and he said, "I'm sorry, Luke, but it's not my story to tell. It would be better if everything would come from him."

I nodded, "I understand. I'm sorry."

Niall smiled, "Don't worry, Luke. He'll tell you eventually. I can feel it. He had warmed up to you and that is really a big deal when it comes to him, trust me. Him being like this with you, it's way far with how emotions go with Ashton now, so it's really  _ something _ ."

I didn't respond to Niall because I didn't know what to say. What he told me about Ashton just kept on circling around my head. It made me remember all Harry and Michael said about him too. What happened to him? What changed him?

"I didn't know you are also friends with the leprechaun," the familiar voice of Michael sounded, pulling me out of my thoughts and making me look up at him.

As usual, he is wearing his bright smile. I smiled up at him then looked at Niall who rolled his eyes at Michael.

"Why are you here, giant red pepper?" Niall asked, making me laugh.

Michael pouted and said in a child-like voice, "You're a meanie."

Niall made a disgusted face. Michael laughed then ruffled Niall's hair, making the Irish boy glare up at Michael for ruining his hair.

"So? Why are you here?" Niall asked Michael again. "Thought you don't have any class this afternoon."

"No, I don't. I just came to hand in mine and Ashton's assignments. Then get him his coffee." Michael answered Niall.

"Wait, where's Ash?" I asked Michael, wondering since it's not so Ashton to make or ask Michael to do stuff for him. Also, Ashton is usually here at the café during this time with me. I just got too caught up with chatting with Niall that I hadn't noticed he still hasn't arrived.

"He's at home," Michael replied.

"He sick or something?"

Michael chuckled then said, "Well, if you count a  _ messed up face _  'or something', then yeah."

"Wait what? Messed up face? What happened, Michael?" I asked Michael rather sternly. What is he talking about a messed up face? Did Ashton got beaten up? I was just with him like two hours ago.

I heard Niall silently groan and I glanced at him and he was subtly glaring at Michael who is unaware about it. He does know something.

"I don't really know what happened, he won't tell me. Well, it's Ashton." Michael shrugged. "I should go get his coffee so I can go back to the apartment. I still have to be somewhere."

"Where?" Niall asked.

"Oh, Casey called me. Said he needed me back in the store so I have to go there and see what the problem was."

Niall nodded and with that Michael headed inside the café. As soon as he was gone, I looked at Niall with a raised questioning eyebrow.

"What?" He asked me warily.

"What do you know? And don't say that you don't know what I'm talking about because I know you know something and Michael isn't supposed to tell me but he didn't know that. Am I right?" I confronted Niall.

"I'm sorry, Luke," Niall said quietly.

"Ashton told you not to tell me, didn't he? But he can't tell that to Michael because he didn't know anything. But you do. So what happened Niall? And you are gonna tell me if you really wanna be friends with me."

Niall looked at me for a moment then huffed and said, "He got into a fight. He doesn't look really good that was why he didn't come here because he didn't want you to see him with a swollen face. The other guy was worse though. Only got to throw a couple of punches on Ashton. Well, who are we kidding? It's Ashton he's in a fight with. Just look at the man. He could take anyone. You really didn't have to worry."

"Seriously? You are gonna tell me not to worry about him after finding out he was in a fistfight?"

"Sorry."

I let out a sigh then stood up.

"Where are you going?" Niall quickly asked.

"I'm gonna tell Mitchy I won't be working today. I couldn't work knowing Ashton got into a fight." I told Niall and went inside the café. Michael was still on the line waiting for his turn and I ignored him as I headed straight into the back room to look for Mitchy.

He smiled at me as soon as he looked from the clipboard he was holding.

"Hi, Mitch," I approached with a smile, "uh...will it be ok if I take the day off? I just...something just suddenly came up."

"It's fine, Luke. You can take the day off. I can just have Roy or Dexter to help me out." Mitchy told me with a smile.

"Ok, cool. Thanks, man, and I'm really sorry."

"It's fine."

I gave him another smile and went back to the front just as Michael got his order and was about to head out.

"Mike!" I called out, making him halt by the door and turn back to me. He gave me a questioning look as he said, "Is everything ok, Luke?"

"Oh yeah...I was just wondering if maybe I can uh...get a ride with you back to the apartment? I mean, you told me Ashton was kind of beaten up or something and my dad is a doctor so I kind of know a thing or two about uh...you know first aid and stuff. Well, I'm pretty sure he didn't wanna go to a hospital or a clinic to get cleaned up. I could just do it for him." I rambled.

"Are you sure? Well, aren't you working?" Michael asked skeptically.

"Uh...took care of that already."

"Ok then, well let's go."

I smiled at him and we stepped outside. Niall was still at the table waiting for us. I came over to get my bag and told Niall, "Hey, I'm gonna go with Michael. Are you gonna be fine here? Alone?"

"Oh yeah. I'll be fine. Was gonna head back to the house anyway." Niall responded with a smile.

"Ok then."

"Well, thanks for the coffee, I guess and I'm really sorry about everything."

I gave him a smile, "No worries."

After then, I rushed to where Michael is and was a bit surprised that he was using Ashton's car. I quickly hopped in the passenger seat and settled in. I completely forgot I was with Michael in the car and since I was so accustomed to the vehicle already, I just did the usual things that I do when I get in it.

I tossed my bag into the backseat and then turned on some music and reached for the glove compartment where Ashton keeps some mints or gums.

I noticed Michael watching me as I popped a mint into my mouth and I then realized what I just did. I just gave Michael and innocent smile, acting as if I am oblivious about anything that's happening and fastened up my seatbelt. I was glad that Michael didn't say anything though and just pulled out of the parking space and drove back to the apartment.

As soon as we got there, I grabbed Ashton's coffee from the cup holder and reached for my bag from the back seat before climbing off the vehicle. Michael then followed and we both headed inside the building straight to the elevator.

"So your dad's a doctor?" Michael asked, breaking the silence between us while we stood inside the elevator waiting for it to bring us to our floor.

"Uh, yeah...he works at a hospital in the city," I responded. "He taught me and my brothers the basics about first aid and stuff. So you really don't have to worry, I can clean up Ashton's face."

"Well, I don't doubt that you could. I doubt if he will let you."

"I can handle him, Mike. Don't worry." I smiled at him and then the elevator doors opened and we both stepped out heading straight to his and Ashton's apartment. Michael opened the door and allowed me in.

"I'm gonna go to him first, ok? You know he can be a bit of an asshole sometimes." Michael said as he walked down the hall ahead of me. I trailed after him towards Ashton's room.

Michael right then opened the door on Ashton's room without knocking. I just stayed behind him out of Ashton's view.

"What took you so long?" I heard Ashton's voice, all sounding cold, and stern. "And where's my coffee?"

"Well there's actually  _ someone _  here who wants to see you and will help clean up your fucked up face," Michael told him, completely ignoring his questions.

"Who?" Ashton asked.

Michael turned to me and gestured for me to go inside Ashton's room. I did so and I almost froze on my step in surprise after seeing him sitting on his bed, his face having cuts and bruises all over it. He got cuts on his cheek, eyebrow, and his bottom lip. A purplish color is also forming under his eye.

Ashton's expression is pretty much surprised as well as he saw me. He then turned and glared at Michael and said, "Michael what the fuck?"

"What? He said he can help clean your face up." Michael responded with the same tone as Ashton's.

"You just can't keep your mouth shut sometimes, can you?"

"Oh, shut it,  _ Ashton _ !" I snapped at him, making silence fell into the room. I turned to Michael and said with a small smile, "It's ok, Mike. I can handle it from here. You have to be somewhere, yeah?"

"Uh...yeah," Michael responded with a nod. He glanced at Ashton then back to me and smiled, "Well, see you later."

I nodded at him and smiled.

As soon as he left, I looked at Ashton who was still sitting on his bed but obviously avoiding looking at me. I rolled my eyes and went over to him. I dropped my bag by the foot of his bed and sat down on the edge as I handed him his coffee.

He took it from me, took a sip, but didn't say anything. I let out a sigh then reached over to his face but he moved away before I can even touch him.

"I have to see your face, ok? I have to see if there is any serious damage to it." I told him, voice calm yet stern. I am feeling kinda mad at him right now for trying to keep this from me.

"Why are you here? You have work." He said, ignoring what I told him.

"Do you think I could still work after knowing this? Now let me see your face."

"It's nothing, ok? Just leave it." He snapped.

"Really? You're gonna be an asshole to me now too? Again?"

This time he lifted his face up and drifted his gaze to me. I gasped as I saw his face, now clearly seeing the damage up close. I then let out a huff and said, "Do you have anything I can use to clean all this up?"

"Are you mad at me?" He asked instead, completely ignoring my question.

"We can discuss that later. But right now, I need to clean your face,  _ Ashton _ . I really don't like seeing you like this."

He let out a sigh then said, "In the bathroom."

I nodded and held out a hand for him and said, "Come one."

He glanced at my hand then back to my eyes before he took it and climbed off the bed with me. I didn't let go of his hand as I took him with me to the bathroom.

He took a sip of his coffee that's still in his hand as we entered the bathroom. He told me where the stuff I need was and he leaned his hip against the sink counter placing his coffee on it.

I took a hand towel and drenched it with water and stood in front of him examining his face. His eyes were focused on me but I didn't let it bother me because I just want to clean his face up.

I started to dap the wet towel on his cut on his cheek. He flinched at first but then stayed in place with an emotionless look on his face.

"Are you really planning of keeping this from me? And what? You're just gonna hide from me and lie until all of these disappear?" I confronted him as I cleaned up all his other cuts and internally thanked god that they were all just minor cuts.

He didn't respond and just stared at me with that unreadable look on his face. I started cleaning up the rest of his face, carefully avoiding the bruise under his right eye.

"Do you really think I wouldn't care if I don't see you? That I could just go on day after day without wondering why you are not showing up your ass when we just live right across from each other and go to the same fucking uni? Do you really think I would just believe any lie you would tell me as to why we can't see each other and will just wait until you decide to show up and would just act as if nothing happened? You think I won't come looking for you and see what the fuck happened to you? Do you think I wouldn't worry about my-," I stopped, immediately realizing what I was about to say then let out a breath and said, "do you really think I wouldn't worry about you?"

I looked at him, my breathing deep and hard with all these emotions I am feeling inside. I am angry and worried and sad yet also relieved that this is just what happened to him and nothing worse. I tried so hard to push back the tears forming in my eyes.

Ashton was also looking at me but this time, his eyes are soft and apologetic. He then brought his hands and cupped my face. I didn't move and just stared at him with teary eyes until I couldn't help it any longer and let them fall.

I don't wanna cry in front of him because of this but I can't help it when I am feeling too much. I know I may seem to be over-reacting over this but I just couldn't bear the thought of what if something worse has happened and I don't know anything about it.

I felt his thumbs wipe away my tears that have run down on my cheeks. I sniffed and said, "I had to find out about it  _ accidentally _  from your best friend. Even Niall knows and you told him not to tell me," I then pulled his hands away from my face because I am just angry, "Why, Ashton? Do I mean nothing to you?" Then a realization hit me and I pain shot through my chest and I looked at him with sad eyes, tears running down my cheeks, and said in a small voice, "Were all those things you told me about how you feel about me - were they all lies? You just made me believe them? Are you playing a game on me?"

Ashton's eyes widened in surprise. "What? No! Luke,  _ baby _ , no!" He rushed out as he immediately brought his hands back on the sides of my face thumbs wiping my tears away. I averted my gaze from him and then he softly said, "Hey,  _ baby _ , look at me."

I couldn't help but do as told. As soon as my eyes landed on his face, he gave me a small sweet smile and said, "I didn't lie to you about how I feel about you. I could never do that to you. I am really crazy about you, Luke."

"Then why do this,  _ Ashton _ ?" I asked him.

He closed his eyes for a moment then sighed out and opened his eyes, looking at me again, and said, "I'm sorry,  _ baby _ . I'm really sorry. I know I shouldn't have kept it from you. I was just..." he looked down at his hands fell down from my face too. I almost whined at the loss of contact. I may be angry at him right now but his touches always give me comfort.

"What?" I pushed.

"I was scared that you'd hate me for getting into a fight." He said in a small voice.

"Wait what?"

looked back up at me with sad eyes and said, "I was  _ scared _ , Luke, that you'd hate me because I can't do a nice thing. We just had our talk earlier and look what happened. I got into a fight. I'm just scared, Luke, that you'd hate me because I could never be more than an asshole."

" _ Ash _ ...why would you think that?" I asked him, now my anger evaporating from my body. "Why would you ever think that I would hate you? I could never hate you. I told you that already."

Ashton chuckled, shaking his head as if I just said the most ridiculous thing. I looked at him in disbelief, "Why do you do that? Why don't you believe that I could never hate you?"

"Because I am not some saint, Luke. I have done a lot of shit in my life before that would make you hate me." Ashton said not looking at me.

"Yes, you may have done a lot of shit,  _ Ash, _  but that doesn't mean I would hate you. The things that people have done in their lives do not define them as a person."

Ashton looked at me in the eyes and then smiled and said, "You are too good for me."

I just gave him a smile then placed both of my hands on his face, careful to avoid the cuts and bruises though. Then I gently pulled him to me as I leaned in and caught his lips in a soft gentle kiss but I then quickly pulled away, tasting a bit of blood from the cut on his bottom lip.

"I really shouldn't have done that. Did I hurt you?" I asked him worriedly.

He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion and then realized he had a cut on his lips. He chuckled and then shook his head 'no'.

I sighed then gently caressed his cheeks with my thumb as I studied his face. He may look like a mess right now but he's still so amazingly beautiful. How is he even real?

He then brought up his hands and took mine from his face and held them on his. He gave them a gentle squeeze as he said, looking straight in my eyes, "I'm really sorry, Luke. I'm sorry I keep letting you down."

"You don't let me down,  _ Ash _ ," I sincerely told him.

He smiled at me and I returned the gesture, squeezing his hand back.

"Let's finish this up," I told him as I pulled my hands from his and got some band-aids to put on his cuts. I gently covered his cuts with the band-aids, except for the one on his bottom lip.

As I finished up, I gently traced the bruise under his right eye with my fingertips and silently said, "Who was it?"

"Luke..." he said in a warning tone.

"Do I know who you got a fight into?" I asked him looking at his eyes.

He tried to look away from me but I held his chin, making him look back up at me. He let out a huff and said, "It's  _ Andrew _ ."

"What?" I said, almost in a whisper, letting go of him and dropping my hands to my side.

"I couldn't stop myself, Luke," Ashton said then tore his gaze away from me and said, voice filled with anger, "When I saw him, rage just took over in my system. I wanted to kill him for what he did to you."

" _ Ash... _ " I said but he still didn't look at me. I brought a hand up and placed it on his cheek and gently turned his face, making him look at me again.

His angered eyes quickly turned soft and he said, "If it wasn't for Niall, I would've had hurt him worse than I already had. I'm really sorry, Luke."

I don't know what to say so I just stood there with my hand on Ashton's cheek as I looked at him with teary eyes. He was in a fight with Andrew because of me. I caused this. He got hurt because of me.

Without thinking anymore, I pulled Ashton into a tight hug and I let go of the tears in my eyes when I felt his arms circle around my waist. I sobbed on his neck and said between sobs, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

Ashton stilled and gently pulled away to look at me. I tried to look away from him but he gently held my face with both of his hands with his thumbs wiping my tears away. I sniffled as I looked at him in the eyes. His eyes were all worried yet soft.

" _ Baby _ , are you ok? Why are you saying you're sorry? You didn't do anything." Ashton said in a soft tone yet so worried.

"You got hurt because of me," I told him in a small voice.

"What? No? Please, no, don't blame yourself. I got hurt because of me. Not you."

"I was the reason why you got into a fight. I was even an asshole to you before because of this. Before I even tried to know why. I'm so sorry, Ash."

"Fuck.  _ Baby _ , no. Please, stop blaming yourself. Please."

"But-"

"No, buts. This is not your fault."

I didn't say anything and just continued to cry as I averted my gaze from him. I was being such a bitch to him. I snapped at him and confronted him. But then I was the reason why he got into a fight.

" _ Baby _ ..." Ashton quietly said.

"I'm really sorry, Ash," I said to him as I looked back at him. "I was such a bitch to you. I got mad at you and confronted you, even accused you when all you did was for me. You got hurt because of me. You got into a fight with Andrew because of me. You did all these for me and all I did was bitch out on you. I'm so sorry,  _ Ash _ ."

" _ Baby _ ...please stop saying that. Stop blaming yourself. Stop making yourself feel bad about it. I didn't even really get hurt. It's just a few cuts and bruises," Ashton said trying to calm me.

"But I really don't like seeing you like this."

"Well you're already helping me, aren't you? And hey...you know I would do anything for you," Ashton said in a light tone, trying to lighten up the mood.

I blushed at his statement and I looked down, making him chuckle, "It's true, Luke. I'd do anything for you and to protect you."

I smiled then huffed and said, "You know it's kinda funny when you did this for me, got into a fight and saying you'd do anything for me when I don't even really know what we really are."

"What do you mean?" Ashton asked with a furrowed eyebrows.

Shit. I shouldn't have said that. Luke, you really need to learn how to think before speaking sometimes.

"Nothing," I mumbled.

"It's  _ not _  nothing, Luke," he said. "You got something in your mind that you're afraid to say. Say it. Tell me what's bothering you."

I looked at him in the eyes and I can his eyes are searching on mine. Searching for something so I said, "I know you told me how you hated labels in general and obviously that includes labels in relationships. It's just that...I don't know what to call us: I don't know what to call you. It's just that...I really like you, Ash, you know that. We've established that between ourselves already. But...I just feel that if I am going to be with you, I would need security, Ash. I want us to be official. But...if you don't want that, it's fine, I understand. Just don't drop me like I'm nothing when you don't want me anymore."

Ashton's eyes turned all soft and then he said, "Luke, baby, please don't ever think that I am using you or something because I am not. I may not be all this expert when expressing feelings or being showy, I may be rude and an asshole sometimes, but please know that I feel a lot for you and I would never drop you because I am pretty sure to myself that I would never stop wanting you. To be quite honest, I am the one who's really scared that you would leave me at some point because you'll get tired of me or something. No one would ever want to be with an asshole like me."

" _ Ash _ ...don't think that. Yeah, you can have an asshole attitude sometimes, but you are not an asshole. You know what I mean? And no, I would never leave you for that. I see a whole lot in you, Ash. That's basically why I got really attracted to you. You know, your amazingly good looks set aside."

Ashton chuckled, "Did I ever tell you how  _ beautiful _  you are?"

"Shut up," I mumbled as I looked down, trying to hide my red cheeks. I am never good with compliments especially coming from Ashton.

" _ Beautiful and adorable _ ," Ashton whispered with an amused look on his face.

I glared at him as I said, "I'm really gonna punch you in the face right now."

Ashton laughed then pecked my lips. "So...you were really bothered about what we really are?"

I blushed again in embarrassment but then nodded and said, "I'm just...I didn't want to assume stuff, you know and I just need some kind of security. I didn't wanna call you my...my boyfriend when you're not."

" _ Am I not already _ ?" Ashton raised a questioning eyebrow but still held that amused look on his face.

"What?"

"Well, we are  _ together _ , yeah?"

"Yeah...but it's just...you know...we never really discussed it like that and made it official and also I just really didn't wanna assume."

Ashton fondly smiled then said, "Well, Luke Hemmings, will you be my boyfriend?"

I was actually surprised by his question. I was really expecting him telling me that he doesn't want it like this because he hates labels. But him saying - asking - me this...it just made my heart do flips. I chuckled then said, "You kidding me? Haven't you realized that I really got this massive crush on you? Do you think I would be saying all these shit if not? Of course, I would want to be your boyfriend, you asshole."

Ashton laughed and I could help but laugh along as I adored him. He then pulled me into a kiss after and I didn't mind if he has a cut on his lip because I just wanna kiss him too.

"You know," he said as we pulled away from the kiss, "it's really better if we are official because as you know I can be really possessive and now, I could really call you mine and I really don't wanna share you with anyone." He then frowned and continued, "I hope you didn't take what I said the wrong way."

I chuckled as I cupped his face with my hands and pecked his lips and said, "Don't worry...I know exactly what you mean and I feel the same,  _ boyfriend _ ."

Ashton laughed, "You really are something, Luke Hemmings."

I smiled and pecked his lips again. I looked at his face and caressed his cheeks with my thumb and said, "But can we still just keep us a secret? It's just that, I'm still trying to figure out how we tell our friends about us. Especially when they don't even think that we're friends. I know Niall does have an idea about us and me being gay and Calum knows I'm gay but Michael doesn't. And Michael kinda thinks we are friends of some sort but Calum doesn't and he also doesn't know I am friends with your brother either. Then your brother doesn't have any idea the real deal between us. It's just still a bit complicated you know? And I am still trying to figure out how to reveal everything to them in a less messy way."

Ashton smiled, "I completely understand, Luke. Well, I agree with you, really. Everything is still so complicated and they'd probably blow their heads off when they find out I'm in a relationship and being all soft with you. You know how that is so not me."

"Yeah, because you're all so grumpy and serious and heartless," I said with a smirk.

"But never heartless to you," he smiled.

I smiled back and caught his lips with a kiss which he quickly responded. I felt his arms wrapped around my waist, him pulling me closer. I then felt Ashton's tongue playing with my lip ring, making me smile against his lips.

"What?" He whispered against my lips.

"You really do have a thing for my lip ring, don't you?" I whispered.

"Hmmm...so hot."

I chuckled then caught his lips again, earning a response immediately. I then felt Ashton's tongue brush against my bottom lip, asking for entrance. I didn't take long and granted it immediately. As soon as his tongue met mine, the battle for dominance quickly started and he kissed me deeper. My arms then traveled around his shoulders with one hand finding its way to tangle into his hair. I felt his tongue brush against the roof of my mouth, making me release a moan through the kiss and gently tugging on his curls. I felt his arms tightened around me and pulled me even closer if that is possible.

We held each other as close as possible as our tongues wrestled and moans escaped from both of us until we had to pull away to catch our breaths. We both looked at each other in the eyes and gave each other a fond smile.

"Thank you for  _ everything _  that you've done for me," I told him quietly.

He smiled and pecked my lips before he said, "Thanks for being mine."

"Fucking cheesy," I commented with a playful smirk.

"You started it," he replied with a shrug.

I chuckled but then frowned and traced his bruise with my fingertips and said, "I really don't like seeing you like this."

"It won't happen again. I promise."

"You better keep that promise."

"I will."

"Good."

"So, stay the night?" Ashton asked with a smile.

"How about Michael?" I asked.

"He won't be back 'til tomorrow."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. How about Calum though?"

"Tomorrow night."

"Perfect."

"Perfect?" I raised an eyebrow.

"I got you all to myself tonight." He said pulling me closer again.

I chuckled, "Cheesy asshole."

Ashton laughed then pecked my lips, "What do you want for dinner later?"

"You cooking?" I asked with a wide smile.

Ashton chuckled, "Yeah."

I smirked, "Why don't you surprise me,  _ boyfriend _ ."

**\---**


	10. 10

**\---**

"Honey, I'm home!" I heard Calum call out in the apartment as soon as he entered.

I smiled wide then called back, "In my room, sweetie!"

" _ Sweetie? _ " Ashton said over the receiver and I chuckled remembering I was talking to him on the phone since he called me to check if I got home safely after work. He wasn't able to pick me up so he asked Niall to give me a ride home. I really didn't want him to do that since I don't wanna bother Niall. I can always take the bus. But I didn't know anything until I just saw the Irish boy waiting for me outside the café when I got off of work.

"Why? You jealous?" I responded, teasingly.

Ashton scoffed, " _ Jealous? No. I'm pretty sure your Asian friend is not your type. _ "

I laughed at what he said, "God, he's not Asian."

" _ I know you like me very much but you didn't have to call me 'God'. Well anyway, that just proves how much you are into me, so... _ "

"Holyshit. Did you just make a joke?" I commented both jokingly and surprisingly. Well never have I heard Ashton make any joke.

" _ Don't make it such a big deal. _ "

I laughed, "Though how much I wanted to make it such a big deal right now, I really need to go. I can hear Calum's footsteps. He's headed towards my room."

" _ Ok. Just text me later before you go to bed. _ "

"Ok. Bye, Ash."

" _ Bye, baby. _ "

I blushed a bit by the pet name. It still gives me feels even though Ashton calls me that all the time. I smiled to myself as I hung up the call and that was when Calum appeared on my door.

I beamed as I saw him and quickly jumped off the bed and rushed to him to give him a tight hug. He laughed as he hugged me back and said, "Miss you too, buddy."

I pulled away and said, "How's Mali? God, I miss her."

"She's fine. She sent her regards and this," Calum said and raised up a denim jacket with some ripped design and the words "Young Renegade" and a rose at the center adorning the back.

My eyes widened in astonishment. It was the All Time Low merch that I have been wanting to buy. I slowly reached out for the jacket and glanced up at Calum in awe.

"Wow," I breathed. "Thank you. Thank you so much. I can't believe this. How-how did she know I want this?"

"Well I kinda have mentioned it and she just bought it and said to give it to you. She misses you too you know."

I smiled widely at Calum then pulled him in another hug. "Thanks," I told him and he nodded as he patted my back.

"So," he said as we pulled away, "who were you talking to on the phone? You were smiling like an idiot."

I froze for a moment, surprised that he caught that. I quickly thought of a lie and said, "Oh, it was Harry. Just checking if I would go to their wedding. Apparently he got my number."

"Why were you smiling like an idiot? It was like you were talking to your boyfriend and he compliments you or something." Calum commented.

I almost blushed at that because it was almost accurate. "What? That is just out of nowhere. I was smiling because he and Louis were bickering and I find it adorable."

"Ok..." Calum nodded, and I pray to God he would just accept what I told him and won't go too much into it. "So, how was it being alone here?"

_ Thank God. _

I smiled and then said, "Well it was fine. I had the whole apartment to myself and I kinda liked it. You know, peaceful and stuff."

Calum playfully glared at me then walked over to my bed and lied down. I chuckled as I followed him and did the same.

"You did not bring guys over and had one-night stands, did you?"

I gasped and put a hand on my chest in a fake offense. "Wow, Calum, I have never been greatly offended in my entire life."

Calum laughed and playfully hit my arm. I chuckled then let out a sigh of relief. Relieved that my best friend is back. I missed him though it was just a few days that he was gone.

"Hey," Calum said, making me look at him. "were you taking the bus the whole time I was gone?"

I actually didn't expect that question. I contemplated for a short moment whether to tell him the truth that Ashton was getting me a ride or just lie about it.

"Uh, not always," I said, settling in between lying and telling the truth.

"You walked sometimes?" Calum asked voice laced with worry.

"No, Calum," I said with a smile, "Some of my friends from uni and work offer me a ride sometimes."

"Oh, ok. I'm glad you didn't walk or take the bus the whole time. I really don't like you taking the bus especially when you get home after work. It's kinda dangerous."

"Oh, come on. I am a full-grown man. I think I can take care of myself." I told Calum with a playful smile.

Calum pouted and said, "But you are a clumsy giant."

This time I gave him a glare and playfully pushed him.

Calum laughed and so did I.

We laid there on my bed for a while in silence until Calum said, "Can I just not attend my classes tomorrow?"

"What? Why?" I asked him in confusion.

"Because it's just one day to attend class this week. Can I just...you know...finish the week without uni and just come back next week?"

I chuckled, "Lazy ass."

Calum smiled then his face lit up as if he remembered something and said, "Hey, have you seen Mikey?"

"I think he's in his apartment. Why?" I responded.

"Well, I got something to give him," Calum said as he got up from the bed.

I followed his actions as I said, "What?"

"Mum's homemade cookies," Calum replied as he headed towards the door.

I quickly followed him and said, "Did you also bring me some?"

"Of course. You'd cry if I didn't."

"Yes!" I exclaimed, following Calum to the kitchen. He picked up one of the Tupperware boxes from the counter and I was about to open the other when he said, "Not yet, Luke. You gotta go with me first."

"Where?" I asked with furrowed eyebrows.

"To their apartment to bring these to Michael, of course."

"Why would you need me to go there? It's just across the hall."

"Just come with me."

I eyed Calum for a moment then realization hit me and I laughed and said, "You're afraid of Ashton."

Calum scoffed, "I'm not afraid of him. I'm just not comfortable with him. Now shut up and go with me."

"Fine," I said as I followed Calum towards the door.

We walked to Michael and Ashton's apartment door and just suddenly the beating of my heart went faster at the thought of the possibility of seeing Ashton even if we just talked through the phone just minutes ago.

Yes, I do see him every day and get to touch him and hold him and kiss him but I still get excited everytime I am about to see him or just think of him, especially now that we are finally official. It just makes me feel a lot of kinds of feelings. I still can't believe that he's actually  _ my boyfriend _  now. It's literally a dream come true.

I smiled to myself at the thought of Ashton being my boyfriend. I don't think I would ever get used to calling him that.

Calum and I stopped in front of the door and I was the one who went to knock. Just a moment later, the door was opened and my heart skipped at the sight of my beautiful boyfriend.

But my moment was quickly cut off with Calum saying, "Holyshit!" He was actually gaping at the sight of Ashton having a bruise and a few cuts on his face.

I hit Calum with my elbow, making him close his mouth and glare at me. God...this boy sometimes need to control his reactions on some things.

I looked at Ashton who was raising a questioning eyebrow at us. I smiled at him and said, "Hi! Uh...is Michael home?"

"Yeah, he's in the shower. Why?" Ashton responded with that usual monotone voice of him.

I looked at Calum who was staring at Ashton. I rolled my eyes and nudged his shoulder, making him look away from Ashton turning to me.

"Why are we here, Calum?" I asked him.

"Oh! Uh...well...I have to give these to Michael," Calum said lifting the Tupperware a bit to show what he was talking about.

Ashton glanced at me then to the Tupperware on Calum's hand. He sighed then opened the door wider as he stepped back and said, "Come on in."

"What?" Calum and I both said in unison and both surprised that Ashton invited us in. I was expecting for him to maybe just take the Tupperware and give it to Michael himself. Probably Calum thinks the same too. Or worse because this guy's mind can be out of this world sometimes.

"Come on in," Ashton repeated. "You can wait for him inside. He's probably about to finish."

"Ok," I said as I pulled Calum by his sleeves and entered the familiar apartment.

Ashton closed the door and followed us as he said, "You can put that on the counter and just maybe...wait in the living room or something."

Calum just stood in the middle of the kitchen like a lost boy. I rolled my eyes and grabbed the box from his hand and placed it on the counter as I took a seat on the center barstool. I then noticed Calum taking a seat next to me on my left.

"You want something to drink?" Ashton offered and I looked at him with a raised eyebrow. I was really not expecting this kind of behavior from him. Well if it's just me and him, this is most likely to happen but with other people around, I expect him to be his usual strict, grumpy self.

Ashton just gave me a glance then turned to Calum with a questioning look making Calum say, "Uh...I'll just have a beer if you have any."

Ashton nodded and went over to the fridge to get Calum a bottle of beer. He opened the bottle and handed it to my friend. Calum mumbled a 'thanks' as he took the bottle of beer from Ashton.

Ashton then turned to me and said, "How about you, Luke? Don't you want anything?"

"Nah...I'm good," I said with a smile, earning a small one from Ashton.

Just then Michael appeared in the kitchen from the hallway and halted with a surprised expression as he saw me and Calum sitting at their kitchen counter. I beamed at him as Calum gave him a nod and a smile.

"What are you guys doing here?" Michael asked, walking over to the kitchen counter with a smile on his face.

"Well, as promised, I brought you my mum's homemade cookies," Calum said as he pushed the Tupperware towards Michael.

Michael's face lit up at the mention of the food and took the box with excitement, making Ashton roll his eyes. I gave him a knowing look and he shrugged in response then walked around the counter to sit on the empty barstool next to me, lightly  _ nudging _  his knee to mine.

Michael beamed at the sight of the cookies when he opened the box. I chuckled at his reaction.

"Damn. I really didn't think you'd actually bring me some." Michael told Calum with a chuckle.

Calum smiled then shrugged and said, "Well I promised, didn't I?"

"Thanks, man!"

Calum chuckled as he nodded.

"Well, since you're here now, why don't you join me and Ash watch a movie?"

I turned to Ashton with a questioning expression and he gave me a shrug as he said, "If you want to."

"Don't you have an early class tomorrow? It's Friday." I said, glancing between Ashton and Michael.

"I'll skip class tomorrow. Not in the mood. I feel so tired this week," Michael said.

"And you?" I asked Ashton.

"I won't attend class with a fucked up face, Luke," Ashton replied.

"Well, actually I was also planning of skipping class tomorrow since it's already Friday and I was gone the whole week," Calum stated.

"What? So I am the only one here who was thinking about attending class tomorrow?" I asked and all three of them just gave me a shrug.

"A movie night really sounds better than an early class, Luke," Calum pointed out.

Michael nodded in agreement.

I looked at Ashton then he said, "Well, I do agree with Calum, Luke."

"Really?"

Ashton shrugged and I rolled my eyes then said, "Fine. Let's have a movie night."

Calum and Michael high-fived. Ashton just gave me a small smile.

"Well, I would only join this movie night if I am in comfortable clothes, so let me go back to my apartment first and change. I've been in these clothes since this morning." I stated, standing up from the bar stool.

"Why don't you just borrow  _ my _  clothes?" Ashton offered.

"What?" I asked him with a raised eyebrow. I was a bit surprised at his offer and at the same time excitement builds up in me. He's offering to let me use his clothes! Just the thought of wearing Ashton's clothes is already giving me tingling feelings and excitement.

"You can borrow clothes from me," he answered looking up at me since I am standing now.

"Well I kinda have to change too, so maybe we'll just come back," Calum said before I can respond to Ashton.

I actually frowned at what Calum said because I wanted to wear Ashton's clothes. I just hope nobody saw that.

"Just borrow some of mine as well," Michael offered Calum. " So you won't go back and forth between our apartments. I'm pretty sure I got clothes that would fit you and Ashton got some that would fit Luke."

I internally cheered at what Michael said and looked at Calum expectantly.

"Are we also gonna have a slumber party now?" Calum asked with a chuckle.

Michael laughed, "Well if you both are ok with sleeping over, I'm fine with it. How about you, Ash?"

Ashton just gave a shrug.

"You sure?" I asked him.

"Well, I'm pretty sure we're gonna have a late night tonight since everyone has agreed of skipping class tomorrow. So everyone would probably end up tired and asleep in the living room." Ashton stated.

"So it's settled then," Michael said with an excited smile. He then turned to Calum and said, "You're ok with borrowing my clothes right?"

"Sure," Calum said, standing up from his seat.

"Well, my room's the first door in the hall. You can just pick whatever you want to wear," Michael told Calum. "I'll set up the movie in the living room as you change."

"Come on, Luke," Ashton told me as he gestured for me to follow him to his room.

I nodded at him and then he turned to Calum and said, "I'll take you to Mike's room."

Calum glanced at me then also nodded and we both followed Ashton down the hall.

"This is Michael's room," Ashton told Calum, opening the door. "His clothes are in the dresser."

"Ok, thanks," Calum said with a small smile as he entered Michael's room.

Ashton gestured for me to follow him into his room which was the last one down the hall.

As soon as we both entered, he closed the door behind him then immediately pulled me to him and caught my lips with a sweet kiss. I immediately responded to the kiss and circled my arms around his neck as his arms wrapped around my waist.

"I missed you today," Ashton softly said as we pulled away from the kiss.

"Me too," I replied with a smile. "Especially during work. I was getting used to having you stay with me before my shift and picking me up after."

Ashton smiled, "I really hope I didn't annoy you with me always being around."

"I love always having you around," I said, cupping his face with my hands and kissing him softly.

"You should change," Ashton said.

I nodded with a smile as I let go of him. He then took my hand and gently pulled me with him towards his dresser.

"What would you like to wear?" He asked.

"Well, just some sweatpants will do just fine. I gotta get out of this skinny jeans." I responded.

"If you ask me, I prefer you in those. Your legs look sexy." He said with a smirk, looking down at my legs.

I blush at his statement. Ashton chuckled, satisfied at making me flustered then let go of my hand and opened a drawer. He pulled out a pair of black sweatpants and handed them to me.

"You wanna borrow some shirt as well?" He asked as I took the sweatpants from me. I nodded at him and he pulled a random white t-shirt from another drawer.

As I got the clothes from him he went over to his bed and sat down. I looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

"What? Are you all shy to change in front of me?" Ashton asked, lying down on his bed.

"Well, yeah, to be quite honest," I told him.

He chuckled, "Come on,  _ baby _ . We have both seen each other in boxers so there really is no need for you to get all shy."

"But-,"

"Just change, baby. And hurry up, they are waiting. They'd probably wonder what happened to us if we take too long to return out there."

I huffed, "Fine."

I slipped out of my shoes and I started to strip off my clothes and I could really feel Ashton's eyes on me. I just didn't make myself look at him because if I do, I'd probably turn as red as a tomato in embarrassment. I know Ashton is not the kind to judge but I still feel insecure around him. I mean, look at how perfect he is!

As soon as I finished changing, I folded my clothes and piled them at the end of Ashton's bed as I also placed my shoe at the foot of the bed. I didn't bother putting them back on since I know I'd probably end up sprawled on the couch.

Ashton got up from the bed and I was about to head to the door but he took hold of my arm and gently pulled me to him again, locking me in his embrace, and then kissing me deeply.

I chuckled as we pulled away and said. "What are you doing? I thought we should head back out."

Ashton smiled, "I just can't help it, sometimes. I just need to kiss you. You know, especially when I see that lip ring."

"Stop making me blush, Ashton!" I groaned as I hid my face in the crook of his neck.

Ashton chuckled, gently squeezing my hip.

"Thank you," I told him with a soft smile as I looked at him.

Ashton furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, "For what?"

"For being so nice tonight." I pecked his lips.

He smiled then said, "Come on, baby. Let's go back out."

He led me out of his room. We quickly separated from each other as we headed down the hallway.

Calum was already in the living room with Michael. He was seated on the recliner while Michael was feeling relaxed on a beanbag on the floor. They both turned to me and Ashton when we both took a seat at opposite ends on the couch.

"What took you so long?" Michael asked with a chuckle.

"Luke was being picky with the clothes," Ashton nonchalantly lied.

My eyes widened as I looked at him and I gaped. "I was not being picky, Ashton!"

"Yeah, sure you're not." He simply replied.

I glared at him and punched his arm, "I was not."

H gripped his arm and turned to me with a scowl, "Why are you so fucking abusive?"

"Well, you were a dickhead." I shot back.

"Well, you didn't have to beat me up. Can't you see I'm still injured?"

"Oh don't be such a baby, Ashton. It was a light punch, it can't ruin your arm."

Ashton was gonna say something back but Michael beat him to it and said, "Ok, why don't we start the movie before you both kill each other?"

I sighed and turned away from Ashton only to see Calum gaping at us and Michael had this unreadable look on his face.

I looked back at Ashton who was looking at Michael and said, "What are we watching?"

"Mama," Michael replied with a grin.

Ashton raised an eyebrow, "Really?"

"Yeah, I wanna watch it again and Calum hasn't seen it, so..." Michael said with a shrug.

"Well I haven't seen it as well," I said.

"Fine, let's watch that. Play it, Mike." Ashton said.

Michael grinned and pressed play.

As the movie started I look around to look for a pillow so I can get comfortable on the couch. I saw a throw pillow on the floor so I picked it up and hugged it to my chest as I sunk into the comfortable couch. The lights were already off and everyone's attention were on the TV screen except for Ashton's. When I glanced at him, he was subtly looking at me.

I raised a questioning eyebrow at him and he just gave me a small smile as he turned away and looked at the TV screen. I did the same and tried to focus on the movie.

Suddenly, I felt my phone vibrate in the pocket of Ashton's sweatpants that I am wearing. I pulled it out and saw a text from Ashton. I turned to him and saw him looking at the TV screen with his phone in his hands.

I looked back down on my phone and opened the text.

**Ashton: You look so beautiful.**

I immediately blushed at the message. Good thing it's dark and none of them, especially Ashton, would see.

**Me: Focus on the movie, Irwin.**

I subtly watched him as he opened up my text. A small smile tugged on his lips as he went to type in his reply.

**Ashton: How can I do that when you're sitting just a few feet from me?**

**Me: I really can't remember how is that my problem 🤔**

**Ashton: Your sassiness makes you more attractive.**

**Me: What has gotten in you today? Making a joke and being flirty? Are you sick?**

**Ashton: Wow, Hemmings. Can't I be like that with my boyfriend?**

I cheeks heated again at the word 'boyfriend'. I just can't help it you know. It just makes me feel stuff.

I was about to type in my reply when Calum said, "Why are you so busy on your phone?"

"What?" I asked him though I clearly heard him. I just didn't know how to answer that.

"Why are paying more attention to your phone than to the movie?" Calum asked with furrowed eyebrows.

I raised an eyebrow at him and said, "Why are you paying more attention to  _ me _  than to the movie?"

Calum gaped but held an amused expression on his face.

Ashton on the other hand, literally  _ laughed _  at what I said, making Michael look at us and eye Ashton as if he was an alien.

"Fuck, Hemmings! Are you on your period?" Ashton asked me with a chuckle as he looked at me from the other end of the couch.

I rolled my eyes at him and gave him the middle finger which he returned with a light laugh. I turned away from him and noticed Michael staring at Ashton with a confused expression.

I ignored it then put my phone away and we all turned our attention back to the movie. But I, unfortunately, couldn't focus on it since I spent the whole time bickering with Ashton through texts.

**\---**

I woke up to the smell of coffee and the sound of someone cooking. I moved around and realized I am not on a bed. I opened my eyes and looked around me. The surrounding was unfamiliar yet also familiar at the same time. Just then I remembered last night's events and realized I am at Michael and Ashton's apartment and might have fallen asleep on their couch last night.

I slowly sat up and found Calum and Michael comfortably sleeping on the beanbags on the floor on either side of the couch.

"Good morning," I heard Ashton's voice and I smiled before turning around and saw him behind the kitchen counter making breakfast. He threw me a smile and went to pour some coffee on a mug.

I stood up and went over to the kitchen counter, sitting down on a barstool. He gave me a peck on the lips and I blushed slightly. He smiled as he slowly pushed the mug of coffee towards me and I thanked him with a smile.

"How was your sleep?" Ashton asked with a soft smile.

"Good. Your couch was comfortable." I replied before taking a sip of the coffee and wow, this is good. Is there anything Ashton couldn't do?

Ashton  _ smirked _ , "That's  _ good _  to hear."

"How about you? Did you get any sleep? Where did you sleep?"

"Yeah, I had some sleep and we kinda  _ shared _  the couch." Ashton responded with a smirk.

"What?" I said with wide eyes.

He chuckled, "Well you just decided to make me  _ your pillow _  last night. You just  _ cuddled _  up to me and won't let me get up. You somehow ended up sleeping on  _ top _  of me."

"I did that?" I asked in both surprise and embarrassment.

Ashton smiled, "Yeah, you did."

"Shit, I'm sorry."

"It's fine."

Well, that's maybe why I felt so comfortable sleeping last night.

I leaned closer to Ashton and said in a hushed tone, "Did  _ they _  see me do that?"

Ashton shook his head 'no'. "They fell asleep halfway through the second movie. When you snuggled up to me, the second movie was almost done so it was safe." He said in a quiet voice.

I nodded with a small smile and thank God they didn't see that because if they did, I really don't know what to do when they bombard me and Ash with a lot of curious questions.

"Goodthing you woke up before anyone else did," I stated.

Ashton gave me a smile in response and said, "Someone had to prepare breakfast. I don't know about Calum but you and Mike are food monsters."

I gaped at him in disbelief and he laughed at my reaction.

I playfully glared at him then I watched him as he got a plate and placed bacon and eggs on it before giving it to me.

"Oh, thanks!" I said with a grin and picked up a bacon strip and began munching on it.

Ashton looked at me with a fond expression then leaned in and gave me another peck on the lips. I gave him a wide grin, making him chuckle.

Just then we both heard a groan coming from the living room. I turned around and saw Michael sitting up and rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He looked around and then raised an eyebrow at me and Ashton.

"Get up, sleepyhead. Breakfast's ready." Ashton told Michael, the tone of his voice less cold and less rude. I smiled small to myself at that.

Michael got up from the beanbag he was sleeping on and looked down at the still sleeping Calum from the opposite side of the living room.

"Aren't we gonna wake him up?" Michael asked.

"I'll do it," I said. "Come here and have some breakfast."

I stood up from my seat and went over to where Calum was sleeping as Michael went over to the kitchen counter and sat down on the barstool next to where I was sitting.

I stood over Calum and lightly kicked him on his thigh. He groaned but didn't wake up and just turned over on the beanbag. I rolled my eyes and kicked him again, a bit harder this time.

"What the fuck, Luke! What is your problem?" He grumbled without opening his eyes.

"Have some shame and get up." I told him.

" _ You, _  have some shame and stop disturbing people when they sleep." He shot back snuggling more into the beanbag.

"Well, I am not the one who's sleeping on a beanbag in the neighbour's living room." I stated, making Calum stiffen then slowly turn back to me with eyes wide open.

I watched him in amusement as he looked around and slowly sat up. His whole face reddened when he saw Michael and Ashton looking at him from the kitchen with an amused look on their faces.

I laughed at my best friend, earning a glare from him and headed back to the kitchen, saying, "Get up, Calum, and have some breakfast."

"You made breakfast?" Calum asked as he stood up and followed me.

"Nope. Ashton did."

"Oh. Ok." He said as he sat down on a barstool next to Michael.

I sat back down on the barstool I was previously sitting and continued eating the food on my plate. I watched as Ashton put some bacon and eggs on a plate and handed it to Calum.

Calum mumbled a 'thanks' but didn't look up at Ashton and just focused on the food on the plate.

"So what made you cook breakfast?" Michael asked Ashton before taking a sip of his coffee.

"What kind of question is that?" Ashton responded to Michael with an 'are you kidding me' look on his face.

"What is so wrong about what I asked?" Michael said.

"If I didn't cook breakfast, do you think you are eating now?" Ashton shot back.

Michael rolled his eyes, "Well you don't usually do it."

"We got other company, Michael."

Michael was about to respond and I beat him to it not wanting to risk them arguing and said, "What time is it, Ash?"

"It's almost 11," Ashton responded, turning to me. "Why? You got somewhere to go to?"

"Uh well yeah, I gotta work. I skipped work last wednesday, remember?"

Calum then turned to me with furrowed eyebrows and asked, "What happend to you last Wednesday? Why'd you skip work?"

_ Fuck _ . Luke, fucking use your brain sometimes!

"He helped Ashton fix up his fucked up face." Michael told Calum before I could.

"Oh..." Calum said. "Well, his dad's a doctor so he pretty much know what to do."

Ashton and I glanced at each other with knowing looks and I internally thanked all the gods that Calum didn't push much into the matter. Goodthing he doesn't use his brain much in the mornings when he wakes up.

"Fuck." Calum muttered.

We all looked at him and he chuckled and said, "I'm sorry. Just forgot I need to go to uni today."

"Why?" I asked him.

"Need to hand in some assignments. It was like a make-up stuff for the days I wasn't able to be in class."

"Well so much for not going to uni today." I commented.

Calum palyfully rolled his eyes and I smiled and said, "Well I'll go with you."

"Why?" Calum asked in a confused tone. "I mean, you don't have to."

"Well first because I am a really great bestfriend and second, because I also have to work. So after handing in your assignments, just drop me off to the café."

Calum shrugged, "That would be better. So I can hang out at your workplace too."

I smiled.

We all continued our breakfast with some exchanges of talks between each other. Ashton was also sneaking off some bacon from my plate.

It was actually a nice time. It might just be a really simple stuff but it felt nice. The four of us starting to actually hang out together makes me happy because it is a good start for a really nice bond between us, especially now that Ashton and I are together. I hope that this continues because these three people with me right now are three of the  _ best _  people I have in my life.

**\---**

Calum parked the car and grabbed the folders that hold his assignments from the back seat before we both stepped out and headed towards the building.

"Maybe I'll just wait for you out here. Didn't wanna risk bumping into any of my professors," I told Calum as we approached the entrance.

"Ok. I'll be quick," he replied and then stepped inside the building.

I nodded and went to sit down on the edge of a plant box by the side of the entrance of the building.

I pulled out my phone and saw a text from Ashton. I opened the text and smiled to myself at how cute his text is. I really wasn't expecting this fluffy side of Ashton.

I was about to type in my response to Ashton when I noticed someone standing and hovering over me. I quickly looked up to see who it was and my eyes widened in both surprise and fear seeing it was Andrew.

I completely froze as I looked up at him with wide eyes and mouth agape. I felt like I couldn't really move. He was looking down at me with dark, angry eyes. It was really scary but what frightened me more was his appearance.

His face is messed up way worse than Ashton's. He's got more cuts all over his face and it was still very swollen with purple bruises. I think his nose is even broken.

I wasn't scared because his messed up face looked scary, I was scared because I knew what happened and just by the look on his eyes, I am pretty sure he knows I am the reason why Ashton beat him up. I know he blames me for what happened because it really is my fault and that is why I am scared of what he'll do to me to get even.

I couldn't even let a word out of my mouth as I felt it ran dry. I just stared up at him in fear.

"You little  _ slut _ !" He hissed.

Still, I couldn't respond to him. He grabbed the collar of my shirt and pulled me up, making me stand on my feet. There weren't many people around us so it was really favourable for him if he would hurt me now.

I am taller than him but that didn't bother him. I knew the look of my face gave out my fear.

He pushed me backward and I almost fell. Luckily, I was quick to keep my balance. He moved closer to me, dark, angry eyes piercing through mine.

"Look what you did to me! Look what your asshole of a  _ boyfriend _  did to me! You  _ slut _ ! You can't even handle small stuff on your own and drag the fucking asshole to take care of shit!" Andrew growled on my face. I still hasn't moved and just stared at him in fear. He looked at me as if he is going to kill right this very moment. I can't evem describe anymore the thumping of my heart in my chest.

"You and Ashton are not gonna get away with this. I'll make sure of that. You will  _ pay _ . This is  _ not _  over." He spat then looked at me one more time before walking past me, bumping my shoulder hard, I almost turned around fully.

He never looked back again and I watched him as he limped his way away from me and I realized Ashton has hurt him way worse than I already thought.

I let out a deep breath that I didn't realize I was holding. I could feel the tears forming in my eyes as panic rose up in my system. I am so afraid of what he'll do: what he'll do to me and most especially what he'll do to Ashton. I can't let having Ashton getting hurt again because of me.

"Luke!" I heard Calum say behind me as he exited the building.

I didn't respond and just stood there trying my hardest to calm myself. But nothing seemed to be working as I can't push away the thoughts of Ashton possibly getting hurt. I can't erase Andrew's angry eyes and everything he said from my mind. My breathing started to quicken and I shut my eyes as I fisted my hands because I know I am soon gonna have a panic attack.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and I flinched having it retracted immediately.

"Luke? What's wrong?" I heard Calum say, his voice filled with worry.

"C-can we g-go ba-back home?" I managed to tell Calum and he quickly nodded, guiding me back to the car. He helped me in and rushed his way to the driver's seat and immediately took off.

I couldn't focus on anything anymore around me and I don't know what is happening anymore. I tried all that I could to calm myself down but none seems to work. I just kept my eyes shut and tried all that I can to even out my breathing.

I soon then felt the car come into a halt and a car door open before I felt the door on my side open as well.

"Luke?" Calum's worried voice sounded but I didn't respond. I am really having a difficulty in breathing now. It's like my airway is closing off.

I heard a car pull up but I didn't care much about what is happening around me anymore. I just really can't breathe and tears are already falling from my eyes. My chest hurts and I can't stop myself from shaking.

"What is happening?" I heard a familiar voice ask but I can't tell anymore whose it is.

"I think he's having a panic attack but I don't know how it happened." I heard Calum say in a very worried voice.

I then felt someone's presence near me and a hand on my knee. The touch felt comforting.

"Luke..." That voice. It sounds and feels safe. "Look at me." They said but I shook my head 'no' as I can't do it. I still really can't breathe.

I felt a hand took mine and held them as they said, "I am going to count to ten, and we are gonna breathe together in between, ok?"

I nodded my head 'yes' but still didn't open my eyes. I just gripped the hands holding mine.

"Ok," they said and immediately began counting as we both breathed in and out in between. My breathing started to slow down and we continued breathing in and out. In and out. In and out. Eventually, my breathing went back to a normal pattern but I still didn't open my eyes and just continued to breathe evenly while still gripping those hands.

"Luke..." they sounded again. "Look at me. It's just me.  _ Ashton _ ."

As soon as I heard that name, I quickly opened my eyes and looked up. As soon as my gaze met those perfectly beautiful hazel-green orbs, everything just felt so safe.

" _ Ash _ ..." I breathed out and right then threw myself into him, wrapping my arms around his neck. I felt his arms circled around my waist and I tightened my hold around him, closing my eyes and hiding my face in the crook of his neck.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." I mumbled against his skin.

"Ssshhhhh...it's ok," he whispered.

I didn't know how long we stayed like that but I didn't care. I just wanna be held by him. He just feels so safe.

"Do you wanna get inside?" He whispered after a while.

I just nodded my head 'yes'.

"Ok," he responded. "Come on, I'll help you stand up."

I nodded again and then opened my eyes as we pulled apart. He wiped the tears on my cheeks with his thumbs and he gave me a small smile as he took hold of my arms and guided me out of the car, helping me stand up.

As soon as I was out of the car, I just then noticed Michael and remembered that Calum was also there. Both of them are looking at me with worried expressions. I also then realized it was Michael's familiar voice that I heard before.

"I'll let Calum take you inside, back into your apartment, ok?" Ashton said, making me quickly turn to him with worried eyes. It's not that I don't want Calum. It's just that, I need Ashton. I feel so much safer with him.

I took hold of his arm and gave him a pleading look.

"Why don't you just take him up, Ashton?" Calum told Ashton.

"Are you sure?" Ashton asked.

"Yeah. I'll just follow you up."

Ashton then turned to me and said, "You want me to take you inside?"

I nodded at him.

"Ok, come on." He said as he placed a hand on the small of my back, guiding me towards the entrance of our apartment building. I watched him as he tossed his car keys to Michael and said, "Can you please lock the car?"

"Ok. Calum and I will follow you up." Michael responded as he an Calum closed up and locked both of the cars.

Ashton and I stepped inside the elevator and before it closed up, Calum and Michael were able to get in so we all went up to our floor together.

As the elevator doors opened, Ashton and I stepped out first, him guiding me down the hall. Michael and Calum were just right behind us.

We got to mine and Calum's apartment door and Calum went to open it allowing me and Ashton to step inside.

"You wanna go to your room?" Ashton softly asked and I nodded.

He led me down the hallway and into my room, opening the door and let me step inside first. He guided me to my bed and let me lay down.

Ashton pulled my shoes off and placed them by the foot of the bed before he sat down on the edge. I saw Michael and Calum hovering by the door and watching us with a worried expression.

I really appreciate them being there and caring and I know I owe them an explanation about what happened, especially Calum but I just don't have the energy to do that now. I'm so tired and I'm so scared.

"I'll let you sleep," Ashton said and was about to stand up but I quickly grabbed his hand and looked at him with a pleading look.

" _ Don't leave _ ," I managed to say.

Before Ashton got the chance to respond, Calum said, "I guess it would be better if you stay with him, Ashton."

Ashton looked at Calum and then he nodded. I let out a sigh of relief and then noticed Calum closing my bedroom door, leaving me and Ashton alone in my room.

Ashton looked at me with soft yet worried eyes. I avoided his gaze and just started playing with his fingers.

" _ Baby _ ..." he softly said. "What happened?"

I don't really know why but my tears just began falling again, remembering my encounter with Andrew.

"Oh,  _ baby _ ..." Ashton said as he laid down beside me and pulled me into his chest. I gripped his shirt and sobbed into his chest. His hands rubbed my back comfortingly as he pulled me closer to him and held me tight.

"I'm really sorry," I said after a while, looking up at him.

" _ Baby _ , you haven't done anything wrong," Ashton said, looking down at me and gently squeezing my arm, showing affection.

"But I did. I got you hurt and now, I am so scared that something bad will happen to you because of me. I can't let that happen." I told him.

Ashton's eyes softened, "Luke,  _ baby _ , nothing bad will happen to me, ok? And if I ever get in any trouble, it won't be because of you. You never caused anything bad that happened to me. Don't ever ever ever think that you would cause me any harm."

He gently placed a hand on my face and leaned down to give me a sweet kiss.

"Are you ok now with telling me about what happened?" Ashton then carefully asked.

I frowned as I averted my gaze from him. I swallowed then quietly said, "It's Andrew."

I felt Ashton's hold on me tightened as he said in a hard tone, "What the fuck did he do? Did he hurt you?"

"No. No, he didn't hurt me. But...he was really angry and I'm afraid that he might do something bad to hurt you."

"He won't. I know Andrew, and I am not scared of him. He won't be able to do anything."

"I just want you safe and ok." I said in a small voice.

He wrapped his strong arms around me and pressed a kiss on my forehead and said, "I am, baby...and I will also keep you safe and ok always.  _ I promise _ ."

I leaned up and caught his lips in a soft kiss. Then I whispered against them, " _ I trust you _ ."

**\---**


	11. 11

**\---**

I snuggled more into the warmth against me. It just feels so comfortable and also smells so good. The scent is so familiar. I have always loved that smell. I smiled at that and snuggled even more, burying my face into the soft material of a cloth. I soon then felt arms wrap around me and its familiar, comforting, and safe feeling made me smile even more.

_ Ashton _ .

I inhaled deeply, taking in his smell, as I moved my arm and instinctively wrap it around his waist. My legs also found their way to tangle with his. I felt him pull me closer to him. Then a pair of soft lips was pressed onto my forehead.

I hummed in response to the kiss before I slowly opened my eyes and looked up and was met with a pair of soft hazel-green orbs. I smiled as I was happy to see them like how they are now. They look even more beautiful than how they usually were which was cold and emotionless. But now they are so soft and more colorful, making them even more breathtakingly stunning.

Ashton gave me a small smile before he leaned in and gave me a sweet peck on my lips.

"How was your sleep?" He asked in a soft tone.

I smiled, "Great. Thank you."

"It's good to hear that." Ashton smiled.

"What time is it?" I asked him.

"Just around six."

My eyes widened a bit in surprise, "I slept for three hours?"

"You had a long nap which was good," Ashton said, gently squeezing my arm.

"Did you sleep too?" I asked, looking up at him.

Ashton shook his head 'no'. "I couldn't sleep, but it's fine."

"You just stayed here with me the whole time?"

Ashton smiled and pressed another kiss on my forehead before saying, "I  _ couldn't _  leave you."

I frowned. "You didn't have to, you know," I said, not wanting Ashton to think that I was being so clingy or I am forcing him to do stuff and waste his time with me when he could be doing more important stuff than lying on a bed while I sleep.

" _ Baby _ ...I wanted to stay with you."

"You could be doing more important things," I argued.

"More important things than you? I don't think I have them." He said with a small smirk.

I playfully glared at him and said, "You know, you are really fucking cheesy right now."

Ashton chuckled and pecked my lips.

"But I am not joking, Ash. I really didn't want you to waste your time on me when you could be doing a lot more important stuff." I told him in a serious tone.

"More important stuff like what? Luke, baby, seriously, there is a no more important thing for me right now but  _ you _ ."

I stared at him for a moment, not knowing exactly what to say about it. So I leaned up to capture his lips with a soft kiss instead because it's the only thing I can think of.

Him telling me that I am important to him than other things really means a lot to me. It is more than I could ever ask for. I know it is normal for two people in a relationship to prioritize each other but hearing those words come out from his mouth made me feel a lot of things that I don't know if I could ever explain. It made me feel a whole lot more for him.

"I'm sorry..." I quietly told him.

He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion then said, "For what, baby?"

"For being so weak," I said because it was the truth. I am weak. I cried and had a panic attack over small stuff that can just be easily handled then dragged my boyfriend into the situation. If I wasn't being so weak, then probably all of this would've been avoided.

Ashton let out a huff and pulled me even closer to him then pressed a kiss on my forehead again as he said, "Baby, you're not weak. Don't ever think that you are."

I averted my gaze from him and focused on my finger that was tracing random patterns on his clothed chest. "But I am though. Andrew was right. I couldn't handle things on my own and had to drag you into it. I'm so sorry." I said, speaking out my mind.

I felt Ashton held me tighter as he gently tilted my head up to make me look at him again. The expression on his face is hard but the look on his eyes was still soft as they gazed into mine. "Baby...Andrew is a manipulative liar and a fucking asshole. If I am an asshole, trust me, he's way worse. Don't believe what he says because none of them is true. You are  _ not _  weak, Luke. You never were."

I gave him a small smile. He then leaned in and gave me a kiss which I quickly respond to. Our lips moved accordingly against each other as Ashton kissed me deeper. It wasn't a rough and hard kiss, it was just a soft sweet one but it felt so damn good. It is all I need. Ashton is all I need.

"You hungry?" Ashton then asked me with a sweet smile as we pulled away from the kiss.

"Yeah, a bit," I replied.

"What do you wanna eat?"

I contemplated for a moment and was about to answer when I suddenly remembered something. I looked up at him and asked, "Where's Calum? And also Michael?"

"They're both out in the living room," Ashton replied.

I looked away for a moment before looking back up at Ashton and said, "They uh...they saw what happened earlier, yeah?"

Ashton nodded, "Pretty much, yeah. Well, Calum was with you from uni and when Mike and I got here, you were already in the middle of your panic attack. They both stayed with you and helped out."

"Yeah...I should really thank them both and apologize as well."

"They understand, Luke."

"I know but I still owe them an explanation," I said.

"What are you planning to say?" Ashton asked.

"The truth?" I said but more of a question than a statement. "You know about what happened to me and Andrew in that frat party."

"You do realize that if you do that, you would have to - in some way - come out or give a hint about your sexuality, right? Well to just Mike, of course, since Calum already knows. Well, I mean, you were sexually abused by Andrew and he's a guy. And if you are going to tell them the whole story, you'd be telling how'd it happen. You know what I mean?"

I thought about what Ashton said. He's right. If I am going to tell them the truth, I would have to come out. Well, it's just Michael and I don't think my sexuality would be a big deal to him. Eventually, I would really have to tell him about it so why not just do it now.

I smiled small at Ashton and nodded my head before saying, "Yeah...I know exactly what you mean. Well, it's Michael. He won't judge, right?"

Ashton smiled, "Baby, he never would. I know that guy inside out and he's the most chill and the nicest person I know. And hey, my brother's gay and Michael loves him like they're brothers too. I even think he's more proud of Harry's sexuality than Harry himself. He even punched a guy one time when he laughed at Harry because he wearing a woman's shirt."

I chuckled and gave Ashton a peck on the lips, "Then I got nothing to worry about when I come out to him. Well, it could be good though."

Ashton smiled.

But then I realized something and frowned as I said, "Speaking of, I might be coming out to Michael today but I don't think I am ready to confess about our relationship. You know what I mean? It's just that...can we just maybe take it slow and drop one bomb at a time?"

"Ok, baby. But why would you worry about telling them about our relationship now?"

"Well they saw what happened and they saw how you calmed me down and how...how I wanted you to stay with me and stuff. And also you really stayed alone with me the whole time. Don't you think they'd like you know...they'd suspect or maybe conclude that we are together?"

Ashton furrowed his eyebrows but then said, "I don't think that they'd right then think and conclude that we are together but they would definitely believe that we are closer to each other than how they thought we were."

"Are you sure?"

"I pretty much think so."

I huffed out a breath and nodded. "I think we should go out now and maybe let's just order something in for dinner."

"Yeah...that's a good idea." Ashton agreed.

I smiled then moved off of Ashton and sat up. "I should change first though. Can't believe I slept in my skinny jeans."

Ashton smirked, making me playfully roll my eyes as I said, "I know what you're thinking, Irwin."

Ashton chuckled, "Well, you go change while I order for some food."

"Ok," I said as I got off the bed and headed to my dresser.

"Would some Chinese be alright?" Ashton asked.

"Well, Calum and I love Chinese. How about you and Michael?"

"Michael eats anything and I am not picky with food."

"Ok, then we'll have Chinese."

Ashton smiled then grabbed his phone from the nightstand and dialed for some Chinese food delivery.

As soon as I was done changing into a pair of basketball shorts and a white t-shirt and Ashton has ordered some food, we both headed out of my room into the living room where Calum and Michael were playing some video game.

But as soon as they both saw us emerge from the hallway, Michael quickly paused the game as Calum stood up and rushed over to me, locking me in an embrace.

I chuckled on Calum's shoulder as I hugged him back.

"Oh my god, Luke. I was so worried. How are you feeling?" Calum asked as he pulled away from the hug to look at me.

I watched Ashton as he went over to the living room and sat on the other couch, the one next to where Michael was sitting. He gave me a nod and I looked at Calum and gave him a small smile as I said, "I feel better now but uh...I have something to tell you. More like an explanation about what happened."

"Ok...what is it?" Calum asked.

"Maybe we should sit down."

"Oh yeah, right," Calum said as he went over to the couch where Michael was sitting and sat down to his previous spot.

I sat down on the other couch next to Ashton but with a decent space between us. Both Calum and Michael were looking at me, waiting for me to start talking.

I took a deep breath then said, "So uh...well...as you know I had a panic attack earlier but you probably are wondering why I had it. Well...weeks ago, during that frat party at Niall's frat house - the one we all went to - something really awful happened to me. The only people who knew about it were Ashton, Niall, and uh..." I hesitated for a moment before I continued in a small voice, "Andrew."

"Who's Andrew?" Calum asked at the same time as Michael said, "Oh shit."

Calum looked at Michael who was looking at me.

"What happened, Luke?" Michael asked as Calum looked back at me.

I looked at Ashton beside me who gave me an encouraging nod. I let out a breath and looked back at Michael and Calum.

"Well uh...first of all, Michael, I have to tell you something," I said to Michael, making him furrow his eyebrows in confusion. Calum was glancing between me and Michael. I swallowed as I felt my heart thumping hard against my chest.

"What is it, Luke?" Michael asked, worry evident in his voice.

"Uh...well...actually, it is about me. Calum was the only person who knew about it. But after what happened to me during that party, Ashton learned about it and Niall kinda figured it out as well. Anyway, what I am going to tell you is that Michael, I am uh... _ I'm gay _ ."

Michael's eyes widened in surprise but then his whole expression turned into a soft one and he smiled as he said, "I'm really happy that you trusted me about it. Thank you."

"I hope it won't change anything between us though. I mean you are one of my great friends around here." I told him.

"Luke, I don't mind you being gay, and I promise that I won't ever treat you any different."

"Thanks, Mikey."

Michael smiled then Calum said with a smile, "Well I am really happy, Luke, that you are, you know, slowly stepping out of your shell, that you are trusting other people and being comfortable of who you are."

I smiled at Calum. Then he continued, "But this is about your panic attack, right? What caused it? What happened?"

"Yeah...well, during the party, Niall somehow found me as a perfect target and kinda drugged me." I started.

"Oh, that little bitch!" Michael expressed.

"Wait, who's Niall again?" Calum asked with a confused face.

"Fake blonde, Irish guy," Ashton responded to Calum.

Calum made an 'oh' expression, remembering he kinda knows Niall. "Yeah, I remember him from the party."

"Anyway," I said, gaining all of their attention, "I got drunk and then actually partied. I didn't really care anymore and just let myself have fun. I remember dancing with Niall but he just disappeared and that was when Andrew appeared. He danced with me and then we uh..." I glanced at Ashton who gave me a small smile then back to the two boys on the other couch, "we kissed and he managed to bring me upstairs, maybe that was because I was really drunk and weak and then uh," I cut myself off to blink back the tears forming in my eyes as I remember what happened. I never realized they were there already. I felt Ashton's hand on my shoulder, giving me a comforting, gentle squeeze.

Calum and Michael were glancing between me and Ashton as they waited for me to continue. I swallowed and then said in a small voice, "Andrew tried to rape me."

"What?!" Calum exclaimed at the same time as Michael expressed, "That motherfucking maniac!"

"He manipulated me and forced himself on me but I couldn't fight him because I didn't have the strength to. I don't know if it was the alcohol or it was because of what Niall gave me but I just felt so weak, literally. I was lucky Ashton was there and he saved me. He stopped everything before it went too far. If it wasn't for him, I don't really know what Andrew could have done."

"So that was why you were so pissed off that night?" Michael asked Ashton.

Ashton nodded.

"And that was why I ended up in your apartment," I told Michael.

"Who is this Andrew? 'Cause I swear to God, I'm gonna kill him," Calum said with an angry voice.

"He's a psychopathic asshole. I hated that guy ever since I met him." Michael told Calum. He then glanced at Ashton and said with a chuckle, "He and Ashton shouldn't be put in the same room though, all hell would break loose."

"Well, his face pretty represents that," I muttered but they all heard and Michael's eyes widened as he looked at Ashton.

"It was Andrew you got into a fight with?" Michael asked.

Ashton just gave him a shrug.

"Well I am not really surprised, actually, but still didn't think that you'd actually get into a fist fight again. Does this has to do with what you said about him owing you shit?"

"You could say that," Ashton responded. "But then the pathetic asshole went seeking revenge on Luke and threatened him, believing that Luke is still traumatized about what happened and that he could scare him."

What Ashton said wasn't exactly the truth but it was somehow the right thing to say since we couldn't risk giving them a hint about us being together.

"That was why you had a panic attack," Calum concluded.

"Yeah," I affirmed. "Well, I asked Ashton before not to tell anyone about what happened in that frat party because I didn't want to make it a big deal and cause drama. I didn't think that things would come to this that Andrew would come threatening me and Ash. I didn't know how to tell you. I didn't know what to do so I panicked."

"And to be honest, I really didn't know what to do as well. Good thing, Michael and Ashton arrived and Ashton was able to calm you down. Now I understand everything. He was the one who saved you and knows about everything," Calum expressed. Then he turned to Ashton and said, "Thanks, man, for taking care of Luke."

"No worries," Ashton responded.

"What a loser," Michael grumbled, pertaining to Andrew. "It's ok, Luke. At least now we already know everything. Both Ashton and I know how Andrew works, so there's nothing really to worry about. Though that dickhead may not play fair he's not one to be scared of. We can handle him."

I gave Michael a smile which he quickly returned.

Calum was about to say something but he wasn't able to when we all heard a knock on the door. Michael and Calum glanced at each other in confusion. Ashton stood up and headed towards the door. I followed him and Calum said, "You expecting someone?"

"Yeah. Food." I responded to Calum.

Ashton opened the door and a Chinese food delivery guy stood there handing him our orders. He then reached out for his back pocket to get his wallet and my eyes widened at his attempt on paying and I said, "Ash, no. Let me pay for it."

I reached for my own wallet but Ashton just looked at me as if I said the most ridiculous thing then shook his head with a chuckle and handed the guy the money for our orders which was actually had some extra for a good tip.

The guy grinned looking down at the amount and thanked Ashton who gave him a nod and a small smile.

As the delivery guy left, Ashton closed the door with his foot as his hands are full with the food. I took some of the boxes from him and gave him a knowing look.

"What?" Ashton asked, acting innocent.

"You know what," I told him as I followed him back to the living room.

Michael and Calum's eyes lit up at the sight of food. Ashton and I placed the food on the coffee table and I sat back down on the couch I was previously sitting.

Calum stood up saying, "I'll get some plates and drinks. What would you want to drink?"

"Just whatever you have in there," Ashton said as he sat back down on the couch next to me.

"I'll help you," Michael said and followed Calum to the kitchen.

"Why did you pay for everything?" I quietly asked Ashton.

"What's wrong with that?" Ashton responded.

"It's just that...I should be the one paying since this is my apartment and you are my guests."

"Don't worry about it, baby," Ashton whispered, giving me a soft smile.

I playfully glared my eyes, making Ashton chuckle.

Calum and Michael then came back to the living room with the plates and a few bottles of both beer and sodas that we got in our fridge. They placed everything on the table as well and we started to dig in.

Calum then turned on the TV and we watched whatever we can find on Netflix.

I looked around me and then smiled to myself. A lot happened today. It started nicely, then was ruined by Andrew, and yet somehow, it still got its way back around and here I am in my living room with my best friends and my boyfriend.

**\---**

It's been a few weeks now since I came out to Michael and told both him and Calum about Andrew. We never talked about it again nor did they ask about it. Maybe they just didn't wanna cross a line or something like that. I know Calum has a lot of questions he is wanting to ask though. I can see it. He looks at me sometimes as if he has something really huge to say but just chose not to. I didn't bug him about it because I know he'd be able to tell me or ask whatever it was when he feels it is the right time. He always has his own ways when it comes to talking to me especially about serious and important stuff.

My relationship with Ashton has been great too. He is such an amazing boyfriend and I really couldn't ask for more. He's always there for me and makes sure I am fine just like what he promised.

I have calmed down from everything as well. From the past few weeks since my encounter with Andrew, nothing happened so maybe they are really right - well they know Andrew better than me - Andrew is not one to be scared of.

Now it is a Saturday night and Ashton and I are both in my room, just lazing around, and watching some movie on my laptop. Calum and Michael were out. They were invited by Tyler to a party. It was actually the four of us but I refused because I still don't like going to parties. They were super understanding though now that they already knew about what happened to me at the last party I attended to.

Ashton, on the other hand, wasn't home yet when Tyler called and when he got here, Calum and Michael had already left. Michael texted him but he just told him that he feels really tired and wanted to sleep. But then somehow ended up knocking on my door with some ice cream in hand. Well, how can I refuse the ice cream?

"It feels nice that I have told Michael about me being gay," I told Ashton as I took a bite of the ice cream.

"That's good to hear..."Ashton responded with a small smile as he wrapped an arm around my shoulder.

I leaned into him as I took another bite of the ice cream. Ashton chuckled, making me look up at him with a raised questioning eyebrow.

"You are a child," Ashton said with an amused expression on his face.

I gave him a pout which made him chuckle again then leaned down and pecked my lips.

I grinned up at him then threw back my attention to the movie playing on my laptop.

I then heard Ashton let out a deep sigh. I looked back up at him and said with a worried frown, "Are you ok?"

He smiled down at me and said, "I'm fine. Just a little tired, you know....some tired muscles and stuff."

I sat up and placed the ice cream on the nightstand then turned to look at Ashton fully and said, "Come on, take off your shirt and turn over."

"What?" Ashton said, raising a questioning eyebrow.

"Take off your shirt and turn over," I repeated.

"Why?"

I playfully rolled my eyes and said, "I'm gonna give you a massage, silly!"

Ashton chuckled, "You don't have to."

"I know, but I want to. Well, I may not be some expert but I sure do know how to press on the right spots." I told Ashton with a smile.

Ashton huffed then smiled, "Fine."

He then gripped the hem of his t-shirt and pulled it up, over his head and damn...what a fucking lovely sight. I really can't help but look.

"Like what you see, Hemmings?" Ashton said smugly, seeing me staring at him.

Surprisingly, I wasn't embarrassed about being caught. I rolled my eyes and said, "Just turn over, Irwin."

Ashton chuckled as he turned over and laid on his stomach. I stopped the movie and closed my laptop, putting it back under my bed. I then straddled his hips from the back and began pressing my fingers and untangling some knots, feeling his tensed muscles relax after.

Ashton let out some moans of satisfaction and I swear they sound so sexy that I think I am growing hard just by the sound of it. Now I realize that would really be awkward since I am sitting on his lower back and I should also not be feeling like this. Yes, Ashton is one hot human being, bless him, and he's my boyfriend, it's normal to feel like this towards your boyfriend but we haven't done anything beyond kissing yet because of what Andrew did to me.

"Hmmm, baby, I didn't think you'd be this good with your hands," Ashton muttered against the pillow.

I felt my cheeks heat up because did I just take what he said the wrong way? What the fuck is wrong with me today?

I adjusted myself on his back, wiggling as I moved backwards, trying to find a comfortable position, and ended up sitting on his butt.

"Luke, baby, you should stop doing that or you'll make me  _ hard _ ." Ashton said, voice muffled by the pillow.

I froze.

What?

"What?" I said, voicing out my thoughts. Did I hear him right?

"You're moving around on my ass. You're practically rubbing your ass on mine." Ashton said with a chuckle.

"O-oh. S-sorry," I stuttered. Fuck. I was already getting hard with his moans and now he's gonna say stuff like this to me? And when did the whole sexual tension start? I was just trying to give my boyfriend a good massage, dammit!

I awkwardly put my hands back on his back muscles and continued pressing. But then somehow as I look down at him and listened to him let out these amazingly sexy moans, I admitted to myself that I want to do stuff with Ashton. For fuck's sake, I am very much attracted to this man and I have strong feelings for him. He is my boyfriend. I want to be close to him; to be intimate with him. And that I will do.

I let out a deep breath then leaned down and pressed my lips on his shoulder, making him release a sigh. I smiled against his skin and traced down butterfly kisses along his shoulder up to his neck, then stopped right behind his ear. His eyes were closed but a small smile is playing on his lips.

"Ash...?" I whispered in his ear.

"Yeah, baby?" He responded without opening his eyes.

"I uh..." I swallowed then said, "I wanna go  _ further _  with you."

As soon as I said those words, Ashton's eyes shot open and he slightly turned his body to look at me. "What did you say?" He asked.

I looked back at him as I had my body pressed against his back, and softly said, "I wanna go further with you, Ash."

He searched my eyes as if trying to know if I am being serious so I didn't break eye contact with him to show him that I am serious about this. I wanna do this.

"Baby, are you sure?" He asked in a soft voice.

"Yeah, I am. Well, I don't really mean all the way but I wanna do intimate stuff with you, Ash."

"But what if-,"

I cut him off by saying, "Guide me. Just assure me that it is you I am with. Just stay with me and everything will be fine because I  _ trust _  you."

Ashton stared deeply into my eyes as I stared back at him and then gave him a soft smile before leaning down and connecting our lips.

Without any hesitation, Ashton responded to the kiss. He moved and turned his whole body around without letting our lips part. As he was lying on his back, I am straddled on his waist. His arms then circled around my body as he pressed me more against him, kissing me harder yet still gentle.

I felt his tongue lick against my bottom lip, asking for entrance and I quickly granted his request. His tongue found mine and we roamed each other's mouth wanting to taste every inch of it. Tongues wrestled with each other as teeth grazed each other's lips. I felt him lick the roof of my mouth, making me release a moan into the kiss, earning a deeper response from him.

His arms then moved and then I felt his hands gently grip my hips and he suddenly flipped us over, making me lie on my back and him on top of me, and not a second breaking the kiss.

My hands then found their way into his hair, tangling my fingers in them, tugging every now and then. I could feel myself rapidly growing hard inside my shorts, tenting the fabric.

Ashton thrusted his hips forward, making his crotch meet mine. His own hard member bulging from his jeans. I let out a gasp at the feeling, tugging at his hair. I felt Ashton smile against my lips then he pulled away and looked down at me as he said, "Can I take off your shirt?"

I stared back into his eyes and I pushed any other thoughts away and just focused on those hazel-green orbs, reminding myself that I am with him - with Ashton. I slowly nodded my head, giving him permission.

He smiled at me, making his dimples show before he leaned down and caught my lips again in another deep kiss.

As our lips moved accordingly with each other. I soon then felt Ashton handa gripped the hem of my t-shirt and slowly pushed it up my body. As soon as he did so, my memories of Andrew in that awful night came back again, all in a rush.

I stilled my movements as I clutched my eyes closed and grabbed a fistful of hair that my hands were tangled into, trying my best to push away all the thoughts I have about Andrew touching me. Ashton noticed my reaction quickly and he pulled away from my lips. I felt a hand on my face and then heard Ashton's voice say, "Baby, open your eyes and look at me."

I swallowed thickly and then let out a deep breath as I slowly opened my eyes. As soon as my blue ones met those familiar set of colorful orbs, a feeling of safety came to me and I slowly relaxed.

"It's just me, baby...just me.  _ You're with me _ ." Ashton said in a soft tone.

I slowly nodded at him and he smiled and said, "Just keep your eyes on mine, ok? Just focus on me."

"Ok," I whispered.

Ashton pecked my lips and then he slowly sat up, making me let go of his hair but not breaking our eye contact. He grabbed the hem of my shirt again and continued to push it up against my body. I raised my arms as he pulled the piece of clothing over my head and then quickly dropping it to the floor.

My heart is thumping hard in my chest as I don't know and am pretty much nervous of what's gonna happen next. I want to do this thing with Ashton and I don't want Andrew to ever ruin it again.

I closed my eyes again as I breathed heavily, making myself push away everything about Andrew because I don't want to be like this anymore. I can't let him continue to torture me with those awful memories. I can't let him be in between me and Ashton. I can't let him ruin my relationship in any way.

"Baby..." I heard Ashton say and so I opened my eyes, and looked up at him. His soft hazels looking right down at me, as his hands are gently caressing my sides. Just that, I instantly relaxed because everytime I look at Ashton, everytime he touches me, I feel safe. That's all I need to get through the haunting thoughts of Andrew.

I smiled up at him reaching my hands up to his face as I said, "Kiss me."

He smiled back at me and leaned down to capture my lips in another breath-taking kiss. My hands immediately found their way back into tangling into his soft curly locks as I closed my eyes.

Our lips molded perfectly with each other and our tongues slid into each other's mouth, easily finding their way to each other.

Ashton then pulled away from the kiss and began tracing wet kisses from the side of my mouth down to my jaw. He then sucked on my earlobe and then moved his lips down behind my ear and began sucking on the sensitive skin, making me release a moan of pleasure. I felt him smirk against my skin as he knew he found my sweet spot.

He continued to suck on the sensitive skin, making me tug at his hair as I released another moan. I felt him give me a gentle bite and then licked the spot he sucked on.

My whole body is already feeling so hot and I want more of Ashton. I took a fistful of his hair and then sucked on his earlobe before whispering against his ear, eyes still closed, " _ Touch me _ ."

He pulled himself away from my neck and then pressed his lips on my jaw running them up to my ear and whispered, "Ok, baby."

Soon his lips travelled down from my ears, to my jaw, down to my neck, leaving wet kisses and sucking in between as he reached down to my chest. One of his hands ran up and down my side as the other travelled down to my shorts, stopping on top of my tented piece of clothing.

His mouth then took one of my nipples and began sucking as the hand he has on my side found its way to my other nipple, pinching and pulling.

As his mouth and fingers worked on my nipples, his other hands started to move and he palmed me over my shorts. Feelings of pleasure exploded inside of me and I couldn't help but release a deep moan as I tugged harder on Ashton's hair. I thrusted my hips upward to get more pressure, making Ashton pull his mouth away from me.

I opened my eyes and quickly met his dark, lustful ones. A smirk is tugging on his lips as he looked down at me.

He then pulled away completely from me, making my hands drop from being tangled into his hair. I watched as he sat up and settled himself between my legs.

He got his hands back to my hips and he started caressing my sides as his gaze travelled from my eyes down to my body. He then got his fingers hooked on the waistband of my shorts and he looked up at me, asking a silent permission.

I took a deep breath and released it as I nodded my head. With my consent given to him, he pulled my shorts down along with my boxers, freeing my hard member, letting it sprung up against my lower stomach.

Ashton pulled my shorts and boxers down my thighs as he also moved back to pull it further down my legs out of my feet. He dropped them to the bedroom floor as he ended up standing at the foot of the bed, staring down at me. I watched him as he quickly unbuttoned his jeans, tugging it down along with his underwear, having his own hard cock put on display. And fuck, he is huge.

He got back on the bed then crawled up over and had his whole muscular and toned body hover over me, his hands and arms on either side of my head, supporting his weight as his eyes roamed around my own body. His curls all hanging down in front of his face.

I lifted my hands up and laid them flat against his hard chest before I slowly ran them up to his shoulders then up to his neck, my eyes locking with his hazel ones.

Ashton stared back at me, breathing out of his nose as he said, "Fuck, baby, you're so  _ beautiful _ ."

I couldn't say anything so I just smiled up at him and then pulled him down by his neck and connected our lips for yet another sensual kiss.

Ashton then lowered his hips down, making our naked hard cocks meet and rub against each other as he began to rock his hips against me. I released a deep moan into the kiss as the feeling of pleasure from our rubbing members shoot throughout my body. It felt so raw and yet so good that I thrusted my hips up, meeting his to get more friction, earning low yet so hot moan from Ashton.

Ashton pulled away from the kiss but then quickly placed his lips onto the side of my neck as he pressed his body even more to me and thrusting his hips harder. I let out a loud gasp at the feeling, leaning my head back into the pillow with a moan of pleasure, quickly earning a response from him. The skin on my neck was exposed, giving Ashton more access. His lips met the sensitive skin on my neck as he bit and suck leaving small bruises on my pale skin.

I soon then felt his long fingers grab both of our throbbing cocks and he began moving his hands up and down. A throaty moan escaped from my lips as one of my hands tangled back into Ashton's now sweaty curls and my other hand travelled down onto his bare back, nails lightly scraping into his tan skin.

He kept the movement of his hand along with the thrusting of his hips. A strong amount of pleasure filled my body. My mind is a chaotic scene as all I can think about is the pleasure that Ashton is making me feel and I want more of it.

I felt his thumb ran over the slit of both of our cocks smudging the precum over the head. I let out another throaty moan at the more pleasurable feeling, making me tug harder on Ashton's hair. A groan of pleasure left Ashton's lips and he said in a low husky voice against my ear, "Fuck! I really  _ love _  it when you do that."

I smiled at his words turning my head slightly pressing a kiss on his temple.

Ashton raised his head to hover over mine, dark, lustful, hazel orbs locking with my blue ones. He then leaned and captured my lips in a wet open mouth kiss which then quickly went deeper, tongues tangling and wrestling with each other.

I tugged at his hair again, making him release a deep moan, vibrating through our kiss. The movement of his hands went quicker and the silent room was then filled with moans and pants from both of us with all the pleasure we both are feeling.

"Oh my fucking god," I panted out, as Ashton dipped his head back into the crook of my neck.

A knotty feeling soon then began building up in my lower stomach. I dug my nails into Ashton's back as the feeling grew more and more.

"Fuck, I uh, Ash, I'm close," I groaned.

Ashton nodded against my neck then pulled away to look down at me and said, "Come for me, baby."

I thrusted my hips up, meeting with his own and with the movement of his hand. He then let go of his own cock and wrapped his fingers in my own throbbing member alone, pumping it faster.

I was a moaning mess under him as the pleasure I felt grew more and more, pushing towards the edge and soon enough, my whole body tensed, eyes clenched shut, and I came into Ashton's hand and onto the naked skin of my chest.

Ashton continued to flick his wrist, riding out my orgasm as I panted out, leaning my head back into the pillow, and hands dropping to my sides with my eyes still closed.

"Fuck, baby," Ashton whispered out.

I opened my eyes and looked up at him then down to his still throbbing cock. I raised a hand and reached down to his hard length and began pumping him up and down, keeping my eyes on his face.

I flicked my thumb against the slit of his cock, making him shut his eyes closed and release a deep yet loud moan.

"Fuck," he panted out, eyes still shut. "You are so good with your hands, baby."

I hummed in response as a smirk tugged at the corner of my lips as I watch Ashton let out a series of moans and groans because of the pleasure I gave him. I feeling of satisfaction filled inside me as I see my boyfriend being like this because of me.

"Fuck, I'm close," he moaned out.

My grip on his length tightened as I continued to pump him faster and soon he came shooting his release onto my stomach with a loud groan escaping from his lips.

Ashton let his whole body fall on top of me and I was quick to wrap my arms around him. He pressed a kiss on my cheek then to my lips.

His hand caressed my sides and he said as he pulled away from the kiss, "You are so beautiful, baby.  _ So fucking beautiful _ ."

I smiled up at him and reached up a hand onto his face, resting it against his cheek and I said, "So are you."

Ashton just gave me a chuckle then gave me a quick peck on the lips before getting off of me and out of the bed. I looked up at him and watched him as he walked towards the door, still naked.

"Where are you going?" I asked him in confusion.

"To the bathroom to get a towel to clean you up," Ashton nonchalantly replied, looking back at me.

"Naked?"

He looked down at himself then back at me and shrugged as he said, "So what? It's just the two of us here anyway." With that said, he headed out the door to the bathroom down the hall.

Just a minute later, he came back with a damp hand towel on his hand. He, himself, is already clean up. He closed the door behind him, locking it. He then walked over to me and sat down on the edge of the bed as he wiped my chest and stomach clean.

He then tossed the towel on the floor and laid down beside me on the bed, pulling the blanket over, covering the lower half of our bodies. He then pulled me into him, arms wrapped around me. I snaked and arm around his waist as I rested my head on his chest, our legs tangling with each other under the cover.

"Are you gonna sleep here?" I asked.

"Do you want me to?" Ashton asked back.

"I do."

"Then I'll sleep here."

"But what if Calum and Michael come home and find you here."

"They'll both be too drunk to drive home. They'll crash at Tyler's."

"You sure?" I confirmed.

"Yes, baby." Ashton responded.

Silent fell and we both stayed like that for a while, both exhausted from what just happened.

I then looked up at him and met his soft gaze. I smiled and then said, " _ Thank you, Ash _ ."

"For what, baby?" He asked as his hand ran up and down my bare arm.

"For this. For guiding me and staying with me the whole time. For helping me fight through my fear and those haunting memories I had of Andrew." I told him with pure sincerity.

"Anything for you," he said with a smile.

"And also thank you for making this so perfect. Eventhough it wasn't all the way yet, but it was really amazing at least for me," I told him because it was the truth. The whole thing was so perfect.

"It was perfectly amazing for me too," Ashton softly said with a smile. "And hey, I know you aren't ready to go all the way and I won't ever make you do anything that you aren't ready for. One step at a time, baby...one step at a time."

I smiled up at him and reached up to plant a soft kiss on his lips.

"Goodnight, Ash."

"Goodnight, baby."

**\---**


	12. 12

**\---**

All my life I have never been certain about anything except for two things. First,  _I am gay_. Ever since I realized that I am attracted to males and males only, I already know for sure about what I am -  _who I am_. I may have some fears about coming out but I have accepted it to myself and I am happy about it.

Second thing I am really certain about is,  _I am inlove with Ashton Irwin_. I am so fucking in love with him. From the moment I first saw him I was already drawn into him by a force I couldn't quite explain, eventhough he was very rude to me at first.

I know I was a bit scared and really intimidated by him before but there was always this attraction that I have for him. That attraction grew more and more with how Ashton was with me and with the things he did for me, until I admitted to myself that I am surely growing feelings for him.

These feelings rapidly grew especially by the time that we admitted our liking for each other and became officially together.

As time went on with being with Ashton, I slowly have thought about falling in love with him. Though I didn't really know how that would be since I haven't been inlove before, but the intensity of my feelings for him isn't just a mere liking. It was more...and after our intimate moment together last night, I am sure that I am inlove with him.

Now, my problem is, I don't know if I should tell him or not. What if I will tell him but it would end up with him breaking up with me because me being in love is just not what he wants. Being in love with someone, even if you are already together, isn't just that easy of a thing to deal with. We might officially be together and we both really like each other, but it doesn't mean that we are both ready to take this relationship any further or the next step or whatever the hell you call that.

I may be into a much more serious relationship and would be very much happy of the idea of us both being inlove with each other but that doesn't mean Ashton shares the same preferences as mine. That man is not that easy to read. I know he cares for me because he shows me that he does, but that's it. I only know the things that he shows me and he tells me. Other than that, I don't know anything anymore about him.

It's not really a big deal for me that there are a lot of things that I still don't know about Ashton. He's a very secretive person and he only tells the things he wants to tell. I totally respect that.

I know he has a lot of things he keeps a secret; things about his past. The people closest to him have said or hinted about it numerous times already. I wanted to have a glimpse of his past so I can know him more but I know he just won't let anyone in. Like what Harry has told me before, it would take sometime for Ashton to warm up to anyone and trust them. I was just lucky enough that he kinda, in a way, warmed up to me - that he showed bits of emotions. I just really hope that one day, he'd realized that he can really trust me with anything.

Now I lay here beside him and watched him as he sleeps, looking so calm and peaceful. His curls are scattered across the pillow he laid on. His bare chest rising and falling slowly and calmly along with his breathing. He looks so beautiful as he always does and I still can't believe that he's mine. My boyfriend.

And last night? Damn, last night was really perfect. It was one of my favourite times ever. But it isn't because of just what we did, though it was really beautiful, but because of what I have overcome as well. I couldn't really thank Ashton enough for how he helped me get through my fears and how I was able to set myself free form all those haunting memories of Andrew. It was all because of Ashton: the man I am in love with.

I watched him as he slowly moved around a bit and turned to his side, arms reaching out and searching for me. I smiled to myself at the sight of him, blindly searching for me in his sleep, though it was not a hard search since I was just laying here next to him.

He then gently pulled me into him as he found me and wrapped his arms around me. My own arms found their way instinctively around his torso, hugging him close, as I buried my face in his chest. I breathed in his smell: the combination of the remains of his cologne and his natural smell. The smell that I have memorized and I love so much.

I felt him tightened his hold around me and then pressed a kiss on the top of my head. I smiled at that then slowly looked up to see if he's already awake.

His eyes were still closed so I softly said, "Ash?"

"Hmmm?" He hummed in response.

"You awake?" I asked.

He slowly opened his eyes and looked down at me with a smile and then said in his deep, raspy, morning voice, "I am now."

I smiled back up at him, "Good morning."

He pecked my lips then said with a smile, "Good morning, baby."

"Did you sleep well?" I asked him.

"I always sleep well when I'm with you." He responded, making me blush a bit.

He chuckled and I buried my face back into his chest.

A phone suddenly rang. I figured it was his because of the different ringtone. I pulled my face away from his face and looked up at him with a questioning look on my face since he didn't make any move on answering his phone.

"Aren't you gonna answer that?" I asked him.

"It's nothing important," he responded.

"You can never be sure of that," I told him before I sat up a bit and leaned over him to reach for the phone sitting on the nightstand.

I looked at the caller ID and saw Harry's name on it so I showed it to Ashton and sat up properly on the bed with the blanket still covering both our lower halves since we are still very much naked underneath.

He still didn't make a move and just looked at his phone on my hand.

The ringing stopped but just seconds later, it started ringing again. It was still Harry calling.

"You really won't answer your brother?" I questioned Ashton.

"He's just gonna annoy me. That's what he always does." Ashton said.

"If you won't answer him, I will. It could be important, you know."

"Go ahead."

"Fine." I said then looked at the his phone and answered the call. "Hello?"

" _Uh...who is this? Because I am pretty sure this is not my brother's voice_." Harry said from the other end, making me chuckle.

"Hey, Harry...it's Luke," I said.

" _Luke? Why do you have Ashton's phone?_ "

"Well, the asshole won't answer your call so I did," I told Harry, looking at Ashton who just playfully rolled his eyes.

Harry chuckled then said, " _Figured. Well, thanks for answering though._ "

"No worries. So why'd you call? Do you need anything or is there something you want Ashton to do?" I asked Harry.

" _Well not really. It's just that me and Louis are in the city right now which is just about 30mins from your apartment so I figured it would be nice to have lunch with Ash and Mikey. I called Mikey because I know he'll always pick up but I can't reach him so I called Ash._ " Harry explained.

"Oh. Well Mike hasn't come home yet. He went to Tyler's party last night with Calum. They both crashed at Tyler's and Mikey's phone died. Calum texted me earlier and said they'd be home later because they both got a shitty hangover. But Ashton's here and he'll gladly have lunch with you." I told Harry.

Ashton's eyes widened and he said, "What?"

"Shush, Ashton." I said and then asked Harry, "What time are you gonna meet up?"

" _Well,_ " Harry started, " _just maybe text me when_ you _are on your way. Louis and I are gonna meet up with someone first anyway._ "

"Ok, I'll tell him and don't worry, he'll show up. I'll make sure of it."

Harry laughed, " _You are coming too, Luke._ "

"What? No, it's fine. You didn't have to invite me."

" _Oh, come on, Luke, you are coming too. We'd love to have you along. Ashton would surely like that too._ "

"It's fine, Harry. I didn't wanna intrude."

Ashton rolled his eyes then opened up his hand as he said, "Give me the phone."

I stared at him for a moment then hesitantly handed him his phone, afraid that he might cancel and use me as an excuse. As soon as he got it, he put it against his ear and said, "We'll be there, Harry, don't worry."

I widened my eyes at what he said but he ignored my reaction. I just watched him as he listened to what Harry is saying to him then he said, "Ok. Just text me where to meet you...Yeah, yeah, bye."

As soon as they hung up, Ashton placed his phone back on the night stand and then looked at me with a soft smile on his lips.

"You know, I was glad you didn't cancel but I really don't wanna intrude, Ash," I told Ashton.

"Baby, you are not intruding," Ashton said.

"But it's like family stuff, you know. You are gonna be having lunch with your brother and his fiance."

"And you are  _my_  boyfriend," Ashton pointed out.

"But they don't know that yet."

Ashton chuckled, "You know, you are doing your thing again."

"What thing?" I asked him in confusion.

"Your thing...like how you complicate and overthink simple things. It's really cute though."

I blushed, a bit embarrassed, making Ashton chuckle. I playfully glared at him. He smiled then took hold of my wrist and gently pulled me to him.

I ended up lying on top of him with my chin resting on his chest. He got his arms wrapped around me. It was a comfortable position. We always stay like this when we're cuddling and stuff but right now, I am kinda bothered with this position because we are both naked and I can feel Ashton against my thigh and my own naked member is also pressed against his hip.

I didn't say anything and was just acting oblivious about it. But it was no use because Ashton started stroking my bare back with his large hand. Then it slowly slid downwards to the small of my back, slipping inside the blanket covering our lower halves, then stopped on one of my ass cheek and squeezed it.

My eyes widened in surprise for what he just did as I looked at him. He just laughed at my reaction though. It kinda caught me off guard - him squeezing my butt cheek - and it was fine, actually, but it just kinda turned me on a bit and considering our position right now, it woud be a bit embarrassing to have a boner.

Ashton gave my ass another squeeze, making me glare at him as it kinda sent some vibration into my bare member pressed against his hip.

"Ashton..." I whined as I buried my face into his chest.

"What?" He responded, acting innocent.

"Don't do that," I mumbled against his chest.

"You don't like it?"

"It's fine, it's just that..." I paused and then buried my face more into his chest as I felt my cheeks heat up for what I am gonna say next. "Well...it kinda turns me on."

I felt Ashton stilled under me so I slowly looked back up at him and a smirk is plastered on his face.

"Ashton, no, we can't," I told him.

He pouted. Yep. He  _pouted_.

I chuckled then said, "That won't work with me right now. We need to meet up with your brother and it's a 30-minute-drive to the city."

Ashton huffed then pulled me up to him so I am now directly facing him. He then smiled and cupped my face and then caught my lips in a sweet soft kiss. The kind that he gives me when we have these small, sweet moments between us. I really like it though because it shows his soft side: the side of him that he never shows to anyone.

"I really love last night, though," I told him as we pulled away.

Ashton smiled, "Me too, baby."

"Thank you. Again. It made me feel free, you know what I mean? Like, my fears just went away and I'm fine now."

Ashton smiled again at me and then pulled me in for another kiss.

I looked down at him as we pulled away again with a fond smile on my face. I let my fingertips trace some invisible lines on his face. He is so beautiful and oh god, I am so in love with him.

"I'm glad it was with you," I softly said with a smile. "You know how I'm a virgin and stuff, having no experience with doing stuff like what we did with anyone before, and I am glad my first time doing anything like that was with you."

Ashton didn't say anything and just gently took hold of my face and pulled me in for yet another gentle kiss that slowly turned deep.

We had our lips move against each other accordingly and I felt Ashton's tongue play against my lip ring. I smirked against his lips as I know that he just got a thing for my lip ring. Thank god, I didn't lose it and wore it again.

I put more pressure on our pressed lips and then opened my mouth slightly to have Ashton's bottom lip in between my teeth. I started sucking, making Ashton release a moan. I smirked at it then gently trapped his lip between my teeth again, pulling it with me as I pulled away from the kiss before letting it go, making it smack against his teeth. Ashton released a satisfied moan.

I stared down at Ashton with a smirk plastered on my face. He looked up at me with colorful eyes then chuckled, and said, "Damn, baby...that was hot."

I laughed and then pecked his lips and said against it, "You're hot."

Ashton laughed, setting his head more into the pillow. I smiled fondly at the sight. I really love seeing him smile and laugh. It makes my heart flutter. Seeing him smiling and laughing is really special for me because it rarely happens. I feel really lucky to get to see this side of him.

Ashton looked up at me with a soft smile and said, "Why are you looking at me like that?"

_Because you are so beautiful and I am so fucking in love with you_ , I thought. I wanted to tell him that but I know I can't. At least not for now. So I just smiled at him and pressed down my lips on his and said as I pulled away, "Nothing."

"I don't think that's 'nothing'." He said with a chuckle.

I playfully rolled my eyes then looked at him again and said, "Well, I am just happy that I am with you."

Ashton scrunched up his face in fake disgust and said, "Fucking cheesy."

I gaped at him and he laughed and pecked my lips.

"Come on now, baby," he said. "We should get out of this bed if we wanna meet Harry and Louis over lunch."

"Ok," I said with a smile then moved to get off of him.

As I was already sitting on the bed - with the blanket still covering our lower bodies - I looked down at Ashton who didn't make a move of getting up. I raised an eyebrow at him, "I thought we should get out of bed?"

Ashton nodded, "Yeah, we should."

"Why aren't you making any move?" I asked.

"Well, why don't you go and take a shower while I make us some coffee?" He said, completely ignoring my question. But with the mention of coffee, I didn't mind and just nodded with a grin. I love Ashton's coffee.

Ashton smiled then gently patted my lower back as a silent command to make me go take a shower. I complied and slipped out of the bed, completely forgetting I am naked. As I stood up with my back facing Ashton, I heard him whistle so I froze and looked down on myself and quickly covered up my front with my hands as I madly blushed, before turning around.

Ashton was smirking, laying on his side with his elbow propped up, supporting his body. I glared at him and he chuckled then said, "Don't cover up the goods, baby."

"Shut up, Irwin," I grumbled. So that was why he didn't make a move about getting out of bed.

Ashton laughed. Then suddenly, I gained up some courage and confidence and dropped my hands to my side and walked over to where I hung my towel, just letting everything hang loose.

I grabbed my towel and draped it over my right shoulder then strutted towards the door, looking and winking at Ashton who was staring at me, gaping.

A smirk made its way onto my lips and I turned away to face the door.

"Fucking tease," Ashton grumbled and I laughed as I made my way out of the room and headed to the bathroom.

I took a quick shower and then changed into a black band t-shirt and black skinny jeans. I didn't put on a pair of shoes yet and walked out of the room, heading straight to the kitchen where Ashton is.

He was sitting on a bar stool by the kitchen counter, shirtless. He got a pair of my sweatpants on and I smiled to myself, seeing him wearing my clothes. He looked up then as he heard me approaching and smiled as he turned around on his seat. He leaned his back against the counter and I walked over to him with a smile on my face.

He had his hands on my hips and gently pulled me to him, making me stand between his legs. I circled my arms around his neck and leaned down to peck his lips. He smiled at the gesture.

"You wanna take a shower as well?" I asked him.

"Well I would've had preferred to take a shower with you," he stated, making me playfully roll my eyes. He chuckled then continued, "Would you let me borrow some clothes? Not feeling like going back to the apartment."

"Well you are already wearing my clothes, aren't you?"

Ashton hummed then said, "I really _love_  your sass."

I froze at the mention of the word 'love'. Luckily, I was quick to recover and just smiled at Ashton and pecked him one more time on the lips, before reaching over for the mug of coffee on the kitchen counter.

I put the lid against my mouth and took a sip, eyes locked with Ashton's colorful ones. He was softly smiling at me which made some flutterings in my stomach.

"Wow, this coffee is really good," I commented as I put the mug back down on the kitchen counter.

"Thanks for appreciating my talent in making coffee. You know, I would have served you your own mug of coffee but drinking from mine is actually a lot better."

I chuckled, "Why don't you just go and take a shower so we can leave?"

Ashton playfully rolled his eyes, "Fine."

I smiled then pecked his lips before moving out of his hold and sitting down on the empty barstool next to his.

He stood up and stretched out his limbs and oh look at how those muscles flex. Damn. How can this man be so hot? He's unreal. Sigh.

Ashton then headed to the bathroom to take a shower and while he was in there I stayed in the living room with the mug of coffee and watched some cartoons.

Minutes later, Ashton emerged from the hallway, already dressed up. He repeated wearing his own black skinny jeans but he's wearing my black long-sleeved shirt and seeing him in my clothes always makes a smile slide into my lips. His hair was all pushed back and even curlier because it's still damp.

"You ready to go?" He asked as he stood in front of me.

"Let me just put some shoes on. I'll be quick." I responded and rushed back into my room and quickly put on the pair of my black converse. I then realized that both me and Ashton are in an all-black attire today. Is it considered matching?

I then grabbed my phone and wallet and headed back out to the living room. Ashton looked up at me then smiled. I returned the gesture and watched him as he turned the TV off and then we both headed towards the door. I picked up my keys from the bowl on the table by the door and we both stepped out of the apartment.

I locked the door and we headed to the elevator. The elevator ride was quick and we headed straight out the building to Ashton's car as soon as we reached the ground floor.

I settled myself on the passenger seat and played some music as we drove to the city. There was a comfortable silence at the first few minutes of the drive and I just focused my attention out the window.

I then felt Ashton's hand on my thigh so I turned my attention from the window to his hand then to his face. He was looking straight up ahead the road, focused on his driving. His expression is unreadable.

"You ok?" I softly asked him as I placed my hand over his.

He glanced at me with a smile then back to the road and nodded.

I stared at him for a moment and then said, "I'm sorry."

He glanced back at me with a confused expression then back to the road, saying, "For what?"

"You know, for just making decisions for you."

"Baby...it's fine. Don't worry about it...and besides, it's Harry and Louis who we are meeting with for lunch - My brother and his fiancé - not someone I hate." Ashton said with a light chuckle.

I smiled at what he said. Then he flipped his hand over and intertwined our hands together, gently giving it a squeeze. The gesture made my heart flutter especially when we don't usually hold each other's hands. I smiled as I looked down at our hands.

Ashton then brought our entwined hands up to his lips and have the back of my palm a sweet peck, making another smile slide across my face.

We continued to drive to the city, sharing bits of conversation with each other.

"Can you please text Harry and asked him where we should meet them?" Ashton said as we entered the city.

"Uh...I don't actually have his number." I told Ashton.

I watched him as he pulled his phone out from his pocket and handed it to me, saying, "Use mine."

I took the phone from his hand and pressed the power button, making the screen light up. But the phone is protected with a passcode.

"I can't open it. It's locked." I said.

Ashton glanced at me then told me a set of numbers for his passcode. I smiled to myself with the idea of Ashton trusting me and giving me access to his phone. I know it's normal for a couple to trust each other with each other's phones unless one is hiding something from the other. But with Ashton, I don't know...I just didn't dare ask to have any access with anything he owns. I just let him be the one who would willingly give me access to his stuff. He's a private person and I didn't want to cross any line. We just started dating anyway and besides, I trust Ashton.

I typed it in and unlocked the phone then opened the messaging app to send Harry a text. He responded immediately and told us where to meet him and Louis. I told Ashton what Harry said and he nodded, driving straight to the location.

But suddenly, he slowed down a bit and looked over at a music shop. His expression was unreadable. I followed his gaze and looked at the shop as well. There was a tally sign up above indicating the name of the shop. A guy with long wavy hair placed a guitar up on display behind the glass window. He looked up and as soon as his eyes landed on Ashton's car and probably seeing who's inside since our windows are down, his eyes widened in surprise. I got confused since I didn't know him so I assumed he knows Ashton.

I turned back to Ashton and he was quick to turn his attention back to the road and sped the car back up. I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion about what just happened as I looked at Ashton who didn't dare look at me and just focused on the road with a serious expression on his face. I know he knows I saw what happened and I wanted to ask him about that. But seeing his actions right now, I know better than to ask him. He clearly doesn't want me to and I totally respect that.

I sat back on the car seat and just tries to push everything to the back of my mind. Neither did say anything until we reach our destination and Ashton parked the car at an empty spot on the parking lot by the side of the restaurant.

I stepped out of the vehicle and Ashton did the same. I was about to walk towards the building when he grabbed my wrist, making me turn to look at him.

Before I could say anything, I felt his lips pressed against mine and as quickly as our lips met, I fall into the kiss. Our lips moved against each other in slow motion and it felt so nice. I smiled into the kiss before pulling back and looked at Ashton, still with the smile on my lips.

"What was that for?" I softly asked him.

He smiled, "Nothing. I just wanna kiss you."

I playfully rolled my eyes, "Fucking cheesy."

Ashton chuckled then gave me a peck on the lips before leading me to the restaurant building.

I immediately spotted Harry and Louis when we came to the front of the restaurant as they were sitting at a table outside. Both were talking and giggling at each other and it is a really adorable sight, especially when you can see the fond looks on their faces.

Harry looked up and beamed as both Ashton and I approached their table. He quickly stood up and pulled me into a hug. I chuckled then hugged him back.

"Hi, Harry," I said, as we both pulled away from the hug.

"I missed you!" Harry expressed, making Ashton playfully roll his eyes as he sat down on the empty seat next on Louis right.

I smiled at Harry and said, "Well I missed you too, Harry."

Harry beamed, making his dimples pop and then gestures for me to sit down as he did so himself. I took the empty seat in between Ashton and Harry. The table is round so we all sit next to each other.

Louis gave me a smile and I returned the gesture as I relaxed in my seat.

"I'm glad you are both able to come," Harry expressed with a dimply smile.

"Well, I basically forced Ashton though," I replied.

"And I basically forced you," Ashton added.

I glanced at him with a smile which he returned.

A waiter then approached us and handed us each a menu. I opened the menu and scanned the everything in it. It's either I don't know how to read the name of the dish or I am not really familiar with it. So I really don't know what to order. I let out a huff, earning Ashton's attention.

"You ok?" He softly asked, leaning closer to me.

I looked at him and smiled small as I nodded my head 'yes'.

"You don't like anything in the menu?" He asked again.

"Well not that," I told him. "It's just that I don't know any of this food. I don't even know how to read some of them so I have no idea what to get."

"Just pick any of them," Ashton simply said.

"I can't just pick any, Ashton when I don't even know one," O argued.

Ashton playfully rolled his eyes and said, "You are doing your thing again."

"I'm not."

"Yeah, sure."

"Why do you keep saying that?"

"I'm just stating the obvious, Luke."

"Whatever," I grumbled and focused back on the menu with a frown on my face. I still can't choose and pick among these dishes.

I subtly glanced at Ashton but to my dismay, he was already looking at me with an amused look on his face. I fully looked at him and raised an eyebrow.

"Just pick any, Luke." He said with an amused smile.

"What if I won't like it? These food are rather expensive if I may say." I told Ashton.

"They actually have good food here and you are not actually picky with food as I've noticed. I mean you always do your thing when choosing but you also eat anything, so I guess you'll be just fine." He said with a sincere smile.

I looked at him for a moment then smirked and said, "Well why don't you surprise me and order for me then and save from this dilemma?"

Ashton chuckled and playfully rolled his eyes as he sat back in his seat, scanning the menu in his hands.

He didn't agree or disagree so I said to him, "So?"

He glanced up at me then back to the menu and said, "Fine, Hemmings, if that's what you want."

I beamed then also leaned back in my seat. I looked at Harry and Louis and they were both staring at me and Ashton with raised eyebrows. I gave them am an awkward smile and Louis chuckled, saying, "You two are weird."

"Yeah, says you," Ashton responded, without looking away from the menu.

"Thank you," Louis replied.

The waiter then came back to take our orders. Louis ordered for both him and Harry as Ashton did for the both of us. I have no idea what he ordered for me but I trust him and I know I would like it.

While waiting for our food to be served, Ashton asked Harry and Louis, "So why are you here in the city?"

Louis made a surprised face and said, "He is making a conversation, Harry!"

Ashton rolled his eyes and said, "Fuck you, Louis."

Both Harry and Louis laughed, making me chuckle.

"Well," Harry said, "we met up with the designer of our suits for the wedding."

"When is your wedding again?" Ashton asked.

I rolled my eyes before turning to him and said, "It's on February, Ashton. It's your brother's wedding you should know it by now."

"Louis and I are now offended," Harry said but rather jokingly.

Ashton just gave us all a shrug. Then he looked at Harry and said, "So, February, huh? Aren't that a little cliché?"

"Why would it be cliché?" Harry asked.

"Well, it's February. The month of love or whatever the fuck you call that. You know all that valentine shit and stuff."

"It's their wedding, Ash, they can have it anytime they want," I told Ashton.

Ashton raised his hands up in defense.

I turned to Harry and said, "Just ignore him, Harry."

"Wow, Hemmings, since when did you become so rude? Especially for me?" Ashton said to me.

"And since when did you become so dramatic?" I responded.

Louis whistled, making me look at him. He had an amused smile on his face and so was Harry.

"Can I switch brothers now?" Harry asked. "I think I love Luke to be my brother now."

"Awww, Harry, you are so sweet!" I gushed at Harry.

"Wow I feel so attacked right now," Ashton commented.

I was about to respond when the waiter came back with our orders. I didn't know which one is mine so I just waited which one the waiter would put in front of me. It was Ashton though who instructed the waiter which meal to serve me and he did as told before retreating back inside the restaurant.

I looked at the dish in front of me and I have no idea what it is but it looks and smells delicious. I think it's pork with some vegetables and special sauce. I picked up my fork and poked the food, making Ashton chuckle. I turned my head to look at him.

"It's good, I promise," he told me.

"What's it called?" I asked him.

"It's not important, just try it."

I playfully rolled my eyes before turning back to my food, saying, "You always do that to me."

Ashton chuckled and then offered, "If you won't like that we can exchange."

I smiled, "Deal."

I took my knife and fork and sliced a piece of the pork and took it in. Once I had it in my mouth, the taste quickly scattered inside and I couldn't help the moan that came out as I closed my eyes for how good it tasted. Damn. Ashton never fails to surprise me.

I opened my eyes as I swallowed, looking at Ashton with a smile. He was already looking at me with a fond look in his eyes mixed with something I can't quite figure out. I ignored it and just said, "This is really good."

"I told you," he responded.

I chuckled, "You are really good at surprising me."

"Thanks, I try," he winked.

I laughed, "You know, why don't you let me take a bite of your food so we can know which one tastes better."

Ashton chuckled, "Figured you'd say that. Go on take a bite."

I beamed then reached out for his food which also I don't know what and it's also pork. I took a bite and damn this is really good as well.

"Wow. Now I can't choose which one I want," I said.

Ashton chuckled, "Stick to your food, Hemmings."

I smiled then turned away from him but then froze when I saw Louis and Harry looking at us with raised eyebrows. Fuck. I totally forgot they were there.

I gave them another awkward smile but they just both stared at us.

"What?" Ashton questioned them.

Louis glanced at me then to Ashton and said, "Are we missing something here?"

"Yeah, eating," Ashton responded before taking a bite of his food.

Harry rolled his eyes at Ashton then looked at me and said, "You know what, I'll ask you because you are not an asshole like my brother."

"Thank you. I try." Ashton sassed.

Harry ignored him and I am starting to feel the hard pumping of my heart against my chest as Harry smiled at me and said, "So, what's up, Luke?"

"Huh? What's up with what?" I asked, taking another bite of my food.

Louis chuckled, "This is what you do, huh? But sorry, nobody passes through the Tommo. So what the fuck is going on between you two?"

"Nothing," Ashton answered.

"I'm not asking you, Ashton," Louis said.

"Luke?" Harry said, "Is there something you wanna tell us?"

"What the fuck, Harry?" Ashton snapped.

"What? I'm just simply asking Luke."

Ashton was about to respond to Harry but I held on to his arm, stopping him. I smiled at him and said, "It's ok, Ash."

Ashton looked at me with a questioning look in his eyes. He has understood out what I'm gonna do and he's silently asking if I am ok with it. I smiled and nodded 'yes' at him.

I know what Harry and Louis want to know. I know they are already suspecting especially with how Ashton and I act around each other.

I turned back to Harry and Louis then smiled before saying, "What do you want me to tell you?"

"Well, what are missing?" Louis asked again.

"Straight to the point, Louis," I said.

Louis chuckled, "Ashton is rubbing off on you."

I shrugged and smiled.

"So what is the real deal between you two?" Harry asked.

I looked at Ashton who was staring at me also waiting what I would tell Harry. I gave him a small smile then turned my attention back to Harry and said, "We're together."

"Together as in...?" Harry asked with wide eyes.

" _Boyfriends._ " Ashton worded out.

"Oh, that explains all the hickeys on Luke's neck," Louis announced, making me immediately put my hand on my neck as I looked at Ashton.

Ashton looked back at me with both amused and smug expression on his face and mouthed the word 'sorry'.

"No, you're not," I told him.

He shrugged and smiled, "No, I'm not."

I playfully rolled my eyes at himHarry laughed and then said, "I fucking knew it! Ever since the day I met you and now you act like some old married couple who bickers a lot over small stuff."

"What do you mean? It's only been a few weeks since we got together." I asked him in confusion.

"Well I already saw something since that day that I met you in that Supermarket," Harry said the turned to Louis and said, "Right, Lou?"

Louis nodded with a smile then looked at me and said, "Well on the way home, it was basically what Harry talks about. How you two have this 'something.'"

I turned to Ashton with a raised eyebrow.

Ashton leaned back in his chair and said, "He claims to be an 'expert' of this stuff so just agree with him."

A pea came flying across the table hitting Ashton on the cheek. I looked across the table and saw Harry glaring at him.

"I made up my mind, I claim Luke to be my brother now," Harry said.

"Well sorry to bust your bubble but you would still have to deal with me because I'm Luke's boyfriend." Ashton shot back.

Louis laughed, shaking his head, then said, "I never thought I'd live to see this day."

"What do you mean?" Harry asked his fiancé.

Louis gestured at Ashton before saying, "Ashton right here in a relationship."

I looked at Ashton who rolled his eyes at Louis before saying, "Fuck off, Louis."

Both Harry and Louis laughed then Harry said, "All seriousness now, we're happy for you two."

"Thank you," I replied with a smile.

"But," Ashton said, earning all of our attention. He glanced at me then looked at Harry and Louis and continued, "you cannot tell anyone. Nobody knows except you two. And Niall."

"So Mikey doesn't know but Niall knows?" Harry clarified.

"Well if it was my choice, Niall wouldn't have known as well." Ashton sassed, taking another bite of his food.

"Why can't anyone know?" Louis asked.

"Reasons that we'd like to keep to ourselves so please respect that," Ashton responded.

Louis raised his hands up in defense, saying, "Ok. You don't need to be a bitch about it."

Ashton just shrugged.

"Ok, so why don't we go back to eating now since we got everything out? Because this food is so damn good." I said, not wanting this whole lunch to go the other way instead of bonding.

Ashton is unpredictable. Sure, Harry and Louis know what and when to press his buttons, but that is not an assurance that he won't snap.

"It's really good, right?" Harry said with a wide dimply grin. Good thing it's that easy to distract Harry.

"Yeah. Though I am never familiar with these. Never into the fancy stuff." I told Harry with a chuckle.

"Only Harry is into the fancy stuff," Ashton commented.

"Agreed," Louis said.

Harry gaped at Louis then playfully hit him on the arm. Louis rubbed the sore spot.

I chuckled at how adorable the two are. I turned to Ashton who is already looking at me with a soft smile. I returned the gesture then he said, "Come on, let's switch food. I know you like mine better."

I laughed at what he said because yes, that is true. I watched as Ashton switched our plates and we continued eating with some banters and bickerings in between. And also some eating off each other's plates.

**\---**

"Hope we can go for another lunch or dinner anytime soon," Harry said as we all head to our parked cars in the parking lot.

"I hope so too," I responded as we stopped by Louis and Harry's car.

Harry smiled then pulled me into a hug. I hugged back and then he whispered into my ear, "Thanks for everything, Luke. Especially for being there for Ashton. You have no idea how much you are  _helping_  him. Thank you."

Harry pulled away and I looked at him with a confused expression but he just gave me a smile and a knowing look, clearly only wanting what he said to stay between us so I just smiled back at him.

"Don't crash your car," Ashton told them as he stood next to me and placed a hand on the small of my back.

Both Harry and Louis chuckled then Harry said, "You both take care too."

Ashton smiled, "Well I'm not the one who crashed into the lawn."

"Hey...you didn't need to bring that up," Louis said, but with a smile playing on his lips.

Ashton raised his hands up in defense, "Fine, but crashing into the lawn would have been ok but you had shit your pants."

"Ok, you owe me a drink for humiliating me in front of your boyfriend," Louis told Ashton.

I chuckled, "It's fine, Louis, Ash has done some embarrassing stuff too."

"Ooohhhh, spill me the dirt!"

Before I could say anything, Ashton covered my mouth, saying, "Ok now, baby, let's go home."

"Oh, he calls him 'baby.'" Harry coos, making Ashton roll his eyes.

Ashton then removed his hand from my mouth and then took my hand. I looked down at our hands then at him. I was surprised by the actions as it was the first time we held hands outside. Ashton gave me a smile then looked at Harry and Louis and said, "Well we are gonna go now, bichachos. It was nice having lunch with you. So go home now too and suck each other's dicks."

"Eww, Ashton!" I said to him and he just gave me a shrug.

"Well, we sure would do that when we get home," Harry said with a shrug.

I gaped at him making all of them laugh. Ashton then gently tugged on the hand, making me look at him and he gestured for me to head to his car. I nodded then looked at Harry and Louis and said, "See you both again soon."

"Bye both of you." Harry waved then both him and Louis got into their car as me and Ashton headed to his car.

We both got in and before Ashton could start up the car, I leaned over to him and caught his lips in a kiss which he quickly responded to.

As I pulled away he smiled at me and said, "What was that for?"

"I just wanted to kiss you," I responded then gave him a peck on the lips before setting back into my seat.

We pulled out of the parking spot and drove back home to our apartments. The drive home surprisingly faster than we thought and as soon as we got at the apartment building, Ashton parked his car on his usual spot.

He turned off the engine and was about to step out of the vehicle when I stopped him by holding on to his arm. He looked down on to my hand then up at me. He raised a questioning eyebrow so I gave him a smile.

"Are you ok?" He asked.

"Yeah," I responded as I unfastened my seatbelt, "let's not go inside yet."

"Why?"

"Because..." I said as I leaned over to him and kissed him on the jaw feeling his stubble against my lips. I then got off my seat and went to straddle Ashton's lap. I felt Ashton's hands land on my hips and I smirked against his skin.

"What are you doing, baby?" Ashton asked.

I pulled away from his jaw and looked at him in the eye. I smiled down at him and said, "I just wanna spend more alone time with you. If we go up there now, Mike and Cal maybe home already."

Ashton smiled up at me as he lifted a hand off my hips and placed it on the side of my face, thumbs caressing my cheek. He pulled me into another kiss but then I quickly pulled away.

Ashton looked up at me with a confused expression. I smiled small then said, "Uh...can you please move your seat a little bit further to the back? I mean, a giant like me won't really fit in a rather small space like this."

Ashton laughed, throwing his head back but still did as told. As there was already enough space for me, I properly straddled his lap.

Ashton ran his hands up and down my thighs as I tangled both of my hands into his hair.

"It's because of these sexy long legs of yours that you won't fit," Ashton said.

I playfully rolled my eyes at him but then smiled down at him as I ran a hand through his curls. I felt Ashton's hands fell back on my hips.

We both looked into each other's eyes. Ashton's eyes are always so beautiful. How they turn green or brown or sometimes it's a mixture of both, depending on the light of the surroundings. They may seem so cold for others but they are soft when they look at me.

"You are so beautiful, you know that?" I whispered to him.

Ashton chuckled, " _You_  are beautiful, baby."

"You should learn how to take compliments," I told him.

"I don't deserve compliments."

"Bullshit. Everybody does."

Ashton chuckled and then slipped his hands inside my shirt, caressing my skin.

"Please don't take this the wrong way, ok?" I softly told him. "Uhm...I really liked how you were today. I mean, how you were with Harry and Louis? I know, I don't know shit about how you all really are with each other but you were a lot nicer today than the last time we all hung out. Oh fuck. Just forget everything that I said and don't be mad at me."

Ashton chuckled, "I understand what you mean, baby." He then looked at me in the eyes with a small smile and continued, "I'm really sorry if I was being such an asshole, well I still am, but I'm trying."

"I know and it's more than I could ever ask for. Not that I wanna change you, please don't think that. You are who you are and nobody should change who you are. It's just tha-," I was cut off with a pair of lips against mine and all I can do is close my eyes as to how good it felt and respond immediately to the kiss.

"I understand, baby," Ashton whispered against my lips.

I nodded without opening my eyes, making our lips brush against each other. And not a second later, Ashton caught my bottom lip in between his teeth and started sucking with his tongue playing with my lip ring. I released a moan, making Ashton deepen the kiss and sliding his tongue inside my mouth.

I tipped my head to the side, deepening the kiss more if that's possible. I felt Ashton's arms circled around my torso, pulling me closer to him. Our chests were presses against each other and both of my hands were tangled into Ashton's hair as our tongues fought a battle of dominance.

I let out a throaty moan as I felt Ashton's tongue brush against the roof of my mouth, earning a deep one as a response from him. I took a fistful of his hair and gently tugged on it as I felt one of his hands ran down on my back and landed on one of my butt cheeks. He gave it a squeeze, again catching me off-guard.

I chuckled as I pulled away from the kiss and looked down at Ashton, resting my forehead against his. I smiled as I softly said, backing my head a little bit to fully look at him, "Don't do that. I told you it turns me on and we're in your car just right outside our apartment building."

"We can go somewhere else," Ashton said with a wink.

I laughed as Ashton's both hands landed back to my hips. He gave them a gentle squeeze as he fondly smiled up at me.

"Please don't get me wrong but I like how you are now. You know? I mean, we can do things now and I can do stuff with you and we can joke around it. I don't have to tip-toe around it anymore, you know what I mean? Oh fuck, I'm sorry, you know how I am not the wordy type of person."

I smiled down at Ashton, "I understand what you mean and that is all because of you. So thank you and I am really glad I get to experience these things with you."

"Why do we always end up being so cheesy with each other?" Ashton asked, making me laugh.

"Well, you started it, Mr. Irwin," I told him.

Ashton playfully rolled his eyes then pulled me in for yet another heated kiss.

"Oh I hope I am not taking away your innocence," Ashton murmured against my lips.

"Who says I'm innocent?" I asked him with a smirk. I then leaned over to his ear and seductively whispered, "I may be a virgin,  _babe_ , but I am not innocent."

Ashton took a deep breath then said, "Careful what you say there, baby."

"Or what?" I asked before licking on his jaw.

Ashton chuckled but didn't say anything and just pulled me into another kiss which quickly deepened. His tongue slipped inside my mouth quickly finding mine as my hands found their way back into his curls, fisting them. I felt Ashton's hands slipped back inside my shirt and started caressing my sides before finding their way on my back, his palms warm against my skin. Moans have escaped from each other, filling the silence inside the car. I pulled away but then to lean back in and caught Ashton's bottom lip in between my teeth and started sucking, earning a deen groan from him.

I was about to kiss him deeply again when Ashton's phone rang so I pulled away from him. He let out an annoyed sigh.

"Why can't I have a nice and hot moment with you without anyone interrupting?" Ashton said.

"No one interrupted us last night," I told him with a shrug, making him chuckle.

His phone continued to ring so I picked it up from the cup holder and handed it to him.

"It's just Mike." He said.

"Just answer it," I told him.

He did as told and an eye roll quickly surfaced as soon as he heard what Michael had to say.

"I was out to get lunch, Mike," Ashton told Michael. "Yeah...I'm with Luke and we just got back and we're on our way up...You worry too much...I know...Bye."

As soon as he hung up, he looked at me and said, "Guess we should go up."

I smiled then gave him a peck on the lips, "guess we should."

I moved off of his lap back to my seat and fixed a bit of my hair. I looked at Ashton who collected his phone and keys and was about to open the car door but I stopped him and said, "You have sex hair. You might wanna fix that first."

Ashton chuckled then pulled a hair band and quickly put his hair up into a man bun.

"Hot," I told him with a wink.

He laughed then said, "You also might wanna cover those hickeys, baby."

My eyes widened in realization that I do have hickeys on my neck from the night before. I looked at myself in the rearview mirror and yeah they are visible.

"Here wear this," Ashton said handing me a jacket. I put it on and the collars were high enough for me to hide them.

We both got out of the car and headed inside the building and as we stepped inside the elevators and the doors closed, I pushed Ashton against the wall and kissed him and said as I pulled away, "You are making me dinner tonight."

Ashton laughed, "And there I thought you are gonna say something hot. But fine, baby, anything for you."

**\---**


	13. 13

**\---**

"So," Michael said as he slumped down on the couch in between me and Ashton, hugging the bowl of popcorn as we're watching a movie, "Halloween is in a few days and Josh and Tyler will be throwing a huge Halloween party and we are all invited."

The four of us are in Michael and Ashton's apartment. It is Saturday morning and Michael invited both me and Calum over to hang out.

"Are we gonna dress up too?" Calum asked from the other side of me on the couch.

"Yes, buddy. It's Halloween," Michael replied with a shrug.

"Luke?" I heard Ashton say from the end of the couch.

I looked at him with a raised eyebrow and before either of us can say anything, Michael exclaimed, "Holyshit, Luke! I'm sorry!"

I gave Michael a confused expression, "Sorry for what?"

"Well, you know...I forgot you don't like parties because of the whole Andrew stuff." Michael said.

"No, it's fine," I told Michael with a smile, "To be honest, I think I wanna go to that party because it's a Halloween party and I love Halloween and we get to dress up."

"Are you sure?" Calum asked with concern.

"Yeah, I am. Well, I can't stay away from parties forever, right? And if it's Josh and Tyler's party then I am pretty sure Andrew won't be anywhere near there. So yeah, I know I'll be fine."

"Ok, that's great!" Michael said with a smile. "So, who are we gonna be?"

"Damn. I have no idea who I'm gonna be this Halloween," Calum muttered.

"Me too," I agreed with Calum.

"I know who I'm gonna be," Ashton said, taking a sip of his beer.

"Who?" Michael asked him.

Ashton looked at him and said, "Myself. I ain't dressing up."

"You're such a killjoy," Michael told him with an eye-roll.

"Well I didn't say you do the same," Ashton shot back.

"Come on, man. Just this year?" Michael urged.

"Not gonna happen."

"You used to love Halloween."

"People change."

"Yeah, you did. A lot." Michael muttered but we all heard and an awkward silence took over.

Calum slumped down in his seat, hugging a throw pillow while Michael just turned his attention on the movie playing and occupied himself with the popcorn.

I subtly glanced on Ashton who also just focused his attention on the movie. I let out a huff then said, trying to ease the whole awkward situation, "You know, this movie is kinda boring. Why don't we all go out? I mean it's still around 10 AM so maybe we can head out for lunch or something?"

Michael turned to look at me with a wide grin on his face and said, "I just have the perfect idea."

"Ok...what is it?" I asked him.

Calum also leaned over to listen to what Michael has to say.

"Let's go to the beach!" Michael announced, beaming.

"I am in!" Calum said with a grin.

I looked at him and he gave me a hopeful look so I said, turning back to Michael, "Well I'm ok with it. How about you, Ash?"

Ashton looked at me and gave me a shrug.

"What is that supposed to mean?" I asked him.

He sighed, "If you all want to go, then we go."

Michael turned to him and asked, "You sure?"

"Yes, Michael. I am sure." Ashton responded.

Michael turned back to me and beamed, saying, "Great. So uh...my parents actually own a beach house which is just a 40-minute drive from here. I have access to it and we can stay there the whole weekend if you like?"

"Really?!" Calum asked in amazement.

"Yeah," Michael nodded.

"Will it be ok with you if we stay there?" I asked Michael.

"Well, yeah...I won't offer it if not," Michael chuckled.

I huffed with a smile, "Well then, that's great! Guess we should go pack some stuff and then head off to the beach."

"Wait. Who's car are we gonna bring?" Calum asked.

"Let's just bring both just in case," Michael said. "Luke you go with Ashton and I will go with Calum since none of you two knows the way."

I looked at Ashton and saw him already looking at me with a smirk on his lips. I playfully rolled my eyes at him. I turned to Calum and said, "Come on, let's go pack so we can head to the beach."

Calum nodded and quickly stood up. I followed and we both headed toward the door.

"So whoever finishes packing first should text the other?" I asked Michael and Ashton.

"Ok, sure," Michael said as both he and Ashton also got up from the couch. But then he called, stopping me from stepping out of the door and making me look back at him, "I don't have your number, so I guess I should just text Calum?"

"Ashton has my number. But you can just text Cal too," I told Michael with a smile then followed Calum out the door and back to our own apartment.

"Oh, so you and Ashton have exchanged numbers huh?" Calum said in a teasing tone.

"Yeah...why?" I said, acting like it's just nothing.

"Well just never really thought that you would," Calum said with a smile as we stepped inside our apartment.

"He's actually really nice, Cal," I told him. "Yeah he can be pretty intimidating but he is nice."

Calum just nodded and went into his room.

I sighed and went to mine. I really can't quite understand what is between Ashton and Calum. Even if we have been hanging out already - Ashton, Michael, Calum, and me - the two of them still avoid each other. They don't talk to each other unless they really have to and they always have this tension or gap between them.

I pushed the thoughts away and started packing. I pulled out my backpack from the closet and began stacking a few clothes in them as well as the essentials like my hygiene stuff.

Just when I got done after grabbing my toothbrush from the bathroom, my phone buzzed from the nightstand. It was a text from both Michael and Ashton. I opened Michael's text first.

**Michael: Hey, Luke. It's Michael. We just finished packing so maybe let's just meet outside by the car?**

I went in to type a quick reply.

**Me: Sure, Mikey. We'll be down in a minute.**

After sending my reply to Michael, I went to open Ashton's text.

**Ashton: Baby, we're waiting outside.**

**Me: Ok, Ash.**

Calum then entered my room with a backpack hanging on one of his shoulders. He smiled at me and said, "Did you get a text from Mike?"

"Yeah, I did," I responded as I zipped up my bag and grabbed my wallet from the top of the dresser.

"Ok, let's go," Calum said as he headed out of my room. I followed him out and as we reached the door, my phone buzzed again with a text from Ashton. I opened the message and resisted an eye roll when reading it.

**Ashton: Don't take too long.**

**Me: Bossy much? Calm your dick. We're on our way.**

I sent in the reply. Almost immediately I received a response from him.

**Ashton: Oh, it is calm. For now. But I don't know for later though...**

My eyes widened when reading the text and I immediately locked my phone and pushed it inside my pocket, not bothering to respond.

Calum and I stepped inside the elevator and it was just a quick ride down to the ground floor. We headed straight outside the building and saw Michael and Ashton talking while leaning against the side of Ashton's car and both having sunglasses on. It is a rather bright and a hot day.

"Fuck, I forgot my sunglasses," I said as Calum and I stopped in front of the other two boys.

Ashton, without hesitation, took off his sunglasses and handed them to me.

I looked at the sunglasses on his hand and then looked at him in the eye and said, "Aren't you gonna need one too?"

"I got another one inside the car. So just use this," he said.

"Oh. Ok," I said as I took the pair of sunglasses in his hand and put it on.

"Looks better on you, anyway," He said with a small smile.

"T-thanks," I muttered, looking down to hide the blush that crept up on my cheeks.

"Ok," Michael said, making me look up. He glanced between me and Ashton then looked at Calum who was just staring at the ground. Michael smiled then said, making Calum look up, "So, Cal, let's go?"

"Oh yeah. Sure. Maybe you should drive though since you are the one who knows where we're going." Calum stated, handing Michael his car keys.

"Yeah, that's a good idea," Michael replied with a smile as he took the keys from Calum's hand. He then turned to Ashton and me then said, "So just see you there?"

"Wait. Who's gonna pick up Niall?" Ashton asked, making me look at him in surprise.

"Niall's coming with us too?" I asked.

"Yeah, Mike invited him along," Ashton answered.

"Thought the guy also needed some time to relax," Michael said.

I nodded with a chuckle, "Yeah, he does."

"You go pick him up. Luke and I will get the food." Ashton told Michael.

Michael nodded his 'yes' and with one last wave, he turns away and followed Calum into his car.

Ashton and I got inside his car and I tossed my backpack into the backseat. I settled myself comfortable in my seat and then fastened up my seatbelt. Ashton started the car and we pulled out of the parking space.

"Good thing you also invited Niall," I said to Ashton.

"Well, it was Michael. He said that it has been a while that we hung out with Niall." Ashton responded, not taking his eyes off the road.

"Is it ok with you?"

This time he glanced at me with a small smile then back to the road and said, "Well, actually, yeah. Besides, it's not like I'm not friends with him. Have known the guy for years, so..."

"Yeah...he did kinda mention that to me," I said.

"He did?" Ashton asked.

I nodded with a smile.

"Did he say anything else?" Ashton then asked with a hard tone.

I turned to look at him, a bit surprised at the tone of his voice. He was focused on the road but even his side profile shows his hard expression. I already know what he meant about what he asked. Not wanting him to lash out on Niall, I decided to keep some of the truth to myself and I said, "No, I don't think so. You knew each other since high school was all he said."

Ashton exhaled then nodded but didn't say anything and just continued to drive. It all went silent after. I leaned back in my seat and turned my attention outside the window.

I felt a hand on my thigh, making me turn back my attention to Ashton. He glanced at me then back to the road and said, "You ok, baby?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," I responded with a smile as I put my hand over his.

He gave my thigh a gentle squeeze, "Ok, so where should we stop by? At the supermarket or just in some 7/11 or something along the way?"

"Well, it's better to stop by at the supermarket, I guess. We got a lot more options," I told Ashton with a grin.

Ashton chuckled then flipped his hand over, intertwining both our hands together and said, "Then supermarket, it is."

Just a few minutes after, we reached the supermarket. It was the same one where I first met Harry and Louis. As soon as Ashton parked the car, we both stepped out of the vehicle and headed inside the building.

I grabbed a cart and pushed it in front of me as we headed straight into the shelves of chips and other kinds of junk foods. Hey, we're still young.

Ashton took the cart from, saying, "I'll take this one and you go pick what we need."

I nodded and then started stacking chips into the cart. I also grabbed bottles of sodas. We went around the supermarket and put everything that we thought we need in the cart.

As soon as we had everything we need, we headed for check out and Ashton paid for everything despite my insisting on letting me pay even just half of it.

We tossed everything into the backseat and drove off to the beach house owned by Michael's parents.

Calum's car was already parked in the driveway when we got there. The house is really beautiful though. It was a two-storey house and it's painted in white with dark brown rims. Glass windows with dark brown wooden window sills and a huge dark brown wooden door complements the design. The entrance front of the house is facing us. There was a small lawn area with a marble-like pathway towards the porch. A few steps to the wooden door. A huge glass window was on the side with its brown wooden window sills. There was also another pathway at the side of the house which leads to a small gate that probably is an access to the back patio. Smaller glass windows, maybe from the bedroom upstairs also adorns the upper part of the house. The side of the deck above can also be seen from where I am standing. The whole property is enclosed by a white concrete wall.

I looked up at it in awe as I stepped out of the car. I heard Ashton chuckle so I looked at him and saw him making his way towards me, hands full all of the stuff we bought from the supermarket.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" He said.

"It really is," I breathed out as I took in the image of the house.

"Come on, let's get inside," Ashton said gesturing for me to follow him.

I took off Ashton's sunnies and hooked it on my shirt and I followed him inside the house. He already knows his way around. Well, he's Michael's best friend so he obviously has been here a lot of times already.

We walked through a small hallway which led into the living room and wow, how spacious it is. The pieces of furniture are mostly in shades of white and brown which complements the whole motif of the design of the house.

The wall facing the side lawn of the house was glass with sliding glass doors which gives quick access to the grass lawn outside.

"Mike?" Ashton called out, trying to know where the other boys are.

"Kitchen!" Michael's voice boomed.

Ashton gestured for me to follow him. We walked through a short hallway that led through a staircase, apparently leading upstairs but then we turned right before we could reach the stairs into an entrance leading to the kitchen and dining area.

The area was neat and spacious. A gray marble kitchen island graces in the middle of the kitchen. The glass dining table was in the middle of the dining area. A glass wall with sliding doors covers the side that faces the pool area. The huge pool outside is on clear view with the pool benches lined on the side. Couches and tables are placed just right outside the glass wall. The part that was covered by the upper floor.

Michael, Calum, and Niall were there, talking about god knows what, as they all were laughing. Calum is leaning against the kitchen island while Michael is sitting on it and Niall sitting on one of the barstools.

Ashton placed all the plastic bags in his hands on the counter next to Michael.

Michael immediately went through a bag and grinned when he saw the Dorito's. He took one bag and opened it right away and began eating with a huge grin on his face. I chuckled at the sight.

"Hey, we called dibs on the bedroom with 3 beds," Niall announced as he took some Dorito's from Michael.

"So you two are gonna share a room together," Michael added before Ashton and I could say something.

Ashton and I glanced at each other with subtle smirks on our faces.

I cleared my throat then asked Michael, "How many rooms do you have anyway?"

"There are supposed to be three. Two upstairs and one down here. But my dad turned the bedroom here into his study when we lived in this house for some time and I guess he forgot to turn it back into a guest room. So there are only two bedrooms now." Michael explained.

"And since both Mike and I don't like sleeping with someone else on the same bed, we took advantage of the fact that you aren't here yet and claimed the room with three beds," Niall said with a proud smile. "And also, I claimed Calum first to be our 3rd roommate because firstly, he's already here and secondly, I don't wanna share a room with Ashton."

Ashton crossed his arm on his chest with a raised eyebrow as he looked at Niall, "Why is that?"

Niall shrugged at him then said, "I don't like you. You're mean."

Ashton just chuckled, shaking his head. His reaction made Michael and even Niall look at him in a weird way.

"So, Cal, you don't have anything to say?" I asked Calum.

Calum shrugged, "Niall said it all. I am already claimed by him."

I playfully rolled my eyes at him then turned to Michael when he said, "You both are gonna stay on the master's bedroom and you are gonna share the same bed."

Ashton and I glanced at each again with knowing looks. Well, staying in the same room and sleeping on the same bed is not new for us. It is even very much favorable for us.

"Well, I'm sure they're both fine with it," Niall said, looking at both of us with a smirk on his face.

Ashton rolled his eyes then said, "I'll go get our stuff from the car."

"I'll go with you," I said as I followed Ashton out of the house back to his car.

He opened the backseat door and grabbed both of our bags. He closed the door and turned to me with a smirk but not making a move of handing the bags to me. I raised up an eyebrow at him.

He chuckled then said, "So, we are stuck with each other this weekend, huh?"

"Well, obviously, I am. How unfortunate we are, aren't we?" I said, voice full of sarcasm and with a smirk playing on my lips.

"I guess my dick won't be calm tonight," Ashton said with a wink as he walked passed me.

I laughed at what he said then followed him.

"You know what, just let me help you with those bags," I told him.

"I got it, baby," He responded before he entered back inside the house.

He headed straight towards the staircase and I'm not really sure if I should follow him or not. But I wanna see the room where we're staying so I did follow him up the stairs into the door on the left.

I looked around as I stepped inside the bedroom and closed the door behind me. It's really beautiful and spacious. It faces the ocean which makes it ten times more amazing. The wall facing the ocean is glass with a double sliding glass door that leads into a balcony which is adjacent to the deck on the side of the floor. A door is in a corner in which I assume is the bathroom.

A queen size bed with white sheets is at the center of the room. Nightstands with lamps are on each side of the bed. Across the bed was a big screen TV hanging against the wall and a cabinet underneath it. Across the glass window was a huge closet.

Before I could actually comprehend everything, I was already pushed against the closed door and a pair of familiar lips are on my neck kissing and gently sucking, careful enough not to leave any mark. A pair of large hands is also gently gripping my hips.

I chuckled and then lifted my own arms and had one circle around Ashton's shoulder while I had my other hand tangle through his hair.

I felt Ashton's lips trace kisses from my neck up to my jaw and stopped just right at the corner of my lips. Then he looked up at me with a soft expression and a fond smile on his face.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" I asked him, not being able to resist the smile sliding into my face.

Ashton shrugged, "You're just really beautiful."

I narrowed my eyes at Ashton as I felt my blood creep up into my cheeks. Ashton chuckled at the sight of me all flushed.

"You're adorable." He said in a soft voice before giving me a peck on the lips.

"Making me blush all the damn time is your life goal, isn't it?" I said.

Ashton just smiled and gave me another peck on the lips.

"I really hate you," I told him.

Ashton chuckled, "You don't."

I playfully rolled my eyes at him then I shook my head as looked at him and said, "I don't." I then had both of my hands and cupped his face and leaned down to capture his lips in a kiss which he quickly responded.

I felt Ashton smile against my lips and so I pressed and moved my lips more against his and I tilted my head to the side so I can kiss him deeper. I let my tongue lick his upper lip to ask for an entrance which I was right then granted.

As our tongues met and wrestled with each other, Ashton pressed his whole body against mine. I circled both of my arms around his shoulders to even pull him impossibly closer.

I felt him lick the roof of my mouth and I couldn't help the moan that escaped from my lips, directly into Ashton's mouth.

Ashton responded with a groan as he slipped his hands inside my shirt and caressed the skin on my side. His palms felt so warm against my skin and I love the soothing feeling that it gives me.

We both explored each other's mouth, not missing any part. We tasted each other as our tongues continued their battle for dominance which obviously has Ashton win over.

I was then the one who first pulled away to catch my breath. A string of saliva hangs between our lips. Ashton licked it up with the tip of his tongue sliding across my lips.

"Fuck," Ashton breathed out. "Been wanting to kiss you since you stepped inside the apartment this morning."

I hummed in agreement before I leaned in again but not for another kiss but to take his bottom lip in between my teeth. I started sucking on it, earning a low moan from Ashton. He gave my hips a gentle squeeze, making me tangle a hand into his hair and tugged a bit, and sucking more of his lip.

When I finally let go of his lip, I pulled my head back to look down at Ashton. His eyes are still closed and his lip is so red and swollen, making a smirk slide into my lips, knowing I was responsible for it. But I am pretty sure as well that my lips are swollen too.

When he opened his eyes, my breath was caught in my throat as to how beautiful and colorful they were. Maybe also it was because of the lighting in the room. The sun is so bright outside and with the glass wall, the whole room is just so bright. It makes Ashton's eyes shine.

Ashton smiled softly up at me. I returned the gesture then gave him a peck on the lips. I felt his hands gently ran up and down my sides as I played with his hair, both of us just staring at each other.

Ashton was about to say something when we heard Michael's voice calling from downstairs, "Ashton! Luke! Get your asses down here! We're hungry and Ashton is in charge with the barbecue!"

Ashton rolled his eyes, "Why does he have to be always hungry?"

I chuckled then said with a shrug, "Well, I'm kinda hungry too."

"Well, you are always hungry too."

"Especially when you are the one who's cooking."

"Ashton! Luke! What are you doing up there?! Come down here!" Michael called again.

"Coming, Michael!" Ashton shouted back.

He gave one last peck on the lips before he completely pulled away from me. Before we headed out of the room, Ashton changed his t-shirt shirt with his black wife beater. Damn. Look at those arms and those muscles. Fuck.

He gestured for me to head out of the room and I followed him out.

"Hair," I told him as we headed towards the stairs.

Ashton chuckled then quickly pulled his hair up into a man bun.

As we got back downstairs to the kitchen, the stuff Ashton and I bought from the supermarket is out of the counter already. The stuff needed for the barbecue is placed the instead.

"What were you doing up there?" Michael asked us.

"I was showing Luke around the deck," Ashton responded nonchalantly.

"I don't buy it," I suddenly heard Niall whisper next to me.

I turned my head to look at him and raised a questioning eyebrow. Niall chuckled then leaned towards my ear and whispered, "You were making out."

"What? No." I quickly whispered back with a 'what are you talking about' look on my face.

"Yeah. Tell that to your swollen lips," Niall whispered with a smirk.

I should try to deny it but what's the point? Niall knows about me and Ashton anyway and I know he won't tell. So I just chuckled at him as I shook my head and Niall just gave me a smile as well.

"Niall, prepare the grill," Ashton ordered, making both me and Niall look at him. His usual angry expression covers his face.

Niall nodded at him then headed towards the glass doors leading to the pool area outside. Ashton then turned to me and said, well more like ordered, "You. You're staying here and help me prepare all the food."

"Aye, sir," I responded.

Ashton then turned to Calum and said, his tone, less demanding, "Calum, could you maybe go with Niall? Just to make sure he doesn't play with fire and burn down the whole place."

Calum raised an eyebrow at what Ashton just said with an amused smile on his face. Ashton shrugged. Then Michael said, "He tends to do stupid shit."

Calum laughed, shaking his head, "Damn. I should really make sure he doesn't do stupid shit." Then he followed Niall out the back.

I went over to Ashton who is now standing by the kitchen island and began with preparing the food.

"I'm just gonna go get something from upstairs," Michael said and before either of Ashton and I can respond, he was already dashing up the stairs.

I looked at Ashton and gave him a smile.

"You gonna help me or what?" Ashton asked with a raised eyebrow but the softness in his tone is clear.

"Why are you so bossy?" I responded as I took a seat on a barstool.

Ashton chuckled, "I'm not being bossy."

"You are always bossy," I told him.

Ashton just shook his head with a smile.

"Hey, Ash! Look what I found!" Michael's voice boomed into the kitchen, making both me and Ashton turn around and look at him.

A wide grin was on his face as he showed us what he was holding.

"Is that my...?" Ashton asked, with a surprised look on his face.

"Your  _camera_ , yes!" Michael beamed.

I looked at Ashton with a raised eyebrow. He just gave me a small smile and went over to Michael and took the camera from him and went to check it.

"I thought I lost this one," Ashton muttered but both I and Michael heard.

I watched as how Ashton was carefully holding and checking the camera in his hands, the look on his face was a mixture of surprise and relief with a little hint of joy.

A huge smile was plastered on Michael's face as he watched Ashton. It's as if Michael himself is also relieved and happy. I just don't understand though, because it's just a camera.

Ashton then looked up at Michael, a wide, dimply smile appearing on his face. Then to both mine and Michael's surprise, Ashton pulled Michael into a hug and said, "Thanks for this, Mike."

Michael was stunned and wasn't able to react right away. But as soon as he recovered, he put his arms around Ashton and chuckled as he said, "W-well, I haven't really done anything, I just found it, but yeah...you're welcome."

Ashton pulled away from him with a smile and said, patting Michael's shoulder, "You're the best, Mike."

Michael's eyes widened in both shock and happiness. He then chuckled and said to Ashton, "Don't get me wrong, ok? But are you high?"

"What?" Ashton laughed.

"Oh my god, you are high!" Michael exclaimed.

"What? No! You know I don't do that anymore." Ashton told Michael with a chuckle.

"But...but why are you like this? Oh wait...even when you are high, you're not like this," Michael stated.

"Like what, Mike?" Ashton asked with a raised eyebrow and an amused expression.

"This," Michael said, flinging his arms in front of him towards Ashton, gesturing from his head to his feet. "You're not...you know...someone who's always like you're going to kill...someone."

Ashton laughed again, making Michael more shocked. Then Ashton said to Michael, "I'm just  _happy_  that you found my camera."

"Happy, huh? Ok..." Michael smiled.

Ashton playfully rolled his eyes then went back to the kitchen island and carefully placed the camera on the counter.

"You know what? Why don't you just help me and Luke?" Ashton asked Michael.

"Oh! I forgot my phone upstairs!" Michael exclaimed.

"That is the lamest excuse, Clifford," Ashton commented.

Michael just grinned then ran back upstairs.

I chuckled then looked at Ashton and said, "So, you got a thing for photography or something?"

Ashton smiled then began preparing the pork for barbecue and said, "I had a habit of taking photos."

"Really? That's a shocker. I have never seen you take photos of anything." I told him as I leaned my elbow on the counter.

Ashton smirked but kept his attention on what he was doing then said, "You were just not aware."

I furrowed my eyebrows, "So what? It's like a secret thing? You only do that when we're not together or something like that?"

"Oh, no...I actually do it all the time when I'm with you."

I looked at him in confusion because never have I seen him bring a camera or take photos with his phone of anything when we're together and we are, most of the times, together. "But...I haven't seen you..." I trailed off.

Ashton turned to look at me with a huge smirk on his face. I looked back at him with furrowed eyebrows and then my eyes widened in realization when I figured out what he meant.

Ashton chuckled and went back into preparing the barbecue.

"But...what did you use? I mean, I don't see you with a camera until now. Well, I don't even see any camera in your room." I told him in pure confusion.

Ashton laughed, "Did you forget that I have a phone? I don't need an actual camera to take pictures of you, baby."

"So you have stolen pictures of me on your phone?"

"Yeah. A lot of them."

"Wow. Obsessed much?"

"Never said I wasn't."

I playfully rolled my eyes at him then an idea occurred to me and before Ashton could react, I picked up the camera and climbed up the counter, turning it on.

Ashton looked up at me with a surprised, gaping expression on his face.

"What are you doing? Get down. You might fall." Ashton said.

I rolled my eyes, "Really, Ashton? I would fall? What am I? A three-year-old?"

Before Ashton could respond, I clicked the camera and took a picture of him. Damn. It was a stolen shot but he still managed to look good.

Ashton just chuckled and shook his head as he said, "Fine, baby. Just do what you want."

I smiled triumphantly and took another picture of him and another.

"You know what, it's still unfair on my side because this is your camera. I have no guarantee that you won't delete these photos." I told Ashton as I looked through the photos I took of him.

"If I won't delete them, will that make you happy?" Ashton asked, looking up at me.

I gave him a wide grin as I nodded my head 'yes'.

"God, you really are a child," Ashton muttered with a chuckle. "Fine, baby, I promise I won't delete them."

"Ok. If you do, we're over." I told him with an innocent smile.

Ashton raised an eyebrow at me and said, "Wow. You are gonna break up with me just because of some stupid photos."

"They're not stupid. They're photos of you." I argued.

"Exactly." Ashton shot back.

"Just don't argue with me, Ashton. Photos of you are important to me. That's final." I told him sternly.

Ashton stared at me for a moment then he sighed and said, "You know you are so stubborn, I could really kiss you right now, but I shouldn't."

"We can save that for later," I told him with a wink.

Ashton chuckled then continued with what he was doing.

"Now let me take a proper photo of you," I told him.

"What?" He said with the 'did I hear you right?' look on his face.

I rolled my eyes at him, "Come on now."

"Why don't get down from the counter and help me?" He said instead.

"Let me take a proper photo of you and after that, I'll help you prepare the food."

"Fine," Ashton said with an eye-roll. "What do you want me to do?"

"Anything. I just want a photo in which you are actually aware, you know. Like you actually are posing for one."

"I should really get something in return from this," Ashton muttered but I clearly heard.

"Later,  _babe_ ," I said with a smirk.

Ashton chuckled, shaking his head. Then he looked up and gave me a dimply grin and a two thumbs up for me to take a photo of.

Just right the second after I took the photo, Michael came in and went over to Ashton, smelling his armpit, which quickly made Ashton put down his hands and turn to Michael who just acted as if he did nothing and casually walked outside the glass doors to join Calum and Niall outside.

**_(credits to the owner/creator of the gif)_ **

I was laughing way hard about it that when my laughter died down and I looked down at Ashton, he was just looking up at me with a fond smile.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" I asked him with a chuckle.

"You have a cute laugh, you know that?" He said with a soft smile.

I felt my cheeks heat up, "Stop making me blush, Ashton."

"It's my life goal, remember? Now, come on. Get down from there. I really don't want clumsy ass to fall down." Ashton said, urging me to get down.

I did as told and of course with an eye-roll. I put the camera aside and started helping Ashton in preparing all the food. Well, I wasn't really helping. I just, most of the time, watch him and admire him. Can you blame me? It's like I'm watching a greek god prepare food.

When we went outside, Michael and Calum were already in the pool and goofing around. Niall was lying down on the couch outside and was on his phone.

I placed the food ready to be eaten on one of the tables by the side of the pool next to the benches while Ashton went to the grill and started the barbecue.

As soon as Niall noticed both me and Ashton, he got off from the couch and went over to assist Ashton.

Ashton looked up as Niall approached him and he gave Niall a smile and let him help. I also smiled at the sight before sitting down on one of the pool benches, putting on Ashton's sunglasses and watching Michael and Calum play in the pool like kids.

As soon as Calum noticed me, he beamed at me then quickly stepped out of the pool and went over to me. He picked up the towel on the bench next to where I'm sitting on and sat down on it as well.

"I'm so happy we came here today and get to spend the weekend here. I really need this to relax," Calum expressed.

I chuckled, "Me too, Cal."

I took two beers from the cooler and opened them, handing one to Calum. He took it with a grin and drank. I also did the same.

"Hey..." Calum then sounded, making me turn to look at him.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Uh...are you ok with the whole, you know...bedroom situation?" Calum hesitantly asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine with it. Why do you ask?"

"Well, I just wanna make sure that you are...uhm...comfortable with it. I mean, you have to share a room and a bed with Ashton who is a guy and you are attracted to guys and I just think that maybe it's also the same as sleeping in the same bed with a girl? It makes you a bit uncomfortable in some way?"

I just stared at Calum through the sunnies with an amused smile. Calum sighed then looked down in embarrassment as he muttered, "I sounded like an idiot. Well, you know what I mean."

"Cal..." I said, still with an amused smile. "Don't worry. I'm fine with everything. Ashton and I aren't like how we were before. We're friends now and uh...I'm already comfortable around him. We've hung out a few times and he's actually nice. He just may seem a little intimidating and unapproachable but he isn't. He's just not a people person but he's nice."

Calum stared at me for a moment then said, "Ok, buddy. Well uh...you two really made friends with each other, huh?"

"Yeah...I think we did. I guess what Andrew did to me served something good." I stated, looking back at the pool.

"I'm still really mad at that asshole though. I still wanna kill him." Calum expressed.

"Get in line, bud." I chuckled humourlessly.

"I'm sorry, Luke." Calum silently said, making me look at him again.

"Sorry for what?"

"For not being the friend I'm supposed to be. I should be protecting you, and I failed."

"Calum...you are the best friend anyone could have and I am so lucky to have you."

Calum smiled then he let out a sigh and said, "Luke...what Andrew did to you...uhm...was it the reason why you were, you know, not exactly yourself the past few weeks?"

I looked away from Calum. It wasn't exactly about that. It was about Ashton and my feelings for him. But should I tell Calum that? I know I should tell Calum the truth about everything about me and Ashton but I am still not ready yet. Fuck. I don't know what to do.

I looked back at Calum and before I could think more of what to say, I said, "Yeah...it was because of what Andrew did."

Calum frowned, "I'm really sorry..."

I smiled at Calum, "Don't worry about it, Cal. I'm ok now. That's all that matters."

Calum sighed then nodded his head, saying, "Ok, Luke. But you know that I'm just here for you always, right?"

"I know. Thank you."

"Niall! Stop eating all the food!" Ashton's voice boomed, making me and Calum turn our attention to them. Ashton flicked Niall's head, making the Irish pout. Both me and Calum laughed.

"Remember that time you asked if us hanging out with Ashton will ever happen?" I asked Calum.

"Yeah..." Calum responded.

"Now, we have our answer," I said, smiling fondly as I watch Ashton taking care of the barbecue and scolding Niall.

**\---**

"I found the guitar!" Niall announced as he came back outside after looking for the two guitars inside the house. A huge grin was plastered on his face as he showed all of us the instruments in his hands.

It was night time already and we were just lounging at the couches at the back of the house right by the pool. We're now really tired with all that we did the entire afternoon. We went to the beach and played some volleyball and every little thing that we thought of doing.

Michael stood up and took one of the guitars and went back to his seat next to Calum on one of the couches opposite to where Ashton and I are sitting on. Niall sat down next to me and both him and Michael started tuning the guitar.

"Now, what are we gonna sing first?" Niall asked as soon as he got his guitar tuned.

Calum just shrugged. Ashton didn't bother giving any response. Michael was also waiting for a suggestion.

"Just play whatever," I told Niall.

He then made a thinking face but then Michael said, "Oh I know!" Then he began strumming a familiar tune. I right then recognized it, making me grin, "I love that song!"

Michael was playing 'Missing You' by All Time Low. Niall quickly joined in and everyone except Ashton began singing.

I smiled at what we are doing and everyone sounded really good. Well, I shouldn't be surprised since I know Michael and Niall were in a band back in high school with Ashton.

And speaking of Ashton, he just seemed quiet now, especially when Niall came with the guitars. He just sat here beside me, drinking his beer. I just didn't point it out.

Michael and Niall played another song that we sang along and then another. It was really fun. I am really having fun.

But during what seemed to be our fifth song, Ashton stood up from his seat, making me look up at him.

"Where are you going?" I asked him.

"I feel really tired now. I'll just go ahead." Ashton responded with a small smile.

"Ok. Goodnight." I said.

Ashton nodded then headed inside the house. I turned back to the others and I noticed Niall and Michael subtly exchanged knowing looks. They know exactly why Ashton left. I wanna ask them but I shouldn't. I can ask Niall though since he knows everything about me and Ashton but considering our situation now, I know I can't.

I also wanna go after Ashton and maybe just stay with him because it's obvious that something's wrong given how silent he became tonight. But I don't wanna ruin the evening. Everybody is enjoying and I am enjoying the night as well, though since Ashton left, half of my mind was on him. I stayed for a few more songs and a few more beers until finally, I decided that it would be a good time already to also head to bed.

I stood up from the couch and stretched out my limbs. Everyone looked up at me so I smiled down at them and said, "I'm feeling kinda sleepy too. Maybe because of all the beers. So I guess I should head up too."

"Ok, goodnight, Luke," Michael said with a smile.

"Goodnight, buddy." Calum waved.

"Go share the bed with Ashton," Niall said.

I chuckled at what he said then turned towards the house, saying, "See you all tomorrow."

I headed straight upstairs to the master's bedroom. I silently entered the room, not wanting to wake Ashton up. The room is already dark, so I tried my best to be silent with my every move. I closed the door softly behind me then locked it and went over the bed. I took off my shirt then my shorts and carefully slipped inside under the sheets, laying down next to Ashton. He was lying on his side, his back on me.

Being a light sleeper that he is, Ashton noticed me laying beside him. He slowly turned to me, rubbing his eyes from sleep. I scooted closer to him.

"Baby?" He said in a low groggy voice.

"Hi..." I whispered to him.

He opened his eyes a bit to look at me and then smiled. I smiled back at him then leaned up to give him a peck on the lips.

"Where are the others? Have they gone to bed too?" Ashton asked.

"Nope. They're still down there." I told him.

"Is everything ok? Are you ok?" He asked, worry evident in his voice.

"I'm fine,  _babe_...I was just feeling sleepy so I came up here ahead. And also...I missed you."

Ashton chuckled then pulled me to him, arms wrapping around me. I snuggled into him, loving the feeling of his warmth, also wrapping my arms around him.

"You feel so warm, I love it," I said against Ashton's bare chest.

"Are you cold, baby?" He asked, embracing me tighter.

"No,  _babe_...I just really love how you always feel so warm." I said.

Ashton chuckled, "You know, I noticed, you've been calling me 'babe' lately."

I looked up at Ashton with a thinking face then smiled and said, "Yeah...I did. They just came out, I guess. Don't you want me to call you that?"

"It's fine, baby. I like anything you call me."

"Hmmm...fucking cheesy."

Ashton chuckled then leaned down and caught my lips in a kiss.

"Can I ask you something?" I said.

"What is it?"

"What happened?" I asked.

Ashton furrowed his eyebrows, obviously confused as to what I meant so I continued, "You just went...silent. I mean, you were fine the whole day. Then you just got silent tonight especially when Niall brought out the guitars then you went up ahead. Do you...do you hate it? The whole singing thing?"

Ashton sighed, "Nothing happened, ok? I just really felt tired. And no, I don't hate the singing."

"Why didn't you join though? I know you sing and play instruments."

"How did you know that?" Ashton asked, voice a bit surprised and a bit confused.

"Niall told me you were in a band before with him and Michael," I said. "You were the drummer and you also sing."

"He told you that? What else did he tell you?"

"Just that. Please don't be mad at him, Ash. We were just talking about how long have you known each other and he said since high school and so that was why he had mentioned about being in a band. Please don't get mad."

Ashton sighed again, "Baby, I'm not mad."

"I'm sorry...I didn't want to cause any trouble between you. I know there are things that you don't want me to know about your past and I understand that. Just...just please know that you can always trust me, ok?" I told Ashton, looking straight into his eyes.

He gave me a small yet soft smile and then kissed me again before saying, "You are so good for me, you know that?"

I smiled up at him and then leaned to capture his lips in another kiss but this time, I deepened it and let my tongue slip into his mouth, immediately meeting his.

There was still a hint of the taste of the beer we previously consumed but it made the kiss even better. I let a hand run up Ashton's bare chest up to his neck then to his jaw, feeling the stubble against my palm. I felt Ashton's arms tightened their hold around me, having me pressed closer to him.

I then pulled away from the kiss before it would go further. I pecked Ashton's lips a few more times before saying, "I really wanna do something with you now but I am so tired and sleepy so tomorrow, ok? I promise I won't let your dick stay calm."

Ashton laughed that laugh that I've grown to love then said, "You really are something, Luke Hemmings."

"Thank you. I try." I responded with an innocent smile.

Ashton laughed again then pecked my lips before pulling me again into his brace, saying, "Sleep now, baby."

"Goodnight, babe..." I whispered as I buried my face into his chest and wrapping my arms around him, tangling our legs.

Ashton kissed the top of my head, "Goodnight, baby."

**\---**


	14. 14

**\---**

The light from the morning sun, entering the room was the thing that woke me up so early the next morning. I was confused at first as to where I am. The room looked very unfamiliar yet familiar at the same time. I rubbed my eyes and checked the time on my phone and it's so damn early for me. It's 8AM but it feels like still 3AM.

An arm around my waist tightened as I moved around and a smile slid into my lips as I remembered where I am and who I'm with.

Ashton and I are in a spooning position, me being the little spoon. I turned around in Ashton's grip to be able to face him. He's still asleep, I can tell. A smile never left my lips as I studied his sleeping features.

I lifted my hand up to his face and lightly traced an invisble line along the side of his face, making him scrunched up his nose lightly. I chuckled at the adorable sight and run my hand through his hair.

Ashton slowly opened his eyes and a soft smile quickly went its way into his lips.

"Good morning," I whispered.

"Good morning, baby," Ashton responded in his groggy, raspy, morning voice.

I grinned at him then leaned in and pecked his lips a few times. I looked at him for just a moment then leaned in again and this time, I caught his lips in a proper kiss.

Ashton responded to the kiss but pulled away immediately, making me frown.

"Baby, I have morning breath," Ashton said as his hand ran up and down my bare back.

"So? I have morning breath too. Probably worse than yours. And don't worry, babe, your morning breath makes you even more attractive." I said to him, giving him another peck on the lips.

Ashton chuckled then tightened his arms around me, giving me a kiss on the forehead. As simple as his actions were, it made my heart flutter that I almost told him  _I love him_.

The thought of not being able to express how I truly feel about him made me frown but I immediately wiped the expression off my face, knowing Ashton is always quick to notice everytime I make a frowning or sad face.

I looked at him and smiled as I remembered something, making him raise a questioning eyebrow.

I smirked then kissed him on the side of his mouth, then his jaw, below his ear, and down to his neck. Then I lifted my head again and hovered my lips against his ear and whispered, "Do you remember what I told you last night before we went to sleep?"

Ashton chuckled, "Yeah...I remember."

"Good," I whispered to him then began kissing his jaw again up to his lips, kissing him deep.

Our tongues immediately met and I moved my body, pushing Ashton onto the bed, making him lay down on his back. Without breaking the kiss, I went to straddle his hips and pressed my body against his.

Ashton's arms found their way back around my body, locking me in his embrace as his tongue explored my mouth. Moans have escaped from each other's mouth and I can already feel myself growing hard. I can also feel Ashton growing hard and it made me more aroused. I involuntarily let out a loud, deep moan, making me pull away from the kiss and look down at Ashton who gave me a confused look.

"Are you ok?" Ashton asked in a confused and worried tone.

I smiled and said, "I'm fine, it's just that...I was loud and shouldn't we be like...quiet? I mean...the other boys might hear us. They're just right next to us."

Ashton chuckled then pecked my lips, before saying, "They're all downstairs. They passed out on the couches outside."

"How did you know?" I asked with furrowed eyebrows.

"I went downstairs a few hours ago. Maybe it was around 5AM I went to get something to drink," Ashton explained, gesturing to the glass of water on the nightstand. "I noticed the door in the kitchen was open so I went to close it but then I saw the three of them all sprawled out on the couches and all in a deep sleep. I didn't bother waking them up because it would be no use."

"Oh...well, you think they're still there and still asleep?"

"Baby...those boys for sure slept really late and none of them is a morning person."

I made a thinking face then shrugged and said, "True"

Ashton smiled. He then again gave me a peck on the lips then looked up at me as one of his hands ran down my back, saying, "You really were serious about not making my dick stay calm, weren't you?"

I chuckled, "Of course, I am. Since when was I not serious?"

Ashton laughed then gave my ass a squeeze. I was surprised of the action and lightly smacked Ashton's chest in response. But it just made him squeeze my ass again, so I did something that caught him off guard. I thrusted my hip forward making both of our crotch meet.

A groan of pleasure came out of Ashton's lips and I smirked down at him. I then leaned down and captured his lips in an open mouth kiss, slipping my tongue inside his mouth. Ashton let me take the lead and he just let his tongue move accordingly with mine.

I felt his large hands slip inside my boxers and began massaging my ass cheeks. I released a deep moan of pleasure straight through Ashton's mouth which made me earn a squeeze on the ass and a groan from him.

I sucked on Ashton's bottom lip then let a hand slide down his chest, to his stomach, along his happy trail, and then stopped just right above the waist band of his underwear.

I pulled away from the kiss and looked at Ashton straight in the eyes. He is staring back up at me with dark and lustful hazel orbs. I moved my hand down and started palming him through his underwear, without breaking eye contact with him.

Ashton released a low moan as he pushed me down on him, pressing my crotch against his with my hand in between. I closed my eyes with the pleasure of the contact, letting out a whine.

I opened my eyes again and looked back down at Ashton. I leaned down against his ear and sucked on his earlobe before whispering, "There is something that I want to try."

"Hmmm?" Ashton hummed as he continues to squeeze and massage my ass cheeks. "What is it, baby?"

I looked down at him but didn't say anything. Instead, I just gave him a seductive look and kissed him, sucking on his bottom lip before trapping it between my teeth and pulling it with me as I slightly pulled away from him. I released his lip from my teeth and then quickly followed it back as it smacked back against his own teeth. I pressed my lips to his again but didn't gave the kiss a chance to deepen as I slowly moved my lips down to his jaw then down to his neck, sucking in between but making sure not to leave any marks.

I continued palming Ashton as I let my lips work against the skin of his neck dowm to his chest and stomach, making him let out a series of low moans.

I pulled away from Ashton also retracting my hand from his crotch. I took hold of both of his arms and pulled them off of my ass, making Ashton look down at me with furrowed eyebrows. I just gave him a smirk then traced my fingertips along the outline of his abs then hooked my fingers on the waistband of his underwear.

Without warning, I pulled his underwear down, making his rock hard member sprung up as it was freed from the suffocating fabric. I pulled the underwear all the way down Ashton's legs and off his feet then dropped it on the floor.

I looked up at Ashton and he was already staring down at me with those dark eyes. I locked eyes with him as I reached for his huge, hard dick and began to slowly stroke it up and down.

"Mmmm," Ashton moaned in pleasure, closing his eyes. A smirk made its way into my lips and I slowly moved my body and hovered my face above his aching length. I blew cool air on the head of his cock, making Ashton shot his eyes open. He looked down at me with wide eyes and I stared back up at him, locking my eyes at him as I leaned down and wrapped my lips around his head.

I never had the chance to comprehend how having a dick inside your mouth feels as Ashton quickly pulled me off of him.

"Baby, what are you doing?" Ashton asked me with an utter surprise.

"I'm giving you a blow job?" I responded but it sounded more like a question.

"I can see that, but why are you doing it?" Ashton softly asked, eyes searching mine.

"Because I want to make you feel good." I told him, looking straight into his eyes.

"Oh, baby...you don't need to give me a blowjob to make me feel good." Ashton said, eyes soft.

I frowned at him then asked in a small voice, embarrassment forming inside of me, "Don't you want me to do it? Don't you want me to give you a blowjob?"

Ashton sighed then softly smiled at me as he pulled me up to him, making me lay on top of him again. My face hovering over his.

"Luke, baby, that's not what I meant." He said as he placed a hand on my face. "I just don't want you to force yourself to do something you are not ready for just because you wanted to make me feel good. I don't want you to make yourself do something you don't really want just so you can please me. Not just in this type of thing."

"But I'm not forcing my self to do it. I don't force myself to do anything for you. This? I want to do this. I want to do and experience all of these stuff with you. I want to be close to you." I told him, staring straight into his eyes to show him my sincerity about this.

Ashton's held this soft expression in his eyes along with something that I can't quite decipher. His thumb is gently caressing my cheek.

"Ash...I want to do it. Though...I may not really know how but I hope I'd still do it right. But yeah...I really wanna do it." I told Ashton in a small voice.

He then moved his hand to properly hold my face then pulled me down to him and kissed me deeply.

"Ok, baby..." Ashton whispered against my lips.

I smiled down at him and pecked his lips a few times. I then moved my body off of Ashton and went back into my previous position between his legs. But when I took hold of his cock again, nervousness just suddenly flowed in my veins.

I completely froze as realization hit me that I really, like totally, don't know what to do. I mean, I have an idea about it. I've watched a few gay porns before and well, I masturbate, but I haven't done any sexual stuff with anyone before aside from Ashton. Hello? 18-year-old-virgin here.

"Luke? Baby, you ok?" Ashton said, pulling me out of my thoughts and I realized I just sat there staring down at his dick with my hand around it. "If you changed your mind, it's completely fine. Don't do it if you don't want to."

"No. I haven't changed my mind. I wanna do it. It's just that...I really don't know how?" I told Ashton, embarrassment clear in my voice, as I tried not to look at him to hide away my red cheeks.

"Baby...you don't have to worry about it." Ashton told me with a soft smile.

I looked up at Ashton with a frown, "But what if I do it wrong and I won't make you feel good?"

"You always make me feel good, so don't worry about it, ok? Just..." he paused as he stared at me with a fond look and then continued, "just don't think about it too much."

I gave him a small smile as I nodded, "Ok."

I then took a deep breath and I leaned in and kissed his swollen tip before giving it a kitten lick. I started to pump his rock hard member and then wrapped my lips around the tip, lightly sucking on it.

Ashton sucked in a breath and I looked up at him through my lashes. He was staring down at me with a dark yet full of lust expression.

I took in more of him without breaking eye contact and began bobbing my head up and down with my hand following my mouth. I did what I think is what I should do, like what I saw from those porn shit that I watched.

Ashton let out deep moans and I think I am doing it right since he makes those beautiful sounds. I kinda feel proud of myself for it. I continued my pace then sucked on it and pulled away with a pop.

I then ran my tongue along the underside of Ashton's dick as I gave his balls a gentle massage. Ashton let out these sexy low moans that made my dick even harder and made me more determined of doing what I'm doing.

I took him in my mouth again and this time, I tried to go deeper. I went down as far as I can until I felt his tip reach the back of my throat.

I know it's my first time giving someone a blow job and I don't exactky know what to do. But I want to know how far I can go. Ashton is quite huge and I want to know if I can actually handle him in my mouth.

As Ashton's cock reached the back of my throat, I began bobbing my head up and down again. My hand was resting on the base of Ashton's dick and as I went down I was actually able to make my self reach and take all the part of him that wasn't covered by my hand, without gagging. I realized that I may have a good gagging reflex. I mean, I really should have since I was able to take Ashton all this way without gagging, considering the size of his cock.

Ashton's hand landed on my head, going through my hair and fisting them. Moans and groans have escaped from him. I looked up again through my lashes and watched Ashton, his eyes closed, head thrown back, and mouth open releasing all those dirty yet so hot sounds. Watching him like this made me proud of myself as I am the reason why he is in pleasure.

The sight made me release a throaty moan, sending vibrations directly through his dick. It made Ashton tug hard on my hair. The action, though rough, made me even more turned on if that is possible. I reached my free hand down to own dick, slipping inside my boxer and pulling my aching member out. I pumped myself at the same pace as I bobbed my head, sucking Ashton's dick.

I hallowed my cheeks, sucking as I pulled away again to catch my breath but then to quickly go back to what I was doing. This time as I started to deep throat Ashton again, he took over with the whole blow job. He was already the one in control with the speed of the bobbing of my head, tugging harder on my hair.

"Fuck, Luke!" Ashton moaned out as he continued to control my head.

The hand I got around my own dick followed the pace of my head and I moaned around Ashton's dick again as I felt my orgasm building up inside me.

Ashton then let go of my hair and breath out, "Baby...I uh...I'm close."

I just hummed around his dick, making him groan in pleasure. The sound he made sent vibrations in me directly through my dick, making me reach my high and I released into my hand.

"Fuck, Luke, I'm so close. You need to let go now if you don't want me to cum in your mouth." Ashton said.

I just locked eyes with Ashton in response and bobbed my head even faster because why wouldn't I want to taste him in my mouth.

"Luke, baby, I-" He wasn't able to finish as his release shot through, straight into my throat and filling my mouth with all of his cum. I managed to quickly swallow all of them before I pulled off of his cock.

I then licked him up and down to clean him up from all of his cum. It tasted a bit bitter and salty, well I don't really understand how it tastes yet and it was really new but I don't hate it. I actually love it because it is Ashton.

I licked my lips, taking every last drop of Ashton as I moved back up and hovered over him.

Ashton smiled up at me. Some of his hair stuck on to his sweaty forehead but he still looked beautiful. He then lifted a hand then wiped his thumb on the side of my mouth and he said, "Open up, baby."

I did as told and opened up my mouth. Ashton slid his thumb in my mouth and I sucked on it, tasting him; the last drop of him.

He then pulled his thumb out but then to slide it along my bottom lip and played a little on my lip ring.

I smiled down at him and then leaned down to give him a peck on the lips, making him drop his hand from my face.

"Hmmm..." Ashton hummed. "Thank you for that, baby."

"For what?" I asked, though I already know what he meant, I just want him to say it. It made me happy and proud of myself.

Ashton chuckled, must've caught on, but then said, "For that  _amazing_  blowjob."

"Did I do good?" I asked him in a whisper, a smirk on my lips.

"Way better for a first-timer," Ashton said, pulling me in for a kiss but it didn't last long as Ashton pulled away and looked at me, saying, "Do you need help with your...?"

I fuurowed my eyebrows at him but then to smile as I realized what he meant and said, "No...I already came."

"Oh...well uh...shower?"

"Good idea."

Ashton then wrapped his arms around me and sat up on the bed, putting me in a straddling position on his lap. I giggled at our position, making Ashton kiss the tip of my nose. Then he moved around to get his legs off the bed.

He then suddenly stood up, making me wrap an arm around his shoulders and lock my ankles on his back to keep myself up. He then had an arm around my waist and a hand holding onto my thigh as he began walking towards the bathroom.

I was giggling the whole way to tue bathroom. I don't know why, I just find it funny and somehow cute that Ashton is carrying me.

"You are so adorable," Ashton whispered to me as he placed me down on the sink counter in the bathroom.

I blushed again. It's my immediate and involuntary reaction already everytime Ashton compliments me. It's funny actually that I get like this when he tells me I'm cute or beautiful but when it comes to sexual or dirty talks, I don't get all flushed.

Ashton fondly smiled up at me then pecked my lips a few times before going to the shower and turning it on. He came back to me then had his hands placed on my hips then ran them up and down my sides before hooking his fingers on my boxer waistband.

He looked up at me silently asking for permission so I lifted my hips up to let him pull my boxers down. As soon as he got it off of me, he tossed it on the floor then lifted me up from the counter and carried me into the shower.

He gently set me down under the running water and then pulled me to him and caught my lips in another heated kiss. It was really wet because of the water from the shower but it was still really good.

We pulled away to catch our breath and Ashton began washing my hair. It felt really nice though, how he takes care of me. It gives me butterflies in my stomach.

I giggled as he massaged my scalp, saying, "I feel like a three-year-old-boy and you are my dad."

Ashton stilled and looked at me for a moment before chuckling and saying, "Well, you are a child."

"You know, I really don't know if I should take you calling me as a child as an insult or a compliment." I told Ashton.

He gave me a peck on the lips and said, "It's a compliment, baby, because there's no way I could ever insult you."

"I really don't understand where this side of you comes from." I said as Ashton washed my hair from the shampoo.

"What do you mean? What side of me?" He asked as he started to wash my body with soap.

"This side of you," I answered gesturing towards him. "This less grumpy, less intimidating, nicer, playful, and soft side of you."

Ashton stopped his movements to look up at me. His face is kind of unreadable though the soft gaze in his eyes is quite evident.

"Does it bother you? Did I uh...did change so much? Don't you want me like this?" Ashton asked in a soft voice that totally surprised me because you can clearly hear the hint of insecurity laced in it.

I lifted boh of my hands up and cupped his face, gently caressing my thumbs on his cheeks. I smiled down at him and kissed him softly.

"I love this side of you," I said against his lips, resting my forehead against his. "I am genuinely happy that I get to see this Ashton. I may sound really selfish now, but I actually just want this side of you for me. Just mine. Just how you are mine."

I felt Ashton smile against my lips and then he leaned up so we can kiss again. He circled his arms around my waist and pulled me to him, deepening our kiss.

As we pulled away, he smiled up at me and said, "I'm just yours, baby. All yours."

I smiled back at him and we kissed again. It didn't take long as I pulled away a little and said, "Our dicks are rubbing."

Ashton let out a laugh, "Why do you always ruin the moment?"

"What? I don't. I was just pointing out what was happening." I told Ashton.

He shook his head in apparent amusement and said, "You really are something, Luke Hemmings."

\---

"Rise and shine!" I yelled as I went to wake the three boys up. They are still sprawled on the couches out back.

Ashton and I went downstairs after our really productive morning. Damn. It's really a great morning.

I noticed Calum move around his sleeping spot so I went over to him and shook him. He slowly opened his eyes and squinted up at me. I stood in front of him with my hands on my waist and a raised eyebrow.

"What do you want, Luke?" He asked in a groggy voice.

"For you to get up." I responded.

"Let me sleep." He grumbled and turned away from me to try to go back to sleep.

"Oh come on, Calum! Get up!"

"Nooo!" Calum grumbled.

Before I could respond to him, Ashton came out from the kitchen with an apple on one hand and a glass og pitcher of ice cold water on the other. He went to Niall first and poured him some of the ice cold water, making him bolt up from the couch, screaming in shock.

I laughed at the sight as Calum quickly sat up to see what happened to Niall. He also laughed at Niall them we both watched Ashton as he went over to Michael who is still deep in sleep. He did the same and poured some of the ice cold water on Michael, who made a funnier reaction than Niall.

"HOLY FUCKING HELL!!!" Michael screamed as he jumped out of the couch and jumped up and down, banging his head to the side, getting some of the water out of his ear.

Niall, Calum, and I are cackling already while Ashton was just looking at Michael, holding the pitcher with a meh expression on his face. Wow. How can this guy control his emotion that good?

"You done?" Ashton asked Michael as he waited for him to stop jumping up and down.

Michael turned to Ashton and said and angrily shouted, "What the fuck, Ashton?!"

Ashton just looked at him and said, "I made coffee to wake your ugly asses up."

"As if what you did isn't enough to wake us up," Niall muttered but everyone heard.

Ashton just gave him a shrug as he took a bite of his apple and went back inside the house.

Niall shook his head and Michael looked at all of us and said, "What the fuck is wrong with him?"

I gave him a shrug and said as I started to walk back inside the house, "You're his best friend so you know the answer to that."

Michael gaped at me then said as he followed me inside along with the two other boys, "Wow. One night of staying in the same room together and he has rubbed off on you that much?"

I just shrugged again and sat on a barstool at the kitchen island. Ashton gave me a mug of coffee and I took it and thanked him with a smile.

Niall and Calum sat down on the other barstools as Michael went to the fridge to look for something to eat.

"I was gonna make breakfast but I figured why don't we just go out and eat. It's almost 11AM anyway. There are a lot of good restauranta around here." Ashton announced.

I beamed at him and said, "Great because I am craving for some sea food!"

Michael stood next to Ashton on the opposite side of the kitchen island and said, "I know a place which serves good see food dishes."

"Then you three go and shower so we can leave. Luke and I are hungry and I know for sure so are you three." Ashton said.

Niall and Calum both stood up from the barstools and along with Michael they headed out of the kitchen to go upstairs and shower. But before they were all out of the kitchen, I said, "Maybe any of you just use the bathroom in mine and Ashton's room."

"I will!" Michael said before any of the other boys did.

As they headed upstairs, I turned to Ashton who was already looking at me. I smiled at him and said, "I don't wanna leave this place."

He furrowed his eyebrows and then said, "Don't you wanna go out for lunch? I thought you are craving for some sea food."

"No, that's not what I meant. I don't want to leave this place as in I don't wanna go back to the dorms. I like it here."

"We can always come back here," Ashton said with a soft smile.

I smiled and nodded, but before I could say anything, my phone in my pocket started ringing. I pulled it out and looked at the caller ID. It was my mother.

I furrowed my eyebrows, wondering why my mother is calling. So I answered the call and put the phone against my ear.

"Hello?" I said to the receiver.

" _Luke! Honey, how are you?_ " My mother sounded from the other end.

"I'm ok, mom...how are you and dad?"

" _Oh, we're fine. Everything is fine._ "

"That's good to know, mom...but why did you call? It's not that I didn't like it...it was just kinda random."

" _I just called to check up on you. It has been a while since we last talked._ "

"That was just like a week ago," I chuckled, knowing how my mom tends to be like this.

" _I know. I just miss you and your brothers. I was actually been meaning to call you earlier today but I know you were still asleep since it is the weekend._ "

I smirked and looked up at Ashton who was just watching me as I talked to my mother on the phone. I then said to my mother, locking eyes with Ashton and the smirk still etched on my lips, "Yeah...I was actually up early but I was really busy  _doing_  something."

Ashton chuckled as he shook his head in amusement.

" _Oh. What were you doing?_ " My mother asked.

"A project that I had to finish. But I got it done already." I said, still smirking at Ashton who held this fond and amused look on his face.

" _That's great, honey. But you are taking care of yourself, right?_ "

"Yes, mom, I do."

" _You are not always partying, right?_ "

I chuckled, "Mom, I don't, even if you ask Calum."

" _I can't rely on him to tell the truth. He always lies for you._ "

"Well, that just shows how loyal he is to me, isn't it?"

My mother chuckled, " _Have you even made friends there, anyway?_ "

"Yes, mom. We got some pretty awesome neighbors and we all go to the same uni."

" _That's nice. I'm glad you have made awesome friends. I hope you will soon meet a nice girl and will finally have a girlfriend._ "

After hearing what my mother said, I looked away from Ashton and frowned. I knew Ashton noticed it but I didn't looked back at him and just told my mother, "Mom...I don't have time for that. I got more important stuff to do than...find a girl."

" _I'm just saying, Luke. I have never ever seen you having a girlfriend. I just want you to be happy._ "

"Having a girlfriend is not what makes me happy, mom. Can we just not talk about this?"

I heard my mother let out a sigh then she said, "Ok, Luke. Just...just take care of yourself, ok?"

"Ok, mom. Just tell dad I said, 'hi'."

" _Ok, honey. Bye._ "

"Bye, mom."

As soon as I hung up, I looked back up at Ashton who was staring at me with soft eyes. I gave him a small smile and said, "Sorry about that. Sorry you had to hear that. I don't want you to think that I am not proud of who I am and having you as my boyfriend that I couldn't tell my own mother about it. It's just that...I don't know how to tell her. I don't know how to tell my family everything."

"Baby...you didn't have to explain. I know and I understand," Ashton told me with a soft smile.

"Thank you."

"No worries, baby."

"We're done!" Niall's voice boomed, making me and Ashton turn towards the entrance of the kitchen. The three boys entered, fully dressed.

I got up from my seat, saying, "Ok, I'll just grab my phone and wallet."

"Hey, Luke, please grab my stuff as well?" Ashton said before I could take a step of going back upstairs.

"Ok, which ones?" I asked him.

"Just my phone and wallet. Oh and my car keys."

"Ok," I said then rushed back up the stairs to Ashton and mine's room.

I grabbed my phone and wallet from the night stand on my side of the bed then went to grab Ashton's phone, wallet, and car keys from the night stand on his side of the bed.

I was about to get out of the room when Ashton's phone buzzed and the screen lit up. I looked at it and a text from Josh came in, saying:

**Josh: Ash, just saw him today and followed him. I know now where he lives. Maybe come by or call me later?**

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. I know it's none of my business but sometimes, my curiosity gets the best out of me. So I unlocked the phone and went through Ashton's conversation with Josh. I read through every exchanges of texts they had.

My mouth went agape as I learned what Ashton has been doing. He has been tracking down Andrew ever since that night from Niall's frat house party. He had Josh dig informations about Andrew's whereabouts. He may just have told Josh that Andrew 'owes him shit' and he 'needs to pay' but I can feel it in my guts that it has to do with me; that I am the reason why Ashton is going after Andrew.

"Luke, what to-," Ashton said as he entered the room but immediately stopped himself as he saw me standing in the middle of the room, his phone in my hand, as looked up at him with teary eyes.

Ashton then rushed to me with a worried expression and cupped my face with his hand and said, "Baby, what happened, are you ok?"

"Is it because of me?" I asked Ashton in a small voice.

"The what, baby?" Ashton asked me in a worried tone.

I raised up his phone to show him the conversation he and Josh had and said, "Where you tracking down Andrew because of me? Ever since that frat party, you have been tracking him. That time you beat up each other, you knew he was at the frat house because Josh told you. He was the one who texted you and right after you dropped me off at uni, you immediately went there."

"Baby..."

"And now, after my encounter with Andrew, you are after him again. Ash, I don't want you to do that. I don't want you getting hurt because of me."

Ashton hands fell from my face to his sides and he looked down on his feet and asked in a small voice, "Are you mad at me?"

I let out a huff then lifted a hand and placed it on his jaw, making him look up at me. I looked straight into his eyes and said, "I am not mad at you, Ash...I'm mad at  _myself._ "

Ashton's worried expression grew as he asked, "Baby, why?"

"Because I made you do all these. I got you hurt and I don't ever want you to get hurt."

Ashton laid a hand over mine then gently took it off his face and held it in his own and said, "Stop blaming yourself for what happened to me before.  _I_ did that to myself. And this whole Andrew tracking thing, it was  _my_  decision. _I_  did it. You didn't know what I was doing. So please, baby, don't blame yourself."

"Just...just please stop doing it. I really don't want you to get hurt. You didn't have to make Andrew pay for what he did. I'm ok now and it's all because of you. So please, just let him be and let's just focus on  _us_." I pleaded at Ashton.

He looked at me straight in the eyes and nodded his head 'yes' as he said, "I promise."

I smiled small at him then leaned my forehead against his, "Thank you."

Ashton leaned up and caught my lips in sweet yet quick kiss.

"We should really get going. They might be wondering now, where we've gone." Ashton said with a chuckle, as he pulled away from me.

I smiled then handed him his things. He took it from my hand and then went to grab the 2 pairs of sunglasses on his nightstand and handed one to me before he headed towards the door.

I was gonna follow him when something caught my eye: Ashton's camera. I quickly grabbed it from my nightstand and hurried out of the room after Ashton.

"What took you both so long? I'm starving!" Michael complained.

"We were looking for this," I said, raising up Ashton's camera for everyone to see.

"Ok now that found thay, can we please go? I am dying of hunger." Niall said.

Ashton rolled his eyes, "All out now so we can leave. We'll use my car because I'm pretty sure none of you would want to drive."

Everyone rushed outside to Ashton's car. I headed straight towards the front passenger seat and grabbed the handle at the same time that Michael did.

We both turned to look at each other. I smiled awkwardly at him as I pulled my hand away from the door handle and said, "Oh. Sorry. I was just really used to uh...riding shotgun, yeah. I forgot we are all using Ashton's car."

"You know, if you want you can ride shotgun." Michael said with a smile.

"No, it's fine. I can squeeze in the back," I said as I headed to the back seat and sat next to Niall who is in between me and Calum.

Ashton was the last one who got in the car and as he saw Michael in the front seat he quickly turned his head to look at me with a questioning look on his face. I gave him a knowing look in return and subtly glanced at Michael to prove my point.

Ashton let out a sigh and then started the car and drove off.

"Oooh...someone's not happy you are sitting here." Niall whispered on my ear.

I playfully rolled my eyes and said, "Shut up, Niall."

Niall snickered then settled in his seat.

The ride to the restaurant was short. As soon as Ashton parked his car, everyone jumped out of the car.

The restaurant was by the beach which had tables with a good view of the ocean. Of course we settled at one of these tables.

A nice waitress then came over and handed us the menu and we immediately gave her our orders. As she left with our orders after saying that it will be served in 20 minutes, Calum looked around then asked, "Where's the bathroom?"

"Oh, it's 'round the back," Michael said then stood up and continued, "Come on, I kinda need to use the bathroom too."

Calum smiled as he stood up and followed Michael.

"So, you two lovebirds, how is it going with you?" Niall asked as soon as Michael and Calum were gone.

"Why do you ask?" Ashton shot back with his usual tone.

"Is it wrong to ask? You both are my friends." Niall responded.

"We're ok, Niall," I told Niall before Ashton could say anything that might be too mean or asshole-y.

Niall smiled at me. Then my eye caught something from behind him. Well, a bit far behind him just right outside the restaurant.

"Is that a souvenir store or something?" I asked.

Niall turned to look behind him as Ashton followed my gaze since he is sitting next to me.

"Yeah, I think, it is." Niall said.

"Can we go check it out?" I asked no one specifically.

"Right now?" Ashton raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah...well, we still got like 15 minutes to spare before our food comes."

"Well, you lovers go because I will stay here and wait for the food and so someone can tell Michael and Calum where you've gone off," Niall said as he leaned back on his chair.

Before Ashton could say anything, I stood up from my seat and grabbed Ashton's hand and pulled him up from his dragging him out of the restaurant to the souvenir shop.

A wide smile is etched on my face as we entered the store and I looked around in amazement as I see all the stuff displayed inside. I walked around the store looking at everything with Ashton just following behind me.

While looking around, something caught my eyes and I went over to it, grabbing Ashton's wrist.

"What is it now?" Ashton asked.

I beamed as I picked one of the items and showed it to Ashton.

He raised up an eyebrow and said, "A bracelet?"

"It looks cool." I said.

I loved how the bracelet looks. It was a black woven leather with an anchor detail which also serves as its lock.

"Come on now,  _babe_...Let's buy matching bracelets," I pleaded at Ashton with a pout, making him roll his eyes playfully.

"You really know how to manipulate me, don't you?" Ashton stated.

I just gave him an innocent smile.

Ashton chuckled, shaking his head, then said, "Ok, come on, let's buy them, if that's what you want."

I beamed and gave Ashton a peck on the cheek, "Thanks, babe."

Ashton smiled then he was about to reach for his wallet but I stopped him and said, "No. You are not going to pay for these."

"Come on, Luke."

"No, Ashton. I will buy these for us. I want these bracelets to be something I gave us. So please, let me pay for these." I told him.

Ashton sighed, "Fine...whatever makes you happy, baby."

I gave him a smile and then headed for the check out as Ashton just continued to look at the items in the store. As I waited for the bracelets to get checked and wrapped, a familiar voice rang behind me, saying, "Well, well, well, look who we got here."

I turned around and smiled as I saw Jesse. He is from one of my classes who I became friends with. We sit next to each other and often help each other out with our assignments and stuff. He is really nice and quite a good-looking guy. If I am not head over heels in love with Ashton, I'd be having a crush on Jesse.

"Jesse, hi! What are you doing here?" I asked with a grin.

"You know, I could ask you the same." He responded with a chuckle.

"Well, just spent the weekend here with my friends. You know to relax."

"Yeah...same. Need to take a break from uni for once in a while."

"True. So you came here alone or what?"

"Oh, I'm with my brother. We both love to surf and this place hot some good surfing spots."

"Oooh, nice! Didn't know you surf."

Jesse chuckled sheepishly as he scratched the back of his head and said, "Just a hobby that my brother and I both share. Not really great at it or anything."

"Oh, humble much?"

Jesse laughed, "I'm being honest though."

I was gonna respond to him when I felt a hand on the small of my back and I turned to see Ashton now standing next to me but staring coldly at Jesse. His dark and intimidating expression now covers his face as he looked Jesse up and down. Jesse is a bit taller than Ashton but not taller than me. But as Ashton looked at him with those strong, cold gazes, it is obvious that Jesse is intimidated by him.

I resisted an eye roll for Ashton's behaviour and smiled at Jesse and said, "Jesse, this is Ashton, and Ashton, this is Jesse."

Jesse smiled at Ashton as he extended a hand for a handshake. Ashton stared at his hand and I subtly elbowed him, making him forcefully, shook hands with Jesse.

As their hands dropped, Jesse smiled at me and said, "Well, I should get going, Luke. It was really nice seeing you here."

"Well, see you tomorrow," I replied with a smile.

Jesse waved goodbye then headed out of the store.

"Why are you gonna see him tomorrow?" Ashton asked in a hard tone.

"Because we go to the same uni and we share a class," I told Ashton as I took the bracelets from the cashier after paying for them. I thanked her and headed out the store with Ashton following me.

"I don't like him," Ashton said.

I stopped walking just right outside of the store and turned to Ashton who also stopped walking in front of me.

I smirked at him, making him raise a questioning eyebrow.

"Are you  _jealous_?" I asked in a teasing tone still with a smirk on my face.

"What? No." Ashton quickly denied.

I laughed, "You are so jealous."

"I am not, Luke. What should I be jealous of that surfer wannabe?"

I shrugged as I pulled out the bracelets I bought out from the bag in my hand then threw the bag into the trash, saying, "I don't know, maybe because Jesse is hot..."

"What do you mean 'hot'?" Ashton asked in a hard tone.

I looked at him and couldn't keep myself from laughing as I see him with a scowl on his face. "Oh my god, I never thought I'd live to see this day."

Ashton just furrowed his eyebrows at me. I chuckled then took his left hand and I wrapped and locked one of the bracelets on his wrist and said, "You know, you really don't have to be jealous with anyone because I don't look at and will never look at anyone the same way as I look at you. I'm yours, remember? I intend on keeping that as a promise. And hey...Jesse may be hot but he's not near as hot as you."

Ashton chuckled, "Ok, baby. I'm sorry."

"Ha! You just admitted that you are jealous," I said then flipped my imaginary hair, making Ashton laugh.

He then took my hand and the other bracelet and wore it on my wrist as he said, "Let's put this on you as well."

I was smiling fondly as I watched him wrap and lock the bracelet on my left wrist, just like his. But then, both of our attention was pulled away by a lady's voice, saying, "Ashton?"

As soon as Ashton heard the voice, he quickly turned his head around and his eyes widened in surprise.

"Bryana?" Ashton breathed out.

The girl, Bryana, I assume, smiled wide. She is really pretty, to be honest. Long blond hair, sweet brown eyes, tanned skin, and a model-like body and posture.

"Hi, Ash. It's been a long time. How are you?" The girl asked.

Ashton regained his composure and gave her a tight smile and said, "I'm good."

"Good to know that."

The girl then turned to look at me, so I smiled down at her and extended a hand, "Hi, I'm Luke."

She smiled back as she shook hands with me, "Bryana."

As our hands dropped, Ashton said, "It's nice to see you again, Bryana, but we really need to go."

"Oh. Ok. We'll see you around, Ash."

"Yeah, yeah, see ya around."

With one last exchanges of smiles between me and Bryana, both Ashton and I headed back to the restaurant. Rather quickly, I may add.

"What took you so long? The food was served ages ago." Niall said as both me and Ashton took our seats.

"Just bumped into someone and talked a bit," I said, making Ashton stiffen in his seat.

The others may not have noticed it but I did.

"Who did you bump into?" Calum asked.

Ashton looked at me with this look in his eyes that seemed like pleading and scared but he tried to hide it with his cold emotionless gaze.

I smiled small at him then turned to Calum and said, "Jesse, remember him?"

"Ah, yeah. Nice guy." Calum commented.

Ashton leaned back in his chair with a sigh and I turned back to look at him and he was just staring at his food with a blank look on his face.

"I don't know about you guys, but I am really hungry, so I'm gonna eat," Michael said, making me look at him.

I chuckled then started to eat as well as the other except Ashton. I looked at him with concern and asked, "Are you ok? Aren't you hungry?"

Ashton looked at me then smiled and said, "I'm fine."

He then started to eat but I just couldn't keep the worry from me. Something is wrong. Something is bothering him. He just acted differently after we went to the store.

Was it because of Jesse? Was he really jealous of him? Or does it have to do with that Bryana girl? Considering how Ashton reacted when he saw her.

"Wow. They do serve good food here." Calum commented, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Makes me really happy!" Niall added, making me chuckle. "I think I'm gonna have a second round for these shrimps!"

"Same," Michael agreed.

I then felt a hand on my knee and I looked down at it then to Ashton who was smiling as he listened to Niall and Michael. I smiled to myself. Maybe I am just overthinking about everything again. I put a hand over Ashton's and gave it a gentle squeeze. He squeezed back, making me smile.

"So, where do we go for pizza after?" Niall asked, making me look at him in disbelief.

"Seriously?" I asked.

Niall shrugged.

"Oh, I know a place!" Michael told Niall with a wide grin.

Everyone, except Niall, looked at Michael with a look of disbelief.

"What? It's pizza." Michaell defended.

Calum stared at Michael and asked in pure confusion, "Where would you even fit all of that?"

**\---**


	15. 15

**\---**

"The Halloween party's tomorrow and we still don't have a costume," Calum said as he slumped down on the couch next to me, handing me a bottle of beer.

I quickly send my text to Ashton and put down my phone and took the beer from Calum, thanking him.

"Who are you always texting anyway? You're always on your phone." Calum pointed out.

"Just because I'm always on my phone, Calum, it doesn't mean that I am always texting," I told my best friend, and yeah, I'm a little bit defensive.

"You know, I think, Ashton really has rubbed off on you since you have been hanging out with him a lot lately," Calum stated.

I turned to look at Calum and then I laughed and said, "Is that jealousy I smell?"

"What are you talking about, Lucas?"

"Well, the way you said that it's as if you are implying that I spend more time with Ashton than with you."

"Well you kinda are," Calum murmured but I clearly heard it.

"You also spend a lot of time with Michael than me," I stated.

"That is because you and Ashton spend more time together," Calum argued.

I went to argue but then stopped myself and thought about what Calum said. Do Ashton and I really spend most of our time together? Are we stealing each other from our best friends?

Ashton and I are boyfriends and it is pretty normal for boyfriends to spend most of their time together but our best friends still do not know the real deal between us.

I really feel so guilty right now and I don't know what to do. I can't tell Calum the truth yet. I need a perfect timing.

I was too caught up in my thoughts that I didn't notice my phone ringing on the couch in between me and Calum until Calum said, "Ashton is calling you, Lucas."

"What?" I asked Calum in a confused tone.

Calum rolled his eyes playfully then picked up my phone and handed it to me with a knowing look and said, "Phone ringing.  _Ashton_  calling."

"Oh..." Was all I said as I took my phone from Calum and answered Ashton's call.

"Hello?" I said into the receiver.

" _Hey, baby...where are you?_ " Ashton asked.

"At home. In my living room, sitting on the couch next to Calum," I answered.

Ashton chuckled from the other end of the line, " _Well that is very detailed but good to know._ "

"Oh...hehe. Well, why'd you call? Do you need anything?"

" _No, not really. I was just checking up on you since you didn't reply to my text anymore._ "

"I did," I said in a confused tone because I was pretty sure I was able to send my reply to him.

" _Nope. You didn't._ "

"Oh. I'm sorry."

" _It's ok, baby...I just got worried, that's why I called._ "

"Ok. Where are you now, anyway?"

" _Just outside, taking a smoke._ "

"Oh. Ok."

" _So the Halloween party's tomorrow, are you still going?_ "

"Yes, I am. As a matter of fact, Calum and I are going costume shopping today."

"We are?" Calum asked in a whisper from beside me with a confused and surprised expression on his face.

I mouthed a 'yes' to him and listened to Ashton as he said, " _Ok, baby. Have fun._ "

"Thank you," I said with a smile even though I know he can't see it.

" _Maybe we can have dinner together tonight? I mean, you and Calum can come over to the apartment. I'll cook._ "

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I think Mike would like it as well. He keeps begging me to cook since Monday."

I chuckled, "Yeah, well you know how he loves your cooking and so do I, so we'll be there."

" _Ok, great. Bye, baby. Take care._ "

"Bye, Ash."

As soon as I hung up, I looked at my phone and there I have an unread text from Ashton. I didn't notice I got that. Didn't even notice he was calling me. No wonder he got worried.

I then put my phone away and turned to Calum with a smile and said, "Yes, we are going costume shopping and also going out for lunch. You are right, I might have spent more time with Ashton lately but it was never my intention."

Calum frowned, making me furrow my eyebrows in confusion. Does he not want it? Or does he have plans already? He then looked at me and said, "I wasn't trying to guilt trip you or anything, Luke."

"Calum, I know, but you were still right. So please let me make it up to you and let's bond today."

"Are you sure you wanna do this?" Calum asked.

"Of course, I do. When was I not up for doing anything with you? And like you said, we need Halloween costumes."

Calum chuckled, "Fine, let me get my wallet and keys."

I beamed at him with a nod and he quickly went to his room to get his stuff. As soon as he came back, I stood up from the couch and we headed out.

As the elevator doors opened when we reached the ground floor, a very beautiful sight came into view that I couldn't keep myself from smiling.

"Hey, Ash!" I greeted my boyfriend, making him look up from his phone.

He smiled as his eyes landed on me and said, "Luke, hi." His gaze then averted to Calum and acknowledged, "Calum."

"Ashton," Calum responded with a small smile as he stepped out of the elevator with me following behind.

Ashton also made his way inside the elevator and subtly brush his hand against mine, making me smile to myself.

"See you later," Ashton said as he was inside the elevator.

"See ya," I replied as the elevator doors went to close.

Calum and I headed towards the exit of the building.

"He's a lot nicer now but he pretty much still is intimidating," Calum commented.

I laughed at his statement and said, "It's because you don't hang out much with him. You don't even really talk to him but once you do, all the intimidation will go away. He just really has this asshole-ish attitude but you'll get used to it."

"You sound like you really do know him already. Have you really have been hanging out too much with him?" Calum asked with a chuckle.

"Not that much, it's just that it so happens that we usually end up in the same place at the same time and maybe we just get along pretty well more than we thought," I explained as we exited the building and walked over to Calum's parked car.

"Yeah, I can see that. Anyway, why'd he call you before?"

"Oh that. He invited us to dinner at their apartment tonight. He'll be cooking." I told Calum as we both got in his car.

"What's the occasion?" Calum asked, starting up his car.

"Nothing. He's just in the mood to cook. He's a really moody person so if he's in a positive mood, you might as well cherish it because it rarely happens. And also, Mike's been begging him to cook. He's really good as fuck."

"Wow. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you two are together," Calum commented, making me almost choke on my own saliva.

I just chuckled awkwardly and said, "Why don't we have lunch first before we go shopping? I'm kinda hungry."

"Are we going to the city?"

"That is a better idea."

Calum laughed and drove to the city.

As usual, it was a half an hour ride and as we got there, we were really hungry, so Calum and I just picked a random restaurant, the first one we saw just so we could eat sooner.

I picked a table outside the restaurant. Ever since I met Harry, I got used to sitting at a table outside. I find it more relaxing.

"Why are we sitting here outside anyway?" Calum asked as we were both scanning the menu.

"I like it outside," I responded.

"Since when?"

"Since I started liking sitting outside."

"Rude."

I chuckled then went back to picking an order.

"Luke?" A very familiar deep voice then sounded that made me quickly look up.

I was utterly surprised to see Harry standing by our table dressed in a white shirt, skinny jeans with his brown boots and a fedora on his head and a pair of sunglasses. It was a simple look but damn, does he look so good. Seriously what is with their genes? He and Ashton are just effortlessly beautiful.

"Harry?" I said in a surprised tone.

Harry beamed at me. I glanced at Calum who has a confused look on his face. I stood up from my seat and gave Harry a hug as I said, "What are you doing around here?"

"I could actually ask you the same, but I'm here to take care of something," Harry said as we pulled away from the hug.

"We're about to have lunch, you wanna join us?" I offered.

"Oh, sure. Kinda hungry, anyway."

Harry pulled another chair and settled with me and Calum at our table.

"Anyway, this is Calum, my best friend," I introduced Calum to Harry as I have noticed the deep confusion on his face.

Harry beamed at Calum and extended a hand as he said, "Hi, nice to meet you, I'm Harry."

Calum shook hands with him with a smile and said, "Nice to meet you too, Harry."

"Where's Louis, by the way?" I asked Harry, gaining his attention.

"He's in London. He had to go home," Harry answered.

"Wait? Louis?" Calum asked, then he looked at Harry and continued, "You're Harry from Harry and Louis?"

Harry chuckled, "Well, yeah, I assume I am the one you mean. Didn't know Louis and I have a tv show or something."

I laughed at what Harry said making both him and Calum chuckle then Calum said, "Well, it's just that I remember that wedding invitation Luke got. It was from you, right?"

Harry gave a dimply smile, "Yes, it was from me and Louis."

"Wow. Congratulations!" Calum expressed.

"Thank you!" Harry beamed.

The waitress then came back and took our orders. Harry quickly took a look at the menu and gave the waitress his order as well as Calum and I did.

"How's Ashton, by the way? The bastard's not answering my calls again." Harry asked as soon as the waitress left with our orders.

"Same as usual," I responded.

"Wait, you know Ashton too?" Calum asked in surprise.

Shit. I never told Calum that Harry is Ashton's brother. He didn't know back then when I received the invitation from Harry that Ashton and I are friends.

Harry looked at me, "You didn't tell Calum?"

"Didn't tell me what?" Calum asked.

Fuck. What if Harry has forgotten too that no one knew about me and Ashton being together and accidentally spill everything to Calum? What do I do?

"Ashton is my  _brother,_ " Harry told Calum.

I mentally sighed in relief. At least he only said about them being brothers.

"Brother?!" Calum said in total surprise. He then turned to look at me and said, "Well, Luke definitely missed telling me that exact detail."

Fuck.

I gave Calum an awkward smile as I said, "Sorry, I forgot."

"Sure, you did," Calum sarcastically replied but then smiled after, letting me know he's not mad about it.

He then turned back to Harry and said, "So that pretty much explains the resemblance. You know dimples and such."

Harry chuckled, "Yeah...just one of the very few things that we have in common."

"Yeah, speaking of...you don't share the same name," Calum pointed out.

"Well, we don't share the same father," Harry said with a chuckle then continued, "My dad died when I was still three years old, in a car accident, and then two years later my mum remarried and we all moved here in Australia and then Ashton was born."

"Well, that pretty much explains it," Calum said with a smile.

"So I assume you are friends with Ashton as well since you're neighbors and you are Luke's best friend and he's  _good_  friends with Ashton," Harry said to Calum.

"Well, you can call it that," Calum responded.

Harry chuckled, "My brother is not the friendly kind so I'd understand if you'd say you are not friends."

"Well, I do consider us friends. We all hang out together though. I just can tell if he also considers me as a friend." Calum stated.

The conversation was then again interrupted by waitress bringing us our food.

We all thanked her then she left after we assured her that we got all we need.

We shared some small talk as we enjoyed our food but then my phone buzzed in my pocket so I pulled it out and saw a text from Ashton.

**Ashton: I'm alone in the apartment and I miss you.**

I smiled at the text and went in to type in my reply.

**Me: Well I'm not alone but I miss you too.**

**Ashton: When will you be back?**

**Me: I'm not really sure when...we're in the city and right now I'm having lunch with Calum and Harry.**

**Ashton: Harry???**

**Me: Yes. It also happens that he's here in the city and we bumped into each other in the restaurant.**

Instead of getting a reply, my phone started ringing with Ashton calling.

"Hello?" I said into the receiver with a confuses tone.

" _Hey, baby...can you please give the phone to Harry?_ "

"Ok..." I said and handed Harry the phone.

Harry gave me a confused look, so I said, "It's Ashton."

Harry raised an eyebrow but then took the phone and said into the receiver, "You do remember you have my number, right?"

He listened with an eye-roll and said, "well, hello to you too, brother, who only remembers me when you need something."

He listened again to what Ashton was saying to him then said, "Exactly 20 minutes...no, because less then 20 it will be undercooked and more than 20 it will be overcooked, so precisely 20 minutes."

Harry rolled his eyes again then handed me my phone back with a smile.

I took the phone and put it back against my ear, "Ash?"

" _Come by at the apartment, baby, when you get home,_ " Ashton said to me.

"Ok, Ash," I replied.

" _Bye, baby._ "

"Bye..."

As soon as we both hung up, Harry asked, "My brother's cooking something?"

"Uh...yeah. He kinda invited us to dinner later. He said he was cooking. Michael's been begging him to cook."

"Oh, it's nice to know he's cooking again."

"He stopped?" I asked Harry curiously.

"No, not stopped. He just became really moody."

"Not surprising," I commented.

Harry just smiled but you can clearly see the sadness behind it.

"Hey," Calum said, gaining both mine and Harry's attention. Then Calum chuckled then turned to Harry and said, "Do you know where to buy good Halloween costumes around here?"

"Oh, so that's why you're here in the city," Harry figured out then he continued, "Well, I know a place or two. I can take you there since I'm done with my business here."

"Will that be ok with you? I mean, we don't wanna bother you," I told Harry.

Harry just dismissed a hand and said, "You would never be a bother to me."

"Well, thanks, Harry," I told him with a smile which he quickly returned.

We continued to eat our lunch then called for the bill after. Harry then paid for everything before Calum and I could protest. What is with these brothers always paying for everything?

Harry then took both me and Calum to a store with various Halloween costumes. Calum went to one section to look for a costume as both me and Harry went to another.

"So, are you hosting a party or what?" Harry asked.

"No, we're not. It's Tyler and Josh's party," I answered.

"Tyler and Josh?"

"Oh, friends of Ash and Michael who kinda became friends with me and Calum too."

"Oh...I see. Well, is Ashton gonna go to the party?"

"Well, he said he would."

"Is he gonna dress up too?"

"No, but I will try to make him dress up," I told Harry, raising four sets of costumes I found that is perfect for Ashton, Michael, Calum, and I.

Harry chuckled, "Are you sure he's gonna wear that?"

"I'll do my best to convince him," I said with a laugh.

"Well he's totally whipped by you, so I won't be surprised if he would," Harry commented.

"Why would you say that, anyway?" I asked Harry in confusion because I don't see why he thinks Ashton is whipped by me.

"Because it's the truth," Harry simply said and I shook my head at him with a chuckle then walked over to Calum and showed him the costumes I picked.

"These are cool but, why do you have four?" Calum asked as he looked at the costumes.

"Ashton, Michael, you, and me," I told him.

"Yeah, like Ashton is actually gonna wear this. He made it clear he won't dress up," Calum pointed out.

"Maybe he'll change his mind," I shrugged.

"Well, fine...and I think these really are pretty cool and Michael would definitely like this, so let's go pay for all these."

I nodded at Calum and followed him to the checkout.

"What about Niall though?" Calum asked me.

"He said he already got a costume," I told Calum.

He nodded then paid for the costumes.

As we stepped outside the store, I turned to Harry and said, "Well, is this the part where we go our separate ways?"

Harry chuckled, "Yeah, I guess it is."

"Thanks for helping us out, Harry," Calum said with a smile. "It's really great to meet you too."

"You as well, Calum," Harry said with a smile then pulled Calum into a hug, making my best friend chuckle as he hugged Harry back. "You are invited to my wedding too!"

"Really?!" Calum beamed like a 5-year-old-kid that was told he's going to Disneyland, as he pulled away to look at Harry.

Harry laughed and nodded then Calum said, "Oh, thank you so much!"

"I'll send you an invite one of these days."

Harry then turned to me and grinned widely as he pulled me into a hug. "It's always nice seeing you, Luke."

"Same as you, Harry," I replied as I hugged him back.

"Take care of my brother, ok? He needs you more than you know it." Harry whispered before he pulled away.

I gave Harry a reassuring smile, telling him that I am gonna take care of Ashton as much as he takes care of me.

With one last wave, Harry went on his own way as Calum and I went back to his car and drove back to the apartment. I then pulled out my phone and sent Ashton a text.

**Me: Hey, babe...we're on our way home. xx**

**Ashton: ok, baby, take care.. can't wait to see you!**

His reply made me smile foolishly on my phone. This side of him and these little things he does always give me butterflies and make me fall in love with him even more. I can't even still believe we are together - that he's  _my boyfriend_.

"Are you ok?" Calum asked, making me look up at him.

"Huh? What?," I said, pretending I didn't hear him, though I did. I just needed a little time to come up with an excuse.

"You are smiling like an idiot at your phone," Calum pointed out with a chuckle.

"Oh, I just came across a cute post from a gay couple on Instagram. It was just really...cute," I lamely lied at Calum but I think he bought it since he didn't question it.

We spent the whole ride joking around and it was actually really fun to hang out with Calum alone again, outside the apartment, even though we really didn't do much today. But I do plan on taking him out for lunch again where we also would spend the day together and have fun like we always used to do.

As soon as we arrived in the apartment, we headed straight into our unit and I changed into some shorts and t-shirt.

As I got back in the living room, I saw Calum heading towards the door and about to leave.

"Where are you going? We just got back." I asked, making him halt by the door.

He smiled small then said, "I'll have to meet up with Alex, there has been a bit of problem with our project."

"Oh...well, will you be back for dinner?"

"Yes, of course," Calum assured with a smile.

"Ok, well I'll just take the Michael and Ashton's costumes over to their apartment and start convincing Ashton to wear it."

"Goodluck with that."

I chuckled, "I'll definitely be needing that."

"Bye, Lucas!"

"Bye!" I said as I picked up Ashton and Michael's costumes from the couch and also exited the apartment.

I stood in front of my neighbor's door and knocked. Just a few seconds later, it was opened and the sight of my beautiful boyfriend came into view.

A smile quickly slid into my lips and I pecked his cheek as a greeting and stepped inside the apartment.

Ashton closed the door as I headed to the kitchen and placed the costumes on the counter. I then felt a pair of huge arms wrap around my waist and a pair of lips press against the back of my neck.

"I missed you," Ashton whispered against my skin.

I smiled and turned around in his hold to be able to face him. I then circled my arms around his neck and pressed my lips against his for a kiss that Ashton quickly turned into a deep and heated one as he slid his tongue past my lips, meeting mine immediately.

Ashton tightened his arms around me as I tangled a hand into his curly locks.

I moaned into the kiss as I felt one of his hands on my ass, giving one of my buttcheeks a squeeze. I tugged on his hair, earning a deep groan from him.

We then both pulled away from the kiss to catch our breath but before I could say anything, Ashton's lips are back and working their way from my jaw down to my sweet spot just right below my ear. He gently sucked on the sensitive skin, knowing what it does to me. But he's careful enough not to leave any bruises on it.

I tugged harder on his hair, as I tilted my head towards the opposite side so I can give Ashton more access to my sensitive spot. I then let a deep moan escape my lips from how good Ashton's mouth feels against my skin.

Ashton then pulled away and went to look at me in the eye. As he stared up at me, the fluttering in my stomach came stronger as to how beautiful his eyes are. They are so colorful now and no longer that emotionless. Though I can see something hiding behind those hazel pools that I still can't quite decipher but at least now, they are alive.

I smiled fondly down at Ashton, making him do the same. I moved my hands to cup his face and caress his cheeks with my thumbs and I leaned down to capture his lips in a soft kiss.

I leaned my forehead against his and whispered against his lips, "I missed you too."

Ashton pulled away a bit and gave me a dimply smile, making me chuckle at how adorable he looks.

"What?" he softly said with a fond smile.

"You look so adorable," I told him and pecked his lips.

Ashton chuckled, "I am nothing like adorable."

I playfully rolled my eyes at him then just captured his lips again in another sweet kiss. I circled my arms back around his neck and shoulders as we softly kiss each other with his arms wrapped around my body.

Then I pulled away as I remembered something, making Ashton look at me in confusion.

I turned a bit in his hold to get the costume I got him for Halloween and showed it to him. He let go of me as he took the set of costume from me and looked at it with furrowed eyebrows.

"What is this?" He asked.

"Your Halloween costume," I told him with a smile.

"My what?" Ashton asked me with a raised eyebrow.

"Your Halloween costume," I repeated.

Ashton sighed, "Baby, I'm gonna go to the party but I'm not gonna dress up. It's not for me. I'm really sorry."

"Are you really not gonna change your mind?" I asked him with a frown. "I mean, it's our first Halloween together and it's also gonna be the first party I will be going to after Andrew. I just want to celebrate Halloween with you, having so much and make it as memorable as possible."

Ashton looked at me straight into my eyes as if searching for something so I looked back at him to show him I meant what I said. He let out a huff and said, "I don't know, baby...it's just that it's not my thing anymore."

"Please? Even just this once that you'll dress up again?" I asked him with a pout.

"You really have to do that?" Ashton said with a chuckle.

"Pweeeaaaasssse?" I said, pouting more.

Ashton laughed then said, "Fine, just this once. I'll dress up for you."

My eyes widened in surprise and happiness that he actually agreed. A huge smile broke free on my face and I wrapped my arms around his neck and locked him in an embrace.

Ashton chuckled then also wrapped his arms around my body.

I pulled away a little bit to look at him and kissed his lips, "Thank you so much." I gave him a kiss again. "Thank." Kiss. "You." Kiss. "Thank." Kiss. "You." Kiss. "Thank." Kiss. "You." Kiss.

Ashton chuckled, "Anything to make you happy, baby."

I smiled down at him then said, "Thanks again."

Ashton smiled then pulled away from me to look at the costume again. I sat down on the bar stool by the kitchen counter and watched Ashton as he went through the whole set of the costume.

"A wig?" He asked with a raised eyebrow as he lifted up a blonde wig.

A giggled, "It's part of the costume and you'll definitely look hot with that."

"You're just saying that so I won't ditch the wig," Ashton said putting the wig down. "But oh well, at least, this is a good pick for a Halloween costume."

"Aww, glad you like it. Harry helped us out."

"He picked this? Because I won't believe it. He's all unicorns and fairies and butterflies when picking Halloween costumes."

I laughed at Ashton's statement, "No, I was the one who picked our costumes. Harry took us to the shops."

"Oh, I see. What was he doing there anyway?"

"Not exactly sure, he just said that he had some business to take care of. Maybe something about their wedding."

"Yeah, probably," Ashton said with a nod. He then went to look at the costume again and then to the other one on the counter and asked, "Is this whose?"

"Michael's," I told him.

"What's your costume?"

"Well kinda the same as yours. We both have the blonde wigs and Cal and Mike have the black ones."

Ashton nodded then put his costume back and looked at me with a smile and said, "Help me cook?"

I pouted at him, making him laugh that adorable laugh. I kinda am proud of myself for being the one who made him laugh.

He kissed my pout and said, "Don't be such a lazy ass and help me."

I pouted more and Ashton shook his head in amusement and said, "No. Not gonna work."

He then grabbed my hand and pulled me with him around the kitchen counter.

Ashton laughed again and I couldn't help the smile to slide on my face.

"You are so cute," He told me and kissed my cheek.

"Says the adorable one," I responded with a smirk.

Ashton rolled his eyes playfully then made me slice up some vegetables.

The rest of the afternoon was filled with banters and bickerings between us as we prepared the food for the dinner tonight. Well, I was just mostly watching and admiring my boyfriend.

We were almost done when the door opened and Michael came in with a bottle of wine.

"Hey!" Michael greeted with a wide grin as he came over to the kitchen and placed the bottle of wine on the counter.

"Where have you been?" I asked him with a smile.

"I just had to take care of some things then stopped by at the store because Ashton asked me to get a bottle of wine."

"Ok...so what really is the occasion? Why are we having a dinner with some wine?" I asked both Ashton and Michael.

"Nothing, really," Ashton said. "I don't know, I just uh...wanted to make a nice dinner for us. I just woke up today and thought, 'why don't I make you a nice meal for dinner?' and so I did, and well yeah..."

Michael and I stared at Ashton, speechless. I mean, ever since I met Ashton he has never talked like this or did something like this. Well, he's all sweet and adorable with me but only when we're alone. Since I met him, he never spoke or did anything like this, for Michael or his other friends, even when we got together and he became all sweet and soft with me. He was always this angry, intimidating, scary guy with an asshole attitude.

"Are you sure you're ok?" Michael asked.

Ashton chuckled, shaking his head, making Michael even more confused and surprised.

"You are weird," Michael commented. "Something is wrong with you. Like ever since the weekend, you are being weird."

"What do you mean 'weird'?" Ashton questioned.

Michael glanced at me then to Ashton and said, "Just weird. Well, not that I'm complaining. I like it. I get to eat good food."  
Michael grinned, wiggling his eyebrows.

I laughed while Ashton chuckled at his best friend then said, "Well, I'll take a quick shower. Mike, why don't you please help Luke set the table or anything?"

"Oh yeah, sure!" Michael nodded.

As soon as Ashton disappeared from the kitchen, Michael and I started setting the table.

"You were helping him cook?" Michael asked with a smile.

"Well, I really wouldn't call it helping since I don't know shit about cooking especially these kinds of meal, so more like keeping him company," I told Michael.

He laughed then said, "Well, I'm really glad about this you know. Not just about the food but about how we get all get to hang out and have fun without Ashton being an asshole and ruining the mood."

"He always ruins the mood?"

Michael huffed, "Not exactly that. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love Ashton, he's my best friend, but he doesn't do this before, you know. Before we all started to hang out. Maybe he became like this because he became friends with you. He doesn't do that now."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Ashton doesn't make friends anymore. Those people you met that I'm friends with?  _I_ am friends with them, not Ashton. He knows them but doesn't consider them friends."

"Even Tyler and Josh? I mean you both go to their parties and he talks mostly to Josh."

"Well, Josh is may be near to being his friend but not really...They just do each other favors. You know, I was actually surprised when he made friends with you. I mean specifically you since I noticed that he doesn't really interact with Calum."

"Trust me, I'm surprised about that too. Never saw him as the friendly type. But well, things happen when we least expect it right? At least, something good came out from what Andrew did to me. It was really the reason why I became friends with Ashton. He was the one who helped me."

"Yeah, about that, how are you?" Michael asked, concern evident in his voice.

I smiled at him, glad that he cares, then I said, "I'm fine now, I think. I mean, I'm not having...you know...flashbacks about it, so yeah...I think I'm fine now. Well, thanks to you guys for being there and helping me out and you know, for not hating on me when I told you that I'm uh...I'm gay."

"Luke...you being gay doesn't make you any less of a person. You are who you are. Be free and proud."

I gave Michael a smile and a nod and just then Ashton came back all fresh and now dressed in usual black skinny jeans and black shirt.

"What time are Calum and Niall coming over?" Ashton asked.

"Niall is gonna be here too?" I asked him with a grin.

"Yeah, I texted him earlier to come over for dinner and he was more than excited," Ashton said with a soft expression.

"Well, who won't be excited about a dinner invitation by you? It happens like almost never. And the food, man, just the food alone." Michael commented.

Ashton rolled his eyes at Michael then looked at me and said, "So?"

"Uh yeah, Calum will be here soon. He's on his way home." I told Ashton.

And as if on cue, there was a knock on the door. Michael went to open it and Calum and Niall stood there with wide grins on their faces.

"Bumped into him outside and he told me you guys invited him over so we both went up together," Calum explained as both he and Niall entered the apartment.

"What's the occasion anyway?" Niall asked.

"Ashton's in a good mood!" Michael announced, making me laugh.

"Holy fucking hell! Then we really should celebrate!" Niall exclaimed, jumping and clapping with a wide grin, resembling a 5-year-old kid.

Ashton sighed, "Now I regret everything, because of this..." he gestured around, "this is not gonna go anytime soon."

"Oh, don't worry, we'll make sure to bring it up every time." Michael said. Then he turned to Niall and said, "Hey, Ni, remember that time Ashton was in a good mood and cooked us dinner? Oh yeah! That was today!"

Everyone in the room laughed, except Ashton who rolled his eyes at Michael then flipped him off. But then he smiled after letting us know he isn't mad with the teasing.

We then all went to the table and settled ourselves. Their table is round so we sit next to each other. I was in between Ashton and Calum while on Ashton's other side is Michael with Niall between him and Calum.

We started eating and damn, how good the food is. Everyone in the room praised Ashton's cooking and were more than enjoying the food.

"Hey, I met your brother earlier. He was really nice," Calum suddenly said to Ashton, making both Niall and Michael quickly look at him.

"You met Harry?!" They both asked in surprise at the same time.

"Uh...yeah?" Calum hesitantly replied, glancing at me and Ashton then to Michael and Niall then he asked, "Is it really a big deal to meet Ashton's brother?"

"Well, not really, I just haven't seen him in months and I miss him," Michael said with a shrug.

"Me too," Niall added.

"Where did you meet him, anyway?" Michael asked.

"In the city. Luke and I were there to buy Halloween costumes, and speaking of," Calum then turned to me and asked, "Luke, where's Mikey's costume?"

Before I could respond, Ashton said to Michael, "I put it in your room, Mike."

"Oh, ok." Michael said then looked at me and Calum with a smile and said, "Thanks for the costume. Hope I didn't cause you much trouble."

"No worries, Mikey," Calum said with a smile.

"I'm still jealous you get to see Harry," Niall commented.

I chuckled then said, "We didn't expect to see him there, actually."

"I didn't even know he is Ashton's brother nor did I know that Luke is already friends with Ashton's brother. He just suddenly came up to our table when he saw Luke. But he is really nice." Calum expressed.

I noticed Ashton smile, making me smile as well. Then he said, "That's Harry. He's always like, you know, really friendly and really nice to everyone."

Niall and Michael glanced at each other then to Ashton and said at the same time, voice filled with awe, "He did not insult Harry."

I chuckled at them as Ashton playfully rolled his eyes.

"Seriously, Ash, what is all of this about?" Michael asked.

Ashton looked at all of us, who are all looking at him in anticipation. He let out a huff and said, "Fine. I just want to celebrate."

"Celebrate what?" Niall asked in confusion.

"Well uh...my professor was really impressed with my work," Ashton said, making us look at him in confusion. Well, me I didn't know he was working on anything.

"What work?" I asked him.

"A photography project I was working on. I submitted it yesterday and my professor was impressed with the subject, the style, everything. He told me that he'd be taking me to assist him in a photo shoot in January." Ashton calmly announced.

"Holy shit, Ash! That's really amazing! It's a dream come true for you! Though I don't know about that recent project and haven't seen it but congratulations! Really explains why you are like this today." Michael expressed.

Ashton smiled then he looked at me. I wanted to say something but I don't know what to say. I'm speechless as of the moment as I am in shock and awe. I don't even understand why I am reacting like this. Maybe because I have no idea what Ashton is really doing with his life, 'cause I also dared not ask.

I looked at him and he had this soft look in his eyes. I so wanted to kiss him but I can't so I just gave him a smile. A genuine one. It made him smile too, making my heart swell at the sight.

"Congratulations, Ashton." Calum sounded from behind me, making Ashton look at him.

"Thank you, Calum." Ashton smiled.

"We should really have a toast!" Michael said, standing up from his seat to get the wine. He opened it up and served all of us. He then raised up his glass and said, "To Ashton."

"To Ashton," we, except Ashton, responded with a raised glass.

I raised an eyebrow at Ashton who was looking at us with an amused look on his face. He then playfully rolled his eyes but then raised a glass and we all drank.

The dinner went really well and we all enjoyed the good food and company. It was really fun and it made me really happy especially to see Ashton also openly happy.

**\---**

"Holy fucking hell!" Michael exclaimed as Ashton came out of his room dressed in his Halloween costume.

Calum and I are in their apartment as we waited for Michael and Ashton to get done changing so we can head to Tyler and Josh's Halloween party.

Ashton flipped Michael off then he turned to me and said, "Did I put on everything right?"

I smiled at him and said, "Yeah, you did."

Ashton nodded with a small smile then said, "Then let's go. We shouldn't be late."

"Oooh, excited!" Michael commented.

Ashton smacked the back of his head, making him gape at his best friend. Calum and I laughed at Michael and he pouted.

We then followed Ashton out of the apartment to the elevator, going down.

"So we'll just meet up at Tyler and Josh's place?" Michael asked.

"Yeah, pretty much so," I responded with a smile.

The elevator dinged and the doors opened. Michael and Calum stepped out first and headed straight to the building exit. Ashton and I are following behind.

"You gonna take a ride with Calum?" Ashton quietly asked.

"Yeah...we'll just meet you there," I responded. "Don't miss me too much," I cheekily told him, making him playfully roll his eyes.

As we stepped out of the building, I followed Calum to his car as Michael and Ashton got into Ashton's car.

The drive to Tyler and Josh's apartment took 15 minutes and Calum and I arrived there first and followed by Ashton and Michael just a couple minutes later.

A lot of people in there Halloween costumes are everywhere and each unit of this array of apartments have their own parties going on. I haven't been here before so I don't know which one is Tyler and Josh's apartment.

Ashton and Michael came up to us and Michael gestured for us all to follow him to the apartment. Calum followed him right away, already knowing which apartment to go. I looked at Ashton who gave me a soft smile and then he said, "Come on, baby, let's go inside."

I nodded with a smile and followed him.

I suddenly felt nervous and afraid as I stepped into the apartment and the loud music and the smell of alcohol met me. I couldn't help the memories of the last party I attended to, come flashing back into my mind. I'm scared that Andrew might be here and he'll do something again.

I immediately grabbed Ashton's arm, making him look at me with a confused expression which quickly turned worried when he saw the scared look on my face.

He looked around but Calum and Michael have disappeared into the crowd already so Ashton held my hand and led me out of the apartment.

"Baby, are you ok?" Ashton asked, cupping my face, his voice filled with worry.

I let out a deep breath then looked at him with sad eyes and I said, "I'm sorry..."

"For what?"

"We haven't started the night yet, but I already ruined it."

Ashton sighed then pulled me into a comforting hug that I couldn't do anything but fall into it and savour his warmth. He always makes me feel safe.

"You didn't ruin anything, ok?" Ashton said softly in my ear.

I nodded at what he said.

"So what happened? Do you wanna tell me?" He asked as we pulled away from our hug.

I looked down at my feet and softly said, "I just...I just got scared and remembered what happened at the frat party."

"Oh baby, do you wanna go back home?" Ashton asked and it warms my heart how he didn't hesitate to ask that. It just means that he does care more about me than the party and it makes me happy.

But I don't wanna ruin the night more than I have so I smiled at Ashton and said, "No...I'll be fine. You're with me so I know I'll be fine."

Ashton smiled then gave me a soft kiss, making me feel a whole lot better.

So we went back inside the apartment and Ashton held my hand as we went through the crowd. I was the one who let go first but I gave him an assuring smile to let him know that I'm fine now. He smiled back and we both searched for Calum and Michael.

We found them in the little yard at the back of the apartment where most of the people are. Calum handed me a red cup of beer. I took it with a smile and drank. As the alcohol entered my system, all of my nerves calmed down and I started to feel much much better and actually having fun.

Niall then came and took us to this part at the back with a white background and told us to get our picture taken. The guests had to have their picture taken for something like a documentation shit.

I didn't really care for what it is. I just followed Niall along with Ashton, Calum, and Michael. We stood in place, made a pose, and had our photo taken by someone Tyler hired to be the night's photographer.

 

 

Niall then invited us to play beer pong and I was more than glad to join. I teamed up with Calum as Ashton was being a buzzkill and won't play even just one round.

I totally enjoyed the game as Calum and I won almost every round, making Michael and Niall whine about it.

"Hey...I need to find Josh...will you be ok here for a while?" Ashton suddenly asked me, making sure I'm the only one to hear.

I smiled at him and nodded my head, 'yes'. He subtly gave my hand a gentle squeeze then went back inside the apartment.

I continued to play beer pong with the guys, and Alex and Jack arrived and then joined as well. Mitchy and Roy were also there. Turns out, they are friends with Tyler.

I didn't know how long has been since Ashton left. I think it really was a while. I have played like 5 rounds of beer pong and three more with me watching the others play.

I looked around the backyard and there are no traces of him. So I stood up from the chair I was sitting on and decided to go look for him.

I went back inside the apartment and checked every room and every corner of the place but I just couldn't find him. So I decided to go outside. Maybe he's there, I gotta take my chances.

I headed towards the door and as soon as I stepped outside, I looked around and there he was. But he wasn't alone nor with someone I know.

He was leaning against the wall at the side of the apartment and with this familiar girl next to him dressed like a slutty nurse. They are talking about God knows what. Ashton was smiling as he told the girl something, making her laugh.

I don't like what I'm seeing really because I don't like Ashton smiling like that at other people. I may sound selfish but I don't care. It may also be because of the alcohol in my system that I am reacting like this, but I don't care. Ashton is mine.

I walked over to where Ashton and the girl are talking and I put on the fakest smile and said, "Hello there!"

Ashton quickly looked up as he heard my voice. He got this like a mixture of surprise and nervousness expression on his and it made me confused yet wary.

I chose to ignore Ashton for the moment and looked at the girl he is with. I knew she looked familiar. She was the pretty blonde we met at the beach last weekend.

I forced a smile at her and said, "I remember you. Britney, right?"

The blonde chuckled, "Bryana, actually."

"Oh...I'm sorry. Not really good with names."

"It's fine. You are Luke, right?"

"Yeah...now I feel bad, I couldn't remember your name right."

"It's fine, no worries," Bryana smiled.

I did my best to smile back though deep inside I just wanna scratch her eyes out.

"What are you doing here outside, though?" Ashton asked then, making me look at him, and I didn't like how he asked that.

I did manage to give him a smile though and said, "I was looking for you, actually. I couldn't find you anywhere inside the house so I figured you could be here outside. I was right. Here you are...with Bryana."

"Oh...why were you looking for me? Do you need anything?"

"Yes, actually, if you don't mind?"

Ashton nodded then he turned to Bryana and smiled, "It was nice talking to you, Bryana."

Bryana smiled back at him then placed a hand on his as she said, "It was nice catching up with you, Ash." Then to much of my annoyance, she reached up and gave Ashton a kiss on the cheek. "See you around."

Ashton smiled down at her, making me more annoyed than I could possibly be. Bryana turned to me and said, "Bye, Luke. It's nice seeing you again."

"Same to you," I responded then watched her leave.

"Are you ok, baby?" Ashton then asked, making me look at him.

"Oh, I am fine, babe. More than fine." I told him, making sure the sarcasm is loud and clear.

Ashton was quick to notice it and he furrowed his eyebrows at me and said, "Now I don't think I asked the right question...what happened, Luke?"

"Oh. What happened? Well, it's just my boyfriend told me he'd go look for Josh and then was gone for God knows how long and when I went to look for him, he's here outside and talking to a girl, and acting like shit is just ok." I ranted out.

To my both surprise and annoyance, Ashton chuckled then held this amused look on his face as he said to me, "Baby, you are jealous of Bryana."

"What?! Fuck, no!" I object because no, I'm not. I just merely do not appreciate him talking to that girl.

"Yes, you are, baby, because you won't be acting like this if you weren't," Ashton said. Then he went to hold my hand and I tried to pull away but he didn't let me. "Baby, look at me," he said, gently giving my hands a squeeze.

I rolled my eyes but then looked at him. He gave a soft smile then he said, "Bryana is just an old friend. I was gonna take a smoke after I talked to Josh then I bumped into her here outside. We haven't seen each other in years so we ended up talking to catch up with each other."

"You know, you talking to her is not the only issue here, don't you?" I told Ashton still a bit pissed at him.

"I know....and I'm really sorry that I was insensitive enough to not care how long I have gone and not tell you where I've been," Ashton said, looking at me straight into my eyes.

I frowned at him and then avoided his eyes because I know how they always hypnotize me. I then felt Ashton's hands cup my face, making me look back at him. He gave me a dimply smile and then leaned in and caught my lips in a sweet kiss and just that, I fell under his spell again.

"I'm sorry, ok?" He whispered against my lips. "I'm sorry if I made you worry and upset."

I nodded at him, "Well, I'm sorry too if I overreacted."

"No worries, baby."

"I still don't like that Bryana though," I told him with an angry pout.

Ashton chuckled then kissed my pout away and said, "Ok, baby, if that's what it is."

"We should go back to our friends. I didn't tell them where I went, they might be wondering now where I've gone." I said.

Ashton nodded then led me back inside the apartment.

We went back to our friends and had loads of fun the entire night but I still couldn't deny the fact that Bryana just got stuck in my mind and not in a good way. I just have this strange feeling about her. It's like there is something about her and I can't quite point out what it is. I just hope it's not bad and it has nothing to do with Ashton.

**\---**


	16. 16

**\---**

I woke up with a heavy pain in my head that I couldn't even open my eyes and just groaned as I pushed my face more into the pillow.

"Good morning, sleepy head," Ashton's voice sounded from beside me, making me open my eyes slowly.

He is sitting on the bed next to me, looking down at me with an amused smile on his face. I raised a hand up and flipped him off.

"What did I do now?" He asked in confusion but his expression remained amused.

"You are making fun of me," I muttered as I dropped my hand back on the bed.

Ashton chuckled, "Making fun of you? I was greeting you 'good morning', how was that making fun of you?"

"I can see it by the look on your face," I reasoned with a pout.

Ashton laughed then pulled me to him making my face and chest lay against his chest. It was kind of a weird position but it didn't feel weird or uncomfortable at all. Well, every time I am locked in his hold, I only feel comfort and safety.

He then kissed the top of my head then said, "You are so adorably cute, you know that?"

I buried my face into his chest as I tried to hide the blush on my cheeks.

"Come on now, baby...do you want some breakfast?" Ashton then softly asked.

"I want something for this deadly pain in my head," I mumbled against his chest.

"Now now, let me get you some aspirin," Ashton said, patting my shoulder.

I got off of him and laid back down on the bed.

Ashton then stood up from the bed and took the bottle of aspirin from the desk and handed them to me then took the glass of water from the nightstand as he sat down on the edge of the bed. He handed it to me and then I gulped down an aspirin along with some water.

Ashton then took the bottle of aspirin and the glass of water back and placed it on the nightstand.

I then dropped my head on his shoulder with a groan and said, "I am never drinking again."

"Yeah, says everyone who said the same thing," responded Ashton.

I lightly hit his chest as I grumbled, "I hate you. You always mock me."

Ashton chuckled as he ran his hand up and down my arm. Then he said, "How about this...I won't let you drink too much when we go to a party next time."

"Yeah...that probably is a better idea," I mumbled.

"Now why don't you lay back down and I'll make you something to eat? Do you want that?" Ashton asked.

I lifted my head up from his shoulder and gave him a nod with a grin. He chuckled and gave me a peck on the lips.

I then looked around the room and that was when I realized that I'm in Ashton's room. I looked at him with furrowed eyebrows and asked, "How did I end up here?"

"I brought you home. You were too drunk to even walk." Ashton explained.

"How about the others? Where are they?"

"Calum's passed out on the couch, Niall and Michael are in Michael's room. All of you were too drunk last night and I have to drive you all home. Calum's car is still at Josh and Tyler's." Ashton stated.

"Oh..." was all I said.

"Yeah...'oh'," Ashton smiled. "So, what do you wanna eat?"

"I dunno, what do you think I should eat?"

Ashton shrugged, "Well, I guess I'll just go see what we got in the kitchen."

I smiled and nodded, "Thanks, babe."

Ashton placed a hand against my cheek and leaned down to give me a proper kiss.

"Now lay back down and rest and I'll go fix up some breakfast and also check the others if they're already awake."

"Ok,  _daddy_ ," I told him as I snuggled back into the bed.

Ashton paused and stared at me then he said, "You should not call me that."

I furrowed my eyebrows, "Why?"

Ashton chuckled then stood up from the bed and walked towards the door and stepped out of his room without saying anything.

I wonder what he meant but my headache is too much to even think about it so I just laid comfortably on the bed and closed my eyes to try to go back to sleep.

But unfortunately, no matter how I try, I can't go back to sleep. So I just decided to just get up and go to the kitchen to Ashton.

I pushed the duvet covering me and sat up on the bed. I looked down at myself and realized that I am now in Ashton's t-shirt and boxers. Ashton must've changed my clothes last night.

I smiled to myself, thinking how Ashton always takes care of me and it makes me feel warm inside.

I stood up from the bed and was about to head towards the door when a 'ding' sound from Ashton's phone caught my attention. I looked at the phone and saw a text message just came in.

It was ok, really. I don't care who texts Ashton or who he texts, it's his business. But...it's just that the text was from Bryana and I just don't like her. I may have had some alcohol in my system last night, but I remember everything all damn well. How she touched Ashton and how she kissed his cheek and the way she looks at him. I just...I'm jealous, fine! That is exactly why I don't want her anywhere near Ashton and now she's texting him?

Call me crazy, but I can just feel it that she's bad news. I just get this weird feeling about her and not in a good way.

I picked up Ashton's phone from the nightstand and brought it with me as I made my way out of his room and to the kitchen.

Ashton was busy making breakfast as I approached the kitchen counter and sat down on a barstool, placing his phone on top of the counter.

As he noticed my presence, he turned around and smiled as he saw me but then it quickly went away when seeing the frown on my face.

"Are you ok? Does your head still hurt so bad?" He asked me, worry evident in his voice.

I didn't answer him but instead pushed his phone towards him on the counter. He looked down at it with furrowed eyebrows, confused why I am giving him his phone.

" _Someone_  just sent you a text," I told him with a raised eyebrow.

Ashton then picked up his phone and read the text from Bryana that said:

_**"Hey, Ash! Just wondering if you are free today? Maybe we could grab some coffee or something? -Bryana Xx"** _

Ashton let out a sigh and closed his phone and looked at me. I looked back at him, still with a raised eyebrow.

"Luke..." he said in a low voice then continued, "can we talk inside my room? Please?"

It was my turn to let out a sigh then I looked around and saw Calum sprawled on the couch, sleeping and I fully understood why Ashton wanted to talk inside his room.

I stood up from the barstool and walked back to Ashton's room with him following behind me.

As soon as we both are inside his room and the door is closed, I turned to look at him, hands crossed on my chest and a questioning eyebrow raised.

"Baby..." Ashton started. "First of all, I don't know shit about this. Hell, I don't even know how she got my number. Second, why would I meet up with her when I already planned on spending my whole day with you? And even if I'm free, I won't meet up with her."

"I don't like her, Ashton," I told my boyfriend.

"I know...you made it clear last night."

"I'm not trying to be mean or a bitch, ok? It's just that I really don't like how she acts around you. She had to touch you and then kiss you on the cheek? Right in front of me. And then now...she sends you this text and signing it with a kiss? A fucking kiss? What the fuck does she want?"

Ashton let out a sigh then tossed his phone on the bed and stood right in front of me. He then reached up and cupped my face with both of his hands and caressed my cheeks with his thumbs. He gave me a small smile, then he said, "I don't know what she wants, Luke, but I know what  _I want_...and that's  _you_. She can text me for how many times she wants but I won't give a fuck because I am with you and you are all that matters to me."

"I don't mean to be like this, Ash...to act like this. I don't want to be the kind of boyfriend who gets mad when his boyfriend talks to other people. Hell, I don't care who you talk to because I know I can  _trust_  you. It's just that, Bryana just got on my nerves. She was openly flirting with you and just...I don't trust her and I don't want her around you."

"I know, baby...I understand." Ashton said, giving me a kiss on my forehead then locked me in his embrace.

I instantly relaxed against him and closed my eyes as I circled my own arms around his shoulder and neck then let out another sigh and said against his shoulder, "I'm sorry if I always overreact."

Ashton pulled away slightly to look at me with his arms still wrapped around me, and he said, "Don't apologize, Luke, because I should be the one who should apologize. I'm sorry that I seem not to care about your feelings and that I made you feel and react like this. I'm sorry too that I ruined our Halloween - our first Halloween together."

I looked at him with furrowed eyebrows and said, "Ash, you didn't ruin our Halloween. It was actually great. I had a lot of fun. Though, yeah, there were some bits of ugly interruptions, but I did enjoy and I was so happy that I get to spend it with you and you dressed up, so..."

Ashton smiled, "Ok...I'm glad you did have fun. That's all I ever wanted. But still...I'm sorry for everything else."

I smiled down at him as I nodded then caught his lips with mine in a soft, innocent kiss.

Ashton then gave me a dimply smile as we pulled away then he said, "You are so adorable when you're jealous."

I glared at him then shot back, "You're an asshole when you're jealous."

Ashton shrugged, "I am an asshole."

I know he was joking and I was also joking, but it still made me frown because no, he is not really an asshole. Well yeah, he has an asshole attitude but if you look right through him, he is more. He is nice and kind and beautiful. He just doesn't show it and tries to hide by being an asshole.

"But you're not really though..." I told him softly, voicing out my thoughts. "I don't see you as an asshole."

"What do you see me as?" He asked softly.

"A purely beautiful person," I said, smiling down at him.

Ashton chuckled, "You're just describing yourself."

I frowned again and said, "Why won't you believe me when I tell you these things?"

"Because they're not true...I'm nothing like those."

"And says who because Imma fight them. You know you are basically saying that I'm lying, but I'll let it pass because let me tell you something, Ash...them? They are the ones lying for saying and making you believe that you are not the things I am telling you that you are." I then moved my hands so I am cupping his face and I smiled softly at him and said, "Ashton, you are way way way more than you think you are."

Ashton smiled up at me and I leaned down to kiss him. He tightened his arms around me and we both smiled into the kiss. As we pulled away, I looked at him in the eyes and said, "I want you to promise me that you will forget about all the lies that those assholes told you and that you would believe what I told you."

"I will try, baby," Ashton responded.

"Well that's good enough for me," I said, smiling down at him then pecked his lips.

"You know it's kinda funny how we went from almost into a fight because of your adorable jealous ass to being fucking cheesy," Ashton commented.

I chuckled then said, "Well, I guess that's just us."

"Yeah...that's just us."

**\---**

I walked out of the classroom with Jesse as we were talking about the last assignment that our professor gave us. We made our way out of the school building and he handed me back my notebook which he borrowed so he can read some of my notes and get some ideas.

I took the notebook from him with a smile and he said, "Hey, just wondering if you are free this Saturday night? A friend of mine will be having a party and maybe you would want to come?"

"Well, I'm not sure yet if I will be free by then. It depends if my friends had made plans already or would come up with a plan by then which usually happens. But I'll consider it." I told Jesse.

He nodded with a smile then said, "Well if you decide to come just text me. I'll give you my number."

"Ok, sure," I said as I pulled my phone out of my pocket and handed it to Jesse.

He quickly typed in his number and handed me my phone back. I saved his number and then sent him a quick text so he can also have mine.

"I sent you a text so you can also save my number," I said, telling him what I just did.

He pulled out his phone and smiled seeing my text. He looked at me again and said, "Well I really hope you can come to the party. You can bring your friends too."

"Ok, Jesse, I'll let you know."

He smiled at me again then to my surprise he just pulled me into a hug. I just reluctantly hugged him back then pulled away.

"Well see ya, Luke."

I just gave him a tight smile and a small wave and watched him leave. I was gonna start walking towards the coffee shop when I heard an ever familiar voice say behind me, "Luke."

I quickly turned around and instantly smiled when seeing Ashton but then immediately frowned when seeing the look on his face. He got his usual scowl but I can clearly see that there is a reason behind it, especially with the tone of his voice when he called my name.

"Can we please get inside my car?" He said as he walked over to me.

"Are we going somewhere? You know I have work today, right?" I responded to him.

"Just please get into my car," he insisted.

I looked at him and sighed, "Ok."

I walked after him towards his car which was parked just right across the building. I got in the passenger seat as he slipped into the driver's seat.

I turned in my seat to look at him and said, "Are you ok?"

"What did that guy want?" He questioned but didn't look at me and just stared right ahead.

"What guy?" I asked, confused.

"Don't play with me, Luke. That guy you were just talking to!"

"Jesse?"

"I don't give a fuck about his name. What did he want?"

"He was just inviting me to a party, Ashton. That's all."

"What did you say to him?"

"I told him that I'm not sure if I can go because we might come up with a plan," I explained to him.

"Was that all that he wants?"

"Yes, Ashton," I answered, now my anger is slowly building up inside with Ashton's behaviour.

"Why did he have to hug you?" He asked now turning his head to look at me. His facial expression was still angry.

"I don't know. I was even surprised by it myself. Maybe he's just a hugger. Why are you making it a big deal, anyway? What is up with you?"

"I don't like that guy, Luke."

I rolled my eyes at him then said in frustration, "Jesse is just my friend and we've been friends since the start of uni. Way before we became friends. If you call us 'friends' at that time. Gosh, control your jealousy, Ashton!"

"Why do you have to be friends with him?"

Now, I'm really angry. I looked at Ashton, anger, and disbelief really showing off on my face and I said, "Oh! So what now? I'm not allowed to be friends with a guy because you get jealous? So I'm not allowed to have an interaction with a guy because you don't like it? So is that also what you think and feel whenever I interact with Calum? Michael? Niall? All of our guy friends? What the fuck, Ashton?! You can't do that to me. You can't tell me what I should and should not do because you don't control me."

Ashton sighed, "Luke, that's not what I meant."

"You know what? Just shut it and just talk to me when you've pulled your head out of your ass!" I spat and quickly stepped out if the vehicle and started walking fast towards the café, ignoring Ashton calling me.

I continued walking to the cafe with my anger towards Ashton still very much inside of me. I just couldn't believe him.

Yes, I know, I got jealous with Bryana and I also didn't like her but I wasn't trying to control him and tell him to not be friends with her even though I don't trust her and I got this weird feeling about her.

But him, he is jealous of Jesse who has been my friend for months and never did one time flirted with me. Hell, I don't even know if he is into guys.

What's wrong with Jesse inviting me to a party anyway? We're friends and he even said I could bring my friends if I decided to go. And if Ashton is so mad about the hug, so what now? Can't I hug anyone anymore? At least Jesse was not openly flirting with me, unlike that Bryana.

I was almost at the cafe when I suddenly stopped as I saw Ashton standing by his car in the parking area, obviously waiting for me. Of course, he'll be here first. Stupid car.

I rolled my eyes and tried to ignore and walk past him but he caught my arm and made me stop walking again.

I turned around to look at him with a glare then glanced down at his hand that was still gripping my arm then back up at him.

"Let me go, Ashton," I told him.

"I'm sorry," he softly said.

"For what? For being such an asshole?" I snapped.

Ashton sighed, "Yes. Can we please get inside the car?"

"So what? So you can be more of an asshole?"

"So we can talk and fix this. Please..."

I stared at him for a moment then let out a sigh and complied.

As soon as we were inside the car, I was utterly surprised when Ashton started the engine and drove off.

I looked at him in disbelief and he sighed and said, "It's better if we talk somewhere private. The café parking lot is too crowded."

Well, he's right, so I settled back into my seat and just watched the road to where he plans to take me to talk.

He then soon slowed down and stopped the car. I looked up the place in front of us and looked at Ashton with a raised eyebrow and said, "The park? Seriously? In what way in hell is this a private place to talk? Could you pick a more public area?"

"Just follow me," he said before he got off his car.

I sighed then followed him out. I looked around the park and seriously there are people everywhere. There are kids playing on the playground with some of the parents with them and the others sitting on the benches. There are also some couples walking around and some group of teenagers hanging out.

Ashton gestured for me to follow him and so I did. We walked side by side but a bit distant from each other. I'm still mad at him and neither of us said a word.

We continued to walk and I just followed Ashton without any idea where we are going. We went further into the park until we entered a secluded area with some trees around. There is no one around the place anymore.

I looked around and then looked at Ashton and said, "Is this the part where I should run because you turn out to be a serial killer who is about to murder me and bury my body somewhere around here?"

Ashton laughed and then turned to look at me, and said while chuckling, "Seriously? You'd actually think that I'm a serial killer and I would murder you?"

"Well...this is pretty much a typical horror scene. You know the whole location...secluded area and stuff."

Ashton shook his head with an amused expression then he led me to a big rock that kinds of overlooks the stream nearby. He climbed up then also helped me up and we both sat down on the top of the rock.

"This place is quite nice," I commented as I looked around. Only the sound of the flowing stream and the soft rustling of the trees can be heard. It's so peaceful.

"Do you like it?" Ashton asked from beside me.

"I love it." I softly said as I looked up at the trees surrounding us.

My anger is evaporating just by how serene this whole place is.

"No one really ever comes here. That's why I love coming here." Ashton said, making me look at him.

"You always come here?" I asked him.

"Yeah...like all the time. Ever since I moved here and found this spot, I always come here especially when I want to think. It's peaceful and quiet."

"Yeah...it is."

"This is like...'my place', you know...Nobody comes looking for me here because they don't know I am here. I never told anyone about this."

"Really? Not even Michael?"

"Not even Michael."

"Why take me here? Why show me this place?"

"I don't know...I just felt that...you'd like it here."

"Yeah...I really do. But...it's your place."

"It could be your place too. It could be  _our_  place."

I smiled at him, "Thanks...for showing me this. I really appreciate it."

"Anything for you, baby."

I smiled at him again which was then returned by him.

"I'm really sorry, Luke...I'm sorry for being such an asshole and for overreacting. I just...I really got jealous of that Jesse guy and it made me angry especially when I saw you two hug. I'm so sorry, baby. I never meant to let my anger take over me and upset you."

"Ash, I understand that you got jealous. Hell, I got jealous of Bryana as well. But the thing is, you could have handled it better."

"I know, baby. I'm really sorry."

"You let your jealousy take over you, Ashton. You got really jealous of Jesse for interacting with me which is not right because first, he is my friend and he is a really nice guy. Second, you don't even know if he's into guys. It's rude to just assume, you know. And then the way you questioned me for being friends with him just really got into me because it seemed like you think you control me. I'm your boyfriend and I'm yours fully but you don't own me. You know what I mean?"

"I fully understand, baby. I never meant to make you feel that way. I'm sorry that I seemed like a hypocrite because I always tell you that you are your own person and yet I was the one who made you feel like you are being controlled. I'm so sorry, baby."

I smiled small at Ashton and reached out to touch his face. He immediately leaned into my touch, making me feel all warm inside. I caressed his cheek with my thumb and I said, "I'm sorry too, babe, that I got really mad and for calling you an asshole. But you are not an asshole, ok? You just got this asshole attitude." I then let out a breathy chuckle and said, "We should really work on our anger, so we won't hurt each other."

Ashton smiled then took my hand from his face and held it in his. He then brought it to his lips and kissed every knuckle. He looked up at me and softly asked, "Can I kiss you now?"

I smiled and nodded and Ashton didn't waste time as he quickly yet gently put a hand on the side of my face as the other still held my hand. He gently pulled me to him and as soon as our lips met, all the anger I was feeling before completely evaporated.

Our lips moved softly against each other. Then I tipped my head to the side to deepen our kiss. I took my hand from Ashton and circled both of my arms around his neck. Ashton's arms then found their way around my body and without breaking the kiss, he effortlessly lifted me up and made me sit on his lap, straddling him.

He pulled me closer to him, our bodies pressed together. I felt his tongue against my bottom lip and I immediately opened my mouth to let him in. Our tongues immediately met and fought for dominance which of course, Ashton won.

One of my hands found its way into Ashton's hair, tangling my fingers in his curly locks. Ashton hugged me tighter, pressing my body more against him. He then sucked on my bottom lip and I moaned into the kiss as I tugged on his curls, earning a low groan from him.

We both then pulled away to catch our breaths and I leaned my forehead against his. We smiled fondly at each other, then Ashton softly asked, "Do you really have to go to work today?"

"Unfortunately, I do," I replied with a frown.

"You know, I can talk to Mitchy and ask him to let you not go to work today," Ashton offered.

I slightly pulled away from him and looked at him with a raised eyebrow and said, "You are going to be the one to ask Mitchy?"

Ashton shrugged, "Well, yeah...I mean, I can ask that one little favor from Mitchy. He's one of the very few people I call friends."

"Wait what?" I asked him in utter surprise. He and Mitchy are friends? Well, I didn't see that one coming.

Ashton smiled, "Mitchy's a friend. I can ask him to let you off work today."

"Wow...I really didn't know you two are friends. I don't see you interact."

"You just didn't see it. He was the first person I became friends with when I moved here."

"Oh...is that why you are always at the café?" I said in realization.

"Pretty much before, yeah, but now I got other reasons to go there," he said with a soft smile.

I chuckled at what he said then leaned down and kissed him softly.

"Why don't you want me to go to work today?" I asked him as we pulled away.

"Because I want us to spend the rest of the day together and then maybe we can go out tonight?"

I smiled widely and asked, "Like a date?"

"Do you wanna go on a date?"

"Well, yeah...I mean, we really haven't gone on a date before. Yeah, we do go out but like...those really aren't considered dates."

Ashton smiled, "Ok then. Let's go on a date tonight."

"Really?"

Ashton nodded with a smile.

I beamed at him then kissed him again then said, "I'm excited!"

Ashton laughed and then kissed the tip of my nose, giving me butterflies.

"But," I said, making him look at me, "let's not eat somewhere fancy, ok?"

"Ok, baby. We'll just go eat anywhere we want then just spend our time together doing anything that we like."

I smiled, "Hmmm...sounds really fun."

"Now, let me call Mitchy, so I can get you off work today," Ashton said as he tried to pull his phone out of his pocket.

Since I'm straddling him, he is kinda having difficulty, so I lifted myself up and he was able to get it out. I was gonna get off of him but he held me in place and made me sit back on his lap, back to our straddling position.

I chuckled at him and watched him as he went through his contacts to call Mitchy. He then put the phone to his ear and waited for Mitchy to answer.

I gave him a kiss on the cheek and rested my head on his shoulder as I watched him talk to Mitchy.

"Hey, Mitch...No, no, everything's fine. I just have a little favor to ask...Well, maybe you could let Luke off work today?...uh, no, he's fine. I just need him to go with me somewhere. It's kinda important...ok, thanks, man...you take care too."

As soon as he hung up, I lifted my head off his shoulder and we both looked at each other. "I still can't believe you and Mitchy are friends," I told him with a chuckle.

Ashton softly smiled up at me and said, "I still can't believe that you're my boyfriend; that you're  _mine_."

I blushed at what he said, making him coo at me. I then said to him, "You know, I could really say the same. Never have I thought that you will be my boyfriend. I mean, you're my ultimate crush and you are way out of my league."

" _You_ are out of my league," Ashton said.

I playfully rolled my eyes at him because how the fuck am I the one who's out of his league. Has he seen himself?

Ashton chuckled then pecked my lips and said, "We're kinda weird, aren't we?"

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Well, not in a bad way. It's just that, we were just fighting and then now look at us."

"Well, that's us, isn't it? That's what makes us 'us'."

"Yeah, definitely. I _love_  our weirdness."

I smiled down at him, "Me too."

Our lips met again but then I pulled away and said, "You know...sometimes, I'd still think that this - us - is just a dream and I really never wanna wake up, if that is."

"Why would you think that?" Ashton asked.

"Don't get me wrong, but I mean, look at you. Who would have thought that Ashton Irwin would want to be in a relationship?"

Ashton smiled and brought a hand up to my face, caressing my cheek with his thumb, and said, "I never thought I would ever be in a relationship  _again_  as well."

"You were in a relationship before?" I asked him, surprise and curiosity in my voice.

Ashton frowned a bit as he looked down and quietly said, "Yeah...once," then he looked back up at me and said with a small smile, "It was a long time ago so let's not talk about it."

I looked at him for a moment and nodded my head. Ashton was gonna say something but he was stopped by his phone ringing. He furrowed his eyebrows as he looked at his phone. I looked at his phone as well and saw Michael's name flashing on the screen.

Ashton didn't make a move of answering his phone so I said, "Answer it."

"Why?"

"Because, Ashton, it could be important. Why won't you answer any of your calls?"

"I always answer your calls."

"But you never answer all of your other calls."

"I answer them sometimes."

"Stop arguing with me and just answer Michael."

"Fine," he sighed then answered the call. "What do you want?" He said into the receiver in his usual rude tone. I gave him a knowing look so he mouthed a 'sorry' to me. He gave his attention back to Michael and listened to what he has to say. Ashton made an eye-roll then said to the receiver, "Michael, I'm fine and yes, I'm at the park and I'm with Luke. You worry too much," he listened to Michael again and let out a groan. "Move on, Michael...yeah, I told you I'm fine...he's just helping me look for a good subject for a new project I'm working on."

I raised an eyebrow but held an amused look on my face at Ashton's lie. He just smiled at me and shrugged. I chuckled as I shook my head at him.

"Ok, we'll be there," Ashton said to Michael on the phone before hanging up. He then stared at his phone for some time as if reading something on it but I couldn't see since he held it close to his face. Ashton frowned for a moment then quickly wiped it off and put on a blank expression as he tapped and swiped on the screen of his phone.

He then put down his phone and looked up at me with a soft smile and said, "They're here at the park. Michael, Niall, and Calum."

"Really? Why are they here? I mean, what happened? It seemed like Michael was worried or something?" I asked Ashton, my attention already focused on why our friends are here at the park.

"Oh...it's just that they saw my car parked outside the park so they stopped by but they couldn't find me anywhere so he got worried. Well, that's Mike. He worries too much. No biggie." Ashton explained. But, I don't know, I just sense something serious about why Michael worries too much about Ashton. I have noticed it before. How Mike got so worried when Ashton didn't come home that night we got together and Michael came looking for him in the apartment the next day. It's like he is afraid that something terrible happened to Ashton or maybe Ashton did some terrible stuff.

"We should go meet them, they're waiting," Ashton said, pulling me out of my thoughts. "Mike said that maybe let's just hang out since we're all here in the park."

"Ok," I said with a smile.

Ashton pecked my lips then he helped me off of him and as soon as I was standing up, I pulled him up to his feet. He then jumped off the rock and I followed him down.

We started to walk our way back to the main area of the park. But before we could go far, I pulled Ashton to me, making him stumble against me. He quickly grabbed my hips as he looked up at me with worried and confused eyes.

I chuckled then gently grabbed his face and caught his lips in a sweet kiss. Ashton quickly responded to the kiss, wrapping his arms around my waist.

I smiled against Ashton's lips and then I pulled away a bit, just enough for our lips to brush against each other.

"I just want to do that," I whispered.

"You could have just asked," Ashton whispered back then pecked my lips a few times.

"We should go before Michael gets too worried again," I told Ashton. He nodded then we completely pulled away and resumed walking.

"Good thing you didn't tell anyone about this place, because if they did, they'd for sure come here to look for you and they might have caught us making out," I told Ashton with a chuckle.

Ashton smiled, "I can imagine the look on Mike's face."

"And Calum's too. Niall would just laugh, I assume."

"Yeah, he would. That's for sure."

"I'm thinking of telling them about us soon, you know," I told Ashton, making him stop walking and look at me. I smiled at him then continued, "I think it's about time we tell them. Harry and Louis already know anyway. Niall also already knows. I feel like I'm being unfair of still wanting to keep us from our best friends. They deserve to know and I think I'm ready to tell them."

"When are you planning to tell them?" Ashton asked.

"I'm thinking maybe uhm...we can all hang out this weekend and we can formally announce to them? Like over dinner or something? At least I got time to think about how to tell them. Will that be ok with you? I mean, I'm sorry I just decided on my own."

Ashton smiled and said, "Whatever you want, baby. I'm ok with everything as long as it's comfortable for you."

"Thanks, babe," I said, giving him a kiss on the cheek.

We continued to walk and then emerged from the woods and back to the trail of the park. We walked down the trail and into the main area of the park where all the people are scattered around.

Both me and Ashton looked around to look for our friends and I spotted them by the line of those different booths that sell food. They were sitting at a table right in front of the ice cream booth, having some ice cream, and that made me run towards them with a huge smile on my face.

Ashton just continued to walk down the path as he followed me to our friends.

I sat down next to Michael at this roundtable they are sitting at and the three of them looked up at me. Michael then said, "Where were you two?"

"He was helping me with my project," Ashton said as he approached the table, saving me from lying. He then sat down next to me and continued, "I'm looking for a good subject for my photography project. Luke here was just kind enough to help me out."

"Don't you have work today?" Calum then asked.

"I do, but Ashton already called Mitchy to let me off work today so I can help him out," I explained as I pulled my phone out of my pocket and placed it on the table because it makes my jeans tighter and it feels weird.

"Well, Mitchy never says 'no' to Ashton," Michael said with a shrug.

"I didn't even know they're friends," I commented.

Niall and Michael chuckled.

I then reached over for Calum's ice cream but he was quick enough to pull it out of my reach and said, "Get your own ice cream."

I pouted at him.

"Not gonna work, giant child."

I rolled my eyes at him then stood up as I said, "Fine, I'll get my own ice cream." I then looked down at Ashton and asked, "What flavor do you want, Ash?"

"I'll just have what you're having," Ashton answered, looking up at me with a smile.

I nodded then went over to the ice cream booth to get Ashton and I ice cream. I ordered two cups of Vanilla and waited for them to be served.

As I was waiting, I heard my phone ringing from our table. I turned to look around and then saw Ashton picking it up and answering it with a scowl on his face. Just seeing his expression, I already figured out who is calling.

I sighed then turned back to the booth as my orders were also served. I paid then thanked the ice cream lady and walked over to the table.

Calum, Niall, and Michael were watching Ashton with a confused expression on their faces.

"This is Ashton, what do you want?"Ashton rudely spoke into the receiver.

I rolled my eyes then placed the cups of ice cream on the table and then lightly smacked the back of Ashton's head as I said, "Don't be fucking rude, Ashton."

Ashton looked up at me with a scowl as he touched the back of his head as everyone else at the table looked at me in surprise.

I ignored everyone and took the phone from Ashton's hand and looked at the screen as I sat back down at the table. I was right. It is Jesse calling. I sighed then put the phone to my ear and said, "Hey, Jesse, sorry about that. Uh...do you need anything?"

"Uh...I just wanna ask what page was our assignment again? I forgot. I'm sorry if I disturbed you. I swear I had written it somewhere but I just couldn't find it."

I chuckled, "It's fine, Jesse. It's from page 76 to page 85."

"Oh...ok. Thank you so much, Luke."

"No problem."

After that, we hung up and I turned to Ashton and said, "Really? You have to be that rude?"

"And you have to be abusive?" He shot back.

"That was just a light smack, Ashton. Don't be so dramatic," I responded to Ashton. I then pushed his cup of ice cream towards him and said, "You know what, just eat your ice cream. It may cool down your always hot temper."

Ashton rolled his eyes at me then took his ice cream. I turned away from him and smiled innocently at the other guys who are all staring at Ashton and I like we are the strangest thing they have ever seen.

I was gonna ask them why they are staring at us like that when I suddenly felt something cold on my cheek. Niall burst out laughing as Michael and Calum were surprised yet trying to hold in their laugh.

I turned to Ashton with a scowl and he just casually ate his ice cream as if he has no idea about the patch of ice cream on my cheek. I narrowed my eyes at him then took a huge scoop of my ice cream and threw it at him, hitting him right on his cheek.

"Hemmings!" Ashton exclaimed and gaped at me.

I just raised a sassy eyebrow at him then flipped him off.

"Oh, ok then," he said with a fake smile and before I could do anything he took a scoop off his ice cream and threw it in my face.

I gaped at him then scowled as I said, "Oh, it's so on, Irwin."

I was gonna attack Ashton again with the ice cream but then I heard Niall say, "Uh...Calum, Michael, I think we should go."

I looked at Niall then to Ashton and smirked as Ashton quickly caught up to what I was thinking. We both looked at Niall and his eyes widened as he tried to get out of his seat but Ashton and I were too quick for him and threw him some ice cream, hitting him right on the face.

Niall gaped at us and both Ashton and I laughed. Calum and Michael looked at each other and then quickly stood up and ran away from the table. Ashton, Niall, and I then took our ice cream cups and chased Calum and Michael.

We all ran around the park, chasing each other, and throwing ice cream at each other. We definitely resemble five-year-old-kids, only that we are too big and too tall.

I was really having fun with our childish acts and every single one of us is laughing hard, even Ashton, and that made my heart happy to see him happy and has loosened up a bit.

We continued to chase and throw ice cream at each other until I realized that Ashton is not joining us anymore. I looked around and saw him walking away with his phone against his ear.

I watched him as he talked to whoever it is he is talking to. I can't interpret the expression on his face. He nodded his head as he listened to the caller then he said something in response before he hung up.

I don't understand it nor can I explain what I feel, but I just suddenly got a strange and weird feeling as I watched him taking a call. It makes me a little worried as to why I felt like this but I hope it's just nothing and it's my stupid mind overthinking things again.

He then inserted his phone back into his pocket and looked up. He caught my eyes with his and he was...I don't know...a little surprised to see me already looking at him? But he was too quick to wipe that expression off his face and smiled at me.

I wonder why he reacted like that but I just returned the smile as he walked back towards me.

"Is everything alright?" I asked him as he stopped in front of me.

He gave me a tight smile and said, "Yeah...everything's fine."

"Who was that? The one who called?"

"Oh, uh...it was...uhm...Josh. He just needed help with some stuff." He said but he avoided eye contact with me.

I furrowed my eyebrows as I looked at him. Did he just lie to me?

An awkward silence fell between us as I continued to stare at him and he shifted on his feet, obviously feeling uncomfortable.

I then felt a cold, sticky stuff on my cheek before I could say something and then heard Niall laughing out loud. I rolled my eyes then also threw ice cream at the Irish boy, totally forgetting about Ashton and his lying.

We continued to chase each other and throwing ice cream around the park, acting like little children. But only Ashton didn't join us anymore and just sat back down at our table, watching us but also had his attention to his phone from time to time.

I mean, I never had a problem with him being on his phone all the time. He always does that, though before it was because he was tracking down Andrew. But the thing is, I have a weird feeling about him being on his phone now. I'm not worried that he's still tracking Andrew. I'm worried that he's talking to Bryana. I don't know why but Bryana just comes into my mind and it all started since that Halloween party.

I trust Ashton, I do, but I can't just help myself worry and think of worse things. I just really hope that I'm wrong and I'm just being stupidly paranoid.

I tried to push away all of these thoughts as I don't want to ruin this fun day my friends and I are having.

We all ended up covered with ice cream stains and so we decided to go home to get ourselves cleaned up. Also, it's getting almost dark and Ashton and I still have to somewhere for our date.

I smiled to myself at the thought of going on a date with my boyfriend and it somehow made me feel better and forget my stupid thoughts.

I took a ride home with Calum in which Ashton wasn't really happy about, but since we are going home and he and Mike live together and so does Calum and I, we all decided to get a ride with our roommates. Niall took a ride with Ashton as well and to be dropped off at his frat house.

As soon as Calum and I got back home to the apartment, we agreed on him taking a shower first since he just takes a quick shower.

While I was waiting for Calum to finish, I sent a text to Ashton saying:

**Me: Babe, what time are we gonna leave for our date tonight?**

A minute later, a response from Ashton came in.

**Ashton: We can leave right away after we both finish taking a shower and change.**

**Me: Ok, babe...are you home yet?**

**Ashton: Yeah...just entered the apartment. I'm just gonna take a quick shower after Mike and then we can leave.**

**Me: I'm waiting for Calum.to finish too. But you know I take long showers so would you mind waiting?**

**Ashton: I don't mind, baby. Take your time. Just text me when you're done.**

**Me: Ok, babe. Xx**

Just right after I sent my reply to Ashton, Calum came out of the bathroom and stopped at my door and said, "You can take your shower now."

I smiled at him and nodded then grabbed my towel and went to the bathroom. I took my time in the shower and scrubbed off all the ice cream that stuck on my skin and hair.

As soon as I was done, I went back to my room with a towel wrapped around my waist. I first went straight to check my phone if there a text from Ashton.

**Ashton: Baby, I'll be waiting outside.**

**Me: Ok, babe. I just got done taking a shower. I'll just change quickly and I'll be down.**

**Ashton: Ok, baby.**

I didn't respond to the text anymore and put down my phone. I went to my dresser and picked some clothes to wear as I hummed a random song. I went through my shirts and settled for my striped black and red t-shirt. I really didn't want to dress up nor want to look like I tried so hard to dress casually so I went to what I felt comfortable to wear.

I put on a pair of my black skinny jeans then sprayed on some deodorant before putting on my t-shirt. I put on a pair of my black boots then grabbed a leather jacket.

 

I didn't bother sending Ashton a text that I'm on my way and just grabbed my phone and wallet and walked out of my room. Calum is in the living watching some TV Show and he looked up at me as I emerged from the hallway.

"Where are you going?" He asked with furrowed eyebrows.

"Uh...yeah, just gonna accompany Ashton to the city, I guess. Well, I'm not really sure where. He just asked me if I could go with him and I just said 'yes' so yeah..." I did my best to lie.

Calum looked at me skeptically but then nodded and said, "Ok, well you take care."

I gave him a smile and headed for the door. Just when I opened it, Michael was already standing on the other side and was ready to knock. I looked at him with an amused expression and he laughed as he dropped his hand.

"This is the second time you caught me about to knock on your door," Michael stated.

I chuckled as I nodded, "So, do you need something...?"

"Oh, I'm just here to see if Calum is home. You and Ashton are obviously going somewhere and I don't wanna be alone in the apartment so maybe I'll just hang out with Calum."

"Well, he's inside. Just come on in."

Michael grinned and I opened the door wider to let him in and then I also stepped out. I waved Michael 'goodbye'and headed down the hall to the elevator.

The elevator ride was quick and as soon as I hit the ground floor, I stepped out. I hummed a song again as I walked down the lobby towards the exit of the building.

I was feeling excited as I take every step. I'm going on a date with Ashton and we're just gonna spend the whole time together and do whatever we want and have fun and just feel free of being together and with each other, and-

"What the fuck?!" Are the words that jumped out of my mouth as I exited the apartment building and saw the scene that broke my heart into a million pieces: Bryana is holding Ashton's face with her lips pressed against his.

**\---**


	17. 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A shift in P.O.V. in this chapter. Now, we'll have a peak in Ashton's mind and how he sees things. Enjoy!

 

**_\---_ **

**_ashton_ **

"What the fuck?"

Luke's voice was what I heard before I could react to Bryana's sudden actions.

I quickly pulled Bryana's hold off my face as I stepped away from her and turned around to see Luke's surprised, confused, and most of all the  _hurt_  expression on his face. He shook his head at me with the obvious disappointment as tears began to roll down his cheeks.

No. No. No.

He quickly wiped away the tears on his face and turned on his heel to go back inside the apartment building.

"Luke, wait!" I called and was gonna follow him but I was stopped by a hand grabbing my arm and Bryana's voice saying, "Ashton."

I looked down at her hand on my arm then I shifted my gaze to her face. She gave me a look of confusion but I ignored it and shrugged off her hand as I said, "Go home, Bryana."

"But-,"

"Please," I cut her off. " _You've done enough_." I turned away from her and went to follow Luke back inside the apartment building. Bryana was calling me but I ignored her because all I care about right now is Luke.

He was nowhere in the lobby and so I rushed to the elevator and it was already on its way up. Figuring Luke was already on it, I rushed to the stairs and climbed up as fast as I can, taking two steps at a time.

Just as I reached our floor, and entered the hallway, Luke stepped out of the elevator.

"Luke!" I called as I ran after him. "Luke, please stop. Listen to me. Let me explain."

Luke just continued to walk down the hall towards his apartment door so I ran faster after him and grabbed his arm, making him halt but he didn't turn to look at me.

I dropped my hand from his arm and quietly said, "Luke, please..."

Luke fisted his hands by his sides as his head hung low and sniffed a couple times. Seeing him like this and knowing it was because of me makes me want to beat myself up.

"Luke..." I said again but then before I could comprehend everything, Luke turned around with much anger clear on his tear-filled eyes and he raised up a fist which then collided hard with my cheek, making me stumble backward.

I quickly regained my composure and looked at Luke with a surprised expression. His face is full of anger though, the hurt is still evident in his eyes. I fully understand his actions though, because I know it's my fault. I was just really surprised that he actually did something like this.

"Luke..." I said as I tried to come near to him but he stepped backward and then turned away from me and ran to his apartment door.

I quickly followed him and I almost bumped into their door as he slammed it close. Luckily I was able to stop it from closing and followed him inside.

Michael and Calum were in the living room and they quickly stood up from the couch as they saw Luke angrily rushing towards his room with me following and calling after him.

I ignored Michael calling me as him and Calum also went after Luke and me.

Luke entered his room, slamming his door shut and locking it. I knocked on the door and shook the handle but there was nothing.

"Luke, please, open the door. Talk to me, please. Let me explain," I begged but there was no response from Luke.

"Ash..." Michael said as he and Calum stood behind me outside Luke's room.

I still ignored Michael and continued to knock and beg at Luke, "Please open the door, Luke. Let me explain. Please talk to me."

"Ashton," Michael said again but I still ignored him and I pressed my forehead against Luke's door.

I breathed out heavily as the anger I felt for myself starts to grow inside me. I hurt Luke. I fucked up. I hurt the most precious person in my life.

"Luke..." I said again and still, there was no response.

"Ashton, stop," Michael said as he placed a hand on my shoulder trying to pull me away from the door.

"You stop!" I snapped as I turned around to look at him with a deep glare. I don't want to let my anger on myself out on Michael but sometimes I just can't control it.

Michael sighed, fully accustomed to this kind of attitude from me. He dropped his hand from my shoulder and calmly said, "Ashton, you need to stop. Luke is clearly upset right now and may not want to talk to anyone."

"You don't understand, Mike!" I snapped at Michael again, making Calum flinched as my voice was loud and strong. "It's all my fault. I need to talk to him. I fucking need to talk to my  _boyfriend_. I need to fucking explain!"

"Boyfriend?" Calum said in a surprised tone as Michael said twice as surprised as Calum, "Wait what?"

I just stared at the both of them, breathing heavily as they both look at me with both confusion and surprise written all over their faces.

Luke's bedroom door then opened and I quickly turned my attention to it but then as I saw the look on Luke's face I know I screwed up more than I already have.

"Luke..." I softly said but Luke only gave me a death glare.

I went to touch him but before my hand could reach his arm, Luke hissed, "Don't touch me."

I retracted my hand right away and looked at him in the eye and said, "I'm sorry, Luke."

"For what? For hurting me? For making me believe all of your bullshit? Fuck you, Ashton!"

"No, Luke. Please listen to me let me explain."

Luke laughed humorlessly, "Explain what? Ashton, I saw what I saw and that was enough for me to know the truth."

"No, baby, pleas-," I tried but then Luke cut me off as he said:

"Don't fucking call me that! You don't get to call me that anymore! We are over, Ashton. I'm so stupid to believe all your lies and fall under your spell. Who am I kidding, right? Why would you ever like me? I'm a boy for one. I just thank God that I found out about what an asshole you truly are before shit went too far between us."

"Luke, no, don't do this please," I begged and pleaded because no, I can't lose him. I need him.

"Just leave, Ashton. I don't want to talk to you nor do I want to see you ever again." Luke spat and before I could say anything, he slammed the door shut in my face, leaving me speechless as I don't know what to do anymore.

"Mike...we should give Luke some time and space," I heard Calum tell Michael, "maybe you could just take Ashton back to your apartment for now?"

"Ok, yeah," Michael responded, then I felt his hand on my shoulder again and he said, "Come on, Ash."

I didn't make a move at first nor make any response to Michael. I couldn't move nor say anything. Michael gently squeezed my shoulder and then placed another hand on my arm and gently tugged me away from Luke's door.

"I'm really sorry, Cal," Michael told Calum.

"It's ok, Mike," I heard Calum say.

I kept my head down as I let Michael guide me out of Luke and Calum's apartment. I let him lead me towards our apartment as I don't know what to do anymore. I just feel numb and empty and...really, really angry at myself.

We both stepped into our apartment and as I heard Michael close the door, I looked up and that was when I just felt all the anger I feel at myself inside me and I just lost control that I threw away my keys that were on my hand, making it hit a vase and breaking it down a million pieces.

"Ashton, what the fuck?" Michael said but I ignored him.

I turned around and pushed away everything on the small counter table by the door, making everything on it get smashed on the floor. I then flipped the table over and began punching the concrete wall as hard as I could.

"Fucking hell, not this again, Ashton! Stop it!" Michael shouted but I didn't give a fuck about him.

I am so angry at myself for hurting Luke. I am so so stupid. I just couldn't do anything right.

Luke's words kept on replaying in my head as I continued to punch the wall out of anger and they soon turned into my father's words, clearly reminding me of how a fuck up I am.

He is right: my fucking father is right.

_I am a fuck up!_

_I am a fuck up!_

_I am a fuck up!_

I just can't fucking do anything right!

I am just this fucking pathetic asshole who just can't do anything right!

I punched the wall even harder. All I could feel now is anger. All I could see is red. Maybe that is a metaphor or maybe it is the blood I see on my knuckles and on the wall. And maybe I have heard the cracking of my bones. But I don't care if I break all the bones in my hand. I deserved it. I even deserve worse. I deserve to  _die_.

"Ashton, stop it!" Michael was screaming behind me. I felt him pull me by my shoulders but I pushed him away and continued to punch the wall. "God fucking dammit, Ashton! Fucking stop it!" Michael growled and this time, he forcefully pulled me away from the wall, making me stumble backward and fall down.

I glared up at Michael as I laid on the floor.

"You stupid idiot!" Michael spat angrily. "Look what you've done to yourself!"

"Fuck off, Michael!" I growled.

"You fuck off! Just fucking stop for crying out loud, Ashton!" Michael exclaimed and glared down at me. He was breathing hard now and I glared up at him but didn't say a word.

I sat up on the floor after a moment and that was when I felt the pain in my hand.

"Fuck," I muttered as gripped my injured hand.

"Let me see it," Michael said as he crouched down in front of me and went to take my injured hand.

I pulled my hand away, making Michael glare at me, saying, "Stop being such a childish idiot and let me see your fucking hand."

I glared back at Michael but then complied and showed him my fucked up hand.

"You are such an idiot," he grumbled as he examined my hand.

"I heard you the first time," I retorted.

Michael rolled his eyes, "Get up."

"Why?"

"Because we need to fucking go to the hospital to get your fucking hand fixed because you fucking broke it," Michael scolded.

"My hand is fucking fine," I grumbled.

"Harry is straight as a pole," Michael shot back.

"What?" I asked him with a look of confusion.

"Oh I thought we are stating lies now," he said.

I rolled my eyes at him.

"Get up, Ashton or I will forcefully carry you and take you to the hospital," Michael ordered.

I rolled my eyes again at him but then stood up and followed Michael out of the apartment.

Neither of us spoke as we both got in the elevator, took the ride down the building, stepped out of the building, and got inside my car.

Of course, Michael is the one to drive. He must have picked up my keys somewhere in the apartment. I sat back down in the passenger seat as I let Michael drive me to the hospital.

My thoughts traveled back to Luke. I just can't get the look on his face out of mind. He was crying. He was so hurt.

I made him cry. I hurt him. I could never forgive myself for that.

I'm supposed to take care of him. I'm supposed to protect him. But all I did was hurt him.

I should not have let things take this far. I should not have let Bryana take it this far.

I should have been clear to her that it's never gonna happen. I should have been straight up with her since she came back that there is no us anymore. I should have told her right away to not text me or call me because there is not a single chance for us to be together again. But all I did was just avoid her.

I'm just a dumb and stupid idiot and I even lied to Luke about things because of the stupid idea of keeping him out from the mess of my past.

Bryana belongs in my past and I don't want her to mess my present and Luke is my present and I don't want him to be involved in my past - my ugly and dark past.

I was pulled out of my thoughts when I felt the car come to a stop. I looked at Michael and watched him turn off the engine. I looked around us and realized we have arrived at the hospital in the city.

"Come on, Ash," Michael said with a sigh.

I didn't say anything and just followed Michael out of the car, gripping my injured hand against my chest. The t-shirt that I'm wearing is already stained with my blood and I can feel the wet fabric sticking to my skin.

I just followed Michael, not exactly aware of where we're going because my mind is not where I am right now. I just can't put my mind on anything right now but Luke. I still can't get the hurt and angry look on his face out of my mind and I really want to punish myself for it.

I can feel my anger starting to build up inside me again but I tried my best to control myself because I don't want to cause a scene here at the hospital and also because of Michael. I should not let Michael go through with my insanity again and again.

We entered a white room but I didn't pay attention to what was in there. I just followed Michael's silent orders and sat down on the hospital bed in the center of the room. I watched Michael settle himself in one of the chairs and a nurse came in.

I moved my gaze away and just stared down at the floor. I know the nurse will be asking stuff and I don't want to talk to anyone. I already know how this works. They are gonna ask stuff for information and shit then a doctor comes in and ask more stuff then figures out from my records that I am fucked up and then point shit out again. I am already fully accustomed to this shit that I'm tired of it. Well, this is not the first time that I fucking broke my hand; this is not the first time that I fucking broke something in my body or someone else's for the matter.

As predicted the nurse started asking like who I am and shit but I didn't bother responding so Michael answered all her questions for me. Michael has grown used to this situations as well and I feel so guilty about it. He shouldn't be involved with all of the fucked up things I do. He doesn't deserve it.

I don't deserve him.

"The doctor will be here in a few minutes," the nurse said before she left Michael and me in the room. Michael muttered a small 'thank you.'

Neither of us spoke as we waited for the doctor. Michael just stayed silent in his seat as I just focused my attention on the floor.

The door then opened, making both Michael and I lift our heads up to see a man walk in the room with his white coat on. Obviously, he's the doctor.

"So, Ashton Irwin," he said as he studied the contents of his folder in his hand.

He then looked up and looked at me. He looked familiar. Those blue eyes and soft features looked familiar but I can't remember where I saw him before.

"I see you've injured your hand," he said with a soft smile.

"Uh...yeah," I responded.

"And it's not the first time that this happened. It seems that you've been in the same situation before, yeah?"

See? The same shit happens.

"Yes," I answered.

The doctor nodded, "May I see your hand?"

I looked at Michael, who was watching me and the doctor then turned my attention to the doctor and showed him my injured hand. He gently took it and carefully examined it, then he looked up at me and said, "Can you move your fingers?"

"No," I replied with a shake of my head.

The doctor nodded again then said, "Well, can you tell me what happened why you've broken your hand?"

"I punched a wall a few times," I told the doctor.

"I see...why did you punch the wall?"

"I was...angry."

"Did anyone else get hurt?"

"No, just me."

"How about that bruise on your cheek?"

"My fault."

The doctor hummed as he nodded. I looked away from him and stared back at the floor.

"How was the wall though?" The doctor then asked with a light tone, making me look up at him again and he has a soft yet kind of amused smile which also kinda looks familiar.

I smiled small and said, "It's still standing so I guess it survived."

The doctor chuckled, "Must've been a pretty strong wall to have survived some powerful punches, huh?"

I just smiled as a response. I'm not gonna deny it, I kinda like this doctor. He isn't like all those other doctors I have encountered before.

I then looked at Michael who's watching me and the doctor with both surprise and relief painted on his face. He must've have been expecting some violent or rude actions from me since it was always like that before. He totally, for sure, wasn't expecting me to be like this with the doctor and totally relieved that I was not rude nor violent.

"I assume you already know the procedure with this one?" The doctor asked.

"Yeah, I guess so..." I silently responded.

"I also assume you are very well aware of your anger issues."

There it goes.

"I am."

The doctor nodded, "So I'm gonna clean this up first, ok? Then we're gonna have an x-ray before we proceed for the surgery?"

I just nodded at him in response. At least he didn't really push the topic.

"Ok," the doctor said, then he asked, "so how are you feeling now?"

"Do you mean if I'm still angry?"

"Are you still angry, Ashton?"

"Physically angry, no. But emotionally angry, yeah I always am," I told him honestly.

"Do you still take your medication?"

I looked down at the floor as I shook my head 'no.'

"Why not?"

"I stopped taking it since I moved here. I stopped seeing my therapist too. I never liked doing any of it."

"How did that turn out for you?"

I chuckled humorlessly, "Pretty much not well, obviously."

The doctor smiled, "Alright, Ashton, I know you fully understand everything, so I hope you will also try to avoid these kinds of situations?"

I sighed, "I'll try."

"So...what are you two? Brothers?" He then asked in a much lighter tone, glancing between me and Michael, as he started cleaning up my hand.

Michael and I looked at each other and I said, before he could, "Technically, no, because he's my best friend, but yeah, because we're practically brothers, if that made sense?"

Michael gave me a small smile which I right then returned.

The doctor chuckled, "Yeah, that made sense, my youngest son also has a best friend who he's really close to and they treat each other like brothers. They're both the same age as you, I think."

I smiled at what the doctor said, also making Michael smile as he looked up at me then to the doctor.

"So, Ashton, I'm gonna write you a prescription for the pain after we got everything done with your hand. I'm also going to write you a new prescription for your anger. It's not necessary for you to take it every day but I expect you to not just ignore it. You fully understand the consequences if you won't help yourself, right Ashton?"

I nodded.

"Good, because it's not just about yourself. You may put other people at risk as well."

I nodded again.

"So I will also give you the schedule of your follow-up check-ups for your hand along with your new prescription." The doctor continued as he got almost done with cleaning up my injured hand.

"Ok...thank you so much, Doctor...? Sorry, I'm afraid I never got your name?" I said.

The doctor looked up at me and gave me a warm smile that reached up to his blue eyes and said, " _Hemmings. I'm Doctor Andy Hemmings_."

**\---**

It was already really late when Michael and I got home from the hospital. We still haven't spoken to each other on our way home. I didn't want to talk and I know Michael fully understands that.

When we got home, I looked at the mess I made and I sighed. I always fuck up and I always get the people around me involved.

I walked towards the kitchen to get some cleaning stuff, but before I get ahold of the broom, Michael said, "Ash, you need to rest. We'll clean up in the morning."

I was gonna object but Michael gave me a stern look so I sighed and complied. I don't have the energy to pick a fight with him nor do I want to have a fight with him. I already have put too much on his shoulders tonight, and I can't be more of an asshole and add more to that.

"Get some sleep, Ash," Michael said.

I nodded then made my way down the hall to my room.

As soon as I was inside, I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding in as I leaned my back against my closed door. I don't know what to think and I don't know what to feel.

I hurt Luke and I could never forgive myself for it.

I pushed myself away from the door and walked over to my dresser to change. I managed to get out of my clothing with just one hand as I still can't use my broken one.

I got into a pair of basketball shorts and a plain black hoodie and walked over to my bed and laid down on it. I sighed as I stared up at the ceiling. I raised my injured hand and looked at the white cast around it. It's the second time I have broken this hand because of how I couldn't control my anger. My other hand got broken once before also of the same reason and the worst thing I did because of my anger was when I beat up someone that got him confined for a week in the hospital because of how badly I hurt him. I was just lucky that his parents didn't file any charges because they were already aware of their son's behavior and I got witnesses that what happened wasn't my fault.

I'm a fuck up and I have to live with that for the rest of my life. That is one of the reasons why I hate myself. I just couldn't do anything right and I always fuck up the lives of the people around me. I hurt them, make their lives miserable, mistreat them, and even have them forced to stay with me and take care of me and put up with all of my bullshit.

I always fuck things up just like what I did with Luke: just like what I did to our relationship.

I was so stupid. I thought keeping things from Luke would protect him from my shitty past. I could have handled things better but I didn't and ended up hurting the most important person in my life. The most precious person I have ever met.

I never thought that I would be able to feel again. It was all because of one certain blue-eyed boy that walked into my life and just single-handedly turned my whole world upside down. Luke made my life better. He brought the light back into my life. He made me feel again. He made me see better things. He made me happy again.

From the first moment I saw Luke, I already have felt something for him. It was like something inside of me ignited and it felt so foreign yet so familiar. I pulled all of my defenses up as an impulse response to it because I was fucking scared.

For so long I was numb. I didn't feel anything. Then suddenly I just started to feel something and it was for an adorable, blue-eyed boy. It really fucking scared the shit out of me: Luke scared the shit out of me.

I was so scared of what I feel towards him. I didn't even understand at first what I was feeling for him but it was something and it has a huge impact on me. I mean, I don't even know this boy. I just literally met him but he already made me feel things - a lot of things - compared to how I have been feeling in the past couple of years.

Everything was fucking scary that I thought the best thing to do about it is be an asshole towards Luke and that's what I did. I was rude to him and made myself to be as intimidating as I can for him to be scared of me too.

I know it worked. I can see how Luke reacted and acted around me. But then slowly, I understood what I feel for him and I tried to stop it at first but I couldn't. Luke is like a powerful force that is always pulling me in. He is like a drug and I'm addicted to him. I couldn't get him off of my mind and I want him so much. I never wanted anyone as much as I want him.

That was why when he started avoiding me before, I fucking grew insane because I thought he hates me and I can't take the idea of him hating me. I don't care if every single fucking person in this world would hate me just not him.

I knew what I did - pretending to be really drunk and telling John to call Luke - was kinda stupid but it worked and it made me have Luke. It was the first time in years that I actually and genuinely feel happy. Luke brought back happiness into my life. He is my happiness.

Luke became the most important and the most precious person in my life in just a short span of time. I became even more protective of him way more than how I am protective of the people I care about. He is too precious and I just want to protect him and keep him safe all the time. I was really angry at Andrew for what he did to Luke and how it affected Luke that I fucking wanted to kill him. If it wasn't for Luke keeping me in control of my anger, I really would have killed that bastard and I won't care if I go to jail as long as I have protected Luke.

Luke is like my sanctuary. He keeps me calm and sane and in control.

I never ever thought that something like this could actually happen - that you'd meet someone and just develop feelings for them and grow too attached to them real quick and they become the only thing that matters in your life. But it did and I was more than lucky to have it. I actually don't think I deserve it; that I deserve Luke. But he means a lot to me. He keeps me alive. He is my life. I may sound exaggerating but I can't lose him. I need him.

I really don't know what to do now. I need to get him back, but how? He doesn't wanna talk to me. He doesn't even wanna see me anymore. I screwed up, I know, but I have to tell him the truth. I need to tell him everything. I have to fix this. But how can I fix this? How do I start?

I let out a heavy sigh then sat up on the bed. I know I will not be able to sleep tonight. Who will ever be able to sleep in a situation like this? I ran my other hand through my hair and decided that maybe I should just clean my mess and spare Michael from it. He doesn't deserve to be always cleaning up after me.

I got out of bed and slipped on my slippers and headed towards my door. I walked out and down the hallway with my head down as my mind is still with Luke.

As I reached the kitchen, I looked up as I heard the sound of the glass being swept and found Michael already cleaning up the mess in the apartment. He hasn't noticed me as he has his back on me.

I sighed and then said, "I thought we're gonna clean up in the morning."

Michael turned around and raised up a questioning eyebrow as he said, "I thought I told you to get some sleep."

"I can't sleep," I said quietly, looking down at my feet.

"Figured," Michael said with a chuckle.

I went over to him to help him clean up but he said, "No, Ashton."

I looked at him in the eyes and said, "It's my mess, Mike, I should be the one cleaning it."

"You got an injured hand, I'll clean it. I'm almost done anyway. And I'm not asking. I'm telling you that I'll clean it so go, sit somewhere, have a drink or something, and I'll join you after this." Michael said to me with a stern look.

I sighed again but then said, "Fine."

"Good," he responded as he continued to sweep the remaining broken glass on the floor into the dustpan.

I went over to the fridge and got myself a bottle of beer and took a sip before I sat down on one of the barstools.

I watched as Michael finished cleaning up and threw everything in the trash. He then went over to the sink and washed his hands then went to the fridge and got himself a bottle of beer as well.

He took a swig the stood on the other side of the kitchen counter, placing his beer on the counter. He looked at me then said, "How are you feeling?"

I gave him a shrug. He nodded and silence fell between us. I then looked up at him and said, "I'm sorry, Mike."

Michael furrowed his eyebrows and asked in confusion, "For what, Ash?"

"For dragging you into my mess again and keeping things from you? Just for everything," I quietly told him.

Michael sighed then walked around the counter and sat down on the barstool next to where I was sitting on. He looked at me and said, "Ash, you don't need to apologize. You never have to apologize to me. You're my best friend. We're practically brothers. Your mess is my mess and I understand and respect it if there are things that you can't tell me."

I gave him a small smile, "I don't deserve you, you know that? I don't deserve any of you."

Michael rolled his eyes playfully, "Why are you so dramatic?"

I chuckled then said, "I'm just saying the truth."

"Then I'm gonna tell you some truth as well: Ashton you are not as bad as you think you are. Stop thinking of yourself like that. Please. You are a good person, Ashton."

I just gave Michael a sad smile because he's not right. I am not a good person. I have done a lot of awful things that ruined their lives. How does that make me a good person?

Michael sighed, knowing that I would never believe him. He took another swig of his beer then said, "So...you and Luke, huh?"

"Yeah..." I quietly answered.

"Are you ok with talking about it?"

I just gave him a shrug.

"Is it ok if I ask you what happened?"

I nodded, then said, "Bryana happened."

Michael's eyes widened in surprise and exclaimed, "Bryana?! How?"

"She's here," I told Michael. I haven't mentioned to him that Bryana is in town and obviously, their paths have never crossed because if it did, he would have told me about it and he wouldn't be this surprised.

"Fuck. Since when?" Michael asked.

I looked at ahead of me towards the cupboards and started, "Well, I first saw her that weekend we went to your beach house when Luke and I went to that souvenir shop. It surprised the shit out of me, seeing her again after three years. Then we crossed paths again at Josh and Tyler's Halloween party. We talked that night, you know to catch up and stuff and maybe stay friends.

"I never told Luke who she really is and he got jealous of her because according to him, she's 'openly flirting' with me. But I didn't see it. Then somehow she got my number and started texting me. It made Luke mad and we almost got into a fight because of it.

"I ignored her though. I don't respond to her texts nor answer her calls. I don't want her to affect my relationship with Luke. But she was really fucking persistent. She won't stop. I didn't tell Luke about it because I didn't want him to be involved of my past. He doesn't deserve to get caught up with all the shitty mess of my past," I let out a dry chuckle as I shook my head.

"But then, you keeping him from everything, was what ruined your relationship with him," Michael pointed out, saying what I was gonna say.

"Yes. And you know what's funny? We were supposed to go on our first official date tonight. But I ruined everything. I hurt him," I paused and shook my head again as I looked down on the bottle of beer in my hands. Then I continued, "We just got into a fight earlier today, actually. I got jealous of that Jesse guy from his class and I got angry, making Luke angry because of how I acted. But somehow we just immediately made up like we always do. There's just something in him that calms me. He keeps me sane, you know. He keeps me from losing control."

"What happened tonight, Ashton?" Michael quietly asked.

"Wrong timing of things," I replied.

"Care to elaborate?"

I looked at Michael and said, "Bryana kissed me and Luke saw it. He believed I was cheating on him because of what he saw."

"Fuck," Michael expressed.

"Yeah. Fuck," I said.

"That was why he was so pissed off," Michael muttered, stating the obvious.

"Way more than pissed off. I got a bruised cheek because of it," I told Michael.

"He hit you?"

I nodded.

"Damn."

I nodded again and then we both got silent for a moment before Michael asked, "So what now?"

"I have to get him back, Mike. I need him," I told my best friend.

"You two really are serious, aren't you?"

"He changed my life, Mike. In just that short span of time that I was with him."

"I can see that, you know. At first, I was...I don't know...shocked of your behavior? You started smiling and laughing again and I haven't seen you do that in years and you've been...I don't know...a lot nicer than usual. I was really wondering what could have happened. What is the reason behind all these changes in you? Now I know why. You know, I was really shocked when I learned that you two are together. I didn't really expect that" Michael smiled then continued, "I noticed that you two are getting close. You spend a lot of time together and you are so comfortable around him and so was he with you. It's just that the idea of you two being actually together did not come to mind. I just thought that you were just growing into being really good friends. I never thought you'd be in a relationship again. You know...after what happened between you and Bryana and everything else."

I gave Michael a small smile, "I never thought I would as well."

"How long have you been together?"

"Two months."

"Wow. Nobody really knew? You managed to keep things from everyone?"

I looked at Michael for a moment then looked at my injured hand then looked back up and said, "Not really. I mean there are a very few people who knew."

Michael furrowed his eyebrows and asked, "Who?"

"Well...Niall knew the entire time."

"Niall?!" Michael said in utter surprise.

"Yeah...and we told Harry and Louis weeks ago when we went to lunch with them."

"What?! Oh my god, I feel so betrayed right now."

"I'm sorry."

Michael stared at me for a moment then he chuckled and said, "It's ok. I just can't believe that the leprechaun knew and was able to keep it from us."

"He really wasn't supposed to know shit but he was always there during those unlikely events like what happened in his frat house with Andrew and when Andrew and I fought he was also there and he was the only one I can trust to keep an eye on Luke since he kinda figured it out already. At that time it was just him and Andrew who knew about us. Well, Andrew kind of like just assumed and figured out that was why he went after Luke to get back at me for beating him up."

"I really hate that asshole," Michael grumbled.

"Yeah, tell me about it."

Michael sighed, "How about Harry and Louis though?"

"Luke decided to tell them. He's kinda close to them."

"I can't believe Luke sees them more often than me," Michael said with a pout and a fake offense.

I chuckled a little, "It's just because I'm always with him when they would call and would wanna meet up. You know how I don't answer Harry's calls always."

"Yeah, because you are a dick."

"I know. That is why it is always Luke who would answer his calls and we'd all end up having lunch or dinner or whatever. And...they really like Luke. They were even more than thrilled when Luke decided to tell them the truth about us."

Michael nodded then he asked, "Why didn't you tell anyone, anyway?"

"Luke wasn't ready and everything was just so complicated at first. He wasn't out yet for one. Then there were things that one knows but the other doesn't know so we agreed to keep things until we fix everything."

Michael nodded again. Then his eyes widened as if he remembered something and he said, "Hey, was your doctor Luke's dad?"

"Uh...yeah...I think so. Well, I haven't met the man before, apparently, but we all know Luke's dad is a doctor and he has mentioned to me before that his dad's name is Andy," I told Michael.

Well, if I'm being honest, I was utterly surprised when I learned that my doctor's name is Andy Hemmings. That was why he looked really familiar. You will kinda see some of Luke's features from him. And I don't know...I just have this light feeling towards him. Maybe that was why I wasn't really rude to him.

"Damn...what do you think would have happened if he knew who you are and what happened between you and Luke?" Michael said, making me glare at him. He chuckled and then said, "I was just kidding, relax."

I rolled my eyes then looked away from him and sighed before I said, "We were actually gonna tell you this weekend - you and Calum - about us but only...shit happened."

"Ash, don't be mad about what I'm gonna ask, ok? But...nothing really happened between you and Bryana?"

"Nothing, Mike. I could never do that to Luke. I'm way over Bryana. What happened between us, what we had, was long over. Luke is my 'now,' and he is everything to me."

Michael nodded in understanding, "We're gonna fix things, Ash. You'll get Luke back."

"I really hope so, Mike."

Michael gave me a small smile and patted my shoulder.

I let out a sigh and then took a swig of my beer before getting off from the barstool.

"Where are you going?" Michael asked, a bit wary.

"Just outside, Mike. Just gonna get some air. I won't do anything stupid. I promise. You don't have to worry," I told my best friend with sincerity.

Michael stared at me for a moment then nodded his head.

I gave him a small smile then I headed towards the door, glancing up the wall that I just attacked earlier tonight. It was already cleaned up. I sighed, realizing how I lost control again tonight and fucked up.

I stepped out of the door and headed down the hall to the elevator. As I passed by Luke's apartment, I stopped and stared at the door. I wanna go inside and try to talk to Luke but I know it's not a good idea. He's so mad at me right now and wouldn't want to see me. I should give him some space.

With a heavy sigh, I continued to the elevator and took the ride down. The lobby is clear since it's like 2 AM or something. I'm not really sure what time is it now.

I headed straight to the front exit and towards the sidewalk. But as soon as I got there, I noticed a someone familiar sitting on the sidewalk, having a smoke.

I walked over to him and stood just behind him and said, "I didn't know you smoke."

Calum was startled by my voice, making him quickly look up with wide, surprised eyes. I chuckled at him and he instantly relaxed, seeing it was just me.

"Do you mind if I sit down too?" I asked him.

"Feel free," he responded with a smile.

I sat down next to him. Calum handed me his packet with a silent offer. I smiled small then took a stick and put it in between my lips. He then handed his lighter and I took it to light up the cigarette in my mouth. I was able to light it up right away and handed him his lighter back.

I took a drag and felt the smoke in my lungs before I blew it out. It has been weeks since the last time I took a smoke. I only do it when I'm stressed because it helps me relax. But ever since I'm with Luke, I didn't need it. He always made me feel ok and safe.

"Hey..." Calum said, making me look at him. He is already staring down at my injured hand. He then looked up at me and said with a hint of worry in his voice, "What happened to your hand?"

I looked down at my injured hand then up to Calum and said, "Had an encounter with our apartment wall."

Calum stared at me for a moment then said, "How was your wall?"

I chuckled at his question then said, "It didn't even have a scratch."

"Hmmm...." he hummed, turning away from me and looking up ahead of us and continued, "Strong wall."

I smiled, even though I know he couldn't see it.

It went silent between us and I took another drag of my cigarette and blew out the smoke before I said, "You probably hate me now, don't you?"

Calum turned to look at me again and said with a confused expression, "Why would I hate you?"

"Because of what happened between me and Luke."

"Ashton, I don't hate you because of it. I don't really know what happened, hell, I don't even know you two are together. I just always thought that Luke has a crush on you or something, but never about you two being actually together, you know what I mean? Well, anyway, my point is, I don't judge, Ashton, especially when I don't know both sides of the story. You know, I'm not sure how you actually see me as, but I see you as my friend, and I am here for you as to how I am there for Luke."

I smiled at Calum as I wasn't really expecting for him to say all that. Then I said, "Thanks, Calum. I really appreciate that. And hey, I see you as my friend too. I may be like, not the nicest person or something like that, but you are of these very few people I call my friends."

"Thank you. That's really good to know," Calum responded with a smile.

I chuckled then said, "I'm sorry about everything though...I never wanted any of these to happen. I never wanted for Luke to get hurt."

"I know, Ashton. I understand," Calum said. He then chuckled and said, "You know...now I actually understand things."

"What do you mean? What things?"

"About you and Luke and everything that happened before? Like that time when he had a panic attack? He only calmed down when you came and he only felt safe with you. I did believe that it was because it was only you who knew everything that was going on with him but now, I realized that it was because he trusted you and you were his safety and comfort. It is really nice though since it is what I've always wanted for Luke: for him to find someone he would trust and he would feel safe with and happy. You make Luke happy, you know. I can see it in the way he looks at you and how he is with you. That is exactly why I believed he had a huge crush on you. But everything is clearer to me now, and ever since we came here, it was the happiest I've seen Luke our entire lives and it made me happy too. I guess I owe you a 'thank you,' so...thank you, Ashton."

"But now...I'm also the one who caused him pain," I told Calum silently.

"Sometimes we do things that hurt the people that we care about. But it doesn't mean that we meant to do them or we intended to hurt them. I know you never wanted to hurt Luke. Even before I can already see that you care about it him, and now knowing what you two really are, I know for sure that you truly and deeply care about Luke."

"He's the most important person in my life, Calum. You would probably think that me saying that is kind of ridiculous considering the amount of time I was with him, but it's the truth. Luke changed my life in a way I never have expected anyone could do. You said that I make him happy, but the thing is, he was the only person who made me feel again what happiness feels like."

Calum smiled at me then he said, "Things will be better, Ashton. Everything will be fixed. Just don't give up."

"I won't give up, Calum. I won't give up for Luke."

**\---**


	18. 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are two parts in this chapter since I had the P.O.V. shift between Luke and Ashton.  
> so the first part is on Luke's P.O.V. and the second part is on Ashton's P.O.V.

**Part One**

**\---**

**_luke_ **

I haven't gotten out of my room since what happened between me and Ashton last night. I didn't even get out of my bed. I just cried the whole night and the whole morning. My heart hurts. My body hurts. My mind hurts. Just everything hurts.

I couldn't get the image of Ashton and Bryana kissing out of my mind. I couldn't understand how Ashton could do that to me. I couldn't get why he had to make me believe that he cares about me - that he feels for me, and why he did all the things he did for me before that is one of the reasons that made me fall in love with him.

Why did he do all those nice things for me? Why did he even get jealous of Jesse? Why did he go to the extreme of getting back at Andrew for what that asshole did to me? Why, when at the end, he will just cheat on me?

Was I not enough for him? Was it because I am a boy? Was it because I couldn't satisfy him with his needs?

Or, maybe...these...everything that happened between us was just a part of some big game or bet he is playing and I was his target because I was the new guy and I was just that easy to fool?

How even about his friends? Were they even real with making friends with me or they are his accomplices? What about the things they told me about Ashton and about how Ashton is with me? Were they true or did Ashton just made them tell those things to me? How about Harry though?

Fuck! Everything is just so fucking confusing and I need answers but I can't...I mean I don't have both the guts and the energy to go get them. I know for sure that when I see Ashton, I'd grow weak. Just one smile and one look from him would make me go run back to him.

I am just foolishly in love with him and I can't push away that feeling even though I am hurting so much right now because of the very same man I am in love with.

But Ashton has done so much in my life that made it a whole lot better. I fell in love with him because of the genuine person I saw in him or at least that was what I thought.

But he did things for me that I never thought anyone would be able to do. He made me fully accept who I really am. He made me see things I was blinded of before. He gave me confidence. He made me stop hating myself.

Harry told me before that Ashton needed me more than I needed him. But, no, I need him more than he needs me. My whole life I felt so worthless because of a lot of things. My insecurities for one. I just couldn't do things right. Being the youngest in the family, I was always dependent on the people around me. Then there is this thing about my sexuality.

Fully accepting who I really am was a long battle between me and myself. I always believed that I wasn't normal because I'm gay and I like boys even though I am supposed to be with a girl. But Ashton made me realize that I was wrong. He made me understand that what I am, makes me who I am. He taught me my self-worth and most of all, he made me feel important; that what I do or what I say matters.

Without Ashton, I would still be this insecure, closeted gay who would never ever have the courage to come to anyone other than his best friend. I would still be the one who never fully accept myself and would always believe that I don't matter in this world. I would have continued to hate myself.

Ashton changed my life for the better. That is just something I couldn't deny. But that one thing also makes everything a whole lot more complicated and difficult for me because that is the very exact thing that ties me with Ashton. And after what just happened, I don't know what to do with it and how to deal with it.

I am so fucking in love with him and I thought that he could be my definition of forever. I hoped that maybe one day he would be in love with me too. But all good things come to an end, and for me, the end just came sooner.

I thought I was finally gonna be actually happy with my life and with who I am because I got someone who accepts me for me and is with me for me. But I was wrong. I was just so sucked in on that idea that I failed to see reality.

Fuck! It just hurts so much and I don't wanna cry anymore because I don't want to look like this weak boy who cries over a guy who he has just been dating for two months.

But the thing is, it might have just been two months that I was with Ashton but those two months was the best two months of my life. It was the happiest I have ever been.

Sadly, it was just that. Just for two months, I guess, because the very same man that made me feel the happiest in my life was also the one who took all that happiness away. And now I flounder in misery and sorrow as I feel all the pain go through every fiber of my being as I try to figure out what I did wrong to deserve such agony.

But my floundering was then interrupted by a knock on my door and the sound of my best friend's voice saying, "Luke?"

I didn't respond to make him think that I am asleep because I don't want him to see me like this: miserable and pathetic.

"Luke? I know you're awake. I can hear your sobs from outside the building," Calum said again, making me chuckle softly. He really knows me inside out.

With a small sigh, I got out of my bed and wiped the dried up tears from my face as I trudged over to the door. I unlocked it and slowly opened it, looking at my best friend who was standing on the other side with a tray of food.

"May I please come in?" Calum asked with a small smile.

I nodded and opened the door wider to let him in. He walked over to my bed as I closed the door and he placed the tray of food down. I also went back to my bed and slipped back under the covers not having any intention of eating the food that Calum brought.

Calum stared down at me then sighed and said, "We are not doing this, Luke."

"Do what?" I asked with a soft confused voice.

"You, being like this and not eating. I understand that you are not ok right now because of all that happened but you need to eat, Luke. Please just a little," Calum said with a pleading look.

I let out a sigh and sat up on my bed. I took the tray of food he brought and placed it on my lap. There was a plate of bacon and eggs along with two pieces of pancakes. He also made me some coffee.

Calum sat down on the edge of my bed, looking at me. I picked up the fork and began eating the food silently. As soon as I took a bite of the pancakes, I immediately felt back the hunger that was pushed away and left forgotten because of the overflowing pain I was feeling since last night.

I was able to finish everything on my plate and it made my best friend really happy. I took the mug of coffee off the tray as Calum took it and placed it on my desk.

I took a sip of my coffee as Calum went back to the bed and sat down next to me with our backs leaning against the headboard. I rested my head on his shoulders and let out another sigh.

Calum also rested his head on the top of my head and he said, "I'm sorry about everything."

"I should be the one saying that to you," I responded quietly.

"What do you mean?"

"I kept everything from you. I never told you everything that has been going on in my life. You are my best friend and you should have been like you know...the only person who is very much updated with my life happenings. But I kept things from you. I kept my relationship with Ashton from you and you have to find out everything this way."

"Luke...you don't have to worry about that. I may be your best friend but it doesn't mean that you are obliged to tell me every single thing that is happening in your life. You have every right to keep some things to yourself. It's your life, Luke, your own decisions."

"What did I do to deserve you?"

Calum chuckled, "I should be asking that."

I smiled up at Calum.

"So...do you wanna talk about it?" Calum asked.

"I don't know...I don't know what to do, Cal. Everything just fucking hurts," I told my best friend. "What have I done to deserve this? I thought that this is the time that I'm finally gonna be happy. I thought that I finally found the right person for me. But no...everything just turned over and now I am drowning in all of my sorrows. I never actually thought that it would fucking hurt this much."

"I can see that you are in love and pain is always a part of love, Luke. We may not want it nor like it but it's always gonna be there. It's one of the main ingredients of love."

"Ah, love," I said with a chuckle. "Would you even still call it love when it's just one-sided?"

"Why would you say it's just one-sided?"

"Because I was the only one who is actually in love in our relationship. Ashton...I thought I knew him or at least I thought I was able to know him. But now, only one thing I know is for sure about him: he may really ain't capable of caring about someone."

Calum let out a small sigh, then he said, "You know...Ashton may be a very complicated person but he cares about you, Luke. I can see that."

"If he does, he wouldn't have done what he did. He wouldn't have hurt me," I let out a heavy sigh, "What am I gonna do, Cal? I have a lot of questions and I need answers but everything hurts so much. I don't have the power to go seek for them."

"Luke...you do know that you gotta have to talk to Ashton, right? It's the only way to fix things. You got questions that need answers and talking to him will provide you the answers," my best friend told me.

"But, I don't wanna see him, Cal. It hurts too much to see him. And how can I be sure that he'd tell me the truth? What if he'll just lie to me again? He can be very manipulative, you know."

"You wouldn't know if you won't at least try," Calum said. He hesitated for a moment then he said, "You know, I talked to Ashton last night. He was a mess, Luke."

I didn't respond to Calum because I don't know what to say about it. Ashton may have hurt me so bad but I do care so much about him still and I don't like the idea of him not being ok.

"He has broken his hand," Calum told me, making me look up at him with wide eyes.

"What happened to him? What did he do?" I asked Calum worriedly.

"Well he said, he had an encounter with their apartment wall."

"Was that the truth? Nobody else got hurt? Just him? Only his hand is injured?"

"He does have a bruise on his cheek. I don't know where he got that."

"That was from me, I guess," I said in a small voice as I laid back down on the bed.

Calum sat up and looked at me with a surprised expression, and said, "You hit Ashton?!"

"Yeah...I was so hurt and I was so mad at him that I wasn't able to control myself."

"Damn. Good thing he didn't get mad about being hit. I mean he is a really angry guy, he even lashed out at Michael for just trying to stop him from bothering you last night."

"He wouldn't physically hurt me. I know that for sure. He was never violent to me. Not once. He's just really short-tempered with other people but not to me. But anyway, his hand? How was it?"

"He got a cast on. He must really have hit their wall so hard that he broke his hand."

"Oh...He only injured his hand?"

"That's the only thing I saw that was seriously injured."

"Ok..." I nodded. Then I looked at Calum and said, "Why were you talking to him?"

"I was having a smoke and he joined me, so we ended up talking."

"What did you talk about?"

"Mainly you, to be honest. He also apologized to me."

"What did he apologize for?" I asked Calum a little surprised.

"Well, a few things. I mean he apologized for hurting you, for not telling us about you two, and for causing all these 'mess.' He blames himself for everything. He even thought that I was mad at him and I hate him."

I frowned as I looked away from Calum and stared at the wall ahead of us. If I am being totally honest, I don't know how to react to everything he just told me. I don't know how to take all of those in.

He said Ashton was a mess and he broke his hand, punching their wall, and he also apologized to Calum for everything. I mean, why did he do all that?

He doesn't really give a fuck about anything, thus, he doesn't apologize to people for anything. It's not that he's really a rude and arrogant person, it's just who Ashton is...or at least who I think he is.

I know Ashton can be very violent at times too, but it depends on the situation. Just like with Andrew. He beat him up because of what he did to me. But now, he was violent with himself and I don't know if that has happened before. I am very worried about him but I can't let it overpower me. I can't let my worry and my feelings overshadow the fact that he cheated on me with Bryana.

"Luke..." Calum said, pulling me out of my thoughts.

I looked up at him and smiled small then I said, "I'm sorry that you have to find out about everything this way."

"It's ok, Luke. I understand."

"We were actually gonna tell you about us this weekend. It was all my decision to keep us - our relationship - a secret. You know how I wasn't really out, and also everything was just really complicated during the time we got together. But then things slowly got ok and I felt that I am ready to tell you all about us, and so I told Ashton that we're gonna tell you and Michael about us this weekend. But then shit happened last night."

"Is it ok if I ask what happened last night?"

I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath. I looked back up at Calum before I nodded and said, "I saw Ashton and Bryana kissing."

"Bryana? Who's Bryana?" Calum asked in confusion.

"She's this girl I met that weekend that we were at Michael's beach house. From what I know - what Ashton told me - I don't know if it's true, she is an old friend or something. They know each other from I'm not sure when. The thing is, I should've listened to my instincts. I had a bad feeling about that girl but I chose to ignore it because I trusted Ashton too much, and now look where it got me? I was betrayed and I got hurt. The first time I was in a relationship with someone I thought really cared and accepts me and someone I really fell in love with, I got betrayed: I got cheated on."

Calum stared at me for a moment then he said, "Luke...you're my best friend and I love you. I don't ever want to see you sad and get hurt. Ashton is my friend too, and we may not have that kind of bond but I also get sad to see him how he is right now. And with me now knowing what actually everything is, things are clearer to me and I understand them better. You and Ashton make each other happy, Luke. Our whole lives I have never seen you as happy as you are lately. I really wondered why you were like that but then now I know why. It's because of him. Ashton makes you happy. You see, I'm not trying to tell you what to do. It's still gonna be your decision because it's your life. I just hope that you won't throw something special away just because you gave up on it."

**\---**

I still haven't gone out of my room and I have skipped my classes since Thursday. I don't wanna go out. I feel so weak to even get out of my bed. I just wanna lay here and be as pathetic as I can be.

But there is also a small part of me that tells me that I should not let what Ashton did to me affect me so much and give him and Bryana the satisfaction of seeing me heartbroken and all.

I have been listening to my weak self for the past days. I don't know if it was a smart thing to do. Well, I think it's not since I never do something smart. Maybe I should start listening to this other part of me and get out and show them that they don't have the power over me.

But what am I gonna do? I don't have anything to do. It's Saturday and Calum is out with Michael and Niall, which is a good sign, I think, because well, at least they still are hanging out. Then probably they really have no idea about what Ashton has been doing.

I was really kinda rude that I assumed, I mean, I considered that they may have known about Ashton cheating on me and stuff and they are just being fake-friendly with me. Michael didn't even know Ashton and I are together, I mean, were together.

Both Michael and Niall are nice to me and they are my friends too. I shouldn't have thought about something like that about them.

My phone then started ringing and I didn't bother looking at it before I answered because I'm sure it wouldn't be Ashton. I blocked him on my phone.

I was right though, because when I answered it was Jesse's voice that sounded from the other end, saying, " _Luke, hi! It's Jesse. I hope I didn't disturb you or anything?_ "

"No...not at all," I responded in a hoarse voice that he quickly noticed.

" _Are you ok? You sounded a little different,_ " he said, sounding worried.

I cleared my throat then lied, "Yeah....I'm fine. I just woke up from a long nap."

" _Oh, did I wake you up? I'm so sorry._ "

I chuckled, "You didn't wake me up, Jesse. No worries. Anyway, do you need anything?"

" _Well, uh...I was just wondering if you have changed your mind or something and would wanna go to the party with me tonight? I mean, not really with me...well you know what I mean._ "

I chuckled again then said, "Yeah...yeah...I think I would want to go to that party."

" _Really?!_ " Jesse said in obvious surprise as if he really wasn't expecting for me to say that.

"Yes, Jesse."

" _Great! Well, you can bring your friends if you want._ "

"I guess, it would just be me for now, they went somewhere, I think. I'm not really sure."

" _Oh. Ok. Well, do you need a ride to the party? I can come pick you up._ "

"That is actually great. What time is the party again?"

" _It has started. What time would you want me to come by?_ "

"I'll just text you when I'm ready," I told Jesse.

" _Ok, well, see you then, Luke._ "

"See you. Bye."

" _Bye._ "

As soon as we hung up, I put my phone down on my nightstand and stared up at the ceiling. Did I make the right decision of going to the party? Is it really right for me to listen to my other part and go out and at least try to have fun and forget everything even just for a little while?

"Fuck it!" I groaned as I sat up and got out of the bed. I looked at the time on my phone and it says 8:28 PM. With a sigh, I got up and went to grab my towel.

I haven't had a shower for days now. All I did was stay in bed and cry over Ashton. I am really so pathetic.

Now I will be going out. I have decided. I won't think too much about this decision. I'm just gonna go and try to have fun and escape this pain in my heart even just a little while.

I got to the bathroom and took a long needed shower and when I got done I went back to my room and went straight to changing. I picked the set of clothing that I know I'd look somehow cool and still I'd feel comfortable: a pair of my usual black skinny jeans, a black ripped t-shirt, and my black hoodie.

I sent Jesse a text saying that I'm ready and I quickly got a reply from him that said that he is on his way. With that, I grabbed my wallet and keys and headed out of my apartment. This is gonna be the first time in days that I'm gonna step out of my apartment and I kinda feel like I was a sick person who just got released from the hospital.

After I locked the door to my apartment, I quickly headed towards the elevator at the end of the hall. But as I was walking, the elevator bell dinged and Ashton stepped out. I stopped walking as I looked at him. I have no idea what to do. I am not even ready to see him. It even hurts just seeing him right now.

He has his attention on his phone so he hasn't noticed me yet as he was walking towards his apartment door. Goddammit, what do I do? Should I turn back to my apartment or should I continue walking as if I didn't see him?

But before I could think of what to do, Ashton looked up and halted as he looked at me with a surprised expression. We stared at each other for I don't know how long. He wears this combination of surprised, apologetic, and sad expression on his face as I just tried my best to keep mine blank.

I let my eyes roam all over him and take in his appearance. I took notice of the cast he wears on his hand. It got some doodling on it already and I wonder who did them. I really did try my best to not think that it might be Bryana because it would make me hurt so much. He got the fading bruise on his cheek and there are dark circles around his eyes as if he hasn't slept for days. His hair is tied up in a messy half bun. He looks like a mess if I am being honest but he's still beautiful though, as he always is.

Well, I bet I look worse than a mess compared to him considering the amount of crying that I did.

I then let out a sigh then decided to just continue walking because it's too late now to turn back around. I tried to ignore the fact that he is there standing in the hallway, staring at me, as I walked down the rest of the hall to the elevator.

"Luke..." Ashton said as I walked past him, making me stop walking again.

I never dared to turn around and look at him because if I do, I might just get hypnotized by those beautiful hazel-green orbs. I kept my gaze down at the floor and I didn't say anything.

"Luke," he said again. "Can we please talk?"

"No," I immediately responded. "I'm sorry but I got somewhere to go."

Without waiting for a response from him, I resumed walking, rather quickly towards the elevator. I pressed the button and when it opened, I quickly stepped inside and prayed that Ashton didn't follow me. I breathed out a sigh of relief as the elevator doors closed.

As I reached the ground floor, I quickly stepped out of the elevator and exited the apartment building. I looked around to see if Jesse has arrived and just then a car pulled up to the side of the road and the window was rolled down as Jesse peeped out, calling me with a smile.

I smiled back at him as I headed over to his car and got in, immediately settling myself inside.

"Thanks for picking me up," I told Jesse.

"No problem," he responded with a smile as he drove off to where the party would be.

It was just a short drive from my apartment to the frat house that Jesse's friend is having a party at. The house is even just a couple of blocks from Niall's frat house.

Jesse parked the car and we both headed into the frat house. The party is already going and there are already a lot of people being hit by the alcohol they are consuming.

We were met by the blasting of loud music and the smell of beer and smoke as we entered the house. Typical.

I just stayed behind Jesse as I don't know anyone in this party. We went through the crowd of people in the living room and made our way to the kitchen. Jesse got two red cups and filled one with beer then he turned to me and asked, "Do you want some beer or you prefer something else?"

"Beer is fine," I told him with a smile.

He returned the gesture then filled the other cup with beer and handed it to me. I took it with a 'thank you' then immediately took a sip.

"Come on, I'll introduce you to some of my friends," Jesse said and I nodded as I followed him.

We went back into the living room and approached a group of people lounging and drinking on the couch while the others are playing some games.

"Hello, everyone!" Jesse said, gaining all their attention. "This is my friend, Luke." Jesse then turned to me and said, "Luke these are my friends."

I smiled as I raised up my red cup and greeted them all. They all went to me and each introduced themselves. They immediately invited me to join them and asked me to play games with them. They were all really nice and very friendly.

I had another drink then another and I played games with Jesse's friends. I actually am having fun. Guess listening to that other part of me was really a right decision.

As the night went on and the party went wilder, I got more and more drunk. I literally lost count how many drinks I have had. But I was having so much fun so I didn't care.

I was taking a swig of the beer in my hand when Jesse suddenly took it and said, "Ok, this should be the last one."

"W-what?" I said, or more like slurred.

"You have enough, Luke. You shouldn't be drinking anymore."

I laughed, "Mm not drunk. Nuh-uh. Juz havin' fun!"

"Ok, now. You really are drunk. Let's find you someplace to sit down."

"But..." I pouted.

"Come on now, Luke." Jesse urged and I don't really know what happened but I just went with him and then we ended up in this room and he had me sit down then he went somewhere and then came back with a glass of water.

"Drink up," he told me as he handed me the water.

I looked up at him then squinted my eyes to be able to see him clearly because I think everything is twisting and blurry. I then took the glass of water from his hand and drank. I finished the whole glass. Damn, I didn't know I was thirsty.

I chuckled as I placed the empty glass on the nightstand then said, "The water is delicious."

Jesse chuckled as well as he sat down next to me on the edge of the bed.

It was quiet for some time. We were just sitting there and I'm trying to comprehend what is going on around me.

"I'm sorry, Luke," Jesse suddenly said, making me turn to look at him.

"What?" I asked him in confusion. I'm not sure if he actually said what I heard he said or is it just my imagination because why the fuck would he apologize to me?

"I invited you to this party and then I got you drunk which will probably give you a bad hangover tomorrow. Then you are gonna hate me because I am such a bad influence and such a bad friend. I mean...I don't really think that you are the party kind of guy who you know gets drunk all the time," Jesse rambled.

I laughed then said, "Don't apologize. Trust me, I've had worse shit happen to me than this. And I'm having fun right now. That's all that matters. And I kinda need this, so...no worries, really."

"You really are a nice person, you know."

"T-thanks...uh...you are...yeah, you're nice too," I said, trying to be understandable.

Jesse chuckled, "Exactly, why I  _like_  you."

"What?" I asked again, but this time, I knew I clearly heard what he said, and I'm trying to make sure if I heard him correctly.

I huffed, "I do like you, Luke. You're nice and smart and funny. And I don't even know if you are into guys, but I just...I really like you."

"I am into guys," I said without thinking. "I don't think I was ever into girls."

"Really?"

"Yeah..."

"So you're not mad that I'm telling you now that I like you?"

I laughed because I think what he's saying is funny, "No. No. 'Mnot mad. Nuh-uh. Flattering. And nice."

Jesse just stared at me and I think it's ridiculous that he's staring at me so I laughed again but then was quickly cut off when I felt a hand on my cheek and pair of lips against mine soon after.

I was caught off guard that I actually think I just suddenly got sober. I froze as I sat there with Jesse kissing me and I don't know what to do.

My mind is running wild because, literally, I have no idea what is going on and how do I respond to it. I felt Jesse started to move his lips against mine and all I can think of doing is responding to the kiss and so I did. I moved my lips along with his and tried to actually feel something about it. I mean maybe I should right? Jesse's nice and well I'm not doing anything bad. It's just a kiss and I'm drunk. It happens. And I don't have a boyfriend anymore...

But then as soon as I remembered that part of my life, Ashton's face just flashed into my mind and I just felt the pain and the longing and everything else again. I can't do this.

I immediately pulled away from Jesse, making him look at me in surprise and confusion.

"I uh...I can't," I told him with a shake of my head.

His eyes widened and he said, "Oh my god, Luke, I'm so sorry."

"No. No, not your fault. Mine. All mine. I just...I can't. I shouldn't. I can't. I'm sorry," I said, and not waiting for any response from him, I got up from the bed and rushed out of the room.

I successfully made my way downstairs without falling off the stairs, considering the state of my mind right now. Alcohol and confusion about everything just combined.

I went to the kitchen and grabbed a red cup filling it with the first drink I got my eyes on. I swallowed everything in my cup not caring about how it tasted and I filled my cup again then again until I felt everything is spinning again and it's just blurry everywhere.

My mind is still thinking clearly about one specific person, despite everything being so blurry. My tears began to fall again and the pain in my chest came back again. I went through the crowd and went to the front door and exited the house with tears falling off my face.

I tried walking straight which is impossible considering how drunk I am, so I gave up and sat down on the sidewalk, still crying. I covered my face with my hands and then tried to wipe everything away. I made myself calm down for a little bit and I luckily managed to do so. But I feel so alone now and I need someone. Someone specific and without thinking, I pulled out my phone and dialed the number of the person that I know will come.

It only rang once until I heard the voice that always made me feel safe, "Luke?"

I sniffed then said, "Ash? Can you please come pick me up?"

**\---**

 

* * *

 

 

**Part Two**

**\---**

**_ashton_ **

Seeing Luke again tonight after a few long days was something both I am not ready for and I long for. He is very beautiful. Always is. Even though you can clearly see that he has been crying, but he still looks so fucking beautiful. How I badly want to pull him to me and lock him in my embrace and kiss him so deeply.

But just by the look on his face as we stare at each other in the middle of the hall, already tells me how much he hates me. I know that already. After what happened, I know he hates me. Well, I'm kinda expecting that already. It just really hurts to actually know it and feel it.

I gotta get him back. I have to try to make him talk to me and try to explain everything. I need him back. But when he said 'no' it felt as if I have lost every drop of hope in my body. I wanted to follow him but I shouldn't. I can't risk having him get more mad at me.

What the fuck should I do? I really have to come up with something as soon as possible. I cannot waste time.

I have spent the entire night trying to make up a plan but I couldn't think of anything that is not stupid. I let out a sigh as I slumped down on my bed and looked at the time on my phone. It's almost 2 AM and I should be sleeping but I can't sleep. It has been a foreign thing to me these past few days.

Then suddenly as I lay there on my bed, staring up at the ceiling, my phone rang and I looked at who it is to see who is calling me at 2 AM. As soon as I saw Luke's name flash on my screen, I didn't hesitate even for one second and answered the call as I shot up on my bed.

"Luke?" I said into the receiver, not even believing that this is happening. He has blocked my number and I tried calling him many times but it was no use. Now, he is actually calling me. Maybe he wants to talk now.

I heard a sniff on the other end. What the fuck? Is he crying? Why is he crying? But before I could ask him anything, he said, "Ash? Can you please come pick me up?"

"Yes, of course. Where are you?" I asked him as I stood up from my bed and slipped on my shoes. I grabbed my keys from the top of my dresser and rushed out of my room and out of the apartment.

"At a party," Luke said in a soft voice with a sniff.

"Party? What party? Where?"

"Frat house. I...dunno. Think might be near Niall's. Please, Ash. Wanna go 'ome," Luke mumbled with some slur. Goddammit, he's drunk.

"Yes,  _baby_. I'm on my way. Just stay with me on the phone, ok? I'm gonna come find you and take you home," I told Luke as I was in the elevator, making my way down the building.

I couldn't help my nerves as my worry builds up so fast. Luke is at a frat party and drunk and I'm afraid that something might have happened to him again that he ended up crying and calling me. I swear to God if someone hurt him, I'm literally gonna kill them.

"Ok," I heard Luke breathe out then he sniffed again.

The elevator dinged as it reached the ground floor and as soon as the doors opened, I was already off of it and exiting the building.

"Where are you right now? Are you in a room in the house?" I asked Luke as I got in my car.

"No. Outside," he responded in a muffled voice.

"Outside the house?"

"Yes. Sitting. Sidewalk."

"Are you hurt?" I pulled out of the parking space and drove off to find Luke.

"No. Just wanna go 'ome," he mumbled.

"Ok. I'm on my way,  _baby_. Just stay there, ok? So I'd be able to see you right away."

"Ok."

I drove fast to where Niall's frat house which was just five minutes away. As soon as I got there I slowed down and looked for the frat house where Luke can be. A lot of the houses are having a party and it is like a mess outside. There are already a lot of drunk people everywhere. I stayed on the phone with Luke as I went to search for him looking both of the sidewalks until finally, I spotted a head of blond hair sitting on the side of the road with a phone against his ear and his face hidden in his arm that was resting on his knees.

I parked my car on the side of the road across from him and quickly got out. I walked over to Luke and kneeled down before him. He didn't notice my presence until I said, "I'm here,  _baby_."

Luke shot his head up and looked up at me with red, tear-filled eyes. My heart ached at the site. We both hang up and stared at each other for a moment. I didn't know what should I do. I'm not sure if I am allowed to touch him, so I just stayed there and waited for him to tell me what to do.

Luke sniffed as he stared at me then he just threw himself at me almost making me fall back. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders, burying his face into the crook of my neck as he started crying again. Goddammit! What the fuck happened to him?

I circled my arm, the one with an injured hand, around his waist as my other hand rubbed his back in a comforting manner.

"It's ok. I'm here now," I whispered to him.

He nodded against my neck and his arms around me tightened.

I breathed out against his shoulder and said, "Come on now. Let's go home."

He nodded again then I guided us both to stand on our feet. Luke being drunk, isn't steady so I held him in place.

"Can you walk?" I asked him, making him nod his head.

I had an arm around his waist as I swung one of his arms around my shoulder, then I helped him walk to my car. I settled him in the passenger seat and he sat there with his eyes closed and tears still falling.

"Luke?" I softly said as I wiped his tears away and cupped his face with my uninjured hand.

Luke slowly opened his eyes and his sad, blue orbs stared into mine. "Oh,  _baby_...I'm so sorry," I said then pressed a kiss to his forehead.

"I wanna go home," he whispered as I pulled away.

I nodded at him then made him comfortable in his seat before I got in the driver's seat and drove back to our apartment.

"Luke?" I said as I was driving. This time much slower than how I drove when I came to find Luke.

"Mmm?" he hummed.

"Why are you crying? Did someone do something to you?" I asked carefully. I just wanna know if someone hurt him so I can hunt them down.

"No. Just sad," Luke whispered then he leaned his head against the window and closed his eyes.

I didn't bother saying anything. At least now I know no one hurt him. I believe what he told me. Luke doesn't lie to me.

As soon as we arrived at our apartment building and I parked the car, I turned to Luke and he was already sleeping, so I got out of the car and went over to his side and carried him out of the vehicle. It was a bit of a struggle though for I still can't use my other hand properly.

I didn't wanna wake him up so I just carried him in bridal-style up to our floor. My injured hand hurts from the weight but I don't care because all I care about right now is Luke.

I don't have a key to their apartment so I just decided to bring him to mine. He is drunk and very emotional and he needs to rest. I'm going to take care of him tonight.

I struggled a bit with opening up the room but I managed and got in my apartment, kicking the door close. I carried Luke in my arms to my room and gently laid him down on my bed.

I removed his shoes and placed them at the foot of the bed. I also managed to get his jacket off without waking him up and so was his jeans. Then I covered him with my blanket. He snuggled into the pillow and pulled the blanket more into him. I smiled at the adorable sight. Luke is too precious and I really can't forgive myself for hurting him.

I let out a sigh and was about to leave to just stay in the living and maybe sleep on the couch if sleep would ever come to me tonight when Luke groaned and moved around on the bed.

His eyes are still closed but his face shows discomfort. I sat down on the edge of the bed and ran my hand through his hair and said, "Luke? You ok? Do you need anything?"

Luke groaned then mumbled with eyes still closed, "Pillow."

"You want more pillow?" I asked him.

"Ashton," he said.

I furrowed my eyes but then said, "I'm here, Luke."

"Want Ashton. Need Ashton," Luke mumbled against the pillow with a pout and I pulled my hand away from his hair. I stared down at Luke, trying to figure out what to do.

Did I take what he said the right way? Does he want me to stay here with him? To lay down next to him? To sleep next to him?

I am so confused right now and I don't know what to do. Luke is drunk right now and I don't want him to think I am taking advantage of his drunken state. I know his sober self is still very mad at me. But I also don't want him to think that I wasn't there for him when he needs me. I just can't disappoint him anymore.

"Need Ashton," Luke mumbled again as he snuggled more into the pillow.

"Fuck it," I muttered under my breath then had my hand run through his hair again and asked him softly, "Luke? Do you want Ashton to stay here with you?"

Luke nodded his head 'yes' in response, still without opening his eyes. I don't really think he's actually awake so I just went a long with this conversation so I would also be able to know what does he really want.

"Why?" I asked him, still running my hand through his hair in a slow manner.

"Comfortable. Makes me sleep when I'm sad," Luke said in a muffled voice but I heard him clearly and it made me feel warm inside. And him looking so adorable and beautiful even when drunk ain't helping the situation right now. It gives me more urge to actually stay here with him and lay down next to him and wrap him in my arms while he sleeps.

"Shall I have Ashton here so he can stay with you tonight as you sleep?" I asked Luke.

"Yes, please," he mumbled again in his sleep.

I let out a sigh and decided to just give Luke what he wants. He needs me and I'm gonna be there for him. Just until he falls asleep soundly.

So with that, I took off my shoes and laid down on my bed next to Luke. I turned on my side, facing Luke and moved closer to him and touched his cheek with my fingers. He's so fucking beautiful. So precious.

As I continued to touch his face, he slowly opened his eyes and looked up at me, making me halt in my movements and looked back down at him.

"Ash?" He whispered.

"Mmm?" I hummed in response.

Luke smiled as he closed his eyes again and snuggled into me, burying his face into my chest before he whispered, "You're here."

I wrapped my arms around Luke and planted a kiss on the top of his head. God, I miss him so much. I miss how warm he feels against me. I miss having him in my arms, locking him in my embrace. I miss how he fits perfectly in my hold. I miss everything about him and it hurts so fucking much. I would literally give up everything that I have just so I can be with Luke forever.

I let out a breath and whispered, "I'm always here,  _baby_."

I felt one of Luke's arms circle around my waist and he buried his face more into my chest. I closed my eyes as I took in the feeling of comfort and safety that he gives me. I missed that feeling. He was the only one who was able to make me feel that in a long time. I never even thought that I would still be able to feel that until I met Luke.

I let out a deep breath of...I don't even know what of. Relief? Maybe a bit of relief for now. I felt Luke hugging me tighter and I smiled against his hair and then for the first time in three days, I found myself drifting off to sleep.

**\---**

I woke up with a startle. I looked around my room, breathing heavily. I am alone in my bed. Was I just dreaming? Was everything that happened last night just a dream? Wasn't Luke really here?

I sat up and stared down at the empty space beside me. It sure looked like someone had slept in it. I touched the empty space and it still feels warm. Luke was here. It wasn't just a dream. I felt a bit of relief for that but also I felt disappointed because he left and he is probably 10 times angrier at me when he woke up next to me.

But then suddenly I heard a gagging sound probably from the bathroom. I looked down at the foot of the bed and his shoes are still there and so was his clothes that were draped on the chair by my desk.

"Luke," I muttered as I quickly got out of the bed and rushed out of my room to the bathroom.

And there was Luke in front of the toilet, trying to get everything out of his system. I let out a huff and went over to him and crouched down next to him. I lifted my hand and hesitated for a moment before I gently rubbed his back.

He turned his head a bit and gave me a glance before he went back into gagging and throwing up more. Then wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and reached out for the flush handle and he pulled it down as he closed the toilet seat. He then stood up and went over to the sink.

I followed him and watched him as he tiredly washed his hand and then washed his face. I exhaled and opened the cabinet and pulled out an unused towel and handed it to Luke. He took it as he muttered a small 'thanks.'

I then took out a brand new toothbrush and placed it on the counter next to the sink before I quietly said, "I'll make you some coffee."

Luke didn't say anything as I left. I went straight to the kitchen and started making some coffee and some breakfast in case Luke wants to eat something, though, I'm kinda positive that he won't but it's good to be prepared.

Just minutes later, Luke emerged from the hallway already dressed in his last night's clothes, except his jacket which he held in his hand. My dropped heart at the sight because I didn't want him to leave yet. But who am I kidding, right? Of course, he would leave as soon as he can. He's still mad at me.

"Hey, uh..." he said quietly. "I'm sorry about what happened last night. I don't remember much but obviously, a lot did happen since I ended up here in your apartment. And I'm also sorry for throwing up in your toilet."

"It's ok, Luke," I said with a small smile.

Luke pursed his lips ad he nodded while standing awkwardly in the middle of the kitchen.

"I made you some breakfast," I told him.

He looked at me then down at the food on the counter and let out a sigh, "Did you make coffee?"

"Yeah..." I said with a nod then took a mug from the cupboard and put some coffee in it before giving it to Luke.

He took the mug and took a sip then sat down on one of the barstools. I gave him a plate of food and he muttered a 'thanks.'

I also placed the bottle of aspirin in front of him, making him look at me so I said, "I know your head hurts. You always get bad hangovers."

He gave me a small thankful smile then took in some aspirin. He looked up at me again and said, "Just to be clear, whatever happened last night and whatever this is right now, doesn't change anything. I'm still mad at you."

I sighed then said, "I know. I understand."

"I just couldn't say 'no' to the food, you know how I always  _love_  your cooking."

I smiled small, "Ok."

He looked away from me, then and put his attention to his food and started eating. I just stood on the other side of the counter and watched him eat. I didn't want to cross any line so I just waited there for him to tell me what to do or what he wants to do.

"Did uh...did something happen last night?" Luke asked without looking at me.

"Define 'something,'" I responded.

Luke sighed then looked up at me and said, "Did we do something, Ashton?"

"No, we didn't," I said, noticing the irritation in his voice. "You called me at 2 AM and you were really drunk. You were also crying and you asked me to pick you up, and so I did. I was gonna take you to your apartment but I don't know where your keys are and I know Calum is not home because he's with Michael. So I just decided to let you stay here for the night."

"Why were we sleeping together in your bed?" He quietly asked.

I let out a huff and ran my hand through my hair then said, "It wasn't my intention to have how things ended up. I was gonna stay in the couch but before I could leave the room, you asked for me to stay with you. You were sad, Luke, and I can't just leave you alone and sad. So I stayed with you, but I wasn't intending on sleeping either but I don't know, I just did. I'm sorry. I know you wouldn't want that. You don't even want to be here or see me in the first place, so I'm really sorry, Luke."

Luke stared at me for some time but he didn't say anything. His face is blank but his eyes hold a lot of emotion in them that I can't interpret. He then let out a breath and turned his gaze away from me.

"Luke..." I softly said, making him look up at me again. "Let's talk, please."

"I don't..." he started then swallowed and then continued in a small voice, looking away from me again, "I can't."

"Please, Luke..." I begged.

"I can't, Ashton!" Luke snapped and looked at me again with angry and hurt eyes, making me step back. He stood up from the barstool and began pacing across the kitchen floor with heavy breathing as he tugged on his hair.

He then stopped and turned to me and growled with tears trying to spill out from his eyes. "I can't fucking do that now, Ashton, because it fucking hurts! Everything just fucking hurts! Just seeing you right now - just being here with you right now - it fucking hurts! I know - I know I need answers because I need to understand shit. I don't know what's true or what to believe anymore but I am not ready for this. I'm not ready for you yet."

This time Luke was already crying and breathing hard as he stood in the middle of the kitchen and my heart just broke into a million pieces again at the sight. I felt my body move and walk over to Luke as he watched my every action with his tear-filled eyes. I stopped in front of him and we both stared into each other's eyes.

"I'm sorry," I whispered to him as I stared deeply into him, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"Are you really?" Luke whispered back as tears continued to fall from his eyes.

I lifted my hand up and wiped his tears off his face as I continued to stare at his sad blue orbs. He then took hold of my hand, stopping me from what I am doing. He closed his eyes for a moment, making more tears fall before opening them up again and pulling my hand off his face, letting it go, and making it fall back to my side then he said, "Don't. Don't do this. Please."

"Ashton, we got an emergen-, Luke! You're here!" Michael's voice boomed as he and Calum entered the apartment in such a hurry.

"Oh, thank God! You're here." Calum expressed, seeing Luke here with me.

Luke immediately wiped off the tears from his face and said with a sniff, "Yeah, and I'm just leaving." He then went over to the counter and picked up his jacket and headed towards the door.

I immediately grabbed his arm, making him halt but he didn't look at me and just waited for what I am going to say. I sighed then let go of his arm and said, "Please, Luke."

This time he looked at me and gave me a tight smile and said, "Thank you for last night and for this morning, Ashton."

With that, he headed out of the door. Calum and Michael just stood there with a clueless expression on their faces as they looked at me and to the open door where Luke just exited.

"Uh...I think I should go too," Calum said awkwardly.

Michael nodded and said, "See you later, Cal."

"Ok. Thanks," Calum said to Michael then he looked at me and gave me a smile and a nod which I returned.

As soon as he was out of the apartment, Michael closed the door and looked at me. I just stood there in the same spot and still staring at the now closed door.

"You ok, buddy?" Michael asked.

"I don't know, Mike," I told him truthfully as I turned my gaze down to the floor.

He gave me a pat on the shoulder, "It's gonna be ok, man."

"I hope so."

"You know...Calum got really worried because we couldn't find Luke in the apartment when we arrived this morning and he thought something happened to him."

"Luke didn't tell him he went out last night?" I asked Michael.

"Nope and Calum tried calling him but can't reach his phone. It was an actual relief that he was here with you. How did he end up here anyway?"

"He called me last night. He was drunk."

"He drunk dialed you?" Michael asked with a bit of amusement laced in his voice.

I nodded in response.

"You know..." Michael said, "I have no idea what happened here today...you looked like you were in a pretty intense situation when Calum and I got in, and Luke is still obviously really angry and hurt, and I know you are hurt too, but Ash, don't give up, ok? Luke may push you away right now and avoid you and stuff, but the intensity of his feelings for you is a lot. It's...it's really profound. He's really hurt because he believes what he saw is what you actually did. All you need is to do the right moves and get him back."

I smiled small to my best friend and said, "Thanks, Mike. I promise I will get him back."

Michael looked at me sternly and said, "You should, because I'm gonna kill you if you don't."

**\---**


	19. 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is on Ashton's P.O.V. again. :)

**\---**

_**ashton** _

" _Ashton?_ " Harry's voice sounded from the opposite end of the line.

"Hey, Harry. Are you busy?" I quietly asked as I paced back and forth in the middle of my room.

" _Are you ok?_ " Harry asked instead of answering my question. I could easily hear the worry in his voice.

I let out a sigh as I went and sat down on the edge of my bed and then I said, "Not really."

" _Ashton, what happened?_ " Now his worry is very clear.

"Can you come over? I mean, only if you are not busy. It's ok if you can't," I told him. This time I'm the one who ignored his question.

" _No, I'm not busy. I'll be there._ " Harry said and I heard some shuffling in the background.

"Ok. Thanks, Haz," I said.

" _You haven't called me that in a while_ ," Harry commented.

I smiled small, though I know Harry can't see it, and then I said, "Yeah..."

" _I missed that._ "

"Me too."

" _Ok, Ash. I'll be there soon._ "

We both then hung up and I threw my phone on the bed before I lay back down and then let out a sigh. Harry lives two hours away so I got two hours to spare before he arrives. I don't really have any idea what to do in that two hours.

The reason I called Harry is that I need him. I need his counsel. I need his advice. He is always that one person who listens to all of my ramblings and rants about every little shit and he never judges and he always knows what to say. Maybe talking to him about everything would clear up my mind and I will be able to figure out what to do with everything. And also...I need my brother.

I let out another sigh and sat up. Michael is home so maybe I should just hang out with him. I haven't really hung out with Michael in a while. Yes, we live in the same apartment and we mostly go to the same place together - parties and stuff - but we never actually hang out like how we used to. It's all my fault though...I pushed him away and shut him out when shit went down in my life. But despite all that, he never left me. He stayed with me and took care of me. I am more than lucky to have him in my life but I don't think I deserve him.

He has done so much for me even though I was a very shitty person towards him. He even moved with me here even though he didn't have to and he wasn't supposed to yet. He begged his parents to let him stay with me and it was all so he could take care of me and keep an eye on me. Despite that, I still treated him like shit. He was always thinking of me and putting me first and I couldn't even do that to him in return.

Michael is a really good man and the best and truest friend, and he deserves a best friend who won't treat him like I did. Perhaps I should start to be that best friend and be a better person than who I am.

I stood up from my bed and headed out of my room to Michael's room. The door was slightly open so I didn't knock and just got inside. He was playing some tunes on his guitar and hasn't noticed me since he has his back on me.

"Are you still writing songs?" I asked, making him immediately turn around with a surprised look on his face. I know why he reacted like that. He wasn't startled by me but surprised by the fact that I am here in his room.

"Ash? What are you doing here in my room?"

See? He's surprised I'm here.

I gave him a smile and sat down on the edge of his bed and said, "I got nothing to do so I figured I should just hang out with you."

Michael stared at me as if I am some stranger and then he said, "Are you ok?"

"What do you mean by that?"

"You never come here, Ash. We've been living together in this apartment for like four years and you never step foot in my room. And...you don't hang out with me anymore even if you have 'nothing to do'. Don't get me wrong but it was just how things are now."

"I know," I quietly said then smiled and joked, "Well, I just felt the need to check out your room and see how messy it is."

Michael's eyes widened then chuckled, "You are freaking me out right now."

I smiled then said, "So what's that song you're playing? Is that a new one you're writing?"

Michael huffed, "Not really, just playing around with some chords."

"Hmmm," I hummed in response. Michael loves to write songs and stuff. It's like a hobby of his turned into a passion that he took up music when we both got into college. He really is good though and is very good with guitars. He was the one who taught me how to play the instrument before.

I watched as Michael put down his guitar and I stared at the instrument. Michael must have noticed since he asked, "You want to...play it?"

I turned my gaze to Michael and smiled small then said, "No. Not now."

Michael nodded, "Ok."

Then I also raised up my injured hand, making Michael chuckle and said, "Right."

It went silent for a moment so I said, "Your room is cleaner than I thought."

Michael laughed, "What do you think I am?"

I chuckled, "You always had a messy room, Mike, and I always end up cleaning because your mum won't stop bitching about it."

Michael laughed, "Yeah...mum just never shuts up about how messy my room was. Well, what can I do? I was a teenager."

"Don't blame it on being a teenager," I told Michael with a chuckle.

Michael smiled as he raised up his hands in defense.

I stood up from the bed and went to his shelf and looked at some of his stuff. One thing got my attention. I picked up the item and turned to show it to Michael with a small laugh.

Michael smiled, "You gave it to me, of course, I'm gonna keep it. It was the first gift you gave me."

I looked at the miniature car in my hand. We were like maybe four when I gave it to him and I told him it symbolizes our friendship. I chuckled at the childish memory.

I put the small metal toy back on the shelf and then picked up a framed photo of me and Michael.

 

It was a silly photo and I actually laughed looking at it. I showed it to Michael, and said, "You got it framed?"

"Yeah. I like that photo," Michael said with a shrug.

"Out of all the photos we have together?"

Michael playfully rolled his eyes, "It's not like it's the only one that I put in a frame."

"But why put it in a frame though?"

Michael shrugged, "I don't know...it's just that, I like that because it shows you...or who you used to be."

I pursed my lips as I put back the framed photo back in its place. I stared at it for a moment. I looked at myself in it and saw how different that guy in the photo was compared to me now.

I did change a lot and I refused to see how it affected everyone around me. I was too selfish that when I stopped caring about myself I also stopped caring about the people in my life.

"Are you ok, Ashton?" Michael suddenly asked, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"How do you want me to answer that?" I asked back as I turned around again to look at him.

"Depends on how you take that question," Michael responded.

I let out a sigh as I smiled small at him and said, "No matter how I take that I still wouldn't know the answer."

"You'll figure things out, Ash and everything will be ok."

"I really hope so, Mike," I said as I sat back down on his bed.

It went silent again and then Michael stood up from his chair and went over to the bed and sat down next to me to them let his body fall back and lay down.

"How's your hand though?" Michael then asked.

"Still broken," I responded as I also laid back down on the bed.

Michael chuckled, "Yeah, obviously."

I lifted my hand and examined the cast on it. It got doodles and writings on it courtesy of Michael. Well, the doodles are mostly dicks. It's Michael, what can you expect. I don't mind though, it's kinda fun to look at.

"Your cast looks pretty now that I put designs on it, so you should thank me," Michael said.

I laughed, "I didn't even give you permission to write anything on it."

"I don't need your permission."

I playfully rolled my eyes as I shook my head in amusement.

"Can I tell you something?" Michael suddenly asked, making me turn my head a bit to look at him.

"Sure, what is it?" I replied.

Michael stared at me for a moment as if he was thinking then he said, "We're not gonna lie here or sugarcoat shit. I know that you are aware that you did change, like a lot, after everything went down. And I know that you are also aware how it affected everyone. But eventually, we all learned to get used to the 'new you.' We came to realize and accept the fact that the Ashton we used to know was gone and the Ashton now is the new Ashton and he's staying. Hell, I think I am the one who got really used to this Ashton now since I was the one living with you. I got very accustomed to your new attitude and stuff that I was very surprised when you started showing changes again."

Michael paused for a moment as he sat up on the bed and turned to me. Then he continued, "It shouldn't really be called 'changes' because these things you were showing now is the old Ashton. It's like the real you is resurfacing, you know? And I like it because I missed the old you so fucking much. I missed my best friend. I really am happy to get a glimpse of that Ashton again because it gives me hope that he's gonna be back."

I took in everything that Michael just said. He was right. I was aware of everything and how I affected everyone's life. I really feel guilty for doing this to them. I was so selfish. I fucking made their lives miserable. They didn't deserve everything that I did to them.

"I know the reason behind this though," Michael continued, pulling me out of my thoughts, as I also didn't say anything. "It was all because of Luke."

I smiled small at what he said because he is right. It was because of Luke.

Luke changed my life. He gave me hope. He made me look forward to every day. He made me want to live. He made me feel alive. Luke gave me life.

"You know," Michael started again, "at first I was actually really confused about what is happening with you. Hell, I even got scared about it because it's very...bizarre, considering the amount of change that happened to you and how it dragged on for years. Then just suddenly, out of the blue, your old self is slowly showing up again, and you are clearly happy about something. It exhausted my fucking mind thinking what the hell could've happened to make you like this again all of a sudden. There's definitely a reason behind it because it's not just something that you just suddenly decided to do."

I gave Michael a small smile as I softly said, "Luke."

Michael smiled back, "He was the only person on this planet who was able to do that."

"Yeah..." I breathed out.

"Ash...I would only ask you one thing about this: keep your promise to me and don't ever give up on Luke. One of the things that I want in life is for you to be happy, and Luke makes you happy."

I smiled up at Michael as I nodded, then I smirked and said, "Wow, Mike...I actually almost shed a tear for what you just said."

Michael laughed and then he tackled me into a hug as he said in my ear, "I fucking missed you."

I chuckled against his shoulder as I hugged him back.

He soon then pulled away from me and sat up on his bed. I did the same and gave him a smile: a genuine one. "Thank you, Mike."

"For what?"

"For everything."

"Now, I think I'm the one who almost shed a tear."

I laughed and smacked the back of his head, making him pout as he rubbed the back of his head.

I chuckled as I watched him then I said, "Mike, why don't we go out the day before your birthday? Just us two."

Michael's eyes widened and his face lit up as he said, "Like before? I mean like what we always do before on the day before my birthday?"

"Yeah, exactly that."

"Oh my fucking god! Hell, yeah! Never have I thought that it would happen again. Don't you fucking keep my hopes up about this."

"I won't, I promise," I told my best friend with a genuine smile, telling him that I am keeping my promise.

\---

I am back in my room after a few more banter with Michael. It actually feels nice being like this again with my best friend. I know it's all my fault that everything changed between us. I am the only one to blame. It's all on me.

Fuck. I am such a fucking fuck up.

I let out a breath as I sat down at my desk and a black folder caught my attention. My portfolio. I gave out a humorless chuckle as I remembered I was gonna show this one to my Luke. It was supposed to be a present for him.

I opened a drawer and placed the folder inside before I stood up and went over to my bed, slumping down and laying on my bed. I stared up at the ceiling and took a deep breath. I then released it as I closed my eyes.

My Luke. My beautiful, precious angel. Yes, he is an angel: my angel. He brought the light back into my life.

But now, I hurt my angel and took the light away from him, putting pain and sadness there instead. Am I really the devil in everyone's life?

My short time of thinking was cut off when my door opened, making me open my eyes and sat up. Michael came in with a sassy look on his face. I raised a questioning eyebrow at him and before I could say anything, Harry also came into my room with a wide smile on his face.

"Why didn't you tell me he is coming over?" Michael questioned me.

"It slipped my mind," I replied, earning an eye roll from Michael.

"Sure it did."

I chuckled, "It really did."

"Whatever. You will have Harry now because I know you need him, but after that, I get him for myself." Michael said, earning a gasp from Harry as he put a hand on his chest for a fake offense.

"Since when did I become your property? Both of you? There is only one man on this planet who owns me and that is my Louis." Harry said with a raised eyebrow.

I rolled my eyes as Michael laughed.

"Ok, but after you and Ash have your talk, we are going to bond because I fucking miss you. I haven't seen you in a long time. Luke even sees you more than me and he has just been with Ashton for two months." Michael told Harry.

I frowned at the mention of Luke's name and Harry gave me a look. Michael on the other hand though, realized what he did and looked at me with wide eyes and said, "Fuck, I'm sorry, man."

"It's ok, Mike."

"Well, I'm gonna leave now. Bye," he said and rushed out of my room, closing the door behind him.

"Ok...now I am fucking confused about what's going on," Harry said as soon as Michael was gone. "When did even Mike know about you and Luke?"

"He found out," I answered.

Harry then let out another gasp but this one is louder and he said with wide eyes staring at me, "What the fuck happened to your hand?"

I looked down at my injured hand then up at Harry and said, "I kinda lost control the other day and broke my hand punching the wall."

"Ashton!" Harry scolded as he sat down next to me and took my injured hand in his and went to examine it.

"I know...I'm sorry," I told my brother in a small voice.

"And you never thought about telling me?" Harry confronted me.

"It slipped my mind, and my hand is not really what's important right now," I responded.

Harry let out a sigh as he looked at me. He then let my hand go and he asked, "What happened, Ashton?"

I let out a sigh then looked down at the floor and said, "Luke is really mad at me and we are broken up right now."

"What the fuck, Ashton! What did you do?!" Harry exclaimed, voice filled with surprise and disappointment.

"I screwed up," I told my brother in a small voice.

"Obviously, you did. Would you care to tell me exactly what happened?"

"Luke saw something and he thought I did it intentionally," I said, without looking up.

"Could you be more specific, Ashton?" Harry demanded.

I let out a breath and said, "Luke saw Bryana kissing me and he thought I was cheating on him."

"Wait what? Bryana? Since when is she part of your life again?"

"She's not a part of my life, anymore, Harry."

"Then why is she involved in this? And why was she kissing you?"

I looked up then looked at my brother and said, deciding to tell him the whole story about what happened between me, Luke, and Bryana, "The weekend before Halloween, Luke, Michael, Niall, Calum, and I went to Michael's beach house. We went out for lunch and Luke and I went to a souvenir store." I glanced down at the black leather bracelet around my wrist, making me frown, then I continued, "On our way back to the restaurant, we bumped into Bryana. I was hella surprised at that time because it was the first time I saw her after what happened. I didn't know what to do but she was acting like nothing ever happened so I just went with it and smiled and stuff. I didn't tell Luke who Bryana really is in my life because I don't want him involved in my shitty past, so I just told him she was an old friend.

"I thought that was just that, but then during the Halloween party at Josh and Tyler's, Bryana was surprisingly also there. I was gonna just ignore her and avoid her but she went to me and was being nice and all and so I figured that maybe I'll just forget about everything too and be friends with her. So we talked and 'catch up,' which made Luke jealous because he said that Bryana was 'openly flirting' with me.

"Then it became worse because she started texting me the next day and wants to meet up. I didn't even know how she got my number. Luke was the one who saw her texts and it almost lead us to a fight because he got jealous and mad about it. I was just really lucky that Luke is a really good person and I was able to calm him down about it easily.

"But then she started calling me and I never answer all of her calls and texts because I don't want her to get in the way between Luke and I. Then the other day she just texted me some things about how she still loves me, how she regrets everything and stuff then she just won't stop calling and texting me because she wants us to talk. She was calling non-stop that day and I was with Luke and it so happened that we also had a fight because of jealousy and stuff. I got really annoyed with her and so I answered her call to tell her to stop but she won't fucking listen to me.

"Then later that day, I was supposed to go on my first official date with Luke and I went outside of the building ahead to wait for him but I was very surprised to see that Bryana was there outside and waiting for me. I told her to go but she won't listen to me. Then just suddenly she kissed me and at the same time, Luke came and saw it. He thought I was cheating on him."

"That fucking bitch," Harry commented. He then let out a sigh and said, "So now Luke is very mad at you."

"Yes, and he doesn't wanna talk to me or see me."

"Nothing really went between you and Bryana?"

"Nothing. I'm not in love with her anymore, Harry. I've moved on from her. And I can never cheat on Luke or on anyone. You know how I feel about cheating."

"I know...I was just making sure, I'm sorry," Harry said.

"It's ok."

"So what do you plan to do about this?"

"I don't really know, that is why I called you. I need your help, Haz. Help me get him back. I need him in my life. Please," I begged my brother.

Harry stared at me for a moment then said, "Why do you need Luke, Ashton?"

"What do you mean?" I asked my brother, a little confused as to why he asked me this.

"Just answer the question."

I stared at my brother straight into the eyes to look some reason why he is asking me this, but unfortunately, he just stared back at me without showing any hints of his purpose.

I sighed and looked away from him and stared up ahead at the wall of my room and said, "You may think that I'm crazy for saying this but I don't really care because it's the truth: Luke is the light of my life. We may just have known each other for a little while and have just have been together for two months but the intensity of my feelings for Luke is way beyond that."

I let out a sigh then looked at my brother and continued, "But you know how it isn't really about the amount of time two people had together to be able to be sure about each other. It's about the impact a person could do in your life. And Luke? He fucking changed my life for the better, Harry. I know you agree with me. You even saw something in him - something in us - way before I even realized it. I need him in my life, Harry. I need him to live because he is my life. I will do anything to get him back, and I also fucking promised Michael that I won't give up and I will get him back."

Harry let out a breath and then he gave me a small smile and said, "Never have I thought that I would hear you say things like this again, you know. I have never thought that you'd be able to feel again and  _be you again_. I know this doesn't really fit the situation right now but I am happy seeing you having emotions again, Ashton. How I prayed for this."

I looked away from my brother and kept my gaze on the leather bracelet around my wrist and said, "Trust me, I feel the same. I've lost hope about life, you know. I thought things will always be dark for me. But somehow, Luke just came into my life and set me free from this darkness. He made me want to live again and I don't really understand how that could happen and how easily he did it." I let out a little chuckle then continued, "I mean, I've been dead for years, and then I met him and my heart just immediately started beating again and I came back to life."

I looked up again at Harry and said with a small smile, "Nothing really makes sense with how these things are going or how fast these changes in my life are going now or how crazy things between me and Luke just went but I guess that's the point, isn't it? Things don't have to make sense as long as you are sure about it."

Harry smiled, "Yeah...do you ever think that things about me and Louis make sense? Hell, most of them don't but we are both sure of each other and out of all the things I have ever done in my life, being with Louis is the one that I am most sure of."

"See? That's exactly what I mean. Luke is just different, you know. There is something in him that is just so bright and magical that touched me. Sure, I've been in a relationship before. A serious one that was even, but it was never the same with Luke. People may say how the hell can I say that and compare things when I was only with him for a few months and it was years that relationship that I was in before, but in my relationship with Luke, I never had any hesitations or doubts about him or my feelings for him. Sure, I was scared at first because it was all so sudden and foreign for me but as soon as I have accepted and admitted everything to myself, I was sure of it. I was sure of what I want and it is him."

Harry smiled, "I get it, Ash...I understand everything. I understand where you are coming from and I understand how you are feeling about everything."

"Thank you," I said.

"I'm also glad you are telling me all these."

I smiled small, "Well, I know you'd understand."

Harry chuckled then it went silent for a moment before he asked, "How are you feeling though? Right now?"

I sighed and looked away from him again and said, "Hurt. Sad. Angry. Disappointed."

"Don't get me wrong ok, but how are you staying like not violent right now, considering everything that happened?"

I chuckled humorlessly and raised up my injured hand as I looked at my brother again and said, "Because I already have let my anger out on the living room wall. Michael being my witness. And also...I got new prescriptions for my anger."

Harry raised a surprised eyebrow and said, "You got new prescriptions and you are actually taking them?"

"Yeah...I gotta stop being so irresponsible, Harry. I put people and myself at risk with my condition."

Harry stared at me as if I am a stranger so I raised a questioning eyebrow at him, making him say, "I'm sorry, it's just that...it's a little surprising for me that you are actually doing that."

I nodded, "I'm doing it for Luke, though...I mean, I do it for myself too, but I mainly do it for him."

"Does he know?"

"No. I didn't tell him about it or anything about my past. I was scared that he'd actually hate me because of how much of a fuck up I am and all the horrible things that I did before."

Harry nodded in understanding, then he hesitated for a moment before he asked, "How did everything happen? How did Luke react to what he saw exactly? How did you end up beating up your wall?"

"Well uh...like what I said, Luke and I were supposed to go on a date that night but when he came outside, he saw Bryana kissing me and damn...the pain and the disappointment in his eyes," I said as I closed my eyes for a moment, and thought back about that night. I let out a breath as I opened my eyes again and looked at my brother as I continued, "Luke got angry at me and he hit me out of anger and then we kind of ended up making a little scene in their apartment. That was how Michael and Calum found out about us. You know we were also supposed to tell Calum and Michael during the weekend about us, and just because of that fucking kiss many things were ruined.

"I got really mad at myself though for screwing up and letting all of this shit to happen and I lost control and started punching the wall. If it wasn't for Michael, I would've hurt myself worse. He stopped me and took me to the hospital."

"After what happened were you able to talk to Luke again or nothing?" Harry asked.

"We had an encounter the other night. Luke got drunk and he called me and he was crying and asked me to pick him up and so I did. I brought him here we spent the night together. Nothing happened though, he just asked me to stay with him and so I did. But everything changed the next morning. I tried to talk to him, but he wasn't ready for anything. Now, I'm left here fucking confused about what to do. I have to get him to talk and listen to me so I can explain everything and so I can also gain his trust back. But how am I supposed to do it? What should I do, Harry?"

"Tell him everything," Harry simply said.

I looked at Harry incredulously. What is he thinking? It isn't just that easy to just tell Luke everything. And also, wasn't he listening to me? I can't even get Luke to talk to me. How am I supposed to 'tell him everything'?

"Harry, I can't just do that, you know. I'm still even in a huge dilemma on how to get Luke to talk to me, remember?" I told my brother.

Harry sighed with an eye-roll, obviously telling me I am being dumb. I raised a questioning eyebrow at him so he said, "Ash, if you wanna gain Luke's trust again, you gotta be honest with him. Well, I'm not saying that you tell him everything about what happened in the past, but you gotta tell him everything about you and Bryana. You have to be honest with him about that."

"Yeah...but were you listening to me? I can't even get Luke to talk to me." I pointed out again.

"We can find a way to do that. Ashton, that is not really the main problem here, you know. It's how you're gonna talk to him, and what will be the things that you are going to say to him that would make him believe you and trust you again."

I looked down at my hands and didn't say anything because yeah, Harry is right. I have - I should - say the right things. I have to be fully honest with him about everything between me and Bryana.

"Ash...tell him the truth about who Bryana really is in your life. You have to make him understand."

"What if he will still not believe me?" I softly asked my brother.

"He will because you are also going to tell him how you really feel about him."

I looked up immediately at Harry with wide confused eyes. He smiled gently at me and said, "Don't hold back anymore, Ashton. Word it out for him that he'd really be able to feel it. Be real, Ash. Be you. Don't be afraid."

"Do you really think things will be ok, Harry?"

"I believe it will. You know, when I first met Luke, I just have this feeling about him. I can't really explain it but I can say that there really is this something in him. Like he carries a light in him. Then I saw how you are towards him and around him and how you both interact with each other. There really is something special between you. Also, Luke is a really nice person - a good person. He may be closing his doors on you right now because he is hurt and his mind and heart is filled with pain, but I know for sure he left a window open for you to get in. Find that window, Ash. He wants you to find that window and when you do, that will be your chance to prove yourself to him."

I breathed out heavily and nodded at what my brother said.

"But..." he continued, making me raise an eyebrow at him, "before you do that, you gotta do something first."

"What is it?"

"Talk to Bryana."

"What?" I said with both surprised and confused expression. "Why the fuck would I do that? I don't wanna talk to her, Harry. I don't even wanna see her."

"But you have to, Ashton. You have to fix it between you two as well. You and Bryana both left everything hanging. You two have ended a while ago but there was never any closure between you. You have to put an end to your story. You have to close that chapter so you can start writing a new one. If you wanna fix everything with Luke and move forward with Luke in peace, then you also have to make peace with your past. If you won't fix your past, Ashton, it will continue to haunt you and it will continue to come in between you and Luke."

I thought about what Harry just said. He is right. Everything he said is right. I have to end it once and for all with Bryana. I have to put a period in us.

I spent years moving on from her and our fallen relationship and now that I have fully moved on and is now happy with someone else, my past came back to haunt me. I should finish everything and put my past in the past where it belongs. I have to keep it from haunting me.

"You can think about everything later, baby brother. For now, come on out to the kitchen, I'll cook something for you and Michael," Harry said, pulling me out of my thoughts.

I rolled my eyes at him as I said, "Do not call me 'baby brother.'"

Harry stood up from my bed and headed towards the door, saying, "You are my baby brother, so I'm gonna call you that."

**\---**

I stared at my phone for a good 20 minutes trying to decide if I should do what is necessary and call Bryana or just stay let everything ruin my life just because I was a coward asshole.

 _'You have to close that chapter so you can start writing a new one.'_ Harry's words repeated in my head.  _'If you wanna fix everything with Luke and move forward with Luke in peace, then you also have to make peace with your past.'_

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it so I will have peace with this part of my past. I'm gonna do it to be able to move forward, hopefully with Luke. I'm gonna do it for me, and most especially, I'm gonna do it for Luke.

I opened my phone and unblocked Bryana's number before I pressed on it to call her. It only rang twice on her end before I heard her voice, sounding relieved and excited, " _Hello? Ashton?_ "

"Bryana," I said in response.

" _Oh thank God, you finally called me. I missed y-_ ,"

"Can we meet?" I asked her, cutting her off.

" _Yes, yes, of course. When? Where?_ "

"At India's, 2 PM? Will that be alright with you? Can you drive to the city?"

" _Actually, I'm in the city right now and yes, I'd definitely meet you at India's._ "

"Ok. See you then, Bryana. Bye."

I immediately hung up not waiting for anything that Bryana would say. I can't spend more time with her on the phone. I don't even know if I'd actually be able to face her and talk to her today because of everything that happened. But I know that I have to. I have to face her and talk to her and put an official end to us.

I looked at the time on my phone and saw that I got about an hour before I am going to meet up with her. The drive to the city is thirty minutes so I have 30 more minutes to spare. I thought about of using my spare time to prepare on what I'm gonna say to her, but I can't think of what to say because I don't even know how I will react to seeing her again.

It's not that I am still hung up on her because I am way over her and I have moved on from her and whatever we had. It's just that now I have many different feelings towards her that were caused by the recent events that involved my relationship with Luke. And today...it's gonna be the first time that I will see her after what happened.

My thoughts were interrupted by my phone ringing and I looked at the screen to see my brother's name. I sighed and answered the call.

" _Hey..._ " my brother said on the other end, "how are you?"

"I don't know. I'm gonna meet up with Bryana today."

" _Are you doing what I think you are doing?_ "

"Yeah..."

" _It's good to know you are taking my advice._ "

"I always take your advice, Harry."

Harry chuckled, " _I know but it still nice to know that you do and it feels good to actually hear you say it._ "

"You're just boosting your ego."

Harry laughed, making me smile even though I know he can't see it. I heard Harry let out a breath then he said, " _Well, everything's gonna be ok, Ash, just believe it._ "

"But I don't know what to tell her. I don't even know how to talk to her. I'm kinda nervous because I have no idea how this talk would go."

" _You can do it, Ash. For your future with Luke. I know it's kinda scary since it's Bryana and your history may be dug up throughout your talk and it may not end well, but I know you'll be able to do it and you'll be able to get through it. You're Ashton Irwin, remember? There's nothing that you can't do and you'll not be able to get through._ "

I let out a breath and smiled, "Thanks, Harry...for always being there."

" _Of course...you're my baby brother._ "

I chuckled, "And I told you to stop calling me that."

" _And I told you I would never stop calling you that._ "

"Whatever. Bye, Haz!"

" _Bye, baby brother!_ "

I chuckled then hung up the phone with a smile. I'm kinda feeling a little less nervous after talking to Harry. He just has this aura that just makes you feel better.

It also makes me happy that he's there for me through all these. It makes me feel relieved that in a way, my relationship with Harry is going back to how it was before. I kinda have an assurance that I didn't really ruin everything between us with what I did and how I treated him.

I let out a sigh and looked at the time. I have 40 minutes before I meet Bryana, and I think, it's better for me to head to the city now so I have more than enough time.

I grabbed my keys and headed out of my room. Michael was playing video games with Niall in the living room and they both looked up at me as I made my way towards the door.

"Where are you going?" Michael asked.

"To the city. I just have to take care of something," I responded.

"Bring food when you get back!" Niall said with a wide grin.

I rolled my eyes playfully and then said, "Fine. What do you want me to bring?"

"Just anything as long as it's delicious."

"As if there is something you'll find not delicious."

Niall just grinned widely in response. I shook my head with a chuckle then reached for the door. "Bye, guys!" I said as I opened the door and headed out.

I walked down the hallway and glanced at Luke's door with a sigh as I passed by it. I really hope I'd be able to fix everything and get Luke back. I miss him so fucking much and I need him back in my life.

I walked down the rest of the hallway to the elevator. I waited for a couple of minutes before the elevator got to my floor from the ground floor. As the door opened, Calum came into view. He met my gaze as he looked up and I can see that he was a little surprised to see me but then he smiled as he stepped out of the elevator.

"Hey, Calum," I greeted him with a small smile.

"Hey, Ashton," he greeted back. "You going somewhere?"

"Yeah...just have to take care of something."

"Oh..."

"How uh...how's Luke?" I asked.

"If I'm being honest, he's not ok. I can still hear him cry at night even though he tries his best to hide it from me."

I frowned at what he said, "I'm really sorry, Calum."

Calum sighed then said, "You don't need to apologize to me, Ashton. You and Luke are both my friends and I believe in you. I know what happened is not something you wanted. I can see that. I also know that you are trying to fix everything."

"Thanks, Calum. I promise I will do everything that I can to fix all these and make Luke happy again."

Calum smiled and patted my shoulder.

I smiled small then said, "Well, I uh...I gotta go. But Niall and Mike are in the apartment playing video games, just in case you wanna join them."

"Yeah, I think I will. Thanks, Ash."

I nodded with a smile, "See ya."

"See ya."

I pressed the elevator button and the doors opened again and I stepped inside. It was a quick ride to the ground floor. I immediately headed out to my car, slipped into the driver's seat, pulled out of the parking space, and headed to my destination.

As I was driving, my phone in the cup holder started ringing. I picked it up and saw Bryana's name on the screen. I ignored the call, put my phone back into the cup holder and continued to drive.

I entered the city's outline and just a few minutes more, I reached the restaurant where I am meeting with Bryana. I parked my car in an empty space at the side of the restaurant and as I stepped out of my car, my nerves immediately kicked back in.

I tried my hardest to push all my anxious feelings away because I don't need to cower over this. I have to face her. I have to fix everything. For Luke.

I let out a deep breath and pushed myself to walk towards the restaurant and look for Bryana. I spotted her sitting at a table outside the restaurant as she was also waving at me with a smile. I sighed and walked over to her.

She stood up from her seat as I approached her and she beamed at me. I didn't return the gesture though, but it didn't seem to bother her as she went over to me and went to give me a hug. But before he actually could, I moved away, making her frown.

"Can we please sit down? I need to talk to you about something." I told Bryana.

She gave me a slightly confused look but then she complied and sat back down in her seat. I sat down across from her and then a waiter came to us to give us the menu. I thanked him as I accepted the menu and he left me and Bryana to ourselves.

"I think, I'm just gonna order the same thing we usually order before," Bryana said with enthusiasm as she scanned the menu in her hands.

"Bryana," I said, making her look up at me with a smile. I didn't smile back though and just said, "I'm not gonna be not thorough about my purpose of calling you to meet me here. I need to talk to you about us and frankly speaking, it is not something that you would like."

The smile on Bryana's face immediately vanished and she frowned as she put down the menu on the table. "What are you trying to tell me, Ash?"

I sighed as I looked at her in the eye and said, "If I am being honest, Bryana, I do have a lot of questions for you but the main purpose of this meet-up is for me to tell you that you and I are never happening again."

A look of hurt and surprise flashed across Bryana's face. "Ash, I know I did a lot of things that hurt you. I know I was the reason why everything we had fell apart. I'm sorry. I'm sorry about all that. I still love you, Ashton, and I need you. I need you back to me. I realized that now, and I am very sorry for everything. Please, Ashton." Bryana said with tears brimming in her eyes.

"I don't...I'm not in love with you anymore. I have moved on from you and it took me years to do so. But now, I have finally done it and I am finally happy but then you came back and ruined everything."

"Ashton, please...I need you in my life. I love you," Byana pleaded, now her tears are falling from her eyes.

"You love me? But then why did you leave me in the first place?"

Bryana fell silent but her tears continued to fall.

"I  _loved_  you, Bryana. So much. And I thought you felt the same way. I gave my everything to you. My world just basically revolved around you. You were the only positive thing I saw when my whole life fell apart. You were the little bit of hope that was left in me, but then you left me. You left me, Bryana. You killed the last light that I had in my life and made everything just dark."

"I know, Ashton, and I know that was the biggest mistake I did in my whole life. I regret it so much. I refused to see everything and made myself believe that you don't love me anymore and you are pushing me away and you don't need me in your life. But you have to know that leaving you was so hard for me, I didn't wanna do it but I let myself believe that it is the right thing I should do for me."

"You left me when I needed you the most, Bryana. You were the only person back then that I was most honest with. You knew what I was going through but still, you chose to do that. You chose to leave me."

"I'm so sorry, Ashton."

"Don't you think it's too late for that now?"

"Let me make up to all of it then. I'll do everything. Just please give me a chance."

"I already told you, Bryana. There is no chance for us anymore. I have on from with my life."

"Please, Ash..."

I stared at her for a moment and then asked, "Why did you come back now? Why now when you could have done this way earlier? When you could have come back to me before when I still needed you?"

"Because I was a coward, Ashton. I have always wanted to come back but I was too caught up in the idea of you not needing me. I made myself stay away and I thought I was ok and I have moved on but then I saw you again at the souvenir shop at the beach and I realized that I missed you so much and I want you back in my life because I need you."

I chuckled humorlessly after hearing what Bryana had just said, "If this talk had happened a few years back, I would have considered your explanation as to why you left me and maybe I would have accepted you back, but it's too late now. Things are far more different now. I have found a new life. I have found the one who changed my life for the better and it is  _him_  who I wanna be with and not you. It is  _him_  who I'm happy with and not you."

"Are you talking about that Luke guy?"

"Yes, Bryana."

Bryana's mouth went agape as the realization came into her.

"Not wanna be mean, but after what went down that night outside my apartment building, anyone would have understood that I am in a relationship with how he reacted after seeing you kissing me," I said.

"But, Ashton...he's a guy. You can't be with him," Bryana said with confusion all over her face.

"So? What the fuck are you going with? That I am doing a wrong thing for being with a guy? Of all people, Bryana, you should not be the one to be saying that since you were with me before and you know my brother and who he is with. You were fine with that and now, you realizing I am with a guy, you would say I  _can't_  do that? So what then? Were you just pretending to be ok with Harry and Louis? If that is, then I'm sorry that is kind of fucked up for you to do."

"No! that's not what I meant. It's just that I didn't know you're into guys as well."

"Still very ignorant of you to say those."

"I know, I'm sorry."

I didn't say anything and just leaned back into my chair. Bryana looked at me with still teary eyes and said, "Is there really no chance for us anymore, Ashton? Even just a little?"

"I'm sorry, but no."

Bryana turned her gaze down from me and she sniffed as she wiped the new set of tears that fell from her eyes.

"I hope now, you would stop with everything you are doing or what you are planning to do. You've done enough damage to my relationship with Luke and I don't want you to do more. We are over Bryana. We have been over for years already and there is no way in hell for us to have another chance. I am over you and I have moved on from you. Do the same. Stop texting me, stop calling me, and don't ever try to come in between me and Luke again in one way or another.

"If I am truly honest, I wouldn't want us to go on separate ways like this. I would want us to stay friends but if me being with Luke doesn't require that then I am more than willing to let that go, because no matter what happens, no matter what kind of history we had, I will always choose Luke over you and over anyone. There is nothing more important in this world to me than him. I hope you understand everything, Bryana, and I hope you accept the fact that this is the end for everything between us. I'm sorry, and goodbye."

Without having to hear what Bryana is gonna say, I stood up from my seat and left the restaurant, also leaving Bryana and all of my past with her behind.

A smile slid into my face as I walked back to my car as I have never felt more free from that part of my past and that part of my life. This time I am even more determined of fixing everything and getting my Luke back. I will do everything in my power to get him back and I will not let anything hold me back or stop me from doing so.

**\---**


	20. 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We are back to Luke's P.O.V. :D

**\---**

_~the day Harry came to see Ashton~_

It's been a couple of days already and I've never seen Ashton nor heard from him since our little scene that morning in the kitchen in their apartment. I didn't block him again in my phone after I drunk called him that night and ended up sleeping in his apartment because I don't really see any point of doing it anymore. But he hasn't texted or called me since then too. And yeah, I'm not gonna lie, there's a part of me that misses that. There's a part of me that wants him to do that and to not want him to stop. There's a part of me that will always give Ashton a chance no matter how big his fault is.

But the thing is, until now, I'm still not ready for him. I'm scared. I'm scared that if we talk, everything will just end. I may have been in this relationship for two months but I am already so fucking in love with Ashton Irwin.

I know I should be doing that - that I should talk to him to clear everything but every time I try to think about it - about what I'm gonna ask him or say to him - I get scared. At some point, I know I would have to do that if I wanna move on with my life. But as of now, the pain and the fear still overpower my body and I don't have the strength yet to control it.

I am weak. I have always been weak so it's no surprise that I just let all of these things to happen and not do anything about or do something for myself to not get too overly affected about it.

People may find me stupidly funny for being like this over a two-month relationship that ended so soon, but what can I do? I'm a weak guy who let myself fall in love so easily with a man, I barely knew anything about. Yes, I've met his brother, I'm friends with his friends, but I don't really know anything about him.

Yet, despite that fact, I trusted him. I trusted him too much and look where it got me. I let myself be fooled by him - by his actions - and I ended up hurt and betrayed.

Everything has taken over me. I just couldn't move, physically and emotionally. I was even skipping my classes since last week because I just couldn't get myself to get out of my room and then there's the thing about Jesse too. I still can't face him after what happened but if I'm being honest, I'm not really affected by that. He did call me, though, but I didn't answer him. Not being rude, but honestly, he is the least of my concerns right now.

Today is another day that I decided to again spend in my room. I have no motivation to get out of bed. I just wanna be soaked in my bed and drown in my sorrows. It may sound dramatic but that's how I really feel right now.

I then suddenly heard a knock from outside while I am just lying in my bed and staring up at the ceiling. I didn't make a move because I know Calum will open the door. But only, the knock continues and it seems like I am the one obliged to go and see who it is.

With a sigh, I pushed the blanket away and moved out of my bed. I headed out of my room to the door as the knocking continues. I noticed that I am alone in the apartment as I made my way towards the door. Calum must have gone somewhere.

I reached for the door handle and opened it to only be utterly surprised to see who was knocking.

"Harry?" I asked as I look at the curly lad standing outside my apartment with a warm smile and a plate of lasagna.

"Hey, Luke..." Harry greeted with a dimply smile.

"What are you doing here?"

"I went to visit Ashton and thought I'd come by. I hope that's okay."

I managed to give him a smile and then said, "Of course, come in."

Harry beamed, "Thank you. Well, I made lasagna and thought to bring you some. Ashton mentioned that you are a 'food monster' like Michael."

I chuckle at what Harry said as I took the plate of lasagna he offered me and said, "Well, only if the food is really delicious, then I am. And I know for sure, this is really good as Michael mentioned before that you are the best."

Harry smiled, "Well, I just have a hobby with cooking and maybe I just had a lot of practice."

"You're too humble." I chuckled as I made my way to the kitchen with Harry following me. "Do you want something to drink?"

"Nah...I'm good."

I nodded then frowned and said, "I'm sorry if I look like a mess right now. I was not really expecting some company and I just literally got out of bed."

Harry waved a hand in dismissal as he sat down on one of the barstools at the kitchen counter and said, "You look amazing as always."

"You don't have to lie. I know I look like a zombie."

Harry playfully rolled his eyes, "Don't worry about how you look, because honestly, you look beautiful."

I slightly blushed and just gave Harry a smile.

Harry smiled back and said, "You know, I was kinda scared that you will not talk to me."

I looked at him in confusion, "Why would you think that?"

"Because I'm Ashton's brother," Harry stated.

"Oh...so you already know what happened," I said.

"I've been told about it."

"Did he ask you to come here?"

"No. I came here on my own. Well, I barely have the chance to visit so I took the opportunity to come see you too."

I nodded then took a seat next to Harry.

"So, how are you?" Harry then asked.

"I'm gonna lie if I say that I'm ok," I told him.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I guess it's normal to be like this in a situation like this."

Harry nodded, "I understand. Well, I'm not here to force you to talk to me, though. I don't wanna make you uncomfortable especially that I'm Ashton's brother. You don't have to talk to me about what happened if you don't want too. I came here as your friend but that doesn't require you talking to me about what happened. I'd understand if you won't. What matters to me is that I would know that you'll be ok.

"You know, Luke, when I first met you, I already saw something in you and as time went by and I knew more of you, it made me really happy because I can see how much you made an impact on Ashton's life and on Ashton himself. I honestly couldn't thank you enough for that. Trust me when I say that you did save him. We are all very lucky to have met you, Luke. With your situation now with Ashton, I couldn't tell you what to do as I don't know what you are going through nor do I have the right to dictate you, but no matter what happens, you will always be a part of our family."

I smiled genuinely at Harry as it was the only reaction I could give him. Yes, I am a bit hesitant about everyone connected to Ashton right now because I don't know what to believe or who to trust. I'm not gonna lie, there is a little voice in the back of my mind telling me that this may just be a trap. Harry might just be saying this so he can gain my favor and incline me to give Ashton a chance and forgive him that quite easily. But deep inside of me, I know that is not the kind of person Harry is.

"I really hope though that everything will be fixed," Harry added.

I let out a breath as I looked away from Harry. I then felt his hand on my shoulder, making me look back at him. He gave me a small yet sincere smile and he said, "Listen to what your heart tells you."

**\---**

It's Saturday. I literally skipped class the past entire week. I know it's wrong and I shouldn't be letting what is happening in my personal life affect school but I just don't have any motivation. Even if I go to school it would be no use as I know for sure that my mind and my heart will be onto something else or rather someone else.

Calum has been trying to convince me to go out and attend school or just continue life but it was still no use for me as everything still feels so heavy.

After talking to Harry the other day, I've thought about some things too. I considered talking to Ashton and I was so close into calling him but at the end, I ended up not doing so as the image of him and Bryana kissing came back in my memory and remind me all of the pain.

I'm so fucking tired of hurting. I shouldn't even feel as hurt as this in the first place because it was just a two-month-relationship. But oh damn, it was everything for me.

I let out a sigh as I sat up on my bed and decided to get out of my room and maybe get something to eat. It's like 3 PM and I haven't eaten anything yet.

I made my way to the kitchen and went to check the fridge to look for something that I may want to eat. But as I explored our fridge, there was a knock on my door.

I stood up straight, closed the fridge, headed to the door, and opened it only to be met by two grinning faces of Michael and Niall. This is the first I've seen Niall since what happened between me and Ashton and this is the first encounter I have with Michael after that little scene Ashton and I had in their apartment.

"Hi, Luke!" Niall greeted with such enthusiasm.

I looked at them both skeptically then said, "If you two are looking for Calum, he's not here."

"Oh, we know! He's at Niall's," Michael answered.

"So why are you here?" I asked the two.

"We're here for you," Niall answered.

"What do you want?"

"Well, we are kinda hanging out at Niall's, you know, just me, Niall, and Calum, and we wanted you to come to join us," Michael stated.

"You drove the way back here just to invite me?"

"Not really. Well, we had to get some DVD's from the apartment because we planned on watching movies too, and so we stopped by here to invite you."

I looked at the guys and saw the hopeful look in their eyes, I didn't wanna disappoint them but it's just that: one, I'm not feeling like going out of the apartment; two, I definitely look like a mess so it gives me more reason not to go out of the apartment; and three, I can't help but think that Ashton might be there too, and I am still not ready for him.

I frowned at the two and said, "I don't know..."

"If you think that Ashton's there, he's not, Luke," Michael told me as if reading my mind.

Both me and Niall looked at Michael. He then glanced at Niall before looking at me and said, "Just please, come with us. You need to get out of the apartment too. Calum said you've just been here the whole week. And well, we're just gonna be at Niall's anyway."

"Come on, Luke, please?" Niall pleaded with a pout.

I playfully rolled my eyes at him then said, "Fine. We're just gonna stay at Niall's, ok? Because I look like a fucking zombie, and I don't wanna take a shower now."

Both Michael and Niall beamed. I let them inside the apartment as they waited for me to change into some decent clothes. It took me just around five minutes to change and after that, we left to Niall's apartment.

The drive was very quick as Niall only lives a few minutes away. As soon as we got to the frat house and went inside, the first thing I saw was Calum lounging in the living room as if he lives in the house.

I shook my head in amusement as I looked at my best friend who just beamed at me. I went to sit down next to him on the couch as Michael went to set the DVD set and Niall disappeared to God knows where in the house.

A few minutes later, Niall emerged from the hallway and went over to me as he said, "Luke, could you maybe give me a hand with the beer? It's in the fridge in the basement."

"Yeah, sure," I said as I stood up and followed Niall down the hallway and we both stopped in front of a door that clearly leads to the basement.

Niall opened unlocked the door and let me in first. I made my way down the little staircase casually but to my great surprise, the door suddenly closed without Niall behind me. I ran back up the stairs and pulled on the handle but I was too late since it was already locked from the outside.

"Niall! Goddammit, this is not funny! Open the fucking door!" I screamed at the door, calling for Niall. I can still hear him from the other side.

"I'm so sorry, Luke, I had to do this. We all have to do this. Well...we'll be paid to do this so we better do our job. Trust me, you'll thank us later," Niall responded from the other side of the door.

"What the fuck?! Niall, open this fucking door, or I swear to God I'm gon-,"

"Luke..." sounded a soft voice that makes my heart skip a beat yet at the same time breaks it into a million pieces.

I stilled by the door and took a deep breath before I turned around and saw Ashton standing at the bottom of the stairs, looking up at me with a hopeful expression.

I felt like my heart is being clutched tightly as I look at his face. The sad look in his eyes makes me wanna go to him and kiss him but I know I shouldn't be that weak.

"Did you do this?" I snappily asked him instead.

"I'm sorry. I know it's childish and stupid, but it's the only way I know how to make you talk to me," Ashton said. "Please, Luke, hear me out. Let me explain things to you. Just this one chance, I ask you. Let me explain everything and try to make you understand. If after that you are still mad at me and cannot ever forgive me, I understand and I promise to let you be. Please, Luke."

I rolled my eyes then sighed, "Well, I don't have much of a choice now, do I?"

Ashton pursed his lips and looked down on his feet.

I managed to go down the stairs and looked around the basement. There was a couch in the corner so I went there and sat down on one end.

Ashton followed me and sat down on the other end of the couch. It was silent between us and the awkwardness of the situation is just flowing around. I don't know if I should be the one to say something first or should I wait for Ashton to say something.

I'm growing really uncomfortable with our set-up, so I decided to just speak first. "I have a question for you," I told Ashton, making him look at me.

"What is it?" he asked.

I took a breath then let it out right away and said, focusing my gaze on the wall ahead of me, "You always tell me before that I'm gonna hate you when I find out the things you've done." I turned to look at Ashton and continued, "Is this what you meant? You, fooling me, cheating on me, and hurting me?"

Ashton looked at me in a surprised expression and said, "What? Luke, no."

"So are you saying that you've done worse things than what you did to me now?"

Ashton frowned at what I said and looked away from me and kept his gaze on the floor. He let out a sigh and said, "Luke, I have done a lot of bad things in my life. I don't deny that. If I answer your question, then my answer would be: technically, yes. But what I have done worse in my life is different from this thing that we are dealing with now. It's a different story. I'm not ready to open that part of my past yet." He then looked back up at me and continued, "But right now, Luke, I am ready to tell you another part of my past that will make me be able to explain everything and make you understand and for the truth to come out. I hope you would hear me out."

I stared at him for a moment then said, "You know, if I am being honest, I am still not ready for this. But well, we're here now, aren't we? You all tricked me into coming here. We're both now here and I have no choice but to give you what you want. Now, tell me what you wanna tell me, Ashton. I will make myself to trust you again today, so you better be telling me the truth."

"Thank you, Luke, and I swear to God that what I will tell you now is the truth and it I mean everything."

I nodded at him and he gave me small smile before he grabbed a shoe box from the side of the couch and handed it to me. I looked at the box with a confused expression then looked up at Ashton with a raised questioning eyebrow.

"Open it and see what is inside." He told me.

I took the box and placed it down on the empty space next to me on the couch. I opened the box and when I saw what was inside, I couldn't help the deep frown that made its way into my face and the amount of pain that wrapped my heart.

The box is filled with photos of Ashton and Bryana and some other stuff that defines their romantic relationship such as letters, notes, and bracelets. Tears started to form in my eyes and some of it escaped already before I had the chance to hold them back.

I looked up at Ashton, not even caring anymore if he sees me crying. At least he'll see how much he hurts me. I sniffed before I said, looking at him, "What is this supposed to mean, Ashton? How long have you been fooling me?"

Ashton closed his eyes for a moment as he took a breath then when he opened them again. He looked straight into my eyes and said, "Bryana's my first love."

And with those words, I felt my heart break into a million pieces again and it hurts even worse that I couldn't help the streaming tears from my eyes down my cheeks.

"We first met in my freshman year in high school." Ashton continued and I don't know if I still want to hear everything as it already hurts so much. "We shared the same classes and she was a really nice girl. We developed a friendship which eventually turned more. I fucking grew in love with her and I believed that she is the one. I can already see a future for us: get married, have kids, the type. I was so happy with her."

I looked away from Ashton as he continued his story about him and Bryana. I can't look at him anymore because everything is too much.

"Three years together and I was so happy, then things went shitty with life, and she was the one I was getting strength from. You know, even though everything is crazy, at least I have her... _or I thought I did_."

I turned to look back at Ashton as he said that. He was still looking at me with sad eyes. I didn't say anything because I'm confused right now as to where this story is going. That kind of told him to go on and so he did.

"I just woke up one day and she was gone. She left me. And you know the funny thing was? She ended everything with just a simple text message."

What? I'm really confused right now and I don't know what to feel anymore, but I know there is anger in me as I listened to Ashton telling me how Bryana left him before. But honestly, I don't know if it is right for me to feel angry at Bryana for what she did as I don't know yet how this story will end.

"I fucking grew insane because she was the only positive thing that I had left in my life and she left me," Ashton continued and I listened. "I completely lost who I was because shit was just too much. So I decided to leave too. I left home and came here. I wasn't really even supposed to leave yet but with everything that was happening - the messy shit in my life and her leaving me in the middle of everything - I know for sure that if I stay there, I'd end up killing myself. Harry helped me look for this place and Michael came with me here even though he also wasn't supposed to. He just begged his parents to let him finish high school here with me."

I frowned at what he said because I can't help but feel sorry for him. I may not know what had happened to him aside Bryana leaving him, but he didn't deserve all these pain. He didn't deserve to suffer like that.

"So I continued my life here. I am alive, yes, but I am not really living. Every single day was just fucking the same for me. I stopped caring about everything or anyone. I became numb. I don't even feel like I'm human anymore. I completely lost myself and became a whole lot, different person. I never saw any positivity in my life anymore and that was until I met  _you_."

I looked at Ashton with wide eyes and my mouth fell slightly agape. I couldn't say anything especially when he looks at me with those soft eyes that just turned colorful compared to when we started talking today which they were just plain sad.

"You just came crashing into my life, Luke, without any kinds of warning." He smiled softly at me as he continued, "You hit me like a raging truck. You changed everything in my life now for the better. You brought back the light and happiness in my life. Never have I thought that I would be able to feel happy again. You effortlessly changed everything. You made me feel alive again. I don't know how that happened but you just did. You are like an angel in disguise.  _You're my angel_."

I fell completely speechless as I listened to everything that Ashton just said. I'm not even sure if this is truly happening right now because this is not what I am expecting. I literally froze in my seat and just stared at him.

He gave me a soft smile as he stared back at me with those hypnotizing eyes. I don't know, but after hearing those words from him it's like I see him more as to how I always see him: more beautiful. It was like the pain I feel in my chest is diminished and the anger I had towards him gone.

But sadly, I can't deny the fact that there are still things that bother me and questions that I need answers to. This is the time for me to get those answers.

I let out a sigh and turned my gaze down towards the floor and I asked the biggest question that I have, "Then why did you cheat on me, Ashton?"

"I never cheated on you, Luke," he answered, making me look back up at him again with furrowed eyebrows in pure confusion and disbelief.

"I thought we've agreed that you will only tell the truth," I told him.

"And I am telling you the truth."

"I saw you two kissing, Ashton!" I snapped.

Ashton sighed then said, "You saw her kissing me, Luke. I did not kiss her. We just had the worst timing in history. I never cheated on you, Luke. I could never do that to you."

"How can I know that you are telling the truth about it now?" I asked him softly.

"You can't and I can only prove it with my honesty. But I swear to God I am telling you the truth, Luke. You are the most important thing in my life now. I could never do anything to hurt you. That is one thing I try my best to do every day. You are too precious, Luke, and you only deserve to always be happy and safe. I'm really sorry if a part of my past came back and messed with everything we have. I never want that to happen. I never wanted you to get involved in my shitty past that was why I never told you anything about it because I thought I was protecting you that way, and I was clearly wrong. I ended up putting you in too much pain. I am really sorry, Luke, and I am willing to do anything just so for you to forgive me."

"What about Bryana?"

"I have talked to her already. I have clarified everything and ended everything for good. There is no reason for her to come back because there is nothing for her to come back to. What we had before was long way over. I have a new life now and I intend to live that life with you." He paused for a moment then continued, "You see, Bryana may have been my first love, but our story has ended long ago. Everything that we had was all buried in the past and there is no reason for me to dig them up because you know what?"

"What?" I asked.

"Because right now, I am pretty sure of what I have found."

"What is it?"

" _The love of my life: YOU_."

"What?" I whispered as it was the only amount of sound that I can produce from the utter surprise I felt after hearing what Ashton had just said.

He smiled at me and said with pure sincerity in his eyes, " _I love you, Luke Hemmings. I'm so_   _fucking in love with you_."

And as easy as that, as simple as those words coming out from his mouth, every bit of pain, anger, doubt, confusion, and hesitation I had were all gone; disappeared into thin air.

Hearing those words from Ashton is the one thing I have ever hoped for. How long I have kept my true feelings for him for fear that he might reject me because of it and now, he - himself - is the one who said those words to me.

I couldn't say anything as I am still in shock and there is only one thing I can think of doing in response. So I stood up from where I was sitting and went over to him. Before he any time to think and react, I straddled his lap and cupped his face and I kissed him as hard as I can, pouring out every bit of emotions I have and feelings I have for him.

Ashton was quick to respond to the kiss and his arms instantly found their place around my body. He hugged me tightly as if he doesn't want to let me go.

I let go of his face and I wrapped my arms around his neck as I tipped my head to the side and deepened the kiss even more. I opened my mouth a bit and Ashton took that chance right away and slid his tongue into my mouth and mine.

We roamed each other's mouth, not wanting to miss a part. Ashton tightened his hold on me and pulled me more to him. We kissed each other as if there is no tomorrow.

I missed kissing Ashton. I missed his taste. I missed him.

We soon then pulled away to catch our breath, and we both stared fondly at each other. I rested my forehead against him and I whispered, "I'm sorry."

"For what?" Ashton whispered back.

"For everything."

"There is nothing for you to apologize for, Luke," Ashton said, and then went to give me a peck on the lips.

I smiled small at him as I slightly pulled away then said, "I got so mad at you, Ash. I refused to talk to you and I was such a bitch at you. I'm so sorry."

"You had every right to react like that, Luke. It was my fault because I kept things from you."

"Stop justifying my actions, Ash. I did wrong things too. You don't have to own every fault in what happened."

Ashton stared at me for a moment and smiled as he nodded, "Ok, Luke. Let's just forget about that. It happened already and the important thing now is that we've talked and I was able to tell you everything about it. Thank you for giving me a chance though."

I smiled back at Ashton as I stared at him fondly. I put a hand back on the side of his face and caressed his cheek with my thumb and I said, "You're the one thing that I can't ever resist."

Ashton chuckled as he placed a hand above mine and took my hand off his face and put it against his lips. I smiled as I watched him then I went to hug him and buried my face in the crook of his neck and smiled against his skin as I felt his arms went back around my body.

"I missed you so much," I whispered against his skin.

"I missed you too,  _baby_. So fucking much," Ashton whispered back as he tightened his hold on me.

"I missed you calling me that too," I told him.

Ashton chuckled, "So do I." He then let a breath out and asked, "Are we ok now?"

I pulled away from him again and I looked at him and nodded, "Yes, we're ok now."

"We're back together?"

I nodded with a smile.

Ashton smiled back and pulled me in again for another kiss.

"I love you," he said against my lips that made me smile so wide and kissed him again.

But unfortunately, our moment was cut off as we both heard whispering from the stairs that leads to the basement door. Ashton and I pulled away from each other and I rolled my eyes as I heard Niall's voice saying, "They're kissing!"

"Lemme see!" Michael's voice then followed and soon after a rumbling sound came and ended with a loud thud.

I turned to look at what happened and saw Calum on top of Michael who is on top of Niall with the three of them groaning in pain.

I laughed at the whole scene, making Ashton laugh as well as he kept his arms around my waist. I was gonna get off of him and sit back down on the couch next to him but he held me in place.

I looked at him with a raised eyebrow and he gave me a shrug as he said, "I missed you so I just want you to be close to me all the time."

"Aww...isn't that adorable!" Michael exclaimed as he tried to get up from their pile on the bottom of the stairs.

Both Ashton and I rolled our eyes and this time, Ashton let me get off of him. I sat down next to him on the couch and watched the three boys get up from the floor and walked over to us.

Michael sat down on the armrest on Ashton's side as Niall sat down next to me, tossing the shoe box with Bryana stuff on the floor carelessly and Calum sat down on the floor in front of us.

"So..." Michael started, "all is well now? Everything worked?"

"I really can't believe you all tricked me," I expressed.

"Well, it turned out good, didn't it?" Calum said.

"And I can't believe that you were on in this," I told my best friend.

Calum just shrugged.

I playfully rolled my eyes at him and leaned against Ashton's side. That was when I took notice of his hand and I remembered that he got himself injured when everything went down between us.

I took his hand and just laid it on my lap as I listened to Michael say, "You know, I am just beyond happy that you guys are now back together. You, broken up is just the saddest and most painful thing ever. And of course, I want Ashton happy because he becomes less of a dickhead."

Ashton rolled his eyes at what Michael said, making me chuckle.

Niall then said, "I'm really happy too that you two are back together and not hiding your relationship anymore."

"I am still not over the fact that you knew they were together the whole time and you were able to keep it," Michael said to Niall.

"Well, Michael, I care about my life and I know Ashton is gonna kill me if I spill the beans. You have no idea how pissed he was when Luke found out about him and Andrew beating each other and it wasn't even my fault. It was you who spilled everything." Niall told Michael.

"Well, I didn't have any idea that Luke wasn't supposed to know like how I have no fucking idea that he and Ashton are together," Michael shot back.

Ashton rolled his eyes at our friends' argument and he went to stand up from the couch, pulling me with him. As we were both on our feet, the three boys fell silent and just looked up at us, watching our every move. Ashton then took my hand and gently pulled me with him as he made his way towards the stairs.

"Where are you going?" Michael asked.

"Away from here and your stupidity," Ashton responded as we made our way up the stairs.

"What about our pay?" Niall called, but both Ashton and I just ignored them and headed out of the house together.

**\---**

I stepped out of the shower and grabbed the towel, wrapping it around my waist. I made my way out of the bathroom and back to Ashton's room.

Ashton was on his bed in just his boxers, leaning his back against the headboard as he was watching some TV Show.

I made my way over to his dresser to borrow some of his clothes when I heard him whistle at me. I playfully rolled my eyes and flipped him off, making him laugh.

I smiled to myself as I missed hearing that laugh and it always makes me happy when I see him smile or laugh.

I went through his dresser and grabbed a random pair of boxers and a random white t-shirt. I dropped the towel to the floor and put the boxers on and of course, not missing the feeling of Ashton's eyes on me. Well, I've learned not to be embarrassed about getting naked in front of him. He's seen me naked multiple times already that it's not a big deal anymore for me.

I also put on the t-shirt I picked and then went over to the bed after and slumped down next to Ashton and placed a kiss on his cheek. Ashton smiled at me and then wrapped an arm around my shoulder as I went to lean against him on his side.

We both ended up in his apartment after leaving Niall's frat house. The other boys also told us that we can have the apartment to ourselves tonight as they said that they will have their own sleepover at mine and Calum's apartment. Also because as how Niall said: 'we know for sure that you two would want to spend more time together and we don't want to witness any disgusting act of romance.'

It's kinda funny how fast and easy Ashton and I got back together and how it's like nothing ever happened between us. People may think that I am just this weak, stupid boy that can just be easily manipulated as how quickly I forgave and forgot.

But hearing him telling me that he loves me, it's just...I don't even know how to describe it. Some may say that it may just have been a lie but they didn't see the look on Ashton's eyes when he told me that. They didn't hear the sound and the tone of his voice when he said those words to me.

Yeah, maybe I'm too weak for Ashton and maybe I'm too dumb for believing him, but I don't care. But right now I know one thing for sure, I trust Ashton. I always have and I always will. Also, he loves me and I love him and that's what's really important to me right now. Though, I still haven't worded out my feelings for him.

I let out a sigh, making Ashton tightened his hold on me as he said, "Are you ok, baby?"

I nodded against his shoulder and watched him as he placed his other hand - the injured one - on his stomach. I frowned as I looked at the cast on his hand. It was because of me that he got himself hurt.

I moved my hand and took his injured one and brought it up on my lips, kissing his fingertips.

"I'm sorry about this," I whispered to him.

"About what?" he asked, confusion laced in his voice.

"You got yourself injured because of me," I told him as I looked up at him.

"Baby, it's not your fault. I broke my hand because of me. It was my own fault, ok? I lost my temper and got my hand broken. Me. All me," Ashton said as he stared straight into my eyes.

"But we both know that it was because of what happened that got you to lose your temper and injure yourself. I played a part in this."

"Well, it doesn't hurt anymore and it's not like it's the first time I got my hand broken or I injured myself. It's a common thing to me, so it's not really a big deal."

"You always got yourself hurt?" I asked him in worry because I just can't take the thought of Ashton in pain.

"It usually happened to me. You know how short-tempered I am and well, I'm kind of a violent person sometimes, so..."

"You got some serious anger issues, you know that?" I commented as I turned my gaze away from his face and looked back at his injured hand.

"Well, that's one thing I can't deny. I got papers to prove that."

After hearing what he said, I quickly looked up at him with wide, surprised eyes. "What do you mean?" I asked him.

"I do have anger issues, Luke, but I was so reckless before and didn't care about it. I've put, not just myself, but also other people in danger. I realized that now and I did what I should have done before, and I'm back on prescribed medication now and I'm actually taking them."

"Why didn't you tell me before?" I sat up on the bed and turned to look at Ashton.

"And what? Tell you how fucked up I am and scare you away and make you hate me?"

"Why would you always think that I would hate you? Ash, I've always told you that I could never hate you. Even that time that we're broken up, I never hated you, even though how much I wanted to. I just couldn't do it. I could never do it to you."

"I'm just always scared when it comes to you, you know. I'm scared to lose you because of how fucked I am."

Instead of answering to him, I leaned down to him and caught his lips in a kiss that I quickly turned deep. I moved my body and went to straddle his hips. His arms were immediately wrapped around my body, holding me close.

He opened his mouth a bit and I took that chance to slide my tongue into his mouth. Our tongues met and fought a battle of dominance. I took every chance that I have to taste every inch of his mouth and did all that I could that through the kiss I'd be able to make him feel that I am here and will never be gone. I want him to know through the kiss that there's no chance in hell that I'm gonna hate him. I want him to feel through this kiss the amount of feelings that I have for him.

I pulled away but only a bit just enough for our lips to still be touching. My forehead is against his and my eyes are closed as I whispered, "We're all fucked up, Ashton. That's one thing about humans. But I want you to know that no matter how fucked up you are, I will never hate you and I will never leave you because you know what?"

"What?" he whispered back.

" _Because I fucking love you so damn much_."

I felt Ashton pull his face away from me and so I opened my eyes and my blue ones met his surprised colorful, hazel orbs.

I smiled at him and placed a hand on his cheek as I said, "Please always remember that."

Ashton just stared at me for a moment, obviously in a state where he's trying to comprehend everything. "You love me?" he asked softly soon after.

I nodded at him with a smile. "For a while now."

"A while? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I was afraid."

"Afraid of what?"

"Afraid that you might push me away because of it. I didn't know if you would want that. I was not even sure if you even believe in the idea of love so I just kept it to myself."

"Fuck," Ashton muttered as he looked at me and not being able to keep the smile off his face. He chuckled and then said, "You have no idea how  _happy_  I am right now. I can't even describe it."

I smiled down at him and said, "I actually can say that too, you know. I was like catapulted to heaven when you told me you love me."

Ashton chuckled then traced his fingertips lightly on the side of my face, "Anyone will love you because you are an angel."

"But not everyone is Ashton Irwin, and I only want Ashton Irwin to love me," I told Ashton before I went in for another kiss.

Ashton was quick to respond to the kiss and I didn't waste time and opened my mouth to let him in. As soon as our tongues met again, feeling each other's familiar tastes, a moan escaped from me and sent directly into Ashton, making him pull me even closer to him.

I wrapped my arms again around his shoulders as I made one hand tangle through his hair, grabbing a fistful of his curls as we both worked with our mouths and tongues on each other.

We both pulled away to catch our breaths and soon after I felt Ashton's mouth against my neck, licking and sucking on my skin that I'm pretty sure will leave marks after. But I don't care though. We are not hiding anymore anyway and it would be more than a pleasure to be marked by Ashton and let the world know that I am his.

I couldn't control the series of moans that escaped from me because of how good Ashton's mouth against my skin makes me feel. I moved my body and settled myself right above Ashton's crotch. I could feel his dick growing hard against me and it was no different from mine that is already tenting the fabric of the boxers I'm wearing while being stuck in between mine and Ashton's bodies.

I pushed myself down Ashton's hard member, making him release a groan of pleasure. I started to rock my ass against his clothed hard length.

"Fuck," Ashton muttered against my skin.

I moved my body again and at the same time, Ashton also moved to make our positioned more comfortable. As we both have settled, Ashton captured my lips and so I also began to rock against him again. This time, Ashton's crotch met mine and our clothed dicks rub against each other.

I pulled away for a bit and quickly took off my shirt and threw it carelessly to the side. Ashton's eyes roamed around my body but I don't feel insecure or embarrassed anymore because I am with Ashton and he never judges. I actually felt the most comfortable I have ever been in my life with him.

I smiled at him as I ran a hand from his bare chest down to his stomach where his abs are rather visible. He is perfect.

Ashton pulled me to him for another kiss as he wrapped his arms around me again and without breaking the kiss, he swiftly turned us both over with now me lying underneath him. He pressed his body against mine and I circled my arms on his shoulders as I had my legs wrapped around his waist pushing him more down on me.

We both released deep moans as our crotches met with pressure, sending pleasures throughout our bodies. Ashton pulled away from the kiss and looked down at me with his hair hanging down his face and he asked, "Can I take everything off of you?"

I nodded at him and he pecked my lips twice before he sat up. He reached his uninjured hand and hooked his fingers on the waistband of his boxers that I am wearing. He slowly pulled my remaining piece of clothing down. It's a little bit difficult for him since he can only use one hand so I helped him undress me.

My hard member sprung up as it was freed from the boxers. I lay naked on Ashton's bed with him looking down at me, roaming his gaze all over my body. He laid his hand on my side and caressed my skin gently as he said, "You are very beautiful."

I smiled sheepishly up at him and I felt my cheeks heat up but unlike before, I didn't hide it away. Ashton smiled back and gave my side a gentle squeeze.

I felt Ashton's hand move from my side down to my aching member. I let out a moan as I closed my eyes when I felt Ashton's hand around my dick. He started to slowly stroke me up and down and it sends a feeling of pleasure all over my body, making me release a series of moans.

Ashton then lets go of me and rid himself of his own boxers. As he was as naked as me, he hovered over me with his uninjured hand supporting his weight. His face was so close to mine and I can feel his breath against my lips.

I smiled up at him as I lift one hand to touch his face. Ashton smiled back down at me and said, "I so fucking missed you."

"Me too, babe. I missed you too so much," I whispered to him as I caressed his cheek with my thumb.

Ashton smiled then leaned down and captured my lips for another kiss. He then let his body gently fall above me, pressing our bodies together. I hissed in pleasure as I felt our dicks met and rub together as Ashton started to rock his hips against mine.

I moaned against Ashton's mouth as I moved along with his rhythm, wrapping my legs around him and hooking my ankles on his back.

Ashton pulled away from my lips but then to quickly lean down again and this time, his lips met the skin on my neck. I pushed my fingers through his hair as I tilted my head to the side giving Ashton more access to my neck.

He pushed his hips harder against mine making both of us release a deep groan with the pleasure it gave us.

I felt Ashton's hand wrap around both of our dicks, stroking up and down. I pushed my hips up meeting his and went along with the pace of his strokes.

All I can feel is the pleasure that Ashton's giving me and it makes my head spin for how good everything feels.

Ashton's mouth made its way from my neck down to my chest, sucking my skin, leaving marks, and took one of my nipples in.

He sucked and licked as his hand did its job with our dicks together.

"Fuck," I breathed out from the pleasure I felt.

Ashton hummed against my skin and then he lifted his head up again and had his face hovering over mine. His soft yet lustful eyes roamed my face as his hips and hands continued to do what they were doing.

His eyes then locked with mine and as they stared into mine, a question popped in my head in the midst of what we are doing and with everything I am feeling: am I ready for Ashton?

The answer is: I don't know. I don't know if I am ready for him. I don't know if I can do it. I know I love him but I'm not sure if I can do it already. And I don't wanna do something without certainty.

I looked at Ashton in the eyes and asked in a whisper, "Are we uh...are we gonna do it?"

Ashton stopped his movements and just stared straight into my eyes for a few moments as if he is looking for something in them. He caught my lips in a soft kiss and he said, "We're not gonna do something that you aren't ready for. I won't make you do something that you aren't ready for."

I smiled up at him and pulled him in for another kiss.

"Thank you," I whispered sincerely because I really am thankful for how respectful he is.

Ashton smiled and then dipped his head down again and made our lips immediately meet again. I pulled him more to me and we kissed each other as if there was no tomorrow.

Ashton's hand went back into work but then I reached down to it and stopped him. He pulled away from the kiss and looked at me with questioning yet worried eyes.

I smiled up at him and said, "Let me take care of you tonight."

With that, I untangled my legs from his body and let him lay back down on the bed as I straddled his hips. Ashton's hand found its place on my thigh and I looked at him as I wrapped my own hand around his member, stroking his length in a slow manner.

Ashton breathed out and I smirked at him before I moved my body off of him and settled in between his legs. I took hold of his cock again and leaned down and kissed his aching tip before I took it in my mouth.

I began to bob my head up and down as my hand followed my mouth. I kept my gaze locked with Ashton's as I worked my mouth along his length.

"Fuck," Ashton muttered as he looked down at me.

I pulled away from his dick and smirked up at him as I started to lick on the underside of his dick. I then took his balls inside my mouth and gently sucked, making Ashton hiss in pleasure.

My mouth found its way back on Ashton tip and took it in and sucked. Ashton closed his eyes and let his head fall back into the pillow. He released a deep moan as I let my tongue play against the slit of his tip, cleaning it off from his precum.

Ashton's hand found its way into my hair and grabbed a fistful and pulled, making me hiss and moan in both pleasure and slight pain. He then began to lead the movement of my head and controlled the pace of my mouth up and down his dick.

I reached one hand down to my own aching member and started stroking myself as fast as how my mouth worked on Ashton's. I let out a deep moan as I let my finger run across the slit of my tip.

With Ashton's control, I bobbed my head up and down his length faster and he let out a series of moan that sounded so beautiful in my ears.

"Baby, I'm close," Ashton managed to say between moans as he looked down at me.

I just stared up at him and made all of my movements faster. Ashton moaned louder and at the same time he released into my mouth, making me swallow everything quickly. I continued to bob my head for a few but at a much slower pace this time before I pulled away from his dick with a pop.

I sat up on my space in between Ashton's leg and I continued to have my hand do its job around my own dick. I didn't break eye contact with Ashton while I'm jacking myself off and I watched him as he sat up and reached his hand to my dick.

He stopped the movement of my hand and pulled it off my dick. He then had me straddle his lap and as I settled, he wrapped his long fingers around my length and stroked it up and down in a faster pace.

I couldn't keep the deep and loud moan escape from my mouth as I felt the pleasure Ashton's hand around my dick is giving me. I clutched his shoulder with one hand as the other ran through his hair, grabbing and tugging a fistful of honey-blond curls.

I closed my eyes as I tilted my head back in pleasure, already feeling that knot in my stomach rapidly building up and is gonna erupt any second.

"I'm so close," I managed to breathe out, making Ashton move his hand even faster.

And with that, I released into Ashton's hand and on both our chests, tugging harder on his hair with all the kinds of pleasure I just felt from that release.

I opened my eyes and immediately met that pair of beautiful, colorful ones. I smiled at my boyfriend who is already smiling fondly at me. I then leaned down and kissed him softly.

"I love you," he said as we pulled away from the kiss.

I placed my hand on his cheek and pressed another kiss to his lips and said, "And I love you."

**\---**


	21. 21

**\---**

I moved around as I woke up but I didn't open my eyes yet. I felt an arm wrap around my body and a pair of lips on my temple. The actions brought a smile to my own lips.

"Good morning, princess," I heard Ashton's soft voice say.

I opened my eyes with the smile still etched on my face. I looked at Ashton who was laying beside me and smiling softly at me.

"Princess, huh?" I said.

"You don't like it?"

"Well, the last time you called me that, you were insulting me," I told Ashton with a chuckle.  
  


Ashton laughed, "I wasn't insulting you."

"You sure did sound like it."

Ashton pecked my lips and smiled, "But I am not insulting you now."

I smiled at him and said, "Well then, I love it."

"I love you."

I chuckled, "and I love you."

Ashton smiled and then leaned in to give me a proper kiss. I pulled away immediately though, making Ashton look at me with furrowed eyebrows.

"I got morning breath," I told him sheepishly.

"Since when did that matter to us?" He asked with an amused expression.

I chuckled, "True."

Ashton then leaned back in and kissed me again and this time I kissed him back, circling my arms around his neck. It was just a sweet innocent kiss and it was perfect as always. Kisses I share with Ashton are always perfect.

I smiled into the kiss before I pulled away and looked at Ashton fondly. He smiled at me then said, "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Because I love you," I told him with a smile as I pushed a strand of hair off his face.

"And I love you, baby."

I pulled Ashton to me and kissed him again, but it didn't take long as we both pulled away again and he said, "Breakfast?"

"Well that is definitely a great idea," I told him, making him chuckle.

Ashton then sat up on the bed and the blanket covering us fell around his waist, showing off his fit, muscular torso. I shamelessly stared at it though and that made him raise an eyebrow at me.

I smiled smugly and said, "You are so hot and you are my boyfriend."

Ashton laughed, then he moved closer to me and hovered over me as he slipped his uninjured hand under the blanket, landing directly on my stomach. I smiled up at him as his hand caressed my skin and made its way to my side.

He dipped his head down, placed his lips on my neck and began sucking on my sensitive skin. My arms found their way around his shoulders and I tipped my head to the side, giving him more access to my neck.

I closed my eyes as I felt the pleasure Ashton is giving me through sucking on the skin on my neck. I let out a soft moan and I felt Ashton smirk against my skin.

Ashton then pulled away from my neck and I opened my eyes to look at him. He's already staring down at me with a soft gaze and that made me smile up at him. I placed a hand on the side of his face and caressed his cheek with my thumb and said, "You know, I still can't believe that you're mine. I know we just went through our first hardship in our relationship and that's the thing about it, we got through it and we got back together and you're still mine."

"And I will always be yours. I promise you that." Ashton said with pure sincerity.

I couldn't help but frown though, because uncertainty is bound to the future. I don't want to be someone who is negative and ruins the moment but when it comes to the future you can never tell what is gonna happen.

"What's wrong?" Ashton softly asked, noticing the look on my face.

I gave him a tight smile which then quickly faded away and I said, "You can't promise me that."

"Why?" Ashton asked with worry in his voice and in his eyes.

"Because you can never be sure of what's gonna happen, Ash. What if one day, you will fall out of love with me? What if one day you will have a change of heart? I don't wanna hold on to something that might be gone from me."

"I won't," Ashton said as if he really is sure about it.

"You don't know that."

Ashton sighed then got off of me and sat up. He then took my hand in his and pressed his lips at the back of my palm then said, looking straight into my eyes, "Luke, baby, you're right. We can never be certain of what's gonna happen but I am certain of you as you are the only thing in this planet that I am sure of. You are the one that I live my life for every day. Believe me when I tell you that I have never ever felt this way with anyone because that is the truth. I was in love with Bryana before, I know I was. But it was never like how I feel for you. It was never this intense. I was never this happy as I am with you. I know and I am sure that my heart will only belong to you. Only you, angel."

I couldn't help the tears to fall down from my eyes as I listen to every word that he said. I stared up at him with loving eyes and a fond smile because of how lucky I feel now to have a man such as Ashton in my life. I never ever thought that I will love someone like him and have someone like him to love me back.

He let go of my hand and gently wiped the tears off of my cheeks. He leaned down to me and kissed my lips softly before he leaned his forehead against mine.

"I love you," I whispered to him.

"And I love you, my angel. Always and forever. I will never ever get tired of telling you that," he whispered back.

I smiled at him then closed the small gap between us and kissed him deeply. I wrapped my arms around him and embraced him, doing my best to make him feel how I truly love him.

"Now...about breakfast," I said as we both pulled apart, making Ashton laugh.

"You really are a food monster," he said with a fond chuckle.

I gave him a shrug which made him laugh again. I grinned up at him as to how his laugh always makes me happy.

"Ok, baby, what do you want for breakfast?" He asked.

"Well, I'd say you, but whatever we can prepare in the kitchen will do," I told Ashton with a smirk.

Ashton laughed then looked at me with an amused expression and said, "Since when did you become so witty?"

I chuckled then said, "You know, let's just go make some breakfast because I'm really starving."

Ashton playfully rolled his eyes then pulled me up, making me sat up on the bed. He then pushed the blanket off of him and got off the bed to pick up our scattered clothing on the floor.

"Wow," I said as I looked at him pretty much naked. He looked up at me and I winked at him before I looked at the goods with a smirk.

Ashton looked down at himself and laughed as he picked up his boxers and pulled it on. He also picked up the boxers I was wearing last night and threw it on my face, saying, "Come on, Hemmings! Dress up so we can have breakfast. Save everything else for later."

I chuckled as I took the boxers and put it on before getting off of the bed. Then I went to pick up the t-shirt I was wearing last night and also put it on. Ashton put on a pair of sweatpants but didn't bother putting on a shirt.

We both stepped out of Ashton's room and headed to the kitchen. To our surprise, Calum, Niall, and Michael were already there and eating breakfast.

"Good morning, lovers!" Michael greeted with a wide grin. "How was the sex?"

I looked at Michael with a surprised expression then turned my attention to Ashton who smacked the back of Michael's head, "Don't talk like that to Luke."

Michael's eyes widened as he looked at me, with his hands gripping the back of his neck but totally ignoring the pain as he said to me, "Fuck, Luke, I'm so sorry. I totally forgot."

I looked at him with a confused expression and said, "Forgot about what?"

"You know...the whole Andrew stuff," Michael said.

"Oh..." I said in realization. I, myself, have totally forgotten about that too which makes me happy though because at least I was actually able to overcome that. I gave Michael a smile then said, "It's ok. I forgot about that too, so no worries."

"But that still doesn't give you the right to ask about our sexual life," Ashton told Michael.

"Fine, I'm sorry," Michael told Ashton with an eye roll which made me chuckle.

I then threw my attention to Niall and Calum who are sitting on the barstools by the kitchen counter and I smiled at Niall as I made my way to Calum and wrapped my arms around his neck from behind.

Ashton looked at the both of us and Calum quickly put his hands up in defense as he said, "I swear, we're just best friends."

I laughed at what he said also making Ashton chuckle.

"I know, Calum," Ashton told Calum with a smile.

Niall laughed then as he asked Calum, "Are you afraid that Ashton might beat you up?"

"I just don't want any trouble because of any misunderstandings or misinterpretations of actions."

I looked at Ashton with an amused smile while still clinging at Calum. He gave me a soft smile as he took a piece of bacon from Michael's plate, making the redhead pout.

"So, it's Michael's birthday tomorrow," Niall said. "What's the plan?"

"It's your birthday tomorrow?" I asked Michael in surprise because I really have no idea about that.

Michael grinned at me with a smile then said, "Well since it's Monday tomorrow and unfortunately we all have uni so maybe we can just celebrate my birthday the next weekend. Will be that ok with you all? We can just go to the beach house."

Ashton looked at me, silently asking the same question so I smiled at him and nodded. Calum and Niall also agreed with Michael.

"Great!" Michael expressed.

"Well someone really shouldn't skip uni anymore," Calum commented, looking at me, also making Ashton look at me.

"You're skipping classes?" Ashton asked me.

I glared at Calum but he just gave a shrug.

"Luke?" Ashton said, gaining my attention.

"I'm sorry, I just..." I said not knowing what excuse to say because I don't wanna tell Ashton that I didn't attend my classes because I was fucked up over what happened between us. It's really embarrassing for me to tell him or anyone that except Calum of course, but yeah, it's embarrassing especially that everyone is here.

I swear to God, I'm not gonna let Calum get away with exposing me like this.

I let out a huff and decided to just tell the truth because what's the point of denying it anyway? I'm already exposed.

"I have been skipping uni for almost two weeks because I just didn't like going," I said.

Michael gasped, dramatically, I may say, then hit Ashton on the chest, saying, "It's your fault!"

Ashton rolled his eyes at Michael as both Calum and Niall snickered at them. Ashton then turned his attention back to me and said, "I'm really sorry abo-"

"Shush!" I interrupted him. "What's done is done. Let's not talk about it, please. The important thing is everything's ok now."

"Yes!" Michael agreed. "And that makes me two hundred percent happy because I can celebrate my birthday with all of you."

"Aww, Mikey...I almost shed a tear at that," Ashton said in a mocking voice, making Michael glare and pout at him.

I smiled at their interactions as it makes me happy to see Ashton like this. He is not like how he was when I first met him and I can also see how both Michael and Niall are happy about how he is now.

After Ashton and I talked yesterday about everything and opening up a little bit about his past, he has given me hints of the rough, hard, and dark times he had. My heart aches knowing the fact that he went through a tough time in his life and he felt alone as he went through it all.

I know his family and friends never left him and I know he knows that but the feeling of being in a dark situation is different. It consumes your mind, wraps your heart with a heavy feeling, and it makes you believe that you are alone and no one will ever understand you.

I can't imagine how hard it was for him though I don't know what really happened. But, as what Michael has said before, shit happened and it changed him, it is clear that it was a really huge thing as it made him how he was when I first met him.

But Ashton always carries this light in him that he may have thought has been burned out.

But I can see it. Maybe the light was just growing little but it is still there and still burning. And now, that light is growing again and all I want is for that light to grow to its full potential. I will do everything in my power to help Ashton find himself again and be as bright as he always is.

**\---**

After having breakfast with the boys this morning in Ashton and Michael's apartment, Calum and I went back to our apartment as Niall also went home. Ashton and Michael were off somewhere.

Ashton told me that he's gonna spend the entire day with Michael as it is their tradition to do something on the day before Michael's birthday. He has mentioned to me that they had stopped doing it when they moved here but he promised Michael that they'd do it again now and Michael was so happy about it.

I am happy about it too because Ashton is doing something that he used to do before. I may not really know a lot about the things that he does before but I know that this tradition thing is a huge stuff for them and their friendship. Just having to call it a tradition already says it all.

Calum and I, on the other hand, just spent the day in the apartment as I got loads of assignments to finish in order to make up for all the times I skipped class. I am down on my last one when my phone vibrated for a text message. I smiled to myself, thinking that it may be Ashton.

I picked up my phone from my desk, still with the smile which then quickly faded when I saw who texted me. Confusion took over my expression as I read the text message Jesse sent me:

**Jesse: Hey, Luke. I don't mean to bother you, but can we maybe talk?**

I paused for a moment trying to decide if I should reply or not. I have been avoiding Jesse since that night at the party. I remembered what happened to us when I rid myself of my hangover the next day after Ashton and I's little scene in their kitchen.

I was busy with the whole Ashton and me situation that time though and he was the least of my concerns and I just ended up pushing what happened between us at the back of my mind.

But I know I can't avoid it forever. I will be going back to school tomorrow and I will most definitely be seeing him as we share one class. So I guess it would be better to reply to his text and see how this goes.

**Me: Talk about what, Jesse?**

A reply from Jesse immediately came in.

**Jesse: I think it would be better if we talk in person. If it's ok with you, of course.**

**Me: I'm kinda busy right now, tho...but maybe tomorrow? After class? At the coffee shop at the campus?**

**Jesse: That would be great! Thank you, Luke.**

I didn't send any reply to his last text and just put down my phone. I know what we are gonna talk about is most definitely be about what happened. I gotta have to apologize to him and explain myself to him. He didn't know anything about me and Ashton and I may have shown or done some actions that have led him to misconception. It really is better for us to talk and if we continue to stay friends after then that would be really amazing because Jesse is a really nice guy

But now that I think about what happened between us, I have to tell Ashton about it because I don't want to keep anything from him. He has been jealous of Jesse before and he may misinterpret me meeting him tomorrow. I just don't want any trouble anymore. And most importantly, I just don't want our relationship to have any more secrets. It was what has caused us some trouble in the first place.

I let out a sigh and turned my seat around to stand up. But before I was able to do so, I gripped my chest in utter surprise to see Ashton leaning against the doorframe.

"Jesus, Ashton!"

He chuckled at my startled reaction and I glared at him. He then went over to me and placed the box of Chinese food in his hand on my desk and leaned down to peck my lips.

"I'm sorry, baby," he said with a light chuckle.

I glared at him as I said, "Are you trying to give me a heart attack?"

"You are so adorable, I just can't help myself and watch you silently."

"You are creepy."

"I know," he smiled.

"How long have you been standing there?" I asked as I watched him lean against my desk and crossed his arms across his chest, his huge arms being emphasized.

"Long enough," he simply responded.

I playfully rolled my eyes at him, making him chuckle and then I eyed the box of food behind him on my desk. I smiled up at him as I said, "Is that for me?"

Ashton stood back up to his feet and turned to pick up the box of Chinese food from my desk and handed it to me along with a pair of chopsticks. I took it from him with a wide grin and opened the box to then smell the delicious scent of the food.

"Thank you for this. I really am starving," I told Ashton with a smile.

"You're welcome. Figured you be hungry," Ashton said as he pulled my armchair and placed it next to my chair, facing me before sitting down on it.

"Where's Michael?" I asked before I took a bite of the food.

"In the living room with Calum," Ashton replied as he leaned back in the chair.

I hummed in response to him as I took another bite of the food.

"How's that going?" Ashton asked as he gestured towards my stuff on my desk.

"I'm on the last one,"I said with a smile.

Ashton then frowned and I looked at him with a confused expression then he said, "I'm really sorry, Luke."

"For what, Ash?" I asked in confusion, because why is he apologizing to me?

"For this," Ashton said, gesturing a hand to my desk and my stuff. "I was the reason for all these. If it wasn't for me, you won't be missing your class and you won't be doing all these."

I sighed and put down the Chinese food box on the table and looked at Ashton and said, "Ash, babe...don't blame yourself, please. What happened between us and how it affected me and my actions, wasn't your fault." I reached for his hands, both the injured and the uninjured one, and held them in mine as I continued, looking at him through his hazel eyes, "Missing my classes was  _my_  decision and these assignments are just the consequences of my bad decision, ok? So please, don't blame yourself for this. I don't want you to do that." I gave his uninjured hand a gentle squeeze and I smiled up at him.

He squeezed back and smiled back at me as he said, "You really are too precious, you know? I love you so much."

"And I love you, babe, so fucking much," I responded then stood up from my chair and went to straddle Ashton's thighs. Ashton chuckled at my actions but then held me in place with his hand getting a gentle grip on my hip.

I held his face with my hands then I leaned down and captured his lips in a kiss. Ashton was quick to respond, moving his lips along with mine. There was no tongue involved. It was just a sweet innocent kiss but I love it. These kinds of kisses actually are one of my favorites with Ashton because they, in a way, show me his sweet and soft side.

We pulled away and I smiled at him before giving him a peck on the lips and getting off of him, saying, "I gotta pee."

Ashton laughed, "Why do you always ruin the moment?"

"Oh, we're having a moment?" I asked him, acting innocent about it.

Ashton shook his head in amusement with a chuckle then said, "Go on, do your thing."

I grinned at him then went my way out of my room into the bathroom down the hall. I did my thing then washed my hands and went back to my room. But things weren't how I left them. Ashton is now sitting on my chair and he's at my desk, doing my assignments.

"Seriously?" I asked as I walked over to him.

He just looked up at me and shrugged then went back to what he is doing on my laptop.

"Ashton, just let me finish them. You don't have to do that," I told him.

"Why don't you just sit down there and finish your dinner while I'll finish this." He instructed.

"But, Ash..."

"No buts, baby."

I let out a huff and just slumped down on the chair and grabbed my food and continued eating because who am I kidding? There's no way that I could protest to him, he's Ashton Irwin for fuck's sake. He does what he wants.

So I just took the pleasure of relaxing in the armchair while eating some delicious Chinese food and taking in the beauty of my boyfriend while he is serious about doing my assignment. Well, I am not really complaining about this.

Just a solid fifteen minutes later, Ashton turned to me with a smile saying, "Done."

I raised an eyebrow at him then stood up and put down my already empty Chinese food box on the desk and checked the last one of my assignment that Ashton did. Well, it's really done and accurate and well-made, really straight to the point. I couldn't have done this any better. Wow, I really must have hit the jackpot of having Ashton as my boyfriend. He got everything.

I turned around and looked down at Ashton who is now sitting back in the armchair I previously sat on. I smiled at him and said, "Thank you."

"No worries. It's the least I could do for you," he responded.

"You have done so so so much for me and I can't thank you enough for everything," I told him as I went back into straddling him.

Ashton pulled me into him and I chuckled as I Ieaned down and kissed him which he more than willingly responded to.

But then, I had to pull back before the kiss went deeper as I remembered something that I need to tell Ashton.

Ashton looked at me with a confused expression as I frowned and avoided his eyes.

"Baby, what's wrong?" He asked worriedly.

I let out a small sigh and softly said, "There is something I need to tell you."

"Ok...what is it?"

"Please, don't be mad at me."

"I can't do that, Luke, if I don't know what happened or what's wrong," Ashton said a bit sternly.

I nodded and closed my eyes for a moment and opened them again and this time, I looked at Ashton and said, "Remember that night when you came to pick me up at a party?"

"Yeah, I remember that. You called me and you were crying."

"Yeah...well, that was the party that my friend Jesse invited me to."

Ashton's hold on me tightened as he looked at me straight in the eyes and asked, "Did something happen, Luke?"

"Yes," I answered in a soft voice as I turned my gaze down from his face.

Ashton breathed out through his nose and asked in a hard tone, "What happened? Did someone do something to you? Did someone hurt you?"

"No," I immediately answered, looking back up at him.

"Then tell me what happened," Ashton demanded with a pointed look and it made shivers run down my spine but not necessarily in a good way.

"I was so hurt over what happened to us because I really believed that you cheated on me and so I went to that party with Jesse and I let myself get drunk to forget the pain. Well, obviously I got really drunk but I was totally having fun because Jesse and his friends were really nice people," I started then to pause for a moment before I continued, "But then, I got way too drunk and so Jesse stopped me from drinking more. He helped me out and we ended up in a room so I can like rest or sleep. He assisted me, got me water and stuff, then we ended up talking and then he confessed to me that he likes me and he kissed me and I kissed him back."

Ashton didn't say anything and just breathed heavily through his nose as he stared at me with a blank expression. It made me way more nervous and scared and the thumping on my chest went faster and stronger. I turned my gaze away from Ashton and went to move and get off of him, but he held me in place and I looked at him with wide, hopeful eyes.

"Was that all that happened? You two just kissed?" Ashton asked, still with that blank expression.

I looked away from him again, throwing my gaze down at my hands and said, "Yes and it didn't take long because I couldn't really do it, Ashton. I couldn't do it because he's not you. I tried but I didn't feel anything, because he's not you. I'm really sorry. I never meant to do that. I shouldn't have done that," I said and now tears are brimming in my eyes and I wasn't able to stop one from falling.

I covered my face with my hands and said in a slightly muffled voice, "I let my emotions control me and I'm really sorry, Ashton. Please, don't be mad at me." I started sobbing in my hands because I'm afraid that Ashton would get mad at me and push me away.

But instead, I felt his arms wrap around me and he pulled me against his chest, locking me in his warm embrace. I felt him press a kiss on my hair and he said, "Baby, I'm not mad."

I pulled away from Ashton to be able to look at him and pressed my hands on his chest. "You're not mad at me?" I asked, voice filled with relief.

Ashton gave me a soft smile, "I'm not mad at you, because I can never be mad at you." He let out a small sigh and continued, "Honestly I can't describe how I really feel about that, but I know for certain that I am not mad at you or about what happened. We were broken up at that time too and you had every right to do what you want, so I understand."

"Thank you. Thank you so much," I said as I wrapped my arms around Ashton and hugged him tightly. I felt his arms around me also tightened and he buried his face in the crook of my neck, pressing a light kiss on my skin.

As we pulled away from our embrace and looked at each other, Ashton asked, "Why were you crying that night, Luke?"

I frowned at his question and said in a small voice, "Because of what I did and because of you. When I kissed Jesse, your face flashed into my mind and I just couldn't do it so I ran away and I the emotional pain I was feeling at that moment was too much for me and I just can't help myself and cry. Maybe it was also because of the alcohol."

"Jesse didn't hurt you when you ran away?"

"No!" I immediately answered, not wanting Ashton to think anything bad about Jesse. "He didn't do anything. He didn't even chase me, but he did apologize. He tried to talk to me after but I avoided him. But..."

"But what?"

"I know I can't avoid him forever, Ash. I have to talk to him about it."

"Why do you still have to?"

"Because he is my friend."

"Do you really have to?"

"Yes. Jesse is a really nice person, Ash. I don't want you to be mad at him either."

"Well, I don't like him. He kissed you."

"And I kissed him back. He didn't know anything about us, Ash. If he did, I'm sure he wouldn't have done that. So please, don't be mad at him. I understand if you don't like him but just don't be rude at him."

"I can't promise you that."

I sighed because what do I expect? Ashton is never the nicest person towards anyone, especially if he doesn't like them.

"I'm gonna meet up with him tomorrow," I told Ashton.

"Where?" he sternly asked.

"At the coffee shop in the campus. The other one. We need to talk and I'm gonna explain things to him and tell him about us so he would know and understand that what happened was my mistake and that I am already in a relationship with you," I explained.

"Can I come?" he asked.

"Ash..."

"I'll behave, I promise. I'm gonna stay at another table. I just wanna be there and make sure that you'll be ok."

"I will be ok, Ash. I'm just gonna have a talk with Jesse."

"I know, but-"

"Ashton," I said, placing my hands on the sides of his face. I caressed his cheeks with my thumbs and I gave him a small smile and said, "I will be ok. Jesse is a nice person and he is my friend. He is nothing like Andrew, ok? And also, I don't want our relationship to feel like it's suffocating, you know, because we have to be constantly with each other - that one can't do a thing without the other being there. It's unhealthy. We trust each other, right?"

"Yeah...I'm sorry. I don't mean to be like this controlling or overprotective boyfriend or whatever."

"I know. I understand. So you'll let me do my thing, ok?"

"Ok, baby."

"We can meet after that. I will be back to work tomorrow, anyway. We can hang out at the café before my shift."

"Sounds great," Ashton said with a smile.

I smiled back at him then leaned down and kissed him.

"Are you gonna stay the night?" I asked him.

"I want to but it's Michael's birthday tomorrow and I'm planning to surprise him with his favourite breakfast. I haven't done that in a while," Ashton said as he slipped his uninjured hand inside my shirt and caressed the skin on my side. His warm hand gives me comfort.

I smiled down at him and said, "You doing that makes me happy, you know."

"Why?" Ashton softly asked.

"Because it just shows me that you are being who you truly are. I mean, you are doing the things again that you used to do before and you are being...you know...a lot nicer now too to your friends - our friends," I let out huff and gave Ashton a sheepish smile as I continued, "Sorry, I'm talking nonsense but I guess you get what I mean."

Ashton smiled at me softly and said, "Baby, it's not nonsense and yes, I get what you mean. I know I have become the worst person the past couple of years of my life and treated people badly. I'm really sorry about it and I'm trying to make up for it."

"No, don't apologize. People always do some things that they didn't mean to out of the circumstances in life."

"Why are you such an angel?"

I playfully rolled my eyes at him then smiled and said, "I am not because angels don't do fucked up things."

"I don't think you are capable of doing fucked up things," Ashton commented.

I smiled sadly at him and said, "I am and I have."

Ashton looked at me straight in the eyes and said, voice with a little hint of wary and concern, "Luke...what are you saying?"

"Nothing..." I immediately answered with an assured smile. "What I meant was that I am no angel because I am just a mere human being who makes mistakes most of the time," I said to convince him - and sadly myself - that I didn't mean anything else about it.

It must've worked since Ashton smiled at me and pulled me in for a kiss.

"I should go," he said as we pulled away. "You gotta have to rest too."

"Ok," I replied as I kissed him again before moving and getting off of him.

As we were both standing up, Ashton pulled me into his arms again and locked me in his warm embrace as he pressed a kiss on my neck.

I hugged him back as tightly and breathed in his smell as I whispered, "I love you."

"I love you, princess," he whispered back before we pulled away from the hug.

We gave each other a smile then Ashton pecked my lips and headed towards the door.

"Bye, baby. Goodnight," he said as he was about to step out of my room.

"Goodnight, babe."

As Ashton was gone, Calum then came in with a smile.

"Hey," he said as he slumped down on my bed.

"Hey," I responded with a smile before I turned back to my desk and started to clean up.

"It's nice to see you like this again. The past weeks were a nightmare, you know," Calum stated, making me chuckle.

"Yeah...sorry about all that," I said, turning back to Calum. "I really didn't mean to act like that, Cal. I'm sorry if I was such a burden and I made you worry."

"Luke...you are never a burden, please don't say that. I'm your best friend and it's a natural instinct for me to get worried about you."

I smiled at Calum. How did get so lucky to have a friend like him?

"So..." he started again, "everything is really going well between you and Ashton now?"

"Yeah...everything is great and I am so happy with life right now," I told my best friend with a smile.

"I'm happy that you are. Well, I can really see that too you know. Everyone can see that on you and Ashton. Actually this morning, Mike, Niall, and I really did feel relief when we went to their apartment and heard you both laughing and stuff."

I looked at Calum with wide eyes, "You heard us?"

Calum chuckled, "If you are worried if we heard what you were talking about, don't worry we didn't. We only heard you both laughing."

"Oh..." I said in relief.

"So you got a serious thing going now, huh?"

"Yeah...I guess."

Calum stood up from my bed and went over to me to give me a hug. I was surprised by the action but still, I hugged him back.

"I'm just so happy for you really," Calum said. "All I ever wanted for you is to be happy and find the one who can make you happy."

"Thanks, Cal. I love you."

"I love you too, bud."

**\---**

"Thanks, really, for meeting up with me, Luke," Jesse said as we both sat down at a table outside the other coffee shop in the campus.

I smiled at him and said, "I'm really sorry, Jesse if I kind of like just disappeared after what happened at the party. Believe me, it wasn't because of you."

"I should be the one to apologize to you for what I did. I'm really sorry."

"No, it's ok. It was my fault really. I wasn't honest with you and I wasn't clear with the things about me."

"What do you mean?"

"I guess by now it is pretty much clear to you that I am gay. But the thing is, not everyone knows that I am and that is also why I had kept my relationship hidden," I let out a small sigh then continued, "I have a boyfriend, Jesse, and during that time that I went to that party you invited me to, we were not ok. We were going through something in our relationship and that was part of the reason why I went to that party with you. I wanted to forget. I never meant to kind of led you on or something, Jesse, so I'm really sorry if I did."

Jesse frowned as he nodded. He looked down at his hands on the table and said, "I understand, Luke."

"I'm really sorry, Jesse."

"No, don't apologize," he said with a chuckle as he looked up at me. "You were really drunk at that time too so you pretty much have an excuse for what happened."

I laughed at what he said, "Yeah...that was quite embarrassing. Then I had to run away because I was already crying. Gosh, I'm such an emotional drunk."

"Well, you were kinda going through something at that time, so..."

"Yeah...it was really not a good time for me. But the party was fun though...I had fun. Well before I became an emotional wreck and thank God you didn't see me like that."

"Well uh..." Jesse said, avoiding my eyes.

"You saw me crying?" I asked him in surprise.

"Well, I went after you when you ran away. I was worried that you may hate me after what happened, you know. I looked for you everywhere in the house but I couldn't find you. So I went outside and there you were, sitting on the sidewalk with a phone against your ear and crying. I was gonna go to you but then a guy arrived and you just hugged him, so I just went back inside the house."

"Oh...well..."

"Was that him? The guy? Your boyfriend?"

"Yeah. Ashton."

"He was that same guy back at the souvenir shop, was it?"

"Yeah, he is."

"Well, he's kind of a tough one. Very intimidating too."

I chuckled at what he said because yeah, Ashton is really intimidating.

"I tried calling you after that though..." Jesse stated.

"Yeah, and I avoided you and I'm sorry. I was dealing with a lot of stuff."

"I know that now. At least now, I know that you don't hate me that was why you weren't answering my calls."

I laughed.

"So we're still friends though, right?" Jesse asked.

"Of course, we are. You're one of my very few friends here, you know."

Jesse smiled, "Thanks, Luke."

I smiled back at him.

"Are you ok now? You and Ashton, I mean?" Jesse asked with a small smile.

"Yeah, we are. We talked and settled things."

"Good."

I smiled then before I could say something, my phone started buzzing on the table. I picked it up and saw Ashton's name on the screen.

I resisted an eye roll, thinking he must have been being paranoid right now.

"Excuse me for a moment, I just have to take this call," I told Jesse who gave me a smile and a nod in response.

I stood up from my chair and stepped a few feet away from Jesse and answered the call.

"Yes, Ashton?" I said as soon as I answered the call.

" _Luke, hi, it's Michael, actually_ ," sounded from the other end, making me furrow my eyebrows in confusion.

"Mikey? Uh...is everything ok?"

" _Yeah...we're at the café right now and Ashton is talking to Mitchy. I borrowed his phone to call you because mine died. I forgot to bring my charger._ "

"Oh. Ok. Well, why are you in the café? I'm not there at the moment."

" _Yeah, I know. Ashton told me where you are. And well, we're here so Ashton can ask Mitchy to give you one more day off today._ "

"Why? What's happening?"

" _We're going to the city. The five of us. We'll pick you up after your talk with your friend._ "

"Hmmm," I hummed in response. "Well, you can pick me up after your business there at the café."

" _Surething. I'll tell Ash._ "

We hung up after and I went back to Jesse.

"Is everything ok?" Jesse asked.

"Well, I need to go somewhere," I told him.

"Oh. Right now?"

"My friends will come to pick me up. So I guess I have a few minutes more."

"Is it ok if I'll just stay here with you while you wait for them? Just to keep you company."

I smiled at Jesse, "Sure. That would be nice."

Jesse and I talked about random things while waiting for Michael and Ashton to come.

Around ten minutes later, Ashton appeared at our table. Both me and Jesse looked up. I instantly smiled up at him which he then returned.

He was wearing his sunglasses and tied his hair up in a bun. He has a black muscle tee on topped off with his leather jacket. He is also wearing a pair of black skinny jeans and his black Chucks II high-top.

I stood up from my chair and so did Jesse. I moved closer to Ashton and his hand landed directly at my lower back as his whole posture turned rather intimidating in which I exactly know why he did.

I resisted an eye roll and said to Ashton with a smile, "Ashton, you remember Jesse?"

"Yeah...the  _surfer dude_ , isn't it?" Ashton said to Jesse with an obviously fake smile. At least he is not being rude though. I appreciate him trying.

Jesse chuckled awkwardly and said, "Yeah, that's me, I guess. I'm glad you still remembered."

"Well, how can I forget? And Luke here has mentioned his friend, Jesse, quite a few times as well, so..."

Jesse smiled, "Oh..."

"Well, we have to go," I said.

"Yeah. Thanks again, Luke," Jesse said with a smile.

"Thank you too, Jesse."

Jesse turned to Ashton and said, "It's nice seeing you again, Ashton."

"You too, man."

With that, Ashton picked up my bag from the chair and then we both headed to where he parked his car.

Calum, Niall, and Michael were already there and talking just right outside Calum's car. Niall was the first one to see us walking towards them and waved with a smile, making the others look our way.

Michael smiled and tossed me Ashton's car keys.

I raised up a questioning eyebrow at him as I caught the keys with my hand, and he said to me, "You'd be driving your boyfriend."

"I can drive," Ashton said, pointed out.

"Yeah, tell that to your hand," Michael said to him with an eye roll.

I chuckled then went over to Michael and gave him a hug and said, "Happy Birthday, Mikey."

Michael hugged me back with a chuckle, "Thanks, Luke."

"So where are we going today?" I asked Michael as we pulled away from the hug.

"Well, Ashton made reservations at a restaurant in the city. So I guess we'll eat then hang out for a bit? If that's ok?"

"That sounds fun. So let's go?"

"Sure, so you lovebirds go together, I'll take a ride with Calum and endure a 30-minute-drive with a leprechaun."

"Hey!" Niall said, offended.

Michael just flipped him off as he slipped inside the front seat of Calum's car.

Both Ashton and I went over to Ashton's car and Ashton tossed my bag into the back seat as he slipped inside the front passenger seat. I, myself, made my way over to the driver's seat and got in.

As I am settled inside, Ashton pulled me to him and kissed me, making me chuckle into the kiss.

"I missed you," he softly said as we pulled away.

I smiled, "I missed you too. And thank you."

"For what?" Ashton asked, removing his sunglasses and placing them inside the glove compartment.

"For trying to be nice to Jesse even if you really didn't want to."

"Am I really that obvious?" Ashton asked with a smirk.

I laughed, "As if you weren't trying to make too obvious. You don't fool me, Irwin."

Ashton chuckled as he settled back in his seat and I started the car.

"You know, I can drive," Ashton said as I pulled out of the parking spot and followed Calum's car.

"Shut up and stay put. You are not driving until your hand heals," I told him, focusing my attention to the road.

"Alright, doctor."

I rolled my eyes at him, making him chuckle.

I continued to drive and Ashton and I shared a few chats. We were laughing at some random stuff we talked about. The whole conversation we're having is just light and the vibe inside the car is very comfortable.

While I was driving, we passed by a special place for me and I smiled to myself at it. Ashton did notice though and he asked, "Why are you smiling?"

"Nothing...we just passed by at the spot where we first kissed," I told Ashton with a smile.

"Oh. Hmmm. You still remember that, huh?"

"Of course. It was very special for me."

Ashton smiled, giving my knee a gentle squeeze.

"I gotta ask you though..." I said.

"What?"

"Why did you do that? Why did you kiss me?"

"I think I already told you why. You deserve to have the things that you want."

"Well you didn't have to do that, you know? We weren't even friends at that time."

"I know but I wanted to do it and so I did. I just don't like to think that you have an awful memory of your first kiss. You don't deserve that. So I just did the thing that I can to somehow wipe that memory away."

"You know, if I'm not driving right now, I would kiss you," I told Ashton.

"You can pull over, you know," Ashton said with a smirk.

I laughed at what he said but did it anyways and I pulled over at the side of the road. I turned to Ashton who is already looking at me with a smirk.

I laughed at his expression then moved out of my seat and went to straddle him. I took hold of his face as his arms circled around my body.

"Did I ever tell you that I love you?" I said with a chuckle before I leaned down and kissed Ashton deeply.

Ashton then looked up at me with a soft and fond expression and said, "I love you so much, baby."

I smiled down at him and kissed him again.

When we pulled away, I looked fondly down at him and caressed his cheeks with my thumb as he leaned back into his seat. "I have a question," I said.

"What is it?"

"When you kissed me that night, did you uh...already like me or something?"

Ashton smiled and said, "Baby, I already like you the first time I saw you in the parking lot at our apartment building."

"What? You didn't even spare me a glance that time and you and Michael were like arguing or something," I said, remembering the first time I saw Ashton too when Calum and I moved into our apartment.

Ashton chuckled, "I did see you when I was about to park my car. You were so radiant that I thought I saw an angel. I forgot for a moment that I was mad at Michael."

I rolled my eyes playfully as I tried to hide the blush on my cheeks. Then I said, "Why were you so rude to me though? We officially met later that day and you looked at me like I'm the most ridiculous thing ever."

Ashton laughed, "Yeah, that. It was like a defensive instinct of mine. You scare me so much."

"Scare you?"

"You did scare me so much, Luke. You ignited something in me when I first saw you and that scared me because how can someone I don't know do that? I felt something which I haven't felt in years."

Another blushing came for me but I didn't try to hide it this time and just kissed Ashton. When we pulled away, I said, "Well, you literally scared me during our encounter in the elevator, you know. You were so fucking intimidating and you scared the shit out of me. I was just trying to be nice and friendly but you basically told me to fuck off."

Ashton chuckled, "Yeah, I'm sorry about that. But hey, that never took long."

"Yeah, it didn't even last a day," I said with a chuckle. "We should get back on the road. The others may be wondering where we have gone."

"My offer to drive still stands," Ashton said as I got off of him and went to sit back on the driver's seat.

"Not gonna happen, babe. I won't ever let you drive until your hand  _fully_  heals."

"Ok. Fine."

"Good," I said with a smug smile then got back on the road again and continued to drive.

As we entered the outline of the city, Ashton gave me directions to the restaurant and a few minutes more, we arrived at our destination.

Obviously, the others were already there, waiting for us at the parking area.

"What took you so long? Don't tell me you stopped to make out or something," Michael said to both me and Ashton as we stepped out of the car and went over to them.

Ashton and I looked at each other and smirked.

"Oh my god!" Michael expressed with a shake of his head as Calum and Niall snickered.

Ashton then took hold of my hand and lead me towards the restaurant as he said to the others, "Come on, let's go inside."

We all went into the restaurant with Ashton and I walking with our hands intertwined. I don't really mind anymore if people would know that I'm gay. Ashton made me fully accept myself and he made me realize that I should be proud of who I am. Our friends are nothing but supportive to me and to us and that is all that matters to me now.

We entered the restaurant and of course, there will be people who would look at me and Ashton judgmentally as we are holding each other's hands. It kinda bothers me a bit as I am not used to this but I pushed the negative thought and feeling away.

Ashton turned to me and softly said, "I'll just go get our reservation, ok? Just wait here with them."

I smiled at him as I nodded. We then let go of each other's hands and I turned to our friends as Ashton went to do his business.

"So you did stop to make out, huh?" Calum asked and I looked at him with a gaping mouth.

Niall laughed and said, "Get used to it, they always do that. Consider yourselves lucky because you are not pressured to keep your mouths shut about it."

Before I could make a comment, Ashton came back and he stood beside me, his hand landing on the small of my back.

"Come on now, we got our table ready," Ashton said, and we all followed him and the guy who took us to our table.

As we all have seated, we were all given the menu and the guy gave us time to pick orders.

"I thought we'll be celebrating your birthday this weekend?" I asked Michael.

"Oh, we are. It's just that Ashton also wanted to somehow celebrate my birthday on the actual day. So here we are," Michael explained with a wide grin.

"This is nice, though," I commented, giving Ashton a smile.

Ashton smiled back and gave my hand a gentle squeeze.

This is actually really nice. How it was Ashton who wanted to celebrate his best friends birthday and how he arranged everything. It makes me feel warm and happy inside. This Ashton is really way different from the Ashton that I met a couple of months ago.

He is being more and more himself and I know and I can see how that makes our friends happy and gives both Michael and Niall relief.

We had a really great time as we celebrated Michael's birthday and both Michael and Niall were so over excited and overjoyed with the food. We also spent the rest of the in the city and went to the movies where Ashton and I just mainly spent the whole time, making out as we sat behind our friends.

It was such an amazing day and anyone can see how it also made Michael so so happy. We spent the whole time laughing and Ashton wasn't holding back with himself and that makes me happy and content and I really couldn't ask for more.

**\---**


	22. 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, basically, the rest of the story was supposed to be in Luke's P.O.V., but when I was about to write this chapter, I just made an on-the-spot-decision of putting this in Ashton's P.O.V. I hope I made a right decision, tho...

**\---**

_**ashton** _

 

I waited outside the building of Luke's last class for today. I looked at the time and he has a good 10 minutes left for his class to be over.

I took a last drag of my cigarette then threw it on the ground stepping on it. I leaned against the hood of my car and pulled my phone out of my pocket, sending Luke a text.

**Me: Hey, baby, I'm outside.**

I instantly received a reply.

**Luke: Ok, babe. ❤**

A smile immediately went its way into my lips as I saw his text. I put my phone away and threw my attention at the exit of the building.

Just a few minutes later, I saw the tall, beautiful blond walking out of the building, but of course, his friend Jesse is with him.

I don't like that guy. Well, Luke knows that but I have to hide my dislike to that guy for Luke's sake. I don't want my boyfriend getting mad at me.

I just watched the two of them, bidding each other goodbye, and as soon as that Jesse guy went on his way, Luke immediately looked around for me.

I didn't make a move and just waited as I watched him find me. A big smile instantly covered his face as his eyes landed on me, making a warm feeling spread throughout my body. I watched him as he made his way over to me, still with the smile spread on his face.

"Hi," he said, grinning as he stopped in front of me.

"Hi," I responded, smiling back at him.

I stood back up on my feet and gave him a peck on the lips, making a light blush appeared on his cheeks. I chuckled at the adorable sight.

"And...you drove again," he pointed out, glancing down at my hand.

I smiled and then said, "I'm sorry. I have to pick you up because there is something that I need to show you."

Luke gave me a confused look, "What is it?"

"Come with me and I'll take you there," I said.

Luke opened his hands in front of me and said, "Keys."

I laughed then handed him the keys. He gave me a smug smile then we both got in the car: him in the driver's seat and me in the passenger seat.

"So, where are we going?" he asked as he pulled out of the parking space.

"To the city," I answered.

"Ok, but you know I have work later right?"

"I know, baby, and I'll make sure you'll be back on time for your shift. And besides, we got like four hours before your shift starts."

"Ok...now I'm very curious what is this thing that you are gonna show me," he stated as he continued to drive.

"It's not really a thing," I said, making Luke glance at me then back to the road.

"What is it really then?" He asked now more confused.

"I really do have to show so you'll understand what it is."

Luke let out a huff, "Ok, Ash, as long as it won't kill me."

I laughed, "You really are something, Luke Hemmings."

"That's what makes you love me."

"Hmmm...true."

Luke beamed making me reach out to his thigh and gave it a gentle squeeze. Luke then put his hand over mine and I turned my hand up to have our fingers intertwine.

I couldn't help the smile to spread across my face as the warm feeling that Luke's touch gave me exploded again in my body. Oh, the things that this boy do to me with every little thing that he does.

I lifted our intertwined hands up and brought the back of Luke's hand against my lips, giving it a kiss.

"I love you, baby," I told Luke.

Another wide smile appeared on his face accompanied with a slight blush on his cheek and he said glancing at me, "And I love you, Ash...so much."

What he said also made a smile appear on my face. I settled back into my seat, still holding Luke's hand in mine and we continued to drive to our destination.

As we entered the city, I gave Luke directions on where to go and as we stopped in front of the very familiar music store, Luke turned to look at me with raised eyebrows and said, "I remember this place. Why are we here?"

I gave him a small smile and said, "Just come with me inside."

Luke gave me a skeptical look but then nodded and we both stepped out of the car. I waited for Luke to come to me and I took hold of his hand, making him smile and we both walked into the music store, hand in hand.

The bell rang as I opened the door and both Luke and I stepped inside. No one was sitting behind the counter and I felt Luke gave my hand a squeeze so I turned to look at him and gave him a smile which he quickly returned.

We both went further into the store and more instruments of a different kind came into view. By the huge glass display window was a drum kit on one side and a guitar and bass on the other side with a keyboard at the center. On one the walls of the store, there are different kinds of guitars hanging, and below them are bass guitars of different designs.

The far corner of the store displays the drums and cymbals while on another corner are the keyboards and microphone stands. There is also the records section on another side of the store.

I watched Luke as he looked around in awe. Knowing how he loved music and playing guitar, a fond smile appeared on my face.

"Sorry, I had to put something out back," a very familiar voice, sounded from the entrance of the backroom. "What can I he-...Ashton?!"

Luke quickly turned around and threw his attention between me and my friend who is staring at me with wide eyes. Both of them wear a surprised expression but for different reasons.

"Hey, Casey," I smiled as I greeted my friend who is still standing frozen on his spot.

As he finally recovered, he jumped onto me and tackled me into a hug. I let go of Luke's hand and wrapped my arms around my friend.

"Holy hell, I never thought this day would come," Casey expressed as he hugged me tightly.

I chuckled at what he said, "Yeah...I'm sorry about that."

We both pulled away from the hug and I gave him a smile as I went to hold Luke's hand again.

Casey grinned widely as he shook his head in both surprise and disbelief that I suddenly showed up at the shop today after four long years.

Luke gave my hand a soft squeeze, making me look up at him. His face wears a confused expression and I truly understand why. I gave him a small smile then turned back to look at Casey who now is looking between me and Luke also with a confused expression.

"Casey, this is my boyfriend, Luke," I said.

Casey's eyes widened in surprise as he looked up at Luke but then he grinned widely and went over to Luke and gave him a hug which greatly caught my boyfriend off guard. I let go of Luke's hand and watched him as he hesitantly and lightly hugged Casey back.

As soon as Casey pulled away from the hug, he smiled up at Luke and said, "I'm sorry, I got too excited."

Luke chuckled, "It's ok."

"I'm Casey, by the way, Ashton's friend" my friend introduced himself as he extended a hand.

Luke shook hands with Casey as he said, "It's very nice to meet you, Casey."

"Same as you, Luke."

Suddenly, the bell rang again and another familiar face entered the shop. As soon as he looked up, he stopped in his tracks and stared at me with wide eyes, "Ashton?!"

I smiled at my friend and said, "Hey, Iain."

"Fuck," he muttered then turned to Casey with wide eyes and asked, "Is this real?"

Casey grinned as he nodded his head 'yes.'

"Wow," Iain breathed out then also tackled me into a tight hug. "Fuck you, man! I missed you!"

I laughed against Iain's shoulder and said, "I missed you too, buddy."

As we both pulled away from the hug, Iain turned his attention to Luke and smiled at him before he turned back to me with a slightly questioning look on his face.

I smiled at my friend and said, placing a hand on the small of Luke's back, "This is my boyfriend, Luke."

Iain immediately beamed at Luke and said, extending a hand, "I'm Iain. So pleased to meet you."

Luke chuckled as he shook hands with Iain and said, "I'm very pleased to meet you too."

As their hands dropped, Iain turned to look at me again, still with the same wide smile spread across his face. He shook his head with a chuckle the said, "Fuck, Ash, 'surprised' really is an understatement for me right now."

I smiled then said, "I'm really sorry to both of you if we just showed up without any warning today. You know after all this time."

"Ash," Casey said, "you don't have to apologize. We understand. And you showing up today may be a total surprise but damn, you have no idea how much it made both me and Iain happy."

Iain nodded in agreement to what Casey said and then he added, "And well, this is your shop, so you can just show up whenever."

"Wait what?" Luke said before I could respond to Iain. I looked at him and he gave me a questioning look as he asked, "Your shop?"

I let out a breath then smiled at Luke and nodded.

"You mean, you own this store?" Luke asked with wide surprised eyes.

"Yes, he does," Casey said. "Iain and I only work here and take care of the place while Ashton - or Michael - is not around."

"So both you and Michael own this?" Luke asked me after he listened to what Casey said.

"Not really," I told my boyfriend.

"What do you mean?"

"Michael is more like the 'manager,'" Iain told Luke. "Ashton is the owner."

"Holy fuck!" Luke expressed.

"Yeah..." both Casey and Iain said with a nod to Luke.

It went silent after then Casey said, "I got a confession."

Everyone turned to look at him and he awkwardly smiled at Luke and said, "Both Iain and I kinda know who you are."

Luke's eyes widened in surprise as I looked at my friends with furrowed eyebrows.

"What do you mean you know me?" Luke asked. "Not to be rude but I don't think we've met before or something like that."

Iain chuckled, "Nope. We haven't met before. It's just that Michael kind of mentioned you? I mean who you are in Ashton's life."

I rolled my eyes at what Iain said then I said myself, "Typical Michael. What else did he tell you?"

"Well, just that you got a boyfriend," Casey answered. "And that uh...you broke your hand...again."

I glanced down at my hand and nodded.

"Just..." Casey said, "just don't get mad at Mike ok? You know for telling us these. He was just too happy about it and everything."

"It's ok, Casey. I'm not mad. We all know how Mike can get when he's happy about something."

Both Casey and Iain chuckled then Iain said, "We're happy too, you know." He glanced between me and Luke, "For the both of you." Then he looked at me and said, "It's nice seeing you happy."

I smiled at Iain as I said, "Thanks, man." I then looked at Luke who is also looking at me and we gave each other a smile. I turned back to Casey and Iain and said, "Well, I actually do have another purpose other than visiting that is why I came here."

Iain and Casey glanced at each other, then to me and both gave me a questioning look so I continued, "I wanted to invite you tomorrow for Mike's birthday party."

"Mike's birthday was last Monday? He was even here last Tuesday to celebrate with us?" Iain asked, confused.

"Yeah, but we decided to actually celebrate it tomorrow in the beach house. Well, Mike doesn't know I'm inviting you. He only thinks it will be just us because you already know why, so I wanna surprise him with having everyone there. So, are you up for it?"

"For a reunion? Why the fuck not?" Casey said with a laugh, making me chuckle.

I felt Luke hold my hand and gave it a squeeze. I squeezed back as I look up at him and he gave me a soft smile with the obvious fond look in his eyes.

"You guys are so adorable," Casey expressed, making blush creep to Luke's cheeks. I chuckled as I looked at my beautiful boyfriend getting all shy and everything. Ain't he the most precious one?

"Aww, Luke's blushing! How cute!" Iain cooed and Luke's cheek became more red as well as the tips of his ears. He tried to hide his face on the crook of my neck and I let go of his hand and wrapped my arm around his waist, pulling him to me.

"Anyway," I said, pulling the attention off of Luke, and making him pull away from my neck but I still held him by my side. I glanced between Casey and Iain and continued, "I got a favor for you both."

"Yeah? What is it?" Casey asked.

"Well, my gift for Mike will be arriving later today. I had it delivered here, but I can't wait for it to arrive because we have to go back to the campus. So will it be ok for you to bring it with you tomorrow to the beach house?"

"Sure, no problem," Iain said with a smile.

I turned to look at Luke again and I said, "You wanna look around?"

His face lit up and it made another smile slide its way into my face as how Luke always makes me smile with whatever little thing he does.

"Can I take a look at the guitars?" Luke asked me with big excited eyes.

"Of course, go on. You can try any of them if you want," I told Luke with a smile and he beamed at me before he went over to the rows of acoustic guitars and he picked up one.

He took a sit down on a stool by the rack and started tuning the guitar and strummed the strings. A smile was spread on his lips as he got satisfied with the tune and began playing a familiar song. One of those he always listens to in my car and one of those I started listening to again.

"Wow, you're good," Casey commented as he himself also plays the guitar and also good at it. Both him and Iain play some instruments. Hence, the ones running my store when Mike and I are not around. Well, when Mike is not around since I am never around.

Luke bashfully smiled at Casey as he said, "I don't think I'm that good, but thanks."

"He sings too," I stated, making Luke look at me in surprise.

"I don't sing, Ashton," Luke argued.

"Yeah, tell that to all the car rides we had with you full on singing every song playing in the car."

"Why do you have to expose me?" Luke said, narrowing his eyes at me.

I just smiled as I gave him a shrug. He playfully rolled his eyes at me and then returned the guitar to its place and took another one. He repeated his previous actions with the guitar and smiled as Casey, Iain, and I clapped our hands for him.

He took another one and played the instrument again but this time he just did some random strumming and plucking.

He put the guitar back and took the one he played with first and said, "I think this one has a better sound."

"I agree with you," Casey said.

"How about you, Ash, don't you wanna try them?" Iain asked.

I just gave him a small smile and shook my head 'no.' I don't think I am ready to touch any of these instruments and play them again. Maybe one day but not now.

Both Iain and Casey stared at me for a moment and I know what they both are thinking. I just gave them both another small yet reassuring smile before I turned to look at Luke, who is looking at me with furrowed eyebrows.

I gave my boyfriend a soft smile and said, "You wanna try the others?"

Luke smiled as he glanced at the rest of the guitars then back to me and said, "I wanted to but I don't wanna be late for work."

"I can talk to Mitchy," I offered.

"No, Ash, because you can't keep doing that. You can't abuse your friendship with Mitchy for me," Luke told me as he put the guitar back down on its place on the rack.

I gave my boyfriend a smile then said, "Ok."

Luke chuckled then stood up from the stool he was sitting on and smiled at both Casey and Iain as he said, "Thanks for letting me play a few."

"Oh, thank your boyfriend for that," Casey said with a chuckle.

"Well, I made you listen to my amateur guitar playing."

"You are actually good, you know."

Luke smiled to both of my friends. I went closer to him and took hold of his hand as I said to both Casey and Iain, "Well, I guess we gotta go."

"We're very sorry, we can't stay long," Luke said.

"Oh, don't worry about it," Casey said with a wave of dismissal.

"Well, we can catch up tomorrow at the party," I told them, making them smile widely.

"That's a really great plan. We'll be looking forward to that," Casey said.

I chuckled then Iain said, "Well, you both take care."

"See you both at the party tomorrow. You can bring some friends if you want."

"See you tomorrow, both of you."

I gave them one last smile and both me and Luke headed for the door. Before Luke and I stepped out of the store, Luke gave them both a wave goodbye.

"Well, that was...fucking surprising," Luke expressed as we were both inside the car.

"I know. I'm sorry," I quietly told Luke as I placed a hand on his knee.

"Why are you apologizing?" Luke asked with a confused expression.

"Because I didn't tell you about it until now?"

"Well, you don't have to apologize about that. I know you got reasons, babe."

I smiled at Luke then leaned in to kiss him which he quickly responded, making me smile into the kiss. Luke pulled away to look at me with a raised questioning eyebrow and asked, "Why are you smiling like that?"

"Because..."

Luke chuckled, "Not good enough."

"Oh, you'll just blush if I tell you why."

Luke rolled his eyes as he sat back in his seat and started the car. I laughed at my boyfriend's actions as I also sat back in my seat.

"I'm still very fucking surprised that you own a music store, though," Luke expressed as he pulled out onto the road.

\---

"Bye, Mitchy!" Luke called as he waved goodbye to Mitchy and stepped out of the café.

"Hey, baby!" I lowly said as I stepped away from where I was previously standing or much more hiding and stood in front of Luke, smirking.

"Fucking hell, Ashton!" Luke cursed with wide eyes and a hand on his chest as he was startled by my sudden appearance. I laughed as I went to gently pull Luke into me and wrap my arms around his waist. He narrowed his eyes at me and said, "I told you not to do that."

"I'm sorry, baby, I just can't help it," I said with a chuckle.

Luke rolled his eyes so I kissed the tip of his nose and said, "Come on."

"Ugh, I forgot I still need to pack for the weekend," Luke said as he let me guide him to my car. We both are gonna go ahead to the beach house tonight to set the place for the party tomorrow. Niall is in charge with the booze and will be going there with Michael, Tyler, and Josh as Calum will be the one to pick up the cake and go with Alex and Jack. Harry and Louis will be there early tomorrow to help me out with the food.

"It's ok. I already packed for you," I told him with a smile.

Luke turned to me with a surprised expression, "You packed my stuff for me?"

"Well, yeah, I hope you didn't mind. I mean, I had nothing to do while you were at work, so I figured I'd go over to your apartment and pack your things for you. Well, Calum helped too," I explained and now feeling a bit skeptical if I made the right decision of packing Luke's stuff for him or I just crossed a line.

"Calum helped you?" Luke asked as if it was the only thing he heard from what I said.

"Uh...yeah. He came home while I was in the middle of the packing. It was actually a bit funny because he thought I was a burglar, and so I explained to him that you kind of gave me a key so that was why I was able to get in the apartment. Then I also told him I was packing for you for our early trip to the beach house tonight."

"So both you and Calum packed my stuff for me?"

Both Luke and I stopped by my car and I looked at him with furrowed eyebrows and said, "Yeah...he helped me. Wait, are you even listening to what I was telling you?"

"Yeah, you packed my stuff and Calum helped you. So did you two talk while you were packing?"

I looked at Luke skeptically then said, "Of course, Luke, we talked."

"Well, talk-talk? Or just talk?"

"Calum and I are friends, Luke, so of course, we talk like friends do."

"Uh...I don't really know about that," Luke shrugged as he opened up his hand for the car keys. "And I can't believe you drove again."

I rolled my eyes at Luke as I put my keys on his hand and said, "I didn't drive. Michael drove here then Niall came to pick him up."

"Oh. Ok. I'm glad you're learning to listen to people," Luke said as he walked over to the driver's side.

"I always listen to you," I pointed out.

"Hmmm...true."

I rolled my eyes again then we both got into my car. I settled in the passenger seat and asked, "So what do you mean about what you about me and Calum?"

"Nothing, really," Luke said as he started the car.

"Luke."

"Fine. It's just that you and Calum don't really interact with each other unless you had to. I mean, I never really saw you two actually talk, you know, like really hold a conversation."

I looked at Luke with furrowed eyebrows and said, "We do talk, Luke. We even had a smoke together in the parking lot at the apartment."

"Really? When?"

"Well...during the 'dark times' between us? And I mean, after that, we talked more, I guess."

"Seriously? So that was how you got him into your plan of trapping me into the basement of the frat house."

I laughed, "I'm sorry again about that, but yeah, Calum pretty much was the one who told us how to get you there."

Luke rolled his eyes playfully at me, "Anyway, what are we gonna do again when we get to the beach house?"

"Well, basically clean up then we can also make out," I told Luke with a grin.

Luke laughed, making my heart flutter.

"We should definitely make sure that we finish cleaning up before we start making out," Luke commented.

"Well, that we should do. We can never tell where making out could go," I said then gave Luke a wink.

Luke laughed again and said, "I can't believe I'm having this kind of conversation with you right now."

I chuckled, "Ah...get used to it, baby."

Luke smiled then it went silent for a bit before he glanced at me for a moment then back to the road and said, "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure, go ahead," I replied.

"Uhm...why did you tell me about the music store today?"

I stared at Luke for a moment before I sighed and said, "Because I don't wanna keep things from you anymore. I love you, Luke. So fucking much. And I wanna move forward with my life with you in it. I think for me to do that is to stop running away from my past and let you into my life completely. I have to face everything that I turned my back on and fix everything that I broke. And I wanted to do all that with you by my side, guiding me and keeping me sane because you are my sanctuary, Luke. I just hope, though, that it won't make you run away from me."

To my surprise, Luke suddenly pulled over. I looked at him with a surprised expression but he wasn't looking at me and just staring up ahead. My heart began to pound hard in my chest and fear started taking over my body.

Did I do the right move? Did I make the right decision? Or did I just push the love of my life away?

What if his reaction to what I just told him scared him and made him realize that being with me is not something that he wants? What if he just felt that he really couldn't trust me because I keep many secrets from him? What if he realizes that he really doesn't love me?

"Did you mean all that? All that you just said?" Luke asked quietly, pulling me out of my panicking thoughts. He slowly turned his head to look at me. His eyes are brimming with tears but I couldn't tell if they are sad or happy tears.

"I do. I mean all that," I responded softly as I looked straight into his eyes to show him that I am being truthful.

Luke stared at me and I can't read anything on his face and it makes me scared twenty times more. Fuck. Why can't I just fucking do anything right?

"I love you so fucking much," Luke said as he unfastened his seatbelt and kissed me before I had any chance to react to what he just said.

But the feeling of his lips against mine just instantly dissolved every fear and panicking thoughts I was having.

Luke went to straddle me - an action that has been a usual thing between us now and I just love how he fits perfectly with me. My arms found their way around his waist as one of his hands was placed on the side of my face and the other just tangled through my messy hair. I always loved it when he does that and especially when he tugs on my hair.

Our kiss went deeper and as I felt Luke's mouth open slightly, I took the opportunity to slide my tongue in. I was graciously welcomed by his tongue as it gracefully moved along with mine.

Luke then pulled away a bit just enough for our lips to still be brushing against each other. He leaned his forehead against mine and whispered, "You have no idea how much you made me happy for saying that."

I let out a sigh then chuckled in total relief, making Luke pull away more from me to look at my face completely. His eyebrows are furrowed as his thumb caressed my cheek and I looked at him with a wide smile across my face and then I said, "And you have no idea how you just made me happy right now. I thought I just scared you away."

"Scared me away? Dude, seriously?"

I smiled and shrugged at him.

"Ash...you know...let me tell you something. Ever since the day I met you, I right then got this feeling...well, more like an energy that pulls me into you. And that dickhead persona that you show everyone? I saw through it. I saw that you are way more than it. And all I ever wanted was for you to trust me enough that you'll let me in. So, thank you so much for this."

"No, thank you, Luke. I am the one who should tell you that because if it wasn't for you, I don't think I'd be able to do this."

"Ash...this was all you. You just denied yourself to see it before, but you are stronger than how you thought you are."

I stared at my boyfriend and he gave me a soft smile that just hugged my heart in warmth and love. I smiled back at him and kissed him softly before I pulled away and said, "I really don't know what to do without you."

"Then you should never let me go," Luke responded with a smile.

"Never."

Luke chuckled then we shared another kiss before we pulled away again and I said, "I really hope though that I won't scare you away, Luke."

"You won't, Ash. I know there are more things that you still want to keep to yourself and I respect and understand that. And I will be here until you are ready. But I promise you, nothing will ever make me run away from you. I love you too much for me to do that."

I smiled at him and then leaned forward for our lips to meet again. I felt happy and relieved that I made Luke happy with what I did. But I just can't push away the fear of losing him. I am so afraid that I will lose him when he'll learn about everything in my past - when he'll know who I really am and what I've done.

**\---**

I opened my eyes as I moved around the bed and saw the beautiful and peaceful sleeping face of Luke. I couldn't help the smile that slid into my lips as I studied his features. He is so beautiful and his beauty is not just on the outside as he also has a very kind heart. Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve him.

I never really thought I would ever meet someone that would pull me out of the darkness. Luke is not just my boyfriend, but he is also my angel. He brings out the best in me and he saves me from the depths of darkness that I thought had no escape.

Luke gave me hope in life. Luke makes me feel the one thing I thought was gone from me: happiness.

And that makes me so afraid.

I fear of not being good enough for him. I fear that I will fail him. I fail that I will do something that is going to make him leave me. I fear of losing him.

Yes. That. I am so afraid of losing Luke.

I let out a breath and slowly sat up. I reached for my phone and was still too early. The sun hasn't even come up yet.

But I am awake now and I know I can't go back to sleep. So I silently got out of bed and pulled on a pair of basketball shorts. Without bothering to put on a t-shirt, I made my way out of the bedroom. I headed downstairs and went straight into the kitchen and made some coffee.

Luke and I arrived at the beach house around 9 PM last night and we started immediately of putting the place in order and ready for today's party for Michael.

After we got done, we got both really tired and went to sleep and yeah, there was really no making out. But that's ok, I prefer the cuddles with him, anyway.

Luke just makes me feel calm. I don't even know how he does that. For someone like me, Luke is just like a miracle. He just has this thing in him that keeps me sane and calm and peaceful. It was even with him that I started to actually have a good night sleep after four years.

I sleep peacefully when I am with Luke and I won't have any nightmares like I always do before. Even Michael had noticed that as he was the only one who knew about my nightmares.

I poured coffee into a mug and brought it with me outside in the lounge area by the pool. I sat down on the large ass chair and sipped my coffee as I stared out into the still dark ocean sky.

I let out a breath and took another sip of my coffee, feeling the hot liquid pass through my tongue and down my throat.

My thoughts brought me back into what Luke told me in the car last night. I really am happy and relieved that what I did telling him about my shop and making him meet my friends made him happy.

I really do wanna let Luke in and let him see who I was, no, who I am. So I decided that for me to do that, I have to face my past. I have to look back on all the things that I turned my back on and to all the people I shut out. People who cared about me that I shut out.

I took up all the courage that I can get and took Luke to the music store before I had the chance to be a coward and change my mind.

It was the first time I step a foot inside the place after four years of avoiding it and pretending that it didn't exist, including my friends that did their best to keep the place running when I couldn't do it myself.

I know they didn't deserve how I treated them after everything they did for me. They stayed despite me leaving them. Now, I am more than eager to make it all up to them.

There are still a lot of things that I haven't told Luke about me and that is what scares me the most. I am no good man. I did a very awful thing before that not just fucked up my life but also my brother's. I wasn't even content of that and I fucked my life more and didn't care how it also fucked up my friends' lives.

I am selfish and I don't deserve to be loved and cared for by these people. But despite everything I did, they are there. Always have been.

I don't really know if I will ever tell Luke that part of my life because I am so afraid that if I will, he'd realize how much of a monster I am and he'll leave me. I don't know if I could ever take that. I don't know if I can go on with my life without Luke.

This must be sounding crazy and exaggerating right now but my feelings for Luke is something that I never thought I would ever have. I love him.

I thought I already knew love when I was with Bryana, but I was wrong. Yes, I was in love with her when we were together. I really did love her. But it wasn't the same with how I feel for Luke. I can't even describe it. It's just...he seems to be the one who gives me life. He holds my heart and he keeps it beating. He never fails to put a smile on my face. Whenever I see him, whenever I am with him, it's as if I don't have anything in my life but pure love and happiness.

And that is why I am so afraid of losing him.

"You're up early..." Luke's groggy morning voice pulled me out of my thoughts and I turned to look around and saw him by the glass door, standing and rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

I smiled at how adorable he looks like, "Hello."

Luke smiled and then walked over to me and took the mug of coffee from my hand and took a sip before sitting down on the space on the chair in between my thighs.

"Good morning," I whispered in his ear, pressing a light kiss on his shoulder as I wrapped my arms around his waist.

"Good morning," Luke responded, turning his head to look at me and smiled. "Sorry I took your coffee."

"I don't mind."

"Good."

I chuckled then pressed another kiss on his shoulder.

"Are you ok?" Luke asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Did you sleep?"

"Yes, I did. I just woke up earlier than intended and couldn't go back to sleep so I figured I'd just watch the sunrise."

"Without me?" Luke asked with a pout, making me laugh because of how adorable this boy is.

"You look so peaceful when you were sleeping. I just couldn't push myself to wake you up. And well, you're here now, so..." I said before I placed my eyes on the horizon and looked at how the light of day is starting to break into the night sky.

"The sun will be up soon," I told Luke.

He smiled as he leaned his back further against my chest, making my arms tighten around him. He let out a sigh and said, "Isn't this romantic? Watching the sunrise together."

I smiled against Luke's shoulder, "Yes, it is."

We both stared out into the horizon and watched as how the sun started to come out and slowly rise up into the morning sky. Different shades of different colors are scattered around the sky like a painting. It was beautiful. Indeed, it is. But when I turned my gaze to the boy I am holding in my arms, I know there is nothing, not even a view, can beat his beauty. He will always be the most beautiful things I have ever laid my eyes on.

A smiled is painted on my lips as I watched him watching the sunrise in awe and I couldn't help but press a kiss on his cheek.

Luke turned to look at with a smile then he leaned in and captured my lips in a proper kiss.

"I love you," I whispered to him as I looked into his stunning blue eyes.

"And I love you," he responded, staring back at me.

We gave each other a smile and we kissed again and I held him closer to me.

As we pulled away again, Luke smiled then turned his attention back into the rising sun. He took another sip of the coffee before he put it down on the floor by the foot of the chair.

He breathed out and leaned more into me, pushing his head back and resting it against my shoulder as he closed his eyes.

His neck is on full display for me and I just couldn't help but press my lips on the pale skin of his neck.

Luke hummed in response to the kiss and I moved my lips up to the skin behind his ear and left wet kisses down to his jaw where I started to suck lightly.

A light moan escaped from Luke's slightly parted lips, making me move my lips into his sweet spot and suck there instead.

A louder moan was released from Luke's mouth and he turned his head more to the side to give me access.

My lips continued their work against Luke's neck as my left hand slipped inside the t-shirt he is wearing. My palm stayed flat against Luke's stomach, feeling the warmth of his skin. I moved my hand and gently caressed Luke's side as my lips never stopped kissing and sucking on different parts of his neck.

Another moan escaped from Luke which sent vibrations directly to my now fully awake member. My hand slowly made its way towards the waistband of Luke's boxers, slipping inside.

My hand found the already hard member of Luke and I wrapped my fingers around it, slowly pumping it up and down.

"Fuck," Luke breathed out with his eyes still closed. I pulled his hard length out of his boxers and continued to move my hand up and down.

Luke breathed out and lifted a hand up to tangle his fingers through my hair. I let out a groan as he pulled on a fistful of my hair, making me let out a groan of pleasure. I have always loved it every time he does that. It turns me on even more.

I bit the skin on where Luke's neck and shoulder meet, letting a whine come out of Luke's mouth. I pulled Luke more into me, making my full hard-on press against his ass.

Both Luke and I released deep moans and Luke tugged on my hair again. I tightened my grip around his dick and pumped it faster as Luke pushed his ass back and putting pressure on my own cock.

Luke tugged on my hair again and another deep groan came out of me because of the action. He turned his head, making me pull away from his skin and we both looked at each other. We gave each other a smile and Luke leaned in and kissed me which I more than gladly responded to.

As our tongues did their thing, my hand also stuck to its duty of giving pleasure to Luke.

"Fuck, Ash," Luke mumbled against my lips as he made another rough tug on my hair, sending another load of pleasure to my untouched yet full of sensation hard length.

"I'm close," he muttered and pushed his ass back, putting more pressure on my untouched cock and making me tighten my grip on his length and moved my hand even faster. Despite not having my dick touched, the sounds that Luke's making and with him moving against me is giving me enough pleasure and pushing me off the edge.

Luke was pushing back as he went with the pace and movement of my hand around his dick and with one last deep moan, he released onto my hand and on his clothed chest.

His eyes are closed and his face is scrunched up as he released up to the last drop. I groaned against Luke's lips as I watched him give his all out and I continued to move my hand, riding his orgasm as he let his head fall back on my shoulder with his eyes closed.

Just watching him in pleasure had brought me to my limit and I let out another groan as I, myself, let go and released in my own boxers.

I breathed heavily before I let go of Luke's length and pressed a kiss on his neck.

"Wow..." he sounded, "that was amazing."

"You're amazing," I whispered in his ear, making him chuckle.

He then sat up and took off his t-shirt before taking my hand and cleaned it off with the t-shirt from his own release. He looked up at me and smiled, "Thank you for that. I enjoyed it."

I smiled at him and pressed a kiss to his lips.

"Are you ok? Do you need help with or do you want me to...?" Luke asked as he gestured down at my crotch.

I smiled at him and shook my head before I said, "I already came."

Luke blinked at me then said, "Oh. Ok."

I chuckled then pressed another kiss to his lips, making him smile.

"So why were you really up early?" Luke asked.

I furrowed my eyebrows at him and said, "I already told you why."

Luke sighed then turned a bit to be able to look at me properly and he said, "Ash...you know you can always trust me, right?"

"I know, baby."

"Then you also know that you can tell me anything, yeah?"

"Yes. And...where is this talk going?"

Luke let out another sigh and looked at me in the eyes and said, "Ash, I know something's bothering you. I can just...feel it, you know. And you are up so early today and went out here, drinking coffee before sunrise. Usually, when you wake up too early you just stay in bed and cuddle with me...and well, you wait until I wake up. So?"

And this boy sees through me all the time. This time, I am the one who let out a sigh and put my arms back around his body. I pressed a kiss on his shoulder and smiled at him as I said, "I'm fine, baby. I was just thinking about some things. You know, about my friends back at the shop. I just realized that I was so cruel to them for shutting them out of my life. Then despite what I did, they are still there. I just really wanna make up to them for everything that I did."

Luke smiled at me then placed a hand on my cheek as he wrapped his other arm around my shoulders.

"Ash...you're not cruel, ok? You had your reasons why you did what you did and they clearly understand that. They are your friends, Ash, and that's what friends do. They stick to each other always and they are always there for each other through ups and downs."

I smiled small at Luke then turned my gaze down and said, "But I really wanna make it up to them, Luke. I just don't know how to do that without messing up because every time I do something, I just mess up. Just take us for example. I kept things from you thinking that I can protect you that way but look how that turned out."

Luke moved his hand from my cheek and put it against my chest as he said, "That's not true, Ash. You don't mess up everything you do. You make us as an example and so I will do the same thing. Look at us, are we a mess? Do you think our relationship is a mess?"

"No, but-"

"If you didn't do anything, do you think we're together now?" Luke asked, cutting me off. "After what happened to us, if you didn't do something about it, do you think we're back together now?"

I let out a sigh yet didn't say anything. I bowed my head down and rested my forehead against his shoulder.

"You don't mess up everything you do, Ash. And about your friends, if you wanna make it up to them, just be there for them and continue to live as happily as you can with them as a part of your life again."

I stared up at Luke, straight in his eyes. He smiled down at me and put his hand back to my cheek and leaned in and caught my lips in a kiss.

I really don't know what to do without Luke. He just...he keeps me in line and makes me see the things that I should see.

"And always remember, I am here for you. I am always with you through anything and everything," Luke whispered against my lips. "Always, Ash. Always."

"I love you, Luke. I will never get tired of telling you that and please believe that," I told my boyfriend before I pressed another kiss on his lips.

Luke smiled at me as we pulled away from the kiss and he said, "And I love you, Ash. Always."

**\---**


	23. 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains three (3) parts with shifting of P.O.V. It is indicated on each part if whose P.O.V. it will be.

**Part One**

**\---**

**_ashton_ **

"I'll get it!" Luke said as we both heard the doorbell ring. I watched him as he hurried to the front door.

"Luke!" I heard my brother's loud voice boom around the house and I shook my head with a smile, knowing how excited Harry can get sometimes.

A few moments later, Luke emerged back into the kitchen with Harry and Louis with him. My brother ran over to me and lock me in a tight hug from my side and kissed my cheek. I scrunched up my face as I moved it away from him and said, "Have some bit of shame, Harry."

"Why would I when you are my brother and I barely see you?" Harry argued, still keeping me in his embrace.

I rolled my eyes then said, "How about you let me go now because I have to finish what I'm doing and also, why don't you start with preparing the other food. The last time I checked you have to be early here so you can help me out."

This time, it was Harry who rolled his eyes as he let go of me and said, "You could at least pretend that you're happy to see me."

I chuckled then said, "I am happy to see you, Harry, but I am just busy right now. The boys will be here in a few hours and so the party will start. We have to finish everything before then."

"I know...so what should I do?"

I smiled at my brother and presented him everything I have prepared on the kitchen counter and said, "Finish this one while I go take a shower."

"Fine," Harry said as he went to wash his hands.

I looked at Luke and Louis who were standing by the opposite side of the counter and said, "Well, Louis, why don't you help your fiance and Luke, come with me."

"Are you gonna have shower sex?" Louis bluntly asked, making Luke look at him with wide eyes and a face red as a tomato.

I rolled my eyes at Louis, "Unlike you and Harry, we don't do everything with sex."

I walked around the counter and took hold of Luke's hand and we both headed upstairs. "I'm sorry about that," I told Luke.

Luke smiled at me and said, "It's ok, babe. I just didn't expect it, but it's fine."

"Are you sure? I just don't want you to feel uncomfortable."

"I am sure, and besides it's just Louis. Also, I'm not really bothered about the topic anymore. I have moved on from that, I think. And that's thanks to you," Luke told me with a smile.

I smiled back and we both entered our room. "So you wanna take a shower first?"

Luke looked at me with a raised eyebrow and then asked, "I thought we are gonna take a shower together. Well, I kinda assumed for it and kinda excited for it."

I chuckled and went over to Luke and wrapped my arms around his waist and said, "You want to take a shower with me?"

"Well, I would really like that. I actually prefer it," Luke said with a smirk as he wrapped his arms around my shoulder.

"Then won't you mind helping me with my injured hand? I gotta have to wrap it up before I take a shower."

Luke giggled which just gave me a lot of tingly feelings inside because of how adorable he is. "That won't be a problem."

I chuckled and gave Luke a kiss.

"I love you," Luke whispered against my lips.

"And I love you. Always" I responded.

"And we should take a shower," Luke added, making me laugh.

"Why do you always have to ruin the moment?"

"I guess that's my charm."

I smiled then gave my boyfriend another kiss before I pulled away from him completely and pulled him with me to the bathroom. I sat down on the sink counter and watched as Luke turned the shower on and then went over to me to help me wrap my hand to keep it from getting wet.

As it was finished, we both rid ourselves from our clothes and stepped into the shower. Luke turned to face me and we exchanged smiles and shared a literally wet kiss.

"I really like it here," Luke told me as we pulled away from the kiss.

"I like it here with you," I replied.

Luke smiled then reached for the shampoo and went to wash my hair.

"Is it ok with you that you are doing this?" I asked Luke.

He stopped his actions and looked at me with a confused expression and said, "What do you mean?"

"Well, you kinda are taking care of me right now, and I don't know...it's just that I should be the one doing it."

Luke playfully rolled his eyes and said, "Oh, don't be silly, Ash...you're injured and there is no way I'm gonna let you do anything. Well...other than cooking because I don't know shit about that. And also, I love taking care of you because I love you."

"What did I do to deserve you?"

Luke smiled and pressed his lips against mine for another sweet kiss. We continued with our shower with some kisses in between.

As soon as we got off the shower, Luke helped me dry up and I still kinda feel weird that I am the one being taken care of. It's not that I don't like it, it's just that I just think that I should be the one taking care of Luke all the time because he's too precious and he deserves to be taken cared of.

Luke also helped me change even though I insisted that I can do it myself. But he won't let me and well, he always gets his way around me.

We both decided to get dressed for the party already since any time soon the boys and some other guests will be arriving. It wasn't really much of a dressing up since it's just a casual party and most people for sure would end up swimming in the pool or will be out on the beach. I settled for a pair of black skinny jeans and a striped gray sweatshirt as Luke also kept it simple with a pair of ripped black skinny jeans and a white Bon Jovi t-shirt.

"How was the shower...sex?" Louis asked as both Luke and I entered the kitchen.

Harry snickered as Louis looked at him with a wide grin. I rolled my eyes at them and went over the counter and looked over everything.

"Luke," I called and Luke walked over to me and I looked at him and said, "can you please take care of the barbeque?"

"Ok," Luke responded with a smile as he took the bowl with all needed for the barbeque.

"Louis, help Luke," I told Louis without looking at him.

"Did you just give me orders?" Louis asked.

"If you weren't paying attention, yes I did."

"Harry?"

"Just do what he says, Lou," Harry told Louis.

I smirked to myself and Louis let out a huff and went with Luke outside at the back.

"You're too bossy, you know that," Harry said to me with a raised eyebrow.

I gave him a shrug in response, making him shake his head but with a smile.

"How are you doing though?" He asked.

"Really good," I answered with a smile.

"I'm happy to see you and Luke together again."

I smiled then looked up at Harry and said, "You have no idea how happy and relieved I am, myself. I was so afraid that Luke would never take me back."

"You also have no idea how  _happy and relieved_ I was. I literally screamed when I got your text, telling me that you got back together. You can ask Louis because he was so annoyed by my screaming."

I chuckled at what Harry said, "Thanks, Harry."

Harry looked at me, confused. "For what?" he asked.

"For always being there for me," I told my brother as I looked at him straight in the eyes.

Harry's features softened and he smiled as he said, "You're my brother, Ash. Of course, I'll always be here for you."

I smiled at Harry and then went around the counter and over to him and pulled him into a hug. Harry chuckled and then wrapped his arms around me and said, "I missed you."

I smiled against my brother's shoulder, knowing what he meant by what he said.

"Why am I not included in that hug?" I heard Michael say, making me and Harry pull away from our hug to look at Michael who is standing at the entrance to the kitchen.

A pout was present on his lips. I rolled my eyes at him as Harry chuckled and walked over to Michael and gave him a hug. A wide grin instantly replaced the pout on Michael's lips as he hugged Harry back.

"Happy Birthday!" Harry expressed.

Michael laughed and said, "It's not really my birthday anymore but thank you. A fucking lot!"

"I'm gonna join that hug!" Niall announced as he ran over to the two hugging boys and wrapped his arms around them, making them almost stumble down.

I just watched them with a smile on my face then turned my attention to Josh and Tyler who just entered the kitchen with all the kinds of booze they bought.

"Hey, man," Josh greeted with a small smile.

I returned the gesture then turned my attention away from him as I heard Luke say, "Hey, Josh!"

I turned around to see Luke coming over to us and stopped next to me. He smiled at me then to Josh and said, "How was the drive?"

"Noisy," Josh said with a smile.

"Niall and Michael won't stop singing. Well, more like yelling," Tyler commented as he joined us.

"Worry about the day when those two would stay silent," I told them as I placed my hand at the small of Luke's back.

Josh glanced at both me and Luke then looked at Tyler as he listened to him saying, "That is very true."

Harry, Michael, and Niall then joined us and I turned to both Josh and Tyler and said, "Boys, this is Harry, my brother," then I looked at Harry and said, "and Harry, this is Josh and Tyler."

"Nice to finally meet you," Harry said with a warm smile as he went to hug both Josh and Tyler which kinda did surprise them.

"Nice to meet you too," Josh said as Harry hugged him after Tyler.

"Haz?" Louis sounded from behind us, making us all turn to him and he walked over to us with a confused expression and he said, "Didn't realize the guests have arrived."

Michael grinned then walked over to Louis to give him a hug. Louis chuckled as he hugged Michael back and said, "Happy Birthday, kid!"

"Thanks! Come on, meet our friends," Michael said as he leads Louis towards the group. "Guys, this is Louis, Harry's fiance."

Tyler and Josh's faces lit up at the word 'fiance' and they both gave Harry and Louis warm smiles then went to shake hands with Louis as they introduced themselves.

"Well, I'd like to stay and chat but I have a barbeque to take care of, so catch up with you all later," Louis said after he grabbed a couple of plates from the cupboard.

"I'll help you!" Niall volunteered.

"Me too!" Michael added as both him and Niall followed Louis back outside.

Luke looked at me and said, "I'll make sure they don't burn the whole place down."

I smiled at Luke and said, "Thanks."

Luke smiled back at me then to the others and followed Louis, Niall, and Michael outside.

"Where's Calum by the way?" Harry asked.

"He's on his way with Jack and Alex," I told my brother.

"Are they gonna be the last one to arrive?"

"Uh...actually, no. I invited a few more people."

Harry looked at me with a surprised expression, "Really? That's nice."

I smiled at my brother, knowing why he was surprised to know  _I_  invited more people. I know for sure both him and Mike just assumed that it's gonna be just us. They didn't even expect for me to actually want to have this party for Michael.

Ever since I...'changed,' I stopped giving a fuck about my family and friends' birthdays also including mine. I used to always plan for parties and stuff but then I stopped and just spend the day like any other day and so Mike also got used to it and just celebrates his birthday with other people and we both stopped celebrating mine.

"Anyways, I just have to buy something, do any of you wanna come?" Harry asked.

"I'll go with you," Tyler volunteered.

"Great, let's go."

Both Josh and I watched Harry and Tyler leave the kitchen. Josh then turned to look at me and said with a smile, "So...Luke, huh?"

"Yeah, what about him?" I asked, acting oblivious.

"You know what I mean, Ash," Josh said as he sat down on one of the bar stools.

"Do you have a problem with it?"

"What, no! It's just nice to see you two together. It's clear that you are happy with him."

"I am."

"You know what, Ash, I don't know if you consider me as a friend, but you, you are a friend to me and it makes me happy to see you like this. Don't get me wrong, but you are a lot different now."

I let out a breath then looked down on the counter, not focusing on anything specific, then I said, "I know." I looked back up at Josh then continued with a smile, "Luke brings out the best in me."

"I can see that, you know," Josh smiled.

I returned the gesture then said, "You know, I see you as my friend too. Hell, I trusted you with some stuff that Michael doesn't even know about."

Josh chuckled, "I thought that was just purely business."

"How does that a business when you don't get paid?"

Josh shrugged with a chuckle, then he said, "You know, there is something I have been meaning to ask."

I furrowed my eyebrows at him, "What is it?"

"I understand a lot of shit happened to you lately," Josh said, gesturing at my injured hand then continued in a low voice, "but, uh...are we still on about Andrew?"

I clenched to then unclenched my jaw and said, "Yes, we are, and still no one should know about it, especially Luke."

Josh nodded, "I understand."

"Thank you."

"But what are you gonna do now? I mean, he's kinda laying low now after your little boxing match at Niall's frat house."

"Nothing. I will do nothing because I promised Luke that I'd stop."

"Then why still keep track of everything about him?"

"Because I can't risk him to try to do anything to Luke. Andrew is a vindictive son of a bitch. He may be silent now but I know he'll strike inevitably. I have worked with that asshole enough for me to know his ways."

"I understand. Do you have anything else you'd want me to do?"

I smiled at Josh, "Just keep doing what you're doing. Just keep track on him."

"Ok. Copy that."

"Thanks for everything, Josh. For always helping me out," I told Josh, trying my best to show him my sincerity.

Josh smiled at me and said, "You don't have to thank me, Ashton. It's just a little thing compared to what you have done for me. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't even be here right now."

"But I don't want you to keep thinking that you owe me because you don't. I know you would've done the same thing for me."

Josh chuckled with a shake of his head as I said, "I just can't believe how much shit we've put ourselves in before."

"Yet we always get ourselves out of it."

"True."

"Hello?" Calum's voice sounded before Josh and I can go further in our conversation.

"Kitchen," I said loudly to let him know where we are.

Soon enough, Calum emerged in the kitchen doorway with a box in his hands and with Alex and Jack following behind him.

"That's the cake?" I asked Calum.

He nodded 'yes' with a grin.

"Well then, put it here, please," I told Calum as I made a space on the counter enough for the box of the cake. Calum placed the cake on the counter then Alex asked, "Where are the others?"

"They're out back," I answered, making both him and Jack nod then made their way outside to the pool.

"Is there anything else that needed to be done?" Calum asked.

"No, not really. Just waiting for Harry and Tyler to come back and some few others to arrive."

"Oh, nice. Well, I'll just also stay out here," Calum said as he headed towards the door.

I smiled at Calum as I nodded.

Josh then chuckled making me look at him with a raised questioning eyebrow, so he said, "I'm sorry, it's just that, I'm not used to this...you, you know. You're smiling a lot."

I chuckled then said with a shrug, "Well, I'm in love, so..."

"Oh my fucking god! I can't believe, I'd actually live to see this day! I mean, who are you?" Josh expressed with a surprised look yet with a smile.

"Is he turning into a stranger?" Luke asked as he joined me and Josh again.

I smiled at my boyfriend then turned my attention back to Josh when he said to Luke, "Your boyfriend is so weird."

Luke laughed, "Since when is he not weird?"

I playfully rolled my eyes at Luke, making both him and Josh chuckle. Then Josh stood up from the barstool he was sitting on and said, "Well, I'm gonna go check what those dickheads are doing."

Both Luke and I gave Josh a smile as he left us to go join the others outback.

"So, my weird boyfriend," Luke said with a smile as he looked at me.

I chuckled then said, "I hope it's ok with you that I kinda told Josh about us. He figured it out and I just thought there's no point of denying it. He's a friend anyway, and I am more than proud to call you my boyfriend."

Luke smiled as he reached out to my hand and held it in his own and he said, "I don't mind. As you said, he's a friend. Mine and yours. And I think we're way past keeping our relationship as a secret now."

I smiled and leaned in to give Luke a kiss on the lips. He smiled against the kiss then let go of my hand and wrapped his arms around my neck to deepen our kiss as my arms also found their way around his body.

The kiss was really nice as always. Luke's lips always feel right against mine. But our kiss was cut short as we both heard someone ringing the bell. We both pulled away and Luke said with a smile, "I'll go get it."

He made his way to the front door and just a moment later, he came back to the kitchen with Mitchy and Roy, along with a couple of friends, Rachel and Sarah. I've met these girls before but never really had an interaction with them. Michael is also kinda friends with them too.

I gave the newcomers a smile as I went over to them and gave Mitchy a hug as I also greeted the others the same.

"Where's Mike?" Mitchy asked with a smile.

"They're out back. Everyone is. You can just hang out there if you like. We'll be bringing out the food out there, anyway."

Mitchy nodded then raised his present for Mike and said, "Where do I put this?"

I pointed to the group of presents that was on the coffee table in the living room. Mitchy placed his and Roy's presents together with the others then they headed out back with the girls. Michael was surprised to see them as both Luke and I heard him yell when seeing Mitchy and his company, making us both chuckle.

I turned to Luke and said, "Can you help me bring everything outside?"

"Do you really have to ask?" Luke said with a raised eyebrow but with a soft smile. He then went over to the kitchen counter, saying, "I won't even let you bring even just one tray."

I chuckled as I went back to counter as well. I was about to pick up a bowl of chips but Luke slapped my hand and gave me a pointed look.

I raised up an eyebrow at him and said, "Really?"

"Yeah, really."

Before I can respond to him, the bell rang again and Luke smirked and said, "Now, why don't you get the door while I take all these out back."

I playfully rolled my eyes at him as I made my way over to the front door.

A group of smiling faces met me as I opened the door, making me chuckle. There stood Casey and Iain, along with a couple of our other friends back in high school, the sisters Nia and Rena.

"Ashton!" both girls exclaimed as they went to hug me.

I laughed as I hugged them back and said, "I'm glad you two were able to come as well."

"We wouldn't miss this for the world!" Nia expressed as the three of us pull away from the hug.

"Well, come on in. Party's about to start and it's the perfect time to surprise Michael with your arrival. He didn't really even expect for the other guests to come."

Nia and Rena entered the house first then Iain followed. Casey paused for a moment and looked at me and said as he stayed by the door, "Your present is in the car. Should I bring it inside now?"

I smiled at Casey then said, "Yeah, that'd be great. Can you do it, please? I mean, bring it inside?"

"Of course. I'll just go get it," Casey said and went back to his car and pulled out a back guitar case with a bow on it. He walked back over to me and I let him in the house. We both walked into the living room and he placed both his and my presents along with the other pile of presents for Michael.

Iain, Nia, and Rena were also in the living room waiting for us. Luke then joined us and I introduced him to Rena and Nia and they were way too thrilled to meet him.

"Well, I got all the food outside except for the cake," Luke informed us.

"We'll just wait for Harry and Tyler then we'll bring out the cake and start the party," I told everyone with a smile.

As if on cue, a car pulled up in the driveway and soon Harry and Tyler entered the house. They both emerged in the living room and as Harry saw everyone in the room, his eyes widened in surprise and he gave each of the newcomers a hug. He, too, was not expecting them to come.

"I'll just go get something from upstairs. I'll be really quick," Luke said to me and then ran upstairs.

While he was gone, I took the opportunity to introduce Tyler to the group. Everyone, except Harry, shook hands with him.

Luke then came back with his present in one hand and my camera on the other. He placed the present along with the pile, then went over to me and hooked the camera's strap around my neck with a smile.

"Wait!" Harry said, making me and Luke turn to look at him. "Is that your camera? The one that..."

I smiled at my brother and nodded. He beamed and engulfed me in a hug as he whispered in my ear, "I'm so happy you found it."

"It was actually Michael who found it. It turns out it was just here all along," I responded as Harry pulled away from the hug.

He smiled at me then huffed and said to everyone, "Let's go celebrate Michael's birthday!"

Harry went over to the counter and put the candles on the cake before lighting them. All of the others followed Harry into the kitchen.

 

"Can you please help me out?" I asked Luke, gesturing to the camera.

Luke smiled and went closer to me and turned on the camera and set it for me.

"Thanks, baby," I softly said to Luke.

He smiled at me and gave me a peck on the lips and whispered, "Love you."

I smiled and whispered back, "Love you."

"Come on now, lovers and let's get the party started!" Harry expressed, making both me and Luke chuckle as we both made our way to join them.

Harry started singing 'Happy Birthday' as he carried the cake outside and with us following and everyone, except me, joining him in singing. I stayed a bit behind them as I started recording everything with my camera, and captured every moment of it.

I couldn't help the smile that escaped me as I saw the look on Michael's face as he saw our old friends were here celebrating with him. Even Niall was also surprised by their presence as he also didn't know they were coming.

Michael looked at me with a wide genuine smile and mouthed 'thank you.' I gave my best friend a smile and watched him as he blew out his candles but after he made his wish.

**\---**

 

* * *

 

 

**Part Two**

**\---**

**_luke_ **

To say that the party we had for Michael was the best is even an understatement. It wasn't just because it was really fun but the fact that it was Ashton who planned and lead everything for this to happen is something that I will forever be grateful and happy about.

I can clearly see just by the look on Michael's face when we came out from the house with Harry carrying the cake and their old friends with us. He wasn't even able to stop his tears from falling and anyone can say that they were happy tears as the wide smile never left his face.

I looked at Ashton as he recorded everything in his camera and a fond smile also took over my face as I see him with the colors of his eyes shining and the light in his smile so bright.

Ashton turned his attention to me, still with that bright smile on his face. I walked over to him and wrapped an arm around his shoulders as I pressed a kiss on his cheek. He leaned his body to me as he continued recording and I tightened my hold around him.

"Hey, baby, can you please do me a little favor?" he asked.

"Of course, what is it?"

"Can you please tie my hair? It keeps falling on my face."

I chuckled as I nodded as he is so adorable. I took the hair tie from his wrist and gently pulled his hair away from his face and tied it up in a bun at the back of his head.

"Thank you, baby," he said with a smile.

"You're welcome," I responded as we both continued to watch Michael blowing out his candles and obviously being so happy with his surprise guests.

Ashton turned his camera off after the candle blowing and turned to me with a smile. I gave a last glance to Michael while he introduced Casey, Iain, Rena, and Nia to Calum. I smiled then looked at my boyfriend and said, "This is really amazing. Everything that you did for Michael today."

"It's the least I can do for him. It isn't even enough for all the times and important occasions for him that I missed."

"It's ok, you still have a lot more chances to make up for it, and I'm sure Michael understands why you did what you did before."

Ashton smiled then took hold of my hand and led me back inside the house. We made our way into the kitchen and he sat down on one of the barstools by the counter. I didn't copy his actions but instead, I went to stand in between his legs and pulled my hand away from his to wrap my arms around his shoulders.

"Thank you to you too," Ashton softly said.

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion and said, "For what?"

"If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have been able to realize the terrible things that I have done. I wouldn't realize how bad I am as a friend to all of them."

I let out a huff and held Ashton's face and said with a smile, "Babe...I got nothing to do about all that. It's all you. But you know what will make me happy?"

"What is it?"

"If you start giving yourself more credit. You have no idea how beautiful you are as a person, Ash. And I am not just talking about your amazingly good looks," I told my boyfriend as I looked straight into his eyes to show him my sincerity.

He smiled small at me and said, "I wish I can believe what you just said."

I pressed my lips against his and kissed him softly and I said as I pulled away, "Then I won't stop telling you and reminding you that until you will finally be able to believe that. Ashton, I may not have told you this before, but you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You have no idea how much you have done for me to change my life for the better. If it wasn't for you, I won't be able to fully accept who I really am and I won't ever have the courage to be myself and be proud of it. You helped me realize my worth."

Ashton smiled then pulled me closer to him and I leaned in for our lips to meet again. "I love you," I whispered against his lips.

"And I love you, princess, with all of my being."

I smiled then leaned in again for another sweet kiss with Ashton, but our moment was cut short as we were interrupted by Harry saying, "I'd hate to interrupt you two lovebirds, but Ash, as the photographer of the day, there are a lot of happenings outside that you would not want to miss."

Ashton sighed but then smiled as he let me move out of his hold and in between his legs. He stood up from the barstool then looked at me and said, "Can you help me out again?"

"Sure," I said as I helped him set his camera.

He gave me a peck on the cheek after then he went back outside. Harry then went around the counter to get himself and me some drinks. He smiled at me as I approached the counter and he handed me the red plastic cup.

I took it with a smile as I sat down on the barstool that Ashton previously sat on. I sipped on the cup then looked at Harry who was still looking at me with a smile.

"I don't know if I should be confused, flattered, or be creeped out with you looking at me like that," I told Harry jokingly, making him chuckle.

"I'm sorry, I'm just really happy today," Harry said.

"I can see that."

Harry chuckled, "Are you happy with this?"

"With the party or with what's happening in general."

"With everything that's happening."

"Well, there have been some bad times but despite all that, I couldn't be happier. Being with Ashton has been the best experience I've ever had. I never have thought that I'd be able to be this happy in my life."

Harry smiled and then he said, "I'm really happy for you both, you know. And I really couldn't thank you enough for being there for Ashton. You see, Luke, I love my brother so so much and it hurts me to see him struggle through life, but when you came, it all changed. The real Ashton slowly emerged back onto the surface, and that's all I have ever wanted for my brother. For him to be the happy person that he always was."

I let out a huff and said, "I really don't know why you kinda say that I played a huge part with how Ashton changed. Though I won't really call it a 'change' as he is just being his true self. But my point is, it's not because of me, Harry. It's all Ashton. I didn't push to do the things he was supposed to do, he did it on his own. Out of his own will."

"I know, Luke, but throughout it all, you are there beside him. As his brother, knowing that there is someone like you, always there for him, makes my heart happy and me less worried. It's because I know there is someone who helps him see the good things in life."

I smiled at what Harry said because I don't know what to say anymore. I don't think that I deserve these kinds of 'praises' they give me. I haven't really done much for Ashton compared to what he has done for me.

Ashton is a beautiful soul and that leads no doubt for how I fell in love with him so deeply regardless of the span of time of our relationship. Some may say that the idea is stupid because two months is not enough for someone to fall in love. Some may also think that I am just a dumb person who has mistaken infatuation for love. Or maybe some think that I am just this naive young boy who doesn't really know what love is and thinks that he is in love because, for the first time, he experienced being in a relationship. But the truth, they are all wrong. I may be a little young and being with Ashton may be my first ever experience of being with someone, but what they do not understand is how everything just feels right with him. It's like Ashton complements me perfectly.

"I hope I didn't creep you out or freak you out with everything that I just said," Harry expressed with a small smile.

I chuckled and waved a hand of dismissal.

Louis then came in the kitchen and he gave me a smile before he wrapped his arms around Harry from the side and kissed his fiancé's cheek. Harry gave Louis a fond smile and asked, "Do you need anything?"

"Just gonna get some more drinks," Louis said as he pulled away from Harry and pulled out some bottles of hard drinks from where they kept it under the counter.

"Don't drink too much, Lou. We still have to drive home tonight," Harry told Louis.

"Aren't you gonna spend the night here?" I asked them, making them both look at me.I continued, "I mean, I was just kinda expecting that you would since it's a party and the drive home for you would take a little time. It's like...it's kinda expected as well that the party would last until late tonight and I don't know...I think it'd be nice if you won't hold yourself back from having fun just because you would worry about driving back home."

Louis looked at Harry with a knowing look and said, "Luke makes a very good point, baby."

Harry sighed, "Ok, we'll stay the night."

Louis beamed and hugged Harry as he expressed, "Yes! I love you!"

I smiled at the scene in front of me and then both Harry and I watched Louis as he went back outside with the drinks in his hands.

Harry shook his head with a smile as he looked at me and said, "He acts like a 5-year-old-kid."

"And mine acts like a parent most of the times," I commented, making Harry laugh.

"Thanks for putting up with my brother's grumpiness, though," Harry said.

I smiled at him and said, "I understand that side of him. Even more now that he told me everything about it."

Harry looked at me in surprise and said, "He told you about it?"

"Yeah...he did and I'm glad that he trusted me about it."

Harry smiled then went his way around the counter over to me and gave me a hug, "I'm very glad as well."

I hugged Harry back and as we both pulled away from each other, Harry beamed at me, his dimples on full display and he said, "I'm really, really happy too that Ashton met you."

"I am very happy as well that I met him and all of you wonderful people," I told Harry with a smile. I let out a huff then continued, "To tell you the truth, knowing all of you has been the best time of my life yet. I have never been myself as I have ever been now with you all, so thank you so much."

Harry chuckled then he took his drink and raised it up and said, "To us all."

I laughed then did the same, saying, "To us all."

**\---**

I looked around the house and outside for Ashton but I couldn't find him. It's getting dark and alcohol have kicked into most people in the house. The party, as it went on, have been very amazing. Everyone obviously is the so much fun. Michael has even started his "concert" in the backyard as he also started a pool party.

I stayed a bit by the poolside to watch Michael with Niall, Calum, and Jack, along with Nia and Iain perform on the grass area just a bit further from the pool. It turns out that Michael has kept some musical instruments in the house. Aside from the two guitars we used before he also has the keyboard and the  _beatbox_. It also happened that Iain has brought his bass guitar with him.

He was also more than excited to use his new guitar that Ashton gave him. He literally screamed when he saw his present and couldn't stop himself from plunging onto Ashton and locked him in a tight hug when he opened the case and saw it was from his best friend and it was a customized one, especially for him. His reaction was totally priceless.

Since most of these people play an instrument, their "band" was formed quickly and their "concert" immediately started. Calum was playing the keyboard while Michael, Jack, and Niall are on guitars. Iain played the bass as Nia took the beatbox.

Not gonna lie, but damn, they are amazing and I actually stayed for like three songs before I remembered that I was actually looking for Ashton. As I remembered so, I continued my search for my boyfriend. This time, I made my way to the beach and there he was, just a few meters away from the house.

He was sitting quietly as he was watching the ocean slowly being devoured by the night as the light from the sun is slowly losing its power. I walked over to him and softly said as I stood behind him, "Hi."

Ashton looked up and gave me a soft smile.

 

**_[just imagine Ashton having a cast on his right hand :)]_ **

"Are you ok?" I asked as I sat down beside him.

"I am," Ashton responded softly as he looked at me then took my hand and held it in his.

"Why are you out here? Michael is having his 'concert' as what he calls it."

Ashton chuckled, "Yeah, I heard all the singing. But uh...the ocean view kinda felt more endearing for me right now. Haven't seen this in a while and I almost forgot how beautiful it looks at this time of the day."

"And yet, you forgot to invite me again," I said with a fake offense.

Ashton smiled, "You were having so much fun with our friends, I don't wanna ruin your moment. But well, you're here now and we can watch this view together."

"You're lucky that I love you."

"I really am," Ashton said before he caught my lips in a sweet kiss.

I smiled into the kiss, making Ashton pull away and looked at me with a smile yet also with a confused expression and he asked, "What?"

"Nothing...it's just that we watched the sunrise together today and now we're here again and we could watch the moon take the place of the sun. It just really feels so romantic for me witnessing these moments with you."

Ashton smiled fondly then leaned down and pressed his lips on my shoulder before he rested his head on it. Him, resting his head on my shoulder was an action I have never seen him do before and it somewhat made some warm feelings spread all over my body and made a wide smile appear on my face.

He then brought our intertwined hands up and pressed the back of my hand against his lips, making me feel some flutterings in my stomach. There really is no doubt that I am in love with this man. Just the little things that he does always make me feel a lot.

I planted a kiss on the top of his head before I turned my attention onto the horizon. I let out a breath and said, "I really could stay like forever with you."

Ashton chuckled, "You're being cheesy again, baby."

"You made me do it."

"Hmm...always blaming me, huh? But oh well, I could stay like this forever with you too."

I smiled, then we both stayed in silence as we watched the night sky slowly taking its place.

"Michael is beyond happy with his new guitar. It was really beautiful to watch," I commented after a while.

"Guitars are always his thing. He learned to play them since we were like 6 or something. It's like his stress reliever of some kind. You know, playing tunes and stuff."

"You can clearly see that on Mikey, you know. He just gives off this musical vibe."

"How about me though? What vibe do I give off?" Ashton asked as he started playing with my fingers.

"Well, if I am being honest, you are pretty scary because you are naturally very intimidating."

"Seriously though, were you really scared of me before?"

"Oh, fuck, yes. I was legit scared of you. I thought you were gonna kill me at some point."

Ashton laughed as he moved his head off my shoulder to look at me and he asked, "I really scared you that much?"

"Well, you certainly did," I told Ashton.

"I'm sorry," he said, chuckling.

I smiled, "Well, you absolutely have made up for that."

Ashton rested his head back on my shoulder which made me smile again. Then I threw my gaze back out into the ocean in which the water is now already lit up by the moonlight.

I glanced down at Ashton next to me and then my eyes landed on his broken hand that is resting on his thighs. A frown made its way onto my face as I really don't like knowing Ashton is hurt or he got hurt. Guilt is also something I can't avoid to feel every time I see his hand because I know it was because of me.

"Can I ask you something?" I asked Ashton.

"You're already asking, baby," he responded.

I hit him with my elbow, making him chuckle. Then he said, "Sorry. What is it that you wanna ask?"

I turned my gaze down on Ashton's injured hand and I pulled my hand from his hold to reach out for the other. I held his injured hand in mine and I said, "You don't really have to answer me if you don't want to."

"What is it, baby?"

I let out a breath then looked at Ashton as I asked, "You've mentioned before that you've put yourself and others in danger because sometimes you can't control your anger. Did it ever happen that you've seriously hurt someone?"

Ashton moved again to sit up straight and he looked at me with an unreadable expression. My heart began to pound hard in my chest as I was afraid that I may have crossed a line. There are still things that Ashton isn't comfortable of discussing yet. Yes, he has told me about his anger issues, but it does not mean that he is ready of talking about it, in and out.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked that," I told him as I threw my gaze down at the sand.

"No, it's ok. It's just that I..," Ashton paused then sighed before he continued, "I'm scared."

I looked at him with furrowed eyebrows as I am confused, "Scared of what, Ash?"

Ashton jumped off from where we were both sitting and went to stand on the sand in between my legs and said, looking up at me, "I'm scared that when you learn about how fucked up I am and how fucked up all the things I've done before, because of how reckless I am, you'd realize that you don't really want to be with someone like me."

I closed my eyes for a moment then let out a deep breath before I opened them and looked at Ashton straight in his eyes, and said "Ash, I love you. All of you. The good side, the bad side. I love you with your past, your present, and your future." I gave him a playful smile and said, "I was actually hoping that by now you've put that in your head already. There is nothing that will push me away from you. Always remember that. Please."

Ashton chuckled, "You know, I can't really avoid getting scared sometimes. I just don't wanna lose you because of how fucked up I am."

"Do you still remember what I told you before?"

"Which one?"

"That we're all fucked up in our own ways, Ash, and no matter how fucked up you are, I will never leave you because I love you."

Ashton smiled up at me and I placed a hand on his cheeks then leaned down and kissed him deeply and sincerely to assure him that I intend on keeping what I told him as a promise.

As we pulled away, I looked at Ashton with a smile and said, "But if you are not comfortable to answer my question, it's ok. I totally understand."

"No, it's fine," Ashton said with a reassuring smile. "Well, to answer your question, yes, I have seriously hurt someone before that he stayed in the hospital for days."

My eyes widened in surprise to hear what Ashton just said. He let out a breath and continued, "I almost went to jail for that but luckily, the guy's parents didn't press any charges. Their son was a well-known asshole and a pain in their ass and there were many witnesses who can prove that I wasn't the one who started the fight. But still, I lost control and beat up that guy badly. My actions were inconsiderable."

"Ash..."

"That wasn't just that though...I also badly injured myself before. This?" Ashton asked as he lifted his injured hand then said, "This is the second time that I broke my hand."

"Oh my god," I whispered out then pulled Ashton into me and pressed a kissed on the top of his head. "I'm so sorry, babe."

Ashton pulled away from my hug and looked up at me with a smile and said, "It's ok, baby. It happened already, and my hand now is healing. I might even get my cast removed next week or so."

"Can I go with you when you get your cast removed?"

"I wanted you to but you have class during my next check-up, and you can't skip. I won't let you skip. You also have work."

I let out a disappointed sigh, not on Ashton, though, but on me. If I didn't spend the last two weeks skipping my classes, I would have been able to go with him to the hospital for his next check-up.

"I'm sorry, baby. I would want you to come with me but -,"

"But, I can't," I said before he could finish. I smiled at him to let him know I'm not mad and I continued, "It's ok, Ash. It's my fault, anyway."

He was gonna say something but I stopped him through kissing him again. He quickly responded to it and smiled into the kiss, making him pull away and looked up at me with a raised eyebrow and said, "What?"

"Nothing...I just really love kissing you," I told Ashton with a smile.

"I love kissing you too. I can actually do it all day," Ashton responded with a smirk, making me laugh. He grinned up at me and I looked at straight into his eyes with a fond smile. His eyes are so colorful against the night light and his dimply smile is so adorable. Ashton is undeniably beautiful and I still can't believe how lucky I am to have this man in my life. I am so fucking in love with him I could explode.

I placed both of my hands on each side of his face and leaned down to kiss him again. Softly this time and full of my love for him. As we both pulled away, I rested my forehead against his with my eyes still closed then I whispered, "No matter what happens, Ash, you will always be the best thing that ever happened to me."

**\---**

 

* * *

 

 

**Part Three**

**\---**

_**ashton** _

After spending some nice time with Luke by the beach, we both decided to go back to the party as the people are having so much more fun with the performance from Mike and "his band" is giving. Their "concert" - as what Mike addresses it - has become the highlight of the night and everyone at the house is now surrounding them, watching them, and singing along with them. It was absolutely beautiful to watch, especially seeing my best friend having such a great time. It was all I ever wanted.

Luke went to join Harry and Louis in the front row of the performers' audience who were sitting down at the lawn right in front of the little stage. I, on the other hand, chose to stay on the couch by the poolside and watch the band continue to play some familiar songs. A smile never left my face as I watch my friends and family have so much fun and all together.

"So, this is a really nice party," Casey said as he sat down next to me on the couch.

"Are you having fun?" I asked him with a smile.

"So much fun."

"Good."

Casey chuckled then took a sip from his red cup before he asked, "Not drinking?"

"Nope. I shouldn't," I responded.

Casey looked at me for a moment then nodded in understanding before he turned his attention back to the show our friends are having. We stayed like that as we watched the band perform another song.

"Thank you, Ash," Casey suddenly said, making me look at him with furrowed eyebrows.

"For what?" I asked, confused.

"For what you did today. I know it was for Michael, but it also meant a lot for us."

"You don't have to thank me, Casey. I fucked up and what I did to all of you was unacceptable. I know I can't change what I did and I am really sorry for it, but I hope I can still make up for it."

"You already did, Ash. The moment you came back into the shop."

I smiled small at what Casey said as I threw my gaze down on the floor.

"I know it wasn't that easy for you to do, but somehow you did it and you really can't describe how proud and happy we are for you for finally coming back," Casey added.

"You know, I am the one who should be thanking you for still being there for me despite everything that I did," I told Casey, looking back at him.

"We're friends, Ash and friends are always there for each other through thick and thin."

I smiled at my friend and said, "I'm not really the expressive kind, but I hope you all know how much you all mean to me."

Casey patted my shoulder then gave me a reassuring smile.

"I would like to thank my best friend," Michael's loud voice sounded, making both me and Casey look at the direction of the little stage only to see everyone looking right back at our direction. "Ashton, man," Michael continued, "Thank you for this amazing day. I love you, man!"

I smiled at Michael then said, "Love you too, man!"

Everyone applauded and my eyes landed on a beautiful pair of blue ones that have become my safe place. I smiled at Luke and he mouthed me the words 'I love you,' making me smile wider at him. Harry then stood up from where he was sitting then went up the little stage and said, "Well, I'd hate to take the spotlight, but this night won't end without me singing at least one song."

The small crowd laughed at what my brother said as I shook my head with an amused smile.

"What can I say, I trained these boys right here," Harry told everyone with a shrug as he took the guitar that Michael was using. Michael bowed in front of Harry and stepped down the stage and went to me, sitting down in between me and Casey.

Michael looked at Harry with a wide grin as he settled himself on the stool and started playing "The Chain" by Fleetwood Mac. I took my camera and started snapping photos of what was happening in front of me. Casey soon left and joined the crowd, sitting next to Luke.

"Ash..." Michael suddenly said from beside me, making me put the camera down and look at him. "Seriously, dude, thanks for this. All of these."

"Mike..."

"No, Ash. It really means a lot to me. This really is by far the best birthday I ever had. You have no idea how happy I am right now. I mean, we're all here. Our friends are all here celebrating my birthday together. It may not be the actual date but it is so much better and so much worth it."

"I'm sorry for everything, Mike."

"What?"

"I'm sorry for all the shit that I've done and I've put you through before."

"Dude, don't. You're my best friend and you know I'd never turn my back on you. Now, let's stop being dramatic and just enjoy this amazing party and drink all the alcohol. Well...not you. No drinking for you. But, you won't stop me for making your boyfriend drink," Michael said then quickly stand up and grabbed two bottles of beer from the cooler and hurried to where Luke is before I can even stop him.

Well, I shouldn't be a buzzkill. We're all here to have some fun anyway. So I just grabbed my camera again and continued to take photos and videos of everything to capture all the wonderful memories.

**\---**

Hours into the night, some of our friends started to leave. Mitchy and company were the first ones to go as they still have to drive back home and have an early day tomorrow. Casey, Iain, Nia, and Rena also went home an hour later for the same reason.

Some of our friends decided to stay the night and will just crash on the couches. Harry and Louis also stayed the night as according to them, Luke convinced them to. After those who went home have left, the remaining ones - Josh, Alex, Tyler, Jack, Niall, Harry, Louis, Calum, Mike, Luke, and me - decided to have a bonfire by the beach. Mike, Jack, and Niall brought the guitars out as well and the singing continued.

I enjoyed it, actually, even though I didn't join the singing. But seeing Luke having so much fun, laughing, and singing his heart out makes me so happy. Only, thanks to Mike, he got more than enough to drink and is obviously drunk. But it's ok, as long as my Luke is happy then it's fine by me, though he may not be as happy in the morning with the possible bad hangover he's getting.

It was already a few minutes past 1 AM and we were still out on the beach. I was watching Jack teaching Mike the chords to a song when Luke rested his head on my shoulder and intertwined his fingers with mine. I threw my attention to him and pressed a kiss on the top of his head and I watched him as he closed his eyes and buried his face in the crook of my neck.

"Sleepy?" I asked him softly.

"Nope," he responded, making me chuckle because of how obvious his lie is.

"Come on, baby, let's go up, so you can sleep."

Luke immediately pulled away from me and opened his eyes as wide as he can and said, "Not sleepy, I promise."

I chuckled then said, "You are adorable."

Luke grinned up at me then turned around to reach for another bottle of beer. But this time, I did not let him and I reached for it before he can even lay a finger on it. It grabbed the bottle and put it out of his reach. He looked at me with a pout and I said, "Baby, no. You already had enough. Way more than enough. You'll regret it if you take another bottle. Bad hangovers, remember?"

Luke pouted more, making me laugh, but I said, "No, that's not gonna work. You know what, let's just go to bed because you are obviously really sleepy."

"Told you, 'm not sleepy," Luke whined.

"Yeah, tell that to the sharks. Come on," I said as I stood up from the log both Luke and I are sitting on. It was until then that I realized that everyone was already watching us with amused looks on their faces. I playfully rolled my eyes at them then lend a hand for Luke to grab one so he will be able to stand up properly. But only, he just stared at my hand so I said, "Luke, come on now. No more drinking and let's go to bed because we both know you don't want to wake up with a really bad headache tomorrow."

Luke huffed but then complied, saying, "Ok,  _Daddy_."

Most of the guys whistled while the others snickered and with Harry laughing and saying, "Oh, the kinks!"

I rolled my eyes and flipped Harry off as I Luke held on my arm, making himself stand up properly.

I looked at everyone then said, "I hope it's fine to all of you, though, that we're gonna go up ahead."

"Oh, no worries. Go on, take some rest, you two," Louis said with a smile.

I smiled to them then said 'goodnight,' and so did Luke, before we started to walk back into the house. Of course, I was holding Luke close so I can guide him and support him because he's too drunk to walk properly.

Before we can even go far, Luke suddenly said, "Ash?"

"Yeah, baby?"

"Want piggyback."

"What?"

"Piggyback. Pwease?" he begged with a pout.

I laughed at his childish actions then said, "Alright. Hop on. But don't move too much, ok? I can only hold you with one hand."

Luke grinned as he nodded before he hopped onto my back. After I balanced him on my back, I had my left arm support him and made him wrap his arms around my shoulder and I started walking back into the house.

Luke was giggling on my back as we entered the house, making me ask him with a smile, "Why are you giggling? Not that I'm complaining because it sounds so adorable."

"You so strong," he whispered in my ear, making me chuckle. Then he added, "and I love you."

I smiled then continued my way into the house. When we got at the bottom of the stairs, Luke said, "Can you carry me up there?"

"If you won't move too much," I told him.

"I won't. Stay still here," Luke said.

"Good."

I started to go up the stairs and it really isn't that difficult as Luke really didn't move much. We got into our room and I gently let him down by the bed. I let him sit down on the edge and I looked at him, pushing his hair off his face and said, "You are so beautiful, even when you're so drunk."

Luke grinned up at me and I leaned down to press a kiss on his forehead before I said, "Come on, you should get some sleep. I'll help you change. I know you don't wanna sleep in these clothes."

Luke grinned at me again then raised his hands up, letting me take his shirt off of him. He kicked his shoes off and laid down on the bed with his skinny jeans still on. I reach for the button and Luke giggled again, making me look up at his face. He looks back at me, smiling with his lower lip in between his teeth. And well, that is really something he shouldn't be doing right now.

"You're unbuttoning my jeans," Luke said, stating the obvious.

"Yes, baby, because you can't sleep in these. So now, be the good boy that you are and help me help you off of these jeans so you can sleep comfortably."

"Ok," Luke said and pushed down his jeans after I unbuttoned and unzipped it. He kicked it off to the floor and made himself comfortable on the bed. I pulled the covers on him and picked up his thrown jeans and placed it on the chair.

I, myself, also stepped out of my own clothing, leaving my boxers on. Then I went into the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face before I went back into the room. I made sure to lock the door first before I climbed into bed with Luke. I turned the lamp off and laid down comfortably before Luke moved closer to me and wrapped an arm around my torso.

I felt him press his lips against my bare shoulder and so I moved around on the bed so we are both facing each other. I wrapped my arm around Luke as well and pulled him closer to me before I closed my eyes.

"I love you, baby," I whispered after a while, not expecting any response as I believe Luke is already asleep.

"Love you, Ash," Luke answered.

"You're still awake?" I asked, opening my eyes again.

He nodded against my chest so I pulled away a little to look at him. I can still make out his face as it wasn't really that dark in the room. He was staring up at me deep into my eyes.

"Are you ok?" I softly asked him.

Luke nodded again then leaned up and kissed me. I immediately responded to the kiss as Luke's lips against mine always give me a warm feeling inside. Not in a really sensual way, though, but more on comfort and calmness.

Our kiss went deeper and Luke moved up and pushed me down on the bed, before straddling me. Tongues were then mixed into the kiss as moans managed to escape from our connected mouths. I wrapped my arms around Luke's body, pulling him more into me.

Luke pushed his hips down, making his crotch meet mine. I let out a groan of pleasure as I felt myself already growing hard with Luke's actions. My hand moved down to his ass, squeezing one of his cheeks. Luke moaned out, making me turned on more with how beautiful he sounds.

We both pulled away for a quick moment before our lips crashed against each other again and the room is filled with another set of filthy sounds.

I felt Luke's hands move from my chest down to where both our hips meet. He pushed a hand down and pulled out my already hard member out of my boxers as his other hand pushed his boxers down and freeing his.

Luke started pumping both of our dicks together, making both of release deep moans into our kiss. I felt his thumb swipe across the slit if my tip, making me let out a groan.

I pushed my hips up to put more pressure on our aching dicks, making Luke release that filthy yet beautiful sound. He pulled away from our shared heated kiss and looked at me with that clear blue eyes. I can't help but let my gaze roam around that beautiful, innocent face, taking in his every feature.

"Are we going to have sex?" Luke suddenly asked, making me look back into his eyes, mine wide in surprise of his question.

"What?" I asked to make sure if I heard him correctly.

"Are we gonna have sex now?" he repeated his question, now rather innocently that I can't really explain how to feel about it nor do I know how to respond to his question.

"Luke..." was all I was able to say.

Luke just stared down at me with that big blue innocent eyes while his hand is doing something that is way opposite to innocent. I studied Luke's face and thought about what he asked.

Are we gonna do it? Are we ready for it? Is Luke really ready for it? I, myself, I know I want to do it with Luke. I love him and making love to him is something that I would really want to do with him to be able to make him feel more of my love for him.

And then it hit me. Make love. I want to make love with Luke and not have sex with him. I want to do it when we are both into it and aware of it completely. Not like this that he is drunk and driven by alcohol. So I placed my hand on his cheek and said softly said, "Baby, no..."

A look of sadness with hints of disappointment flashed across Luke's face and it hurt me to see that he might have thought that I didn't want to do it with him. I was right then proven right when he said with a sad tone as his hand stopped its movements, "You don't want to have sex with me?"

"Luke, baby...I do."

"Then why did you say 'no'?"

I let out a sigh and sat up on the bed, holding Luke to me as he still straddling me, and I said, "I want to do it with you, Luke, but not like this. Not when you're drunk and not completely aware of everything. I don't want you to think that I took advantage of you at your drunk state. I want your first time and our first time together to be very special, especially for you. I love you, Luke, and all I want for you is to be happy and feel special as you are a very special person."

Luke circled his arms around my shoulders and buried his face into the crook of my neck. I wrapped my arms around him and locked him in my embrace as well. Luke pulled away from my neck and he looked at me for a moment before he closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against mine and whispered, "I'm sorry if I asked that."

"It's fine, baby. You didn't have to apologize for that," I whispered back to him.

He pulled away to look at me again, but now with a smirk playing on his lips and he said, "Can we do something else?"

I laughed at what he asked then said, "We actually kinda have started it, haven't we?"

Luke grinned and bit his lower lip, his lip ring caught in between his teeth, immediately catching my attention.

"Oh, baby, you are gonna kill me just by doing that," I told Luke not pulling my gaze away from his mouth.

Luke giggled then leaned in, kissing me. I immediately took the opportunity to have that lip in between mine and sucked on it as I played with his lip ring with my tongue. Luke moaned into the kiss and tightened my hold on him before I turned us both over, making him lay down on the bed with me on top of him.

Luke laughed at the sudden change of position and I smiled fondly at him before I leaned down again to kiss him. He quickly responded into the kiss and his hand traveled up into my hair, pulling the hair tie off and tangling his fingers into it. He tugged on my hair gently, and I groaned in response as everytime he does that, it turns me on ten times more.

I pulled away from his lips to them make my mouth meet the skin on his neck. I left wet kisses from his neck to his collarbone and sucked lightly as I made my way down to his chest. I took in one of his nipples and sucked, making Luke release a series of beautiful filthy moans.

I moved my mouth down his stomach and lower and lower until I am face to face with his hard length. I blew cold air on the tip, making it twitch before I pressed a light kiss on it. I pulled his boxers completely off of him and tossed it on the floor.

I moved my head down and pressed light kisses into Luke's inner thigh and sucked lightly on the pale skin. I kissed down further until my mouth stopped just right by Luke's pretty pink hole. I blew cold air into his hole, making Luke groan out in pleasure. I smirk to myself before I laid my tongue flat against his hole and made a thick strip on it. He let out a loud gasp and he expressed, "Oh my god! What are you doing?"

I pulled away from his hole and looked up at him and said, "Shhhh, baby."

Luke stared at me and I didn't break eye contact with him as I went back into continuing what I started. I made another thick strip against Luke's hole and this time, he wasn't able to stop a moan escape from him. I smirk to myself again, knowing I made him feel good. I licked his hole again a few times before I sucked on it.

"Oh fuck, Ashton!" Luke expressed as he reached down to my hair and tugged on a fistful of it. I moaned from the action and I continued to suck on Luke's pink hole before I let my tongue enter and lick around his walls inside.

A series of deep, throaty moans escaped Luke's lips and he tugged more on my hair, making my own dick twitch in pleasure. I sucked more on his hole as I reached my hand up to Luke's member and began pumping it up and down.

"Holy fuck, Ashton!" Luke moaned out again.

I continued my movement pushed my tongue inside Luke's hole again, making him push his hips up. I used my other arm to hold Luke down on the mattress as I continued to lick around his hole.

"I'm fucking close, Ash," Luke managed to say between moans.

I pulled away from his hole but continued to move my hand up and down his member, this time at an even faster pace. Just a few more pumping later and Luke released into my hand and his chest with a loud throaty moan.

I pumped him a few more time before I let go of his dick and went to stand on my knees in between his legs. I took hold of my still hard member and began pumping myself in a fast motion and not long after, I released into Luke's chest with a groan. I stared down at my beautiful boyfriend and we were both breathing heavily, catching our breaths. We gave each other a smile and leaned down to press a soft kiss on his lips before I got out of the bed and went into the bathroom.

I washed my hand and cleaned myself before grabbing the hand towel and drenching it with the warm water. I went back into the bedroom with the wet hand towel and went over to the bed where Luke was laying still and staring up at the ceiling. I smiled and sat down next to him and began cleaning him up. He turned his gaze at me and he softly said with a smile, "Thank you for that. It was really nice."

I leaned down and pressed a kiss to his lips. I went back to the bathroom after cleaning Luke up and tossed the hand towel into the sink before washing my hand again. I went back into the room and laid down next to Luke on the bed and put the covers over us.

Luke moved closer to me and placed his head on my chest and an arm around my waist. I wrapped my arm around him and I pressed a kiss on his forehead.

"You should get some sleep. You had way too much to drink," I told Luke.

"Am I gonna get bed hangover again in the morning?" he asked.

"Let's hope you won't. But if you will, don't worry, I'm here to take care of you."

"Hmmm...I'd like that."

"Goodnight, princess."

"Night night, Ashy. Love you lots."

I chuckled then said, "I love you."

**\---**


	24. 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to Luke's P.O.V. :)

**\---**

"You'll be going to the doctor today?" I asked Ashton as we had lunch at the diner outside the campus.

"Yeah...I got my follow-up check-up today. Hopefully, I can get this off because I'm already getting too tired of wearing this every day for weeks now," Ashton responded, showing his hand.

I chuckled at what he said, "I wish I can go with you, though."

"Me too, baby, but you have to prioritize uni. You have to make up for the days that you missed."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. I'm sorry."

"I should be the one apologizing for that."

"Oh, come on, Ash, stop saying that. I don't like you always blaming yourself about everything bad that happens between us. Me missing my classes was my decision and my doing."

Ashton stared at me for a moment from across the table, then he said, "Ok, baby."

I smiled at him and said, "Just call me or text me after your appointment at the hospital, then maybe we can have dinner tonight? Just the two of us."

"Really? You wanna go out on a dinner date with me tonight?"

"Of course. You're my boyfriend, why won't I want to go out on a dinner date with you?"

Ashton chuckled, "I'd love that, baby. But how about your work?"

"I'll get off early and make up for it on Monday. I just want to go out on a real date with you. Well, not necessarily the fancy kind, because you know I'm not into the fancy stuff. I just want to spend some quality time with you, doing couple stuff, since you know, we're not really hiding now."

Ashton smiled, showing his adorable set of dimples, "I'd love to do anything with you, baby, and I'm really looking forward to going out on a date with you tonight."

"Just not fancy, though. Please. We can just eat at McDonald's, I'm gonna be fine with that. Just as long as I'm with you, everything is ok."

"Now you're being cheesy again."

I rolled my eyes playfully at Ashton, making him chuckle and throw fries at me. I gaped at him in surprise and then said, "I'd let you get away with that right now because we're at a diner and I don't wanna draw attention, but you better watch out, Irwin."

Ashton just laughed as he said, "You're so hot, you know that, baby?"

I felt my cheeks heat up. It's an involuntary reaction I always tend to do whenever Ashton say stuff like this without warning. He chuckled at me so I said, changing the topic, "So, who'll be driving you to the hospital?"

"Michael. He'd meet me at the front of the building of your next class. So, you don't have to worry, because I won't be driving myself."

"Just making sure, you know. You tend to be very stubborn."

"Well, lucky you, I always listen to you."

I chuckled, "I don't know how to feel about that, to be honest."

"Why?"

"Well, it may sound like that I'm a controlling son of a bitch, you know."

Ashton shook his head with an amused smile, "You're beautiful, kind, and everything nice."

"You're making me look like a saint."

"At least not making you look like a 'controlling son of a bitch,' you know."

I chuckled then stared at Ashton. He's really different now. Not in a bad way, but the opposite. It just makes me really happy to see him smile more.

"You ok, baby?" Ashton asked, making me realize that I have stared at him longer than I intended.

I smiled at him and said, "Yeah, I'm fine. I just realized something."

"What is it?"

"Remember I told you that I used to be scared at you before?"

"Yeah...am I supposed to be worried now?"

I laughed, "No. It's just that right now...I don't feel that way around you anymore. Not even the slightest."

Ashton whistled, "That's a total relief."

"Well, you're still intimidating. I still see other people being really intimidated by you even if you just pass by them on the sidewalk. That's why I think you should smile more."

"I think I'd ruin people's day if I smile at them."

"I beg to differ. Every time you smile at me, my day is ten times better."

"You say that because I'm your boyfriend. You're just biased."

I looked at him with disbelief then I leaned closer to him over the table and looked at him in the eyes and said, "Babe, you do have a very beautiful smile. I love how your dimples quickly appear when you smile even the slightest one. You look even more beautiful when you smile, and a lot nicer too."

Ashton chuckled, "Whatever you say, Lucas."

"Where did you learn that?" I asked him with a look of suspicion. It is the first time Ashton called me with that nickname.

"Uh..."

"It was Calum, wasn't it?"

He just smiled at me and shrugged. I playfully rolled my eyes at him again then threw my attention back to my food. The rest of our lunch was then filled with some bickerings and well, of course, some nice moments. Overall, it was fun. Ashton seemed to be in a good mood today. Maybe he is excited to get the cast on his hand off.

After we had our lunch, I drove us back to my next class and as Ashton said, Michael was there to meet him. The, now blue-haired guy, was waiting outside the building. He was leaning against the wall just right next to the entrance. I stopped the car, making Michael look up and he smiled, knowing we can see him from inside.

I sounded the horn to acknowledge him and then I turned to Ashton and smiled as I said, "So, see you tonight?"

He returned the smile then leaned into me and kissed me before he said, "See you tonight. Can't wait to have our date."

"Me too."

"So what time shall we meet?"

"Uhm...around seven at the cafe?"

"Ok, sure."

"But you shouldn't drive when you still can't get your cast off, ok?"

"Ok, I promise."

I smiled then pecked him on the lips before I got off the car. Michael went over to the driver's side with a wide smile, making me smile at him as well.

"Thanks for driving him and going with him to the hospital," I told Michael.

"Of course, Luke. Well, I'm kinda obligated to be his chaperone since we were kids, so..."

I chuckled at what he said, then he pulled me into a hug before he got in the car. I walked over to the sidewalk and then watched as Ashton pulled his window down.

"Bye, baby! Love you," he said with a smile.

I chuckled, "Love you, babe. You take care."

With a last wave goodbye, they drove off. I watched as Ashton's car turned into the corner then I pulled my phone out from my pocket and sent someone a text before I walked into the building to attend my next class.

**\---**

After my class, I headed to the cafe right away. I was sitting outside the cafe, doing assignments while listening to music as usual, when someone approached me, making me look up.

"Hi," Bryana said with a small smile.

"Hey," I responded as I pulled my earphones off and stood up from my seat. She nodded then I gestured for her to sit down. I sat back down, then cleaned the table from my stuff and put them all in my bag before I turned my attention back at Bryana who was sitting across me at the table.

"Do you want anything to drink or something?" I asked her, making her look at me with a slightly surprised expression.

She recovered quickly and smiled then said, "I'm fine, thanks."

"Oh...well, thanks for meeting me here."

"I wasn't really doing anything, anyway."

I smiled small at her.

"Why did you want to meet with me though?" she asked, looking at me.

I let out a breath then said, "To talk? You know, about Ashton."

"Yeah...I'm sorry for what I did, Luke," Bryana said, her eyes telling me sincerity. "I didn't know he is with you. I thought...I thought tha-"

"That he's still hung up over you?" I said, interrupting her and continued, "That he is still in love with you? That after you left him when he needed you the most, he is still there waiting for you to return and just gladly accept you when you've decided that you still want him?"

Bryana didn't answer and just threw her attention at the empty table in front of her.

"I don't mean to be rude, Bryana. I didn't even know who you really were until after what happened. I admit, when I learned about what happened, I got really mad at you for what you did to him: for leaving him. But Ashton has moved on from that and I also don't want for his past to still meddle in his present life. Ashton deserves to be at peace and be happy. That is why I wanted us to meet and talk so also us two won't have any...I don't know...hard feelings for each other? I just think that it would be right if we talk."

Bryana smiled small, "Yeah, I get it. I'm really sorry for the trouble I've caused you, Luke. I really am. There was no excuse for that. I almost ruined your relationship with Ashton. I wasn't thinking. I'm really sorry. I don't expect you to forgive me but please know that I truly regret what I did."

"As I said, Bryana, I don't want us to have any differences between each other, so yes, I forgive you. I just really hope none of what happened will happen again."

"I promise I won't pull another stupidity like that again."

I smiled small at her, then silence took over for a moment before she asked, "Do you love him?"

I looked at her and said, "Yes, I do...so much."

She smiled and nodded before she threw her attention to the table.

"Do you?" I asked, making her look up at me again.

She frowned then nodded her head 'yes' as she said, "I do. I still do." Tears started to brim her eyes and she continued, "Ashton was one of the best things that happened in my life. He was the only one who saw through me and saw my worth. He was always the one who believed in me."

"And yet you still left him at the time when he needed you most," I told her but I didn't intend it to be some kind of offense towards her.

Bryana chuckled humorlessly then she said, wiping the tears from her eyes away, "You know, he basically told me the same thing. I was a stupid fool, I admit that. And well, maybe this is my karma now."

"I'm sorry for what happened between you two."

"You don't have to be. If that didn't happen, you wouldn't be with each other now, so I guess there really is a reason for everything. I gotta admit, I have never seen Ashton this happy. There's just a different glint in his eyes now that he's with you, you know."

I didn't say anything and just gave her a small smile.

"Luke," she said and I looked at her, so she continued, "please take care of him, ok? And love him too more than I ever could. Just...just please treat him right."

"I will, Bryana."

She smiled then reached for my hand that was on the table. She held it and she looked at me in the eyes as she said with a sincere smile, "Thank you, Luke. For still being nice to me and not holding a grudge on me. Thank you for giving me a chance and also for everything. You're a really good person, Luke, and I am so happy that Ashton met you."

**\---**

It was a relief that Bryana and I were able to talk. I was glad that we were both able to, in a way, become friends. It was just kind of sad that we got involved in a not so nice situation before. But at least now, things are ok. Ashton and I are ok and I think she is now ok too with everything.

We hung out a bit more at the cafe. She was a nice girl and we even talked more about each other. She also has mentioned to me that she will be moving to Los Angeles and will be leaving in a few days. I really wish her the best and I hope she will have a great life there.

As for me now, I am just about to get off work. I asked Mitchy already if I can get off early and make up for it on Monday by working early as well. Being the nice person and boss that he is, he did allow me to get off early, which made me twice excited for my date with Ashton tonight. It may just be an unplanned and informal one since we just decided on it earlier today, but I truly am excited about it. We haven't really been on a date before. We were supposed to that one time, but that didn't end well. It didn't even start.

Now, finally, we are gonna go on one and I just also feel kinda free about it since we're not hiding anymore. I have slowly made peace about that with myself - about me being gay and being in a relationship with a guy - all thanks to Ashton.

I opened my locker then changed back into my previous clothes. I checked my phone and there was a text from Ashton, saying:

**Ashton: Hey, baby! I'll be waiting for you outside the cafe at my usual parking spot. Love you!**

I smiled at the text then sent him my reply.

**Me: Ok, babe. Will be out soon. Love you! <3**

With that, I grabbed my bag from the locker, closed it, then hurriedly went out of the cafe, but not missing to say goodbye to Mitchy and my other co-workers. I rushed outside to where Ashton would park his car, but when I saw him leaning against the hood of his car and waiting for me, I slowed down in surprise, and slowly walked over to him with my mouth agape and my eyes scanning him.

"Are you ok?" He asked skeptically as he stood up straight. "You don't seem happy to see me. Should I be worried?"

"You cut your hair?" I asked him in utter surprise as I stood in front of him, my eyes focused on his new haircut.

"Uh...yeah," Ashton said bashfully, then asked, "Is it bad?"

"No!" I immediately answered. "You look good with it. I was just surprised, but I like it."

"Well, that's a relief," he said with a smile.

Ashton's hair really isn't bad. He honestly looks really good with it. Well, I don't think he'll ever look bad. Any hairstyle would suit him. That's how amazingly good-looking and perfect he is. I was just really surprised by the sudden haircut he did because he didn't mention about getting one.

I smiled at him in return then we shared a kiss in which I remembered something, making me pull away and look down at his hand.

"You got your cast off?" I asked with enthusiasm as I looked at him in the eyes.

He smiled at me as he gently held my hand with his now free of cast one, "Yes, I do. This hand has been longing to hold you."

I playfully rolled my eyes at him then said, "You're so cheesy, Ashton Irwin."

Ashton laughed, making me smile as well. I reached up and ran my hand through his hair and said, "You always look so handsome no matter what your hairstyle is."

Ashton just playfully rolled his eyes at me then smiled and said, "Well, you're always beautiful."

This time, I was the one who rolled my eyes at him. I ignored then what he said then continued, combing my fingers through his hair and said, "I'm getting used to this already. Though I'm definitely gonna miss the long one."

"Oh, it'll grow out again soon. I assure you, in a few months it'll be as long as before."

"Your hair grows that fast?"

"Yeah, it does, and sometimes it's frustrating."

I chuckled then gave him a peck on the lips and said, "So? Where shall we go tonight?"

"Hmm...somewhere nice but not fancy, as you requested. But before we go there, there is something that I'd like to give you," Ashton said, making me furrow my eyebrows. He then took my hand then led me to the back of his car. He opened the rear hatch and when I saw what was inside, I looked at Ashton with my mouth agape in surprise.

"Go on, take it. It's yours," Ashton said, referring to the guitar case in the trunk space.

I turned my gaze away from him then to the guitar case in the trunk. I went over to it and opened it, finding the very familiar instrument inside. I took the guitar from the case and turned to look back at Ashton again with it in my hands and said, "This was the one I was playing at your shop."

Ashton nodded with a smile.

"Why are you giving me this?"

"Because I want to."

"This is expensive, Ashton."

Ashton just smiled.

I put the guitar back into its case then went over to him and kissed him before I locked him in my embrace. I pressed a kiss on his shoulder then said, "Thank you. I love you."

"And I love you, baby," he responded as he circled his arms around my waist.

"I already feel like it's Christmas," I said as we pulled away from the hug.

Ashton chuckled, "Presents are not just for Christmas."

I smiled, "I know."

Ashton pecked my lips, "So, shall we go and have our date?"

I laughed then nodded. I closed the guitar case and then Ashton closed the hatch. I kissed his cheek then went to hold his hand and squeeze it when he winced, making me let go of him instantly.

"Oh my god, I'm sorry. Did I hurt you?" I asked Ashton in fear and concern.

He smiled at me and said, "No, you didn't. It's fine. My hand is just not that healed completely yet."

"Why was your cast taken off if your hand isn't completely healed yet?"

"Baby, relax. My hand is fine, ok? The wounds have healed, but unfortunately, this isn't the first time that I broke my hand, so the healing inside would take longer. The cast can be taken off but I can't put too much pressure on my hand yet."

"Shit, I'm sorry," I said as I took his hand again and held it gently.

Ashton smiled, "It's ok, baby. You didn't know."

"Can you drive, though?"

"Yes, I can. I even drove here, you know."

"I can't help but worry, Ash. I just don't want you getting hurt."

Ashton kissed my lips then held my hand and walked me back to the front of the car. I got inside the front seat and he went around to get into the driver's seat. He started the engine and pulled out of the parking space, driving down the road to our destination.

"I kinda miss driving," he stated as he drove and focused down on the familiar road.

"And I kinda miss sitting here," I countered, making Ashton laughed.

I smiled as I looked at him, fascinated by him as always.

"You're staring again, baby," he commented and I chuckled.

"I just love you so much."

"I love you."

I smiled then reached my hand out and took his. I put his hand against my lips and kissed his knuckles. Ashton then intertwined his hand with mine and then rested them on my lap.

"So, where are we going?" I asked.

"You'll see."

"Ash..."

"I promise it's not somewhere fancy."

"Ok," I said with a smile.

I turned to look at the backseat and saw a covered basket. I looked back at Ashton and asked, "What's in the basket?"

Ashton didn't answer and just smiled before he turned his car and headed someplace else and not the city as where I was expecting that we were headed. I looked at the road ahead of us and recognized the road and then looked back at Ashton and said, "Are we going to the beach house?"

Ashton looked at me, smiled, then focused back on the road but didn't answer. He just drove until we reached the very familiar beach house and stopped on the driveway.

He let out a breath then turned to look at me and said, "Well, I figured that it would be nice if we spend the weekend together. I know we agreed about just going on a date tonight, but I thought that we could use some time alone? You know away from everything and everyone. I asked Michael earlier and he let me borrow the house for the weekend. I hope that's ok with you?"

"If I'm being honest, this is really not what I was expecting. I just thought that we're just gonna go eat some dinner, then I don't know, hang out? But...this is so much better, and yes, this is more than ok. I love nothing else but to spend time with you."

"I love you, baby," Ashton said, smiling as he went in to kiss me.

I more than willingly responded to his kiss and can't help smiling into it, making Ashton pull away a bit and smiled as he whispered, "What?"

I smiled up at him and said, "I'm just really happy that I'm with you."

Ashton smiled back and kissed me again then said as he pulled away, "Since when did we become so cheesy?"

"Oh, you got yourself to blame for that, Ashton Irwin."

Ashton laughed, making me smile fondly at him as I adore his laugh so much.

"You know what, let's just go inside," he said and I shook my head with a smile as I obeyed and stepped out of the car.

When Ashton got out, he opened the back door and took the covered basket. He walked over to me, reached out for my hand and he held it as we walked into the house.

"What's in the basket, though?" I asked.

"Our food," he answered with a smile. He placed the basket on the kitchen counter and said, "I had a bit of time before I went to pick you up so I made us some food. It's not much, though, just some sandwiches and stuff."

"That's more than fine, babe. Thank you."

Ashton smiled. He does that a lot now and it makes me more than happy. "Well, we can stay by the pool or at the beach," he suggested.

"I'd love to stay by the beach."

"Then by the beach, it is."

I beamed and said, "Oh, where's your car keys? I'll get the guitar."

Ashton reached into his pockets and pulled out his keys, handing them to me. I ran out of the house and went to the car, opening the rear hatch. I immediately took hold of the guitar case handle, closed the hatch, made sure the car is locked then ran back inside the house.

Ashton wasn't in the kitchen anymore so I called, "Ash? Babe? Where are you?"

He then emerged from the stairs with a thick blanket in his hand and said, "I just went to get this."

"Oh, well, let's go?" I asked then grabbed the basket from the counter which was immediately taken by Ashton from my hands. I smiled at him then we walked out to the beach.

It was dark around but the light of the moon was bright enough for us to see where we are going. We found a nice spot just a few meters from the house, and then Ashton laid down the blanket and pulled out the food from the basket as we both sat down.

He handed me a sandwich and I took it with a smile as a 'thank you.' We ate in silence, looking up at the shining stars above us. The night is beautiful and peaceful. I turned my gaze towards Ashton and I watched him as he looked up at the sky. His side profile is outlined by the light of the moon, making him look even more beautiful. With his now short hair, his face is more visible.

He then turned his attention to me and raised an eyebrow as he caught me staring. I smiled then said, "You're just beautiful and I am fascinated by you."

"Baby, you're being cheesy again," Ashton said with a chuckle, clearly brushing off what I just said. Until now, he still doesn't take compliments that much. It's like he really doesn't believe it or something.

I moved closer to him and pressed a kiss on his shoulder before I rested my chin on it and said, "I was just telling you the truth. You really are beautiful and fascinating and I love you so much."

Ashton smiled, kissing the tip of my nose. "And I love you so fucking much."

I beamed at him then pulled away from him and opened the guitar case, taking the guitar out. I tuned the instrument then looked at Ashton and said, "What song would you like to sing?"

"I don't sing, but you can play and sing whatever. You always sound good," Ashton said with a smile as he started making a little bonfire in front of us, far enough from the blanket we are sitting on. Ashton brought some wood with us on our way out here at the beach.

I playfully rolled my eyes at what he said, "As if I don't know you were in a band before and you sing."

He chuckled, "That was before. Now, why don't you just sing me something? I love listening to you sing."

I playfully rolled my eyes at him again but didn't forget to smile at him. I have noticed since before how he avoids the music stuff. I don't know why is that but I respect that. If he doesn't want to, I won't force him.

I looked up at the stars with the guitar in my hand and thought of a good song to play and sing. Then the right one just popped in my head and I looked at Ashton with a smile and started playing the chords of a familiar song that I know, in a way, fits how I feel about Ashton and our relationship. A song that, in its way, represents my love for him.

I kept my eyes locked with his and I started singing the first part of the song:

_"There are days_

_I wake up and I pinch myself_

_You're with me, not someone else_

_And I am scared, yeah, I'm still scared_

_That it's all a dream"_

I smiled at him as I continued singing the next verses while I play each of the chords on the guitar.

_"'Cause you still look perfect as days go by_

_Even the worst ones, you make me smile_

_I'd stop the world if it gave us time"_

_"'Cause when you love someone_

_You open up your heart_

_When you love someone_

_You make room_

_If you love someone_

_And you're not afraid to lose 'em_

_You'll probably never love someone like I do_

_You'll probably never love someone like I do"_

Ashton's smile seemed to be permanent on his face as he listened and watched me sing to him.

_"When you say_

_You love the way I make you feel_

_Everything becomes so real_

_Don't be scared, no, don't be scared"_

_'Cause you're all I need_

_"And you still look perfect as days go by_

_Even the worst ones, you make me smile_

_I'd stop the world if it gave us time"_

_"'Cause when you love someone_

_You open up your heart_

_When you love someone_

_You make room_

_If you love someone_

_And you're not afraid to lose 'em_

_You'll probably never love someone like I do_

_You'll probably never love someone like I do"_

I stopped playing the guitar and just looked at Ashton as I sang the next part.

_"All my life_

_I thought it'd be hard to find_

_The one 'til I found you_

_And I find it bittersweet_

_'Cause you gave me something to lose"_

I started playing the chords of the song again as I continued to sing the song.

_"But when you love someone_

_You open up your heart_

_When you love someone_

_You make room_

_If you love someone_

_And you're not afraid to lose 'em_

_You'll probably never love someone like I do_

_You'll probably never love someone like I do"_

I looked straight into Ashton's eyes and smiled as I sang the last line:

_"You'll probably never love someone like I do"_

I put the guitar down and just stared lovingly at Ashton with a fond smile.

"That was really beautiful. You are beautiful," Ashton said, still with that adorable smile etched on his face.

I chuckled, though, I was obviously blushing. Ashton moved closer to me and pulled me to him, making me sit in between his legs and facing him. I moved my legs so we'd be both in a comfortable position, though, how we sit may not look as how comfortable as we really are.

Ashton circled his arms around my body as I had mine around his shoulders. He looked deep into my eyes with his beautiful hazel-green ones that seemed to be more brownish as the light of the fire is reflected in it.

I was the one who leaned in first and caught his lips in a kiss which he immediately accepted. It didn't take long for it to go deeper and soon then tongues were mixed into it. I moved my body closer into Ashton and I felt his arms tightened around me. I let out a moan as I felt his tongue brush on the roof of my mouth and I moved my hand to his neck, going up to his hair. I almost forgot that it's short now, but it's still long enough for me to tug on it.

Ashton groaned in response to my action and it made him pull me even closer to him if that is even possible. I started sucking on his bottom lip, making him let out another groan of pleasure. I caught his lip in between my teeth and pulled it with me as I pulled away from our kiss, letting it go and making it slap back against his teeth.

I smiled at him as I Iet my eyes roam around his face. He just looks so perfect and so beautiful and I love him so much. I wanna be close to him in any way possible and now I know for sure in myself that it is what I want and I am not scared about it anymore. I love him and I will give myself to him with all that I am.

I placed my hand gently on his cheek and I kissed him softly and I whispered against his lips, "I'm ready."

Ashton pulled away a bit more from me to be able to see my face. He furrowed his eyebrows, looking confused. As if he isn't sure if he actually and exactly heard what I said. I smiled at him and caressed his face cheek with my thumb and I said, "I am ready, Ash. I love you and I want to be close to you in all ways that I can. I am yours fully: heart, body, and soul."

"Baby..." Ashton breathed out. His eyes roaming around my face as if trying to make sure if I am being serious and if I meant what I just told him. I took hold of his face with both of my hands and I looked at him straight into his eyes and said, "I love you."

"Oh, baby, I love you so much," Ashton expressed with his adorable smile and he kissed me deeply. "Are you sure? Is that what you really want?"

I smiled down at him and nodded my head 'yes.'

"Ok, baby..."

With that said, I kissed Ashton once again before I got off of him. We immediately collected our things and headed back into the house. We just left the basket and the blanket in the kitchen counter and then we headed upstairs with him holding my hand and with the guitar in my other hand.

As soon as we were inside our room, I placed the guitar down safely on the chai and I turned to Ashton who was standing in the middle of the room and looking at me with a soft smile. I walked over to him, also with a smile that automatically slides into my lips every time I look at him. I circled my arms around his shoulders and we both stared into each other's eyes with the look of love in our faces.

"I love you," he whispered to me, not breaking eye contact.

"And I love you," I told him as softly as he did and as sincerely as he did.

Ashton gave me another smile before he caught my lips for a sweet and gentle kiss. His arms immediately found their way around my body and he held me tightly, pulling me closer to him with our bodies pressed against each other. His tongue slipped right through my lips and met mine, moving swiftly and accordingly with each other.

We slowly moved from where we are standing towards the bed and Ashton turned us around and gently guided me to lay down on the mattress. We both didn't pull away from our kiss until I was laying on my back and with him on top of me.

Ashton's hand moved from my back to my sides and pushed my t-shirt up, slipping inside and his palm caressing my side then moved, laying flat against my stomach. His hand feels cold against my skin but I loved how it gives me goosebumps.

I moved my hands down his body, taking a grip on the hem of his t-shirt, pushing the fabric up his muscular body. I pulled away for a bit from our kiss so I can take his t-shirt off of him. He did the same to me and tossed both of our discarded t-shirts to the floor.

My hands then landed on his jeans, swiftly unbuttoning them and pushing them down his hips and thighs. Ashton kicked them off his legs, making them land somewhere on the floor, as I also hurriedly unbuttoned my own jeans.

As I was pushing that piece of clothing down my thighs, Ashton pulled away from me and looked at me as he held my hand, stopping my actions and saying, "Are you really sure about this, baby?"

"Yes, Ash," I answered immediately.

"Do you really wanna go all the way now? You're certain you're ready?"

I smiled up at him and held his face with my other hand and said, "Ash...babe, I am sure about this as I am sure about you. I am ready and I want this. I want you."

"Ok," Ashton said and he smiled down at me before he leaned down to press a soft kiss on my lips. "I just wanna make sure that you are really ready for this and that you don't feel pressured into doing it or something."

"I understand and I know you'd never pressure me. I want to do this because I love you."

Ashton smiled softly and kissed me again before he whispered against my lips, "And I love you, baby. Always."

With that said, Ashton kissed me again, deeply this time. We undressed each other completely and I lay on the bed, bare naked for him. This wasn't the first time that we were in this kind of situation, but this time is different, because this time, I will give myself fully to him. And yet this time, I am not having any second thoughts. I am ready and I am going to do this. I love him and I am his: heart, body, and soul.

Our lips and tongue moved accordingly with each other as our bodies are pressed tightly together, arms wrapped around each other's body. I am fully hard and I can feel Ashton is too as his member is rubbing against mine as our hips moved in rhythm.

Ashton pulled away from our kiss to then place his lips on my jaw then down to my neck. He started sucking on the skin just below my ear where my sweet spot is.

I let out a deep moan as I tugged on his hair and pushed my hips up. He moved his lips down to where my neck meets my shoulder and he sucked on the skin, tracing down to my throat. I know for sure that marks will be left behind but I don't care anymore. In fact, I'd be proudly showing the marks Ashton leaves on my body to let everyone know that I am his.

I reached a hand down to his rock hard member and began stroking him slowly up and down. He let out a moan against my skin before he pulled away and looked at me with dark eyes, clouded with lust.

"Are you ready?" he asked breathlessly.

I nodded at him right away and he kissed me deeply before he pulled away again, making me let go of him. He reached out onto the drawer by the nightstand. He pulled out a bottle from which I recognize is lube and a packet of condom.

"If it hurts, just tell me, ok?" Ashton told me as he gently caressed my sides.

"Ok," I responded with a nod. I admit I am nervous because I'm gonna be giving to him all of me but I won't let any negative feelings and thoughts that I will have to scare me now.

Ashton let out a breath and he pecked my lips twice before he took hold of the bottle of lube. He settled himself in between my legs, making me bare and open for him.

I know how gay sex works and so I know that it will most definitely hurt, but I am ready for that as I am ready for him.

I watched him coat his fingers with lube and he looked at me in the eyes as if asking for permission and so I nodded to him 'yes.' I felt the coldness of his fingertip as he positioned one finger against my hole.

"Just tell me if I hurt you and I'll stop right away," he told me again.

I smiled at him and squeezed his knee as I said, "You could never hurt me, babe."

He smiled back and then kissed my inner thigh before he pushed in his finger slowly inside my hole. I hissed and winced as I scrunched up my face at the pain I felt at the slight stretch Ashton's finger made in my hole.

Ashton instantly stopped his action as he noticed my reaction and said, "Are you ok? Does it hurt too much?"

"No, no...just...keep going," I told him, making him look at me in assurance and so I smiled at him and nodded.

He continued to push in his finger until it was knuckle deep. I'm not gonna lie, it really did kinda hurt. I mean not that painful, but the feeling was totally foreign for me.

"It's gonna feel better, I promise," Ashton said as he caressed my thighs to ease the pain.

"Yeah," I responded.

Ashton didn't move, clearly knowing that I needed a little time to adjust to the feeling. As I did so, I looked at Ashton and said, "Keep going."

"Ok," he said and planted another kiss on my inner thigh before he began to slowly move his finger in and out of me.

A mixture of pain and pleasure exploded in me, and I immediately had gotten used to the feeling until it was more pleasure than pain. I let out a deep breath and Ashton pulled out his finger and then said, "I'm gonna push in two, ok?"

I nodded my head 'yes' as I couldn't make any word out of my mouth. As I gave him my signal, he started to push two fingers inside me and I let out a groan for both pain and pleasure.

Ashton stopped his fingers midway to make sure that I am ok but then I urged him to continue and he did so. He pushed his fingers fully in me and he started to move them in and out of me again. This time, though, he also began to scissor his fingers to stretch my hole. It felt painful and weird yet at the same time, it felt nice. Ashton was right because it did felt better as he continued to move his fingers in and out of me.

"More," I moaned out as I felt the pleasure his fingers are giving me.

Ashton caressed my thigh again before he pulled his fingers out and pushed three back in. A loud groan escaped from my lips with my eyes shut as I felt my hole stretched more and my head fell back in the feeling of pleasure. Ashton immediately moved his fingers in and out of me, making me immediately feel the pleasure he was giving me before. But it felt even more intense now as he hit a very special place that made all the pleasure explode inside me. A series of moan was released from my lips as Ashton continued to hit that very special spot and I can't help but push back down and meet the movement of Ashton's hand.

"I want," I breathed out, and then said, trying to be able to articulate properly, "I want you now."

As soon as those words escaped me, Ashton immediately stopped his action. I opened my eyes to look at him and he looked back at me, with a look as if still asking for permission. So I smiled at him and said, "I want you now, Ash."

Ashton breathed out and smiled softly and said, "Ok, baby."

I nodded and watched him as he picked up the packet of condom. I reached out to his hand and took it from him as I sat up and said, "Let me."

He looked at me with a slightly surprised expression but then he relaxed and allowed me to be the one who will put on the condom on him. I tore the packet and pulled out the condom before I took hold of Ashton's length and rolled the condom on it. I slowly stroked his hard cock and he let out a soft moan as he watched my hand move along his dick.

Ashton looked up to me and his eyes roamed around my face before he wrapped his hands around my body and pulled me to him and kissed me deeply. Our lips moved against each other in a rhythmic pace and Ashton pushed me back down on the bed, making me remove my hand from his dick and wrapped both my arms around his shoulders.

One of hand moved from my back and slid to my side down to my hip and thigh before he took a gentle grip and made one of my legs wrap around him. I let my other leg also wrap around his body and our bodies moved against each other along with the movement of our lips.

Ashton reached down to his own length and positioned the tip against my entrance. He pulled away from my lips a bit and said, "I'm gonna go in. Just tell me if I hurt you, ok?"

I smiled up at him and placed a hand against his cheek and said, "As I told you, babe. You are not gonna hurt me."

Ashton smiled and kissed me again before he slowly pushed his tip in my hole. I let out a breath as I scrunched up my face a bit in the slight pain of my hole stretching more. Ashton is quite big so I was already expecting it to hurt a little more when he will push in.

He pushed in more and I winced as he was halfway inside me. He instantly stopped and kissed me softly and whispered against my lips, "Are you ok?"

"Yes, yes, I am," I replied as I breathed out. Ashton nodded and he gently caressed my side. He didn't make any movement and we laid there with him comforting me as I let myself get used to the feeling of being stretched.

After a few moments, I said to Ashton, "Go on."

"You sure?"

I nodded to him and he pecked my lips and pushed further more into me. As he was fully deep into me, he stopped again as I grip his arm tightly. He looked at me, "Does it hurt too much?"

"No," I immediately answered. "It's just that, I'm just not used to it but I'm ok. You don't hurt me."

Ashton kissed me and said softly against my lips, "Just tell me when you're ready."

I nodded and moved my face to hide in the crook of Ashton's neck. I breathed out against his skin and we laid there holding our position like that for a few moments before I looked at him again and kissed him as I said, "You can move now."

"Ok, baby," Ashton said and he started to slowly pull out to then slowly move back into me. I scrunched up my face again for how it stings but then eventually as he continued his pace, the feeling I felt became more and more pleasurable until it was all I felt.

"You can move faster," I whispered against Ashton's ear and he nodded his head before he moved and kissed me.

He slipped his tongue into my mouth and we kissed each other hungrily as he pulled out of me and pushed back in so suddenly that I pulled away from his mouth and screamed out his name. But it wasn't for the pain but for how pleasurable and for how really good it felt.

Ashton repeated his action a few more times and I couldn't hold the loud moans in. He then moved and changed his angle that when he pushed back in, he hit that special spot directly again.

"Holy fuck!" I exclaimed with the amount of pleasure it gave me.

Ashton groaned and he moved his lips to my neck and sucked as he continued to thrust in me, hitting that special spot over and over again. I couldn't describe how good it feels and how much pleasure I feel with what Ashton is doing to me. I just expressed everything through the loud groans and whines I released and through repeatedly moaning out Ashton's name.

"You're so good, baby. You're so beautiful," Ashton said into my ear but all I could was moan in response and pulled him closer to me.

He thrust harder again and I screamed out his name again in pleasure as I tugged hard on his hair, making him groan loudly.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," I moaned out as I also moved my hips and met his thrusts.

"You're doing so good, baby," Ashton said as he dipped his face in the crook of my neck and thrust harder into me.

A familiar feeling soon started to build up at the bottom of my stomach and I moaned out as I said, "I'm close."

"Me too, baby. Me too."

A few more thrust from Ashton and I came into my chest with a tight grip on his muscular arm and a hard tug on his hair. Soon after, he followed and released into the condom with a loud moan.

Ashton fell on top of me and I wrapped my arms around him, locking him in my embrace. He buried his face in the crook of my neck and we stayed like that for I don't how long, breathing heavily and recovering from our highs. But I am not complaining. I could stay like this forever with Ashton.

I smiled and then pressed a kiss on Ashton's shoulder as I started to move my hand and gently caressed his bareback.

"Are you ok?" he whispered in my ear.

I chuckled in response and said as I moved my head, making us look at each other, "Are you kidding me? That was amazing and I am feeling super great. Thank you, babe."

Ashton smiled down at me and said, "You are so amazing."

I smiled back at him and he leaned down to kiss me softly. We shared a sweet yet intimate kiss before Ashton pulled away a bit, enough for him to look at me straight in the eyes, and then he said, "I love you so much, Luke Hemmings."

I smiled widely at him then moved my hand to caress his cheek and I pecked his lips twice and said, looking straight into his eyes, "And I love you, Ashton Irwin, so fucking much."

**\---**


End file.
